How important is it to have friends within the church?

[MarginOfError]

My husband is very important in my life, yet he does not fill the need most women have, to be close to another woman,

I know how you feel...I love my spouse too, but she just doesn't make satisfy my need to feel close to other women. Wait....something isn't right there.

I don't really have friends at Church. Most of the time I'm not really inclined to make friends at Church. Part of it is I just don't care, and the other part is I don't really care to be friends with them. The people I am developing better relationships with are the people I work with in Scouts (I work with an Episcopalian troop), and the other scoutmasters in the troop are the men I really seek to emulate.

When I'm at Church, I spend most of my time with the people I"m called to serve with. I have good relationships with them, and I do genuinely care about them, but I just feel no inclination to do anything to convert that relationship into a lifelong bond.

[Guest DeborahC]

I think if I had more friends in the Church, I would likely be more active...

[MarginOfError]

I think if I had more friends in the Church, I would likely be more active...

It's funny how different people are. If I had more friends in the Church, I'd probably attend less. I've never been so confident in my testimony as when I was living with womanizing drunkards!

[Elgama]

I think if I had more friends in the Church, I would likely be more active...

this is what our Stake President was saying if we all made an effort rather than waiting for others to do so then we would retain more people, part of being one with each other is going the extra miles

Whilst I don't think friends in the church are essential to me being active me being friends with people might be essential for them

-Charley

[beefche]

This has been my pet topic recently. I'm 1st counselor in the RSP in my ward and I've noticed many, many times new sisters or visitors sitting alone in RS. I've talked about getting out of our comfort zones and invite someone into our circle.

I learned a long time ago that going to church doesn't require friends or socialization....but it sure makes it easier. I often quote the scripture from Moroni 6:

5 And the church did meet together oft, to fast and to pray, and to speak one with another concerning the welfare of their souls.

6 And they did meet together oft to partake of bread and wine, in remembrance of the Lord Jesus.

How can you meet together oft and speak with another if no one talks to you? I do want to stress that although I feel the greater burden is on the active members of a ward, I do believe that everyone has a responsibility to at least try to speak to others. I understand shyness and introverts. But, trying is required (some person's efforts vary from another's).

So, I think that it is important to have members of the church (no matter what the denomination) as friends. But I also think that we shouldn't limit ourselves to having friends of only one denomination. My best friend from high school is a Nazarene. My best friend from college is LDS. I value both of their friendships and admire and love them equally.

[teddyk]

omy..what LDS church to people attend(?) to get this,I have been often,never felt ignored, in fact if anything, I felt overwhelmed (nicely) by all the attention. My Grandson was breaking his face with a smile, ear to ear, I could see how proud he was of the efforts of his fellow church members. I love the scripture guote one poster gave about getting to gather to fellowship, with out friends, its mute. I'm no expert.

Edited December 19, 2008 by teddyk

[Hemidakota]

In answering a previous comment, approaching a person and greeting them is not the same as being close friends. I would never ignore anyone at church to greet and shake their hands, answer a simple question, provide time for personal interview. But with friends, time is sacrificed somewhere in the schedule of life filled with events and so forth. I usually will spend it with the children, companion, and those across the veil.

I guess in the end, I do need to manage mortal time more efficiently and help those who want a true friend. :)

[teddyk]

Thanks for the reminder, Hemi... I totaly agree on the issue of managing time, if only there where more of it,in this realm, we could know every good person as a close friend.

[Hemidakota]

Anyone wonder how many friends the Savior had in His mortal life?

[Cra-Z]

I echo the words of those who recognize that it's good to have friends who share the same standards as you, regardless of their choice of denomination. I've seen some LDS communities where it's a huge exception to the norm when a member has a non-member friend. That is not going to get us any closer to what we should be doing, bringing souls unto Christ. If we socialize exclusively with people who already have the truth, who are we going to tell? I realize that for some of you Utahns there's not much choice but I think the same principle applies.

This being said, I love that Elgama pointed out the fact that we need to reach out to members. I'm reminded of a friend I had in Russia. He had been very active and, I'm sure, a great member. He went to the US for school and studied at BYU. He went to church there and absolutely nobody fellowshipped him. He said "this isn't what the Church is supposed to be like," or, "this isn't the Church I joined." He never came back. He's such an amazing guy, they missed out having him there and now his home branch is missing him in Russia, just because nobody would even say "hi." We're so quick to assume people came to church with somebody else or someone else will talk to them. This just shows how important it is to reach out to everybody.

It's funny, I think somebody mentioned that their best friends are non-members. Some of the best friends I have had are converts, or members who have been inactive and returned. I don't know why, because I have always been fairly righteous, relatively speaking, (I mean, I could probably count on my digits how many Sundays I've missed church in my whole life.) but it always seems I can relate to them more, like they know what the real world is like while it seems some members don't.

Where I am there is absolutely nobody my age. There is only one guy close and he just came back and is leaving again. There were almost 2000 kids in my high school and 2 active members including me. I haven't had much choice but to have non-member friends, but I always feel loved and welcome in my branch.

[Tough Grits]

Being a friend is a talent, blessing, and/or skill. As with any talent/skill, one must put might, mind, strength, and means into it. To magnify means to make better, to increase. If friendship is a talent/skill then certainly, like with most talents/skills, one would need to devote oneself to the respective talent to magnify it.

Not all of us aspire to be a great friend. There are some who enjoy having friends, but are not as good at being one themselves. There are some who care nothing about having friends or being a friend.

I will say this, I have personally found it impossible to have a friend without also having love for that person. If I call you friend, then I also can say that I love you. I feel good receiving and giving love. I feel good being a friend and having friends.

But I also understand that not everybody has the same understanding of friendship, or the same definition of friendship.

A friend once told me that the only people she considered to be a "friend" was any person in her life that she could knock on their door at 3:00 am with herself and all her children and ask for shelter and have confidence that her request would be granted.

Interesting.

I do not belittle her definition of friendship. But my definition and my needs are different from hers. Not right, not better, just different.

My guidelines of friendship are not so rigid. I take all forms of friendship...cyber friendship being a huge chunk. I could not go to any of your houses at 3:00 am...as I do not know where any of you live...and yet I can say that I do have true friends from the internet.

Not only does gender play a role in the discussion, but so does our definition of friendships.

[teddyk]

Anyone wonder how many friends the Savior had in His mortal life?

Oh you dear man, I'm so glad you brought that up, did the Lord have other people following with him on his ministry, like wife's of the apostles? The topic came up at the dinner table last night, I've never read any thing on that possibilty :)

[Cra-Z]

TG I'd agree that online friends are just as valid as face-to-face friends and I'd argue that a lot more people here than you think would welcome you on their doorstep. I don't really know you, but, already, I'd welcome you here.

[teddyk]

Cra-Z I just had the same thought, maybe like minds come togather here..you think?

[Tough Grits]

TG I'd agree that online friends are just as valid as face-to-face friends and I'd argue that a lot more people here than you think would welcome you on their doorstep. I don't really know you, but, already, I'd welcome you here.

Thank you. I do not feel foolish for loving my internet friends. They are living, breathing humans who have needs, hurts, wants, and feelings. I cherish the many voices on this forum!

:wub:

[Moksha]

But then I remember that i'm not going to church to make friends, i'm there to take the sacrament and learn.

You hit upon the crux of the issue. Friendship or fellowship are really ephemeral to the point you made. And that is a good thing, because it has been my experience that LDS people do not, for whatever reason, do fellowshipping as well as some other Churches. Thus for members who are different, it seems imperative to concentrate on the reasons to attend Church beyond friendship or fellowship.

[austro-libertarian]

From this week's lesson (in our ward anyway):

Moroni 6

4 And after they had been received unto baptism, and were wrought upon and cleansed by the power of the Holy Ghost, they were numbered among the people of the church of Christ; and their names were taken, that they might be remembered and nourished by the good word of God, to keep them in the right way, to keep them continually watchful unto prayer, relying alone upon the merits of Christ, who was the author and the finisher of their faith.

5 And the church did meet together oft, to fast and to pray, and to speak one with another concerning the welfare of their souls.

6 And they did meet together oft to partake of bread and wine, in remembrance of the Lord Jesus.

[Elgama]

I have really stong views on this one lol when you spend most of your church life in a small branch you see the best and worst of the church in microcosm(sp??) you can't avoid problems like you can in a `larger ward, major disadvantage being the problems never get fixed. I do wish our Stake President could do his talks at General Conference lol if he can get discouraged by unfriendliness anyone can.

while it is great testimonies are not built on friendships, and friendships are had outside the church if we do not make an effort and make friends within our units we are a part of the problem, I am willing to bet those that feel odd and left out are not the only ones that feel that way,

I do not see how you can truly serve the people on your home and visiting teaching lists or people you are called to serve without becoming true friends with those people for me a huge part of a calling is having dinner and spending time with people, if I hadn't been friends with one of my children in primary I would never have known why she was struggling with my lessons, and why actually it was best to not teach a couple in the manual, with each list change new friendships can be forged

When you live in a small branch you see the very best and very worst of church in one small space, you can't avoid people. In 1986 our branch was a ward, then an incident happened which tore it apart literally, Its taken 20 years to sort out, during that time we have lost many converts and got to the point where our missionaries were dreading getting a good contact because they would have to bring them to church. Our Stake and Branch President have sorted this by encouraging friendships. Its such a simple solution. Every bigger ward has similar problems thing is it wont destroy it, a few people may go inactive but it won't be threatened with closure therefore the problem is never solved.

This is what the new RS programme should be used for and why being in a small branch is so good its not big deal if only 1 or 2 people show up to the craft group, and actually its a bonus, every Friday afternoon I got to spend with 2 sisters I had known and said hello to for years, during that time we became friends, they are 2 amazing special women and the kindness I have received from them has blessed me greatly and there are ways you can be deeply blessed by LDS friends in ways even my very bestest friend who is Non LDS cannot. There are parts of my life and beliefs I cannot share with him, when I am making decisions about finances or having more children you need that gospel perspective and gospel friends are very important for that.

No you don't need friends in the gospel for your testimony however, you need to make friends in your unit or the church doesn't work right, people don't know where service is needed, and people moan noone helps them etc,

LDS.org - Ensign Article - Our Hearts Knit as One

I love this message - our branch president gave a similar one day after mine arrived without seeing it lol

LDS.org - Ensign Article - Concern for the One

This one covers Hemi's question about Jesus - I also know that like our Stake and Branch President one I am friends with one I cause to scratch his head lol they may not be best friends or buddies with everyone, but our Stake President knows every last name of the people in his Stake, he takes time to talk to each one seperatly, and I would not hestitate to use either one as a friend when I needed it.

-Charley

Edited December 19, 2008 by Elgama

[Tough Grits]

Without question, partaking of the sacrament is crucial to our spiritual health and well-being...but we are constantly reminded that all things in the gospel are important...not just the things we choose to single out as being important.

Yes, the sacrament is vital and important, but if that was the only thing that mattered then Heavenly Father would have provided a way for the Priesthood to administer the sacrament within our homes so that we could all avoid each other and remain in our own family cliques.

We all have our agency. We can either use it to stretch ourselves (which often involves leaving our comfort zones) or we can shrug our shoulders and only do as little as we want to do.

If we can't be friends to each other, how are we then to be friends with those of other faiths?

If we are not friends to those within our church and/or outside of our Church...then how are sharing our testimony or the light of Christ?

Friendship is like a bridge...it allows us to exchange ideas, thoughts, and feelings within the bonds of trust.

Maybe this is exactly what Satan wants, for mankind to forget the art/talent of friendship. In the last days, good things are going to be made to appear as evil, and evil things made to appear as good.

If we are not fellowshipping and extending bonds of friendship, then we make Satan's work SO much easier.

If we think of ourselves as a chain, and we are all linked together as children of God fighting a common enemy (Satan), then wouldn't we only be as strong as our weakest link?

Isn't the goal to have ALL of God's children return back to Him?

How can we do that if we are not reaching out and grasping on to the person next to us and helping them to remain strong against the attacks of Satan?

This is a real war...and I can only hope the the person standing next to me is one who is not afraid to reach out and grab my hand and help me fight Satan.

[Guest ceeboo]

If we can't be friends to each other, how are we then to be friends with those of other faiths?

If we are not friends to those within our church and/or outside of our Church...then how are sharing our testimony or the light of Christ?

Friendship is like a bridge...it allows us to exchange ideas, thoughts, and feelings within the bonds of trust.

Maybe this is exactly what Satan wants, for mankind to forget the art/talent of friendship. In the last days, good things are going to be made to appear as evil, and evil things made to appear as good.

If we are not fellowshipping and extending bonds of friendship, then we make Satan's work SO much easier.

THANKS FOR THAT TOUGH GRITS :):):):)

AMEN, AMEN, AND AMEN !!!!!

CeeeeeeeeBoooooo

[Moksha]

Due to my enormous respect for and admiration of the Christian light that so many LDS members here have displayed, I was attempting ( looks like I may have failed :)) to steer clear of some of the things in your OP. But still wanted to share a little with you because I feel your OP is a HUGE, SAD, and way to common thing that ALL OF US CHRISTIANS see. No excuse for it IMHO. ( If we are are gonna walk with Christ, Lets start walking )

Peace,

Ceebs the Ceeboo:)

Go ahead, open up Ceebs! Frequently a different perspective helps us see ourselves and our situation more clearly.

:)

[teddyk]

THANKS FOR THAT TOUGH GRITS :):):):)

AMEN, AMEN, AND AMEN !!!!!

CeeeeeeeeBoooooo

Can't be said enough, I second ceeboo's sentiment,thank you.. ToughGrits :) also I read the moroni 6 an above poster, mentioned, there seems to be a lot said by Moroni,about discussing matters among themselves about their souls, only friends bare their souls to one another, alot.

Edited December 19, 2008 by teddyk
explain better.

[Hemidakota]

Oh you dear man, I'm so glad you brought that up, did the Lord have other people following with him on his ministry, like wife's of the apostles? The topic came up at the dinner table last night, I've never read any thing on that possibilty :)

True, He had followers but what is revealed, there was only small nit group were His friends or He spent the time with them vice those followers.

[teddyk]

Well today I was put in my place, by a general authority(my 6yr.old Grandaughter) :)she said " papa..Sue is my good friend,you are my best friend,and Jesus is my heavenly friend" I thought wow, sometimes, lil babes get it right. There are levels of friendship.

Due to time restraints, and such. A list I made :

#1) the Godhead

#2) our best friend (wife,lifelong friend,etc;)

#3) good friend (thoughs your close to,family.busines partner,etc;)

#4) friendly aquintences(all of Gods creation,humans,the animals;my Grandaughter insisted I include them..what can I say;) )

an imperfect list, maybe, but remember, I got help from an expert on the subject...my Grandaughter:)

[Hemidakota]

Exactly Ted.