not sure how i have gotten to this point

[lovemykids]

Due to some recent events in my life I have seemed to lose all of the desire I have to go to church and to be involved with church...I feel like for the last five or so years I have just been going thru the motions, doing what I thought was expected of me, what I thought would keep my family on the straight and narrow, what I thought would make me happy. Instead my family has struggled, I have seemed to push many of the important people in my life away, and I have struggled with depression (I am just now willing to admit that). I don't know who I am, I don't have a clue what I really believe, and looking around all I see is that everyone who contributed to me having a desire to take the discussions and be baptized is gone inactive...and has nothing to do with the church.

I don't know what to do...I don't know how to explain some of these things to my kids...my oldest is six and I don't know what to do...

To make me question myself even more, since I have started feeling this way I have been absolutely strict about having family prayer and reading scriptures as a family...and I feel more in touch with God than I have in awhile...I there are members of my ward that know a little about my struggles that I am having and I feel judged...all I hear about is how satan is really working on me and how I just need to stay strong. I also feel like part of the reason I have tried to stick with the church and do what I thought was expected is so all of the people who told me I was making a mistake when I got baptized can't say "I told you so..." and that is not a good enough reason anymore...

I would love some advice...thanks

Edited December 12, 2008 by lovemykids

[BenRaines]

I am sure that this happens to most people at some point in their life. I think the answer comes in the things that you have returned to doing. First place to start is scripture study and prayer. I love how nicely Lehi and Nephi explain it in the Book of Mormon. Think of his vision of the tree of life and the Iron Rod. From what you say you have had your path obscured by the mist of confusion. By releasing your hand from the Iron Rod you may have wandered from the path. That doesn't mean that you have gone out and committed a bunch of sins. Straying from the path can mean just losing your way. Scripture study and personal prayer will get you back on the path. Hold to the Iron Rod and you will be back on track and come to a greater understanding of the gospel.

I am not saying it has happened in your case but many members join the church and then do not progress much from there. We need to constantly be taking baby steps forward.

Good luck,

Ben Raines

[lovemykids]

That is just it...I thought that by reading more scriptures and being more diligent in saying my prayers I would have my answer...but I have only become more confused...I am getting answers to issues that I have had for years...but about church I just feel like I have been pretending for years...I was baptized only seven years ago and I feel like it has been a whirlwind since...from one calling to the next, to the temple because my husband and I were told that is what we needed to do and so we did...I feel like I have been living a lie...UUUGGGGHHHHH....I wish I had the answers...

[BenRaines]

Often those answers don't come when we want them but when the Lord is ready to provide them. Please continue doing what you know and feel that you should do and the time will come when the Lord will answer your prayers.

Ben Raines

[Jonathan_A]

Lovemykids, I want to compliment you in your efforts to do what is right and draw closer to God. Faith is shown in our actions, and I want you to know that you do have faith. From the sounds of things something or many things in your life are beginning to overwhelm you. I'm in no position to determine what they are so I'd recommend some introspection. Increased stress sounds like it isn't going to help your situation, maybe there is something in your life that demands a lot from you but is not essential that you continue with it. Freeing your life of these types of demands could help ease this tough time for you. Most of all, I feel that you need hope. Hope is tied closely with faith and it is an expectation and trust in God's promises.

In Ether 12:4 we read: Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God.

Have hope Lovemykids, and wait for the Lord's promises for they are definitely worth it (see Mosiah 2:41).

[georgia2]

You say that others tell you that satan is working hard on you. Well. it sounds like he is but that in no way means anyone is judging you! All those who follow Christ and try to live the commandments are attacked by Satan. Some more than others and that differs at different times. He knows when he is winning and then he increases the assault.

Don't be fooled! The war in heaven for our souls is still waging and the closer the time is for Christ to return the war will get even more intense. It is good that you are making sure to pray and read your scriptures, but you may consider taking a more active stance. There are many books available to help you in your quest to strengthen yourself. There are books put out by the church to help you study on a deeper level, and you can also get many books on Deseret Books. When your testimony is being tried and tested, you need to strengthen and deepen your testimony.

Another thing that Satan is after is your kids! If he can get to you and get you to stop attending church or teaching them, he wins the war over their souls too! You also need to realize that we are in the latter days, and many good people will fall away. That doesn't mean you have to!

There is nothing more important in this life or on this earth that gaining a testimony, and then next is to teach it your family. There is also nothing more sweet or joyous to know is that when they are grown, you did all you could to teach them to the best of your ability.

If you are suffering from depression, it has gone more than few weeks, it may be more than a mental depression, but a physical depression. This is a medical illness just like diabetes or arthritis. You need medication to help you get the chemicals in your brain back on course. If you feel like this is what is going on, be good to yourself AND your kids and ask your doctor! There are wonderful medications on the market you could take, and after a while you feel you don't need them you could stop. But if you need them take them! Medical advances are gifts from God too!

[jadams_4040]

Due to some recent events in my life I have seemed to lose all of the desire I have to go to church and to be involved with church...I feel like for the last five or so years I have just been going thru the motions, doing what I thought was expected of me, what I thought would keep my family on the straight and narrow, what I thought would make me happy. Instead my family has struggled, I have seemed to push many of the important people in my life away, and I have struggled with depression (I am just now willing to admit that). I don't know who I am, I don't have a clue what I really believe, and looking around all I see is that everyone who contributed to me having a desire to take the discussions and be baptized is gone inactive...and has nothing to do with the church.

I don't know what to do...I don't know how to explain some of these things to my kids...my oldest is six and I don't know what to do...

To make me question myself even more, since I have started feeling this way I have been absolutely strict about having family prayer and reading scriptures as a family...and I feel more in touch with God than I have in awhile...I there are members of my ward that know a little about my struggles that I am having and I feel judged...all I hear about is how satan is really working on me and how I just need to stay strong. I also feel like part of the reason I have tried to stick with the church and do what I thought was expected is so all of the people who told me I was making a mistake when I got baptized can't say "I told you so..." and that is not a good enough reason anymore...

I would love some advice...thanks

Go hear.-Prayer and Conversion (1:55) Edited December 12, 2008 by jadams_4040
misstake

[nimrod]

Most of us have our low times. It really sounds cliche when people say "Read the scriptures and pray." However, based on my experience, I have a testimony that studying the scriputures (not just reading) really does make a difference in my life. In fact, what works best for me is to study by topic like we do in the mission field.

I recently studied the principle of: Liberty through Obedience. It is the same principle as Bonds that Make us Free, the Truth Shall Make You Free, etc. As I have come to understand this principle I realize that commandments, laws, rules, etc are what can really give me liberty, peace of mind, comfort, power, and ultimately a testimony.

No matter where my testimony may be weak, I know that I can always return to ONE SURE THING, and for me, it is: That the BOM is true. That it could only come from our Heavenly Father. To believe otherwise, is completely unreasonable to me. I remember this ONE THING and then I start building up my testimony on that foundation again. I know that no matter how bad things get, my life/testimony will never crumble totally to the ground......It will always have the foundation that the BOM is true. I believe that if you keep studying the BOM you will conclude as President Benson did: That the BOM is from heaven or the deepest hell. It cannot be from anywhere in between. Did it come from Joseph? It is completely untenable to argue that it did.

Of course, I don't know what you are going through; however, I just add my testimony to all those who have read the BOM and received a testimony of its divinity. I wish you well in your struggle.

[rampion]

Also talk to your bishop about what is going on, including the depression. There is treatment available, and bishops can connect you with available resources. Medication makes it easier to manage, but doesn't fix anything. Make sure you get counseling too.

I spent way too many years going through the motions, and not living my life, and that was not good. I didn't know how to get help, at least not real help. But it is there, and you can turn around and grow from this. Heavenly Father promises to use our suffering and turn it to our benefit, and He can if you ask Him to.

[FunkyTown]

Due to some recent events in my life I have seemed to lose all of the desire I have to go to church and to be involved with church...I feel like for the last five or so years I have just been going thru the motions, doing what I thought was expected of me, what I thought would keep my family on the straight and narrow, what I thought would make me happy. Instead my family has struggled, I have seemed to push many of the important people in my life away, and I have struggled with depression (I am just now willing to admit that). I don't know who I am, I don't have a clue what I really believe, and looking around all I see is that everyone who contributed to me having a desire to take the discussions and be baptized is gone inactive...and has nothing to do with the church.

I don't know what to do...I don't know how to explain some of these things to my kids...my oldest is six and I don't know what to do...

To make me question myself even more, since I have started feeling this way I have been absolutely strict about having family prayer and reading scriptures as a family...and I feel more in touch with God than I have in awhile...I there are members of my ward that know a little about my struggles that I am having and I feel judged...all I hear about is how satan is really working on me and how I just need to stay strong. I also feel like part of the reason I have tried to stick with the church and do what I thought was expected is so all of the people who told me I was making a mistake when I got baptized can't say "I told you so..." and that is not a good enough reason anymore...

I would love some advice...thanks

What you're going through is something every convert(And possibly every member) has to and it's being exacerbated by having young kids who keep you up at all hours.

Basically, when you joined the church you saw this image of idyllic families as close to each other as could be. They loved one another and were strong in their desires to serve the Lord. Like most people, you wanted this - It was almost Norman Rockwellish.

When new members see the truth is somewhere outside this perfect painting, we think the fault lies in ourselves. We question our own strength, we feel it draining away as others seem to be perfect. Then, when it seems we're at our lowest, we start to think others are judging us and it drops us even lower so we don't want to go to church.

You -will- get through this. You know it's true. Now, know that you're loved and there are people you can turn to. You are never alone.

[Elgama]

Maybe your answer is someplace else - I felt exactly the same as you, the reason turned out to be an anger and unforgiveness I didn't even realise I was angry and hadn't forgiven, what I needed was only a prayer away, but I had to go through 4-5 years of distance from my Heavenly Father to locate it, my church attendance was sporadic, and I needed a blessing to get there and one when I came home I just felt so empty. Like yourself I tried everything and it didn't seem to work.

Have you had blessings? without them I would not have located my problem but it took lots lol for me a talk by Elder Holland at our Stake Conference last April and this one 2 weeks later at General Conference were what for some reason eventually got my strong faith back, LDS.org - Ensign Article - The True and Living Church before that I was clinging on because I knew I had once had a testimony I did not want to be a Latter Day Saint.

-Charley

[jolee65]

When I read your post it seems like your faith is being tryed on the church , am I seeing that wrong ? Im not sure but if it is about the church and if this is where your supposed to be with the LDS church, then thats a whole other set of questions.

I dont want to reply to anything more until im clear on what your really saying.

But I will say this and my husband gets upset when he knows I say this and it might upset others here on the board, but not everyone is ment to be LDS sometimes its not where they feel closet to the lord. As things get worse in the world you begin to see the great division among the people Gods church and satans church, just as long as you stay in Gods church you will be fine but its up to you to know Gods church when you see it.

I hope this didnt confuse you even more , it wasnt ment to.

[lovemykids]

When I read your post it seems like your faith is being tryed on the church , am I seeing that wrong ? Im not sure but if it is about the church and if this is where your supposed to be with the LDS church, then thats a whole other set of questions.

I dont want to reply to anything more until im clear on what your really saying.

But I will say this and my husband gets upset when he knows I say this and it might upset others here on the board, but not everyone is ment to be LDS sometimes its not where they feel closet to the lord. As things get worse in the world you begin to see the great division among the people Gods church and satans church, just as long as you stay in Gods church you will be fine but its up to you to know Gods church when you see it.

I hope this didnt confuse you even more , it wasnt ment to.

I am not really sure what it is that I mean...I am struggling to figure out what my beliefs are, I am not sure that I really believe that the church is true...I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore...I think I am feeling like I need to find out who I am and what I really believe before I can take an active role at church again...I asked to be released from my calling two weeks ago...I feel like I shouldn't be teaching my children anything (other than reading scriptures with them and making sure that they know how much I love God, and saying our prayer) because I am not sure what I believe...

I appreciate the advice from everyone...

[NeuroTypical]

Doubt is good. Doubt is healthy. But it is important we resolve doubt, because if it doesn't get resolved, it festers.

I'm a big fan of saying things like "I am not sure that I really believe that the church is true", if that is an accurate and true statement. My advice: Do not hide from your doubts - embrace them. It sounds like you're doing that. But yes, work to resolve them.

If you're not sure you believe in God, going through motions will probably not help. So question: What is your testimony based on? You mention going to the temple because people said you should. I'm sure you know that you have to answer questions about your testimony. Did you ever have one? Did you assume you had one, but are now not so sure? Did you lie in order to appear worthy to others? I'm guessing (just guessing here), that your answer is one of the last two. If it is, then the only thing that will help you, is to determine if God exists.

Have you asked him?

LM

[lilered]

lovemykids; I been there so many times in my life I'm ashamed to admit it. What I have learned from these yoyo expierences is that I am most happy and joyful when I return to the basics. That is Study the Scriptures not just read them., Pray Often, on my knees, with my spouse, and family, perform service for others, read the ensign, listen to good music, and try to be a better person by being obediant to the commandments. Every time I do this I find after a bit, that the spirit returns and grows and my own light and testimony grows and becomes brighter. Likewise, the opposite happens when I have one of these experiences. This would be my counsel which probably mirrors what others may be telling you. God bless you and help you.

[lovemykids]

Doubt is good. Doubt is healthy. But it is important we resolve doubt, because if it doesn't get resolved, it festers.

I'm a big fan of saying things like "I am not sure that I really believe that the church is true", if that is an accurate and true statement. My advice: Do not hide from your doubts - embrace them. It sounds like you're doing that. But yes, work to resolve them.

If you're not sure you believe in God, going through motions will probably not help. So question: What is your testimony based on? You mention going to the temple because people said you should. I'm sure you know that you have to answer questions about your testimony. Did you ever have one? Did you assume you had one, but are now not so sure? Did you lie in order to appear worthy to others? I'm guessing (just guessing here), that your answer is one of the last two. If it is, then the only thing that will help you, is to determine if God exists.

Have you asked him?

LM

I absolutely believe in God...that is not a question for me...I am struggling with beliefs of the church...as far as my testimony goes...that is a great question...I feel like at certain times I have had a testimony...wow, really great question...that is why I posted...I need to dig deep and answer that question...I think maybe I sort of assumed that I had a testimony, but now I am questioning it...I feel like I have just been going along...doing what people wanted me to do and what people told me to do.

I know it is common for people to struggle and to doubt. I have watched a lot of people around me go inactive mainly to rebel, to go and do whatever they want, to be selfish. I don't understand people like that...if you believe why would you stray...And this is why I am having such a hard time...I do not want to go rebel and just be able to do whatever...I want to figure out what I believe...I don't want to mess up my kids and I want to figure this out before I do.

I hope all of that made sense...again..thanks

[jolee65]

You and I have been members for the same amount of time , I have yet to have the struggle your experiencing but I have had one foot in and one out of the church , doing my thing and yes its selfishness and I know that when it was happening.

Maybe letting your children in on it to soon could cause them to be confused as well, I would hold off until you make a solid decission about where your headed.

You have a strong faith in God then make this not about denomination but about you talking to your Father in Heaven and cry to him if need be and ask him to clear your mind of the confusion your feeling and to please guild you to where he needs you to be.

Keep us posted

Lets not forget the flesh is weak and we do stray for one reason or another they stray for habits or for the loss of there testimony.

when Jesus see's he lost another lamb he doesnt care why but just that he did.

Edited December 12, 2008 by jolee65

[lovemykids]

when Jesus see's he lost another lamb he doesnt care why but just that he did.

You are so right...it doesn't matter why someone is struggling, they just are! Thanks...any other advice????

[georgia2]

You could talk to your home teacher, maybe even the missionaries. You do need to discover what feelings you do have about the church. If you are doubting your testimony, certainly tell Heavenly Father that you're struggling and ask him to help you by strong feelings and ministering by the Holy Ghost. He doesn't want you to be confused and depressed.

There may be other things going on as well so it may be a good idea to talk to a counselor, but I would encourage an LDS counselor as counselors outside the faith would never understand. Your Bishop could also tell you where to locate one if you are not in an area where there are many members.

[bert10]

There is the Spiritual and there is the natural.

What is expected of you first by God after doing what you can Spiritually with Him... is to be a husband to your wife, a father to your children. IF for a time you have to drop out of home teachings etc...so be it. You cannot help anyone if you yourself are drowning.

--------

What you cannot drop of.... is this:

The man is to be the family provider.

The man is the spiritual provider

The man is responsible for His family happiness.

These areas is also how God shall deal with you as he is Your head. In your case GOD is your Father and you are the bride of Jesus. Live the Marriage covenant with your family and you will be able to confidently claim mighty help from GOD for yourself.

David called Jesus His Helper and so He is. Now I will give you the short cut...to end this struggle of yours.

1. View all things, all the hardships in your life, even the depression as a Good thing. View them as a gift of GOD who loves you.

2. Thank GOD in the NAme of Jesus and praise Him as well for all things [good, annoying and bad]....all the day long for each of those gifts and how they are affecting you.

This will immensely improve communication with God and it will also bring LIGTH/Love to flow into your heart at first is shall be a tiny stream but if you keep at it..it shall be like a mighty river. With Light comes loves, knowledge wisdom joy and happiness. If you learn to do this....You shall walk on the stormy troubled waters of your life, much like Peter who went out to meet the Lord on the sea.

What I have given you will help you keep your eyes on GOD instead of on your problems. And if you do not look away from GOD and down at your waves and storm [problems]...you shall not sink in it like Peter did.

Now go one take all your negatives [darkness] and turn them into positives...and you will begin to find joy in all things even in the midst of your greatest of afflictions.

Peace be unto you

bert10

[Guest ceeboo]

Hello Lovemykids, :)

I have only a few words to offer you as I am not LDS.

Be still and allow God to continue your journey, keep loving your kids :), and you ( like ALL of us ) will be exactly where he wants us to be at every step along the way.:)

Peace and God bless you

Ceeboo

[Islander]

A long time ago several of my friends died in an accident. And before that many others of my friends died; here and there. Some in one place, some in other, one or two at a time, sometimes more. In the middle of it all there was me. And other than scratches and bruises I kept drawing air and walking among the living. The sad, tragic and revolting irony of the story is that I had to face their parents. I had to go and see the quiet pain and subdued anger in their faces. I had to parade in front of heart broken mothers and tell them that I tried, that I did what I cold but the hand of God or the devil's putrid fingers would not allow me to save their sons.

One hellish night, in a middle of a storm, among the charred bodies of my friends in one more of those horrid incidents I cried my pain and my anger out to God. Yeah, I screamed my lungs out until I was not sure if I could actually hear my own words or if they were just my thoughts. I cursed my life and the day I was brought into this world, I cursed Him and all the things He had put me thru for so many years. I yelled among the rain and the lightening until I was exhausted. It was then that I realized that for some obscure and unsearchable reason His had had shielded me from the death and destruction that swallowed up my friends. It was on His shoulders that he carried me when hunger and exhaustion gave me every reason to lay down and allow death to reach me. It was Him that took the blunt of the blade and stepped into the path of the bullet aiming at my chest. And when I had cried a little more in sorrow for my sin of offense and my very soul was grieved for my blasphemy to His name I felt the unmistakeably warmth of the Spirit. In one almost magical instant, the rain ceased, the wind subsided and the sun, red as blood, flashed over the horizon for a few seconds. The jungle stood still and I knew He was there and that He had heard my prayer.

Lovemykids, I am not sure what is the purpose of your current challenge, but I hope you would seize on your faith as to hold on long enough for a wonderful witness of the love your Heavenly father has for you.

"And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of dhell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." D&C 122.

[jolee65]

Just take control of your faith, you already have control over a huge part and the most important part, your love for Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. Focus on that and forget everything else.

You know what has come to mind for me lately, The sacrifice Heavenly Father made as a parent to give his only begotten Son, I have been totally scared of losing one of my kids and it dawned on me Heavenly Fathers sacrifice and how selfless that was, not to mention the love The Savior has for us.

I guess my point is I was so wrapped up into fear and it almost controlled me, until he brought a thought to my mind of His sacrifice. I now think differently about it, not that I could lose one of my kids but that I havent lost one of my kids.

Do something for someone that you think might be feeling worse then you, you dont have a calling so go to a community service program my favorite is working with adults with mental disabilities they live on there own but need coping skills and daily life workshops.

If you choose to go to another church I hope everything works out.