How do you fix a broken heart?

[daenvgiell]

I have been with this person for around 8 months. It was unofficial for all of it except for the past 2 weeks. Well it still is official, although not many people know. I am sick and tired of playing hot and cold with him. Everytime he gets snowed under with work, it's like I hardly exist, he keeps saying he's going to make it up to me, but it never happens. He is the first person I have ever fallen in love with, but I don't think it's meant to hurt this much is it? I suppose I have a lot of questions... should I break up with him or should I try sticking it out a little longer, but I've really had enough, I've seen him twice in the past 2 weeks, and when we used to talk all the time, I'm lucky if I hear from him at all. I got a txt at 12am saying that he's lost and confused and that he's sorry because he doesn't know what to do or to say. I don't think I can handle it anymore, I practically cry myself to sleep these days.

whatever, life is just not fun anymore.

[Guest Godless]

What sort of work does he do? As a working man myself, I know how frustrating it can be to have to balance work with spending time with loved ones. Believe it or not, that text he sent you actually sounds promising. He knows there's a problem and he wants to try to fix it. This is something that the two of you are going to have to work together on. If you really love him, then you may need to make some sacrifices in order to stay with him (and he'll have to do the same). That's a big part what love is, sacrifice.

An important thing you have to realize is that relationships very rarely stay as good as they were in the beginning. The spark will die eventually and when it does, it can seem like the relationship is falling apart. That may not be the case though. More often than not, it just means that reality has set in and it's time to let rationality prevail over hormones. The love can still be there, it's just the passion that's faded a bit.

If you try to fix your relationship and fail, yes, it's going to hurt. In fact, it's probably going to hurt a lot. Losing your first love usually does. Just do your best to learn from the experience. The biggest lesson I've learned is that losing your first love hurts and it feels like the end of the world, but things WILL get better. Just try to keep a positive attitude as you go back into the dating scene (if it comes to that).

I really hope that you're able to work things out with this guy. If not though, just try to keep your head up and learn from what's happened. Whatever the outcome of this situation may be, believe me when I say that you'll be a stronger person when it's all over. Good luck!

[daenvgiell]

he works with film and sound and lighting, making video clips and such, when he's really busy I usually understand and just let him work because I know how stressful it is on him and I try and give him the space he needs, but this isn't the first time that it's happened. I don't know what's going on, I haven't slept a full night in the past 3 months and I have no idea what that's linked to, if it's linked to anything at all. I saw him last night he said we could catch up, have dinner, watch a movie and talk a little, only we never got to the talking part, we never get to the talking part... he wonders why I have so much trouble in talking about my feelings, he doens't help the situation at all, but I know I have a problem with it myself, and I'm trying to work on it, but how can I work o it if I'm not even given the chance?

[Soulsearcher]

I wish i could tell you it's easy, or quick, but I'm going through it right now and it's eaten up a lot of my life and taken joy from most every part of my heart and soul. If you find an answer let me know.

[daenvgiell]

I feel for you, I will let you know if I ever find out

[talisyn]

Let's see who was it..Kate Perry sings a song called 'Hot and Cold' that seems to describe your situation. It not a good answer and I apologize for that but if you sing it at the top of your lungs I bet you'll feel better

[Ayin]

I have been with this person for around 8 months. It was unofficial for all of it except for the past 2 weeks. Well it still is official, although not many people know. I am sick and tired of playing hot and cold with him. Everytime he gets snowed under with work, it's like I hardly exist, he keeps saying he's going to make it up to me, but it never happens. He is the first person I have ever fallen in love with, but I don't think it's meant to hurt this much is it? I suppose I have a lot of questions... should I break up with him or should I try sticking it out a little longer, but I've really had enough, I've seen him twice in the past 2 weeks, and when we used to talk all the time, I'm lucky if I hear from him at all. I got a txt at 12am saying that he's lost and confused and that he's sorry because he doesn't know what to do or to say. I don't think I can handle it anymore, I practically cry myself to sleep these days.

whatever, life is just not fun anymore.

they say time heals all wounds and It does.

As for your relationship only you can decide what you want to do. Is his work steady or is he takening it while he can? There are many questions to ask him and yourself. relationships are not easy and have to work towards a good one. I dont know all of what is going on with you and him, I would say pray for guidence.

Are you more upset because he is working more or you havent seen him as often as you use to times do change but doesnt mean feelings he has for you have changed. Ask him questions but dont bombared him with them all. I hope things work out for you how they should

[jolee65]

Daenvgiell im sensing something more with what you have said so far, are you sure this guy is available? people work and there jobs can be time consuming and all but, whats confusing?? Why is he confused??

[Islander]

I have been with this person for around 8 months. It was unofficial for all of it except for the past 2 weeks. Well it still is official, although not many people know. I am sick and tired of playing hot and cold with him. Everytime he gets snowed under with work, it's like I hardly exist, he keeps saying he's going to make it up to me, but it never happens. He is the first person I have ever fallen in love with, but I don't think it's meant to hurt this much is it? I suppose I have a lot of questions... should I break up with him or should I try sticking it out a little longer, but I've really had enough, I've seen him twice in the past 2 weeks, and when we used to talk all the time, I'm lucky if I hear from him at all. I got a txt at 12am saying that he's lost and confused and that he's sorry because he doesn't know what to do or to say. I don't think I can handle it anymore, I practically cry myself to sleep these days.

whatever, life is just not fun anymore.

You sound very young and, according to the wisdom of my grandma' "heartache is the price of inexperience."

It seems to me you do not have a solid footing on what's real. You are infatuated with this guy, day dream about him and have created a fantasy about him. But it is not real. The reality is that he neglect you and you are not important in his life; his work is his priority.

Reality is what happens, life is in fact what occurs not what we fabricate in our minds to feed our hopes when it comes to relationships. Relationships based on need are quite toxic and with a very poor prospect long term. You have to get your life in order and set a course for your life. If you keep waiting for him to be the wind to blow your sails and get you going, you run the risk of drifting away while waiting in the dead calm and running into a reef and wrecking your perfectly good ship (life).

My prayers go out to you sister.

[MsMagnolia]

I am sory you are going through this right now. i hope everything works out for you.

[skippy740]

Okay, I'm going to be the blunt one about this.

daenvgiell,

Per your profile, you are 18 years old. He is the first person you have ever fallen in love with. Matters of the heart are SUPPOSED to hurt when it is broken. If it didn't, then YOU aren't a loving and caring person yourself.

Let me also say that the economy is rough all over the world right now. If he has PAYING WORK... (particularly in film & lighting) may I remind you that that is ONE desireable trait in a man right now??? Being able to provide for himself and a (future) family?

(Granted, I'm probably JUST like the person you're dating...)

Not everything is about money, but you've got to look at the WHOLE person/package that he is. If you are going to consider marrying this man (which you shouldn't because of your own inexperience with relationships at this point), you need to see ALL ASPECTS of what you're getting.

Don't expect him to change after you marry him. Love him for who he is, or decide that he isn't the type of person that you would want to marry and spend the rest of your life with.

[countrygirl66]

My thoughts for what it's worth. It can be heartbreaking because in a perfect world he would sense your needs and do what he needed to to meet them. It just plain hurts. That being said, you probably need to take a look and see if you could live with him working like he is now forever. Right now your dating, and don't feel that your a priority, with marriage things just get busier and more stressful and then when kids come, well even busier.

For some people they can make that work and be very happy, but if your not one who can, it isn't fair to either of you to think you can change it completely. I am one who has to have my h home on the weekends and evenings so we live on less money. We both feel the same way so it works. I have a good friend whos h is a dr and he works terrible hours, she picks up most of the slack and they seem very happy. I guess i am saying, no matter how it hurts take a long look at what you want, and pray and see if you feel like you could really meet each others needs. I am sure it is not his intent to see you unhappy. Take care.

[daenvgiell]

Daenvgiell im sensing something more with what you have said so far, are you sure this guy is available? people work and there jobs can be time consuming and all but, whats confusing?? Why is he confused??

I wish I knew, this happened last time. He got so busy with work and we drifted apart, and all he could tell me was that he was confused and that he's sorry.

You sound very young and, according to the wisdom of my grandma' "heartache is the price of inexperience."

It seems to me you do not have a solid footing on what's real. You are infatuated with this guy, day dream about him and have created a fantasy about him. But it is not real. The reality is that he neglect you and you are not important in his life; his work is his priority.

Reality is what happens, life is in fact what occurs not what we fabricate in our minds to feed our hopes when it comes to relationships. Relationships based on need are quite toxic and with a very poor prospect long term. You have to get your life in order and set a course for your life. If you keep waiting for him to be the wind to blow your sails and get you going, you run the risk of drifting away while waiting in the dead calm and running into a reef and wrecking your perfectly good ship (life).

My prayers go out to you sister.

I probably am infatuated with him, I wont deny it, it's not like I've been trhough something like this before. He told me that I am his number one priority, but I don't feel like it, he still puts me after work, if he even remembers that I exist.

I do a lot of waiting with him, I have sat next to him for countless hours just to keep him company while he worked because I always felt happier to be with him even if it meant all I can do is just be near him, I don't change my plans when we make them, he is the one to always change them and say, I think I'll head home, I'm just so beat (after a long days work) I understand that his job takes him past the hours of 5 sometimes, but he could at least let me know sooner or something like that. I guess it goes back to the infatuated thing, I am so it hurts for me, I get that.

My thoughts for what it's worth. It can be heartbreaking because in a perfect world he would sense your needs and do what he needed to to meet them. It just plain hurts. That being said, you probably need to take a look and see if you could live with him working like he is now forever. Right now your dating, and don't feel that your a priority, with marriage things just get busier and more stressful and then when kids come, well even busier.

For some people they can make that work and be very happy, but if your not one who can, it isn't fair to either of you to think you can change it completely. I am one who has to have my h home on the weekends and evenings so we live on less money. We both feel the same way so it works. I have a good friend whos h is a dr and he works terrible hours, she picks up most of the slack and they seem very happy. I guess i am saying, no matter how it hurts take a long look at what you want, and pray and see if you feel like you could really meet each others needs. I am sure it is not his intent to see you unhappy. Take care.

I don't know if I can live this way with him working all the time, I think I could if he remembered I was here, I know it's different in a married situation because they come home to you at night as compared to not while you're dating, but I can't live as someone who is only remembered when they want something. I have experienced this too much in my life already, I have problems with acceptance because of high school issues I experienced, I don't want to go through it again, only this time it feels worse because I actually love the person.

I know that I can't change him, I know that what I see is what I get. Also awhile ago, I don't know when it was, a month maybe, he said he can tell when I'm upset and it affects him so much. I don't know whether to trust what he's saying anymore, maybe that's just because we are both feeling "confused and lost" but I don't know why he is feeling this way, I am confused because he keeps changing the way he feels for me, in another week he could say he loves me all over again, then again, maybe not. I don't know, I don't have a crystal ball, and I know that none of you do either, all I know is that I'm sick and tired of this. What happens if he gets busy with work again and it happens yet another time? I don't think I have the strength to go through this every time that happens.

[jolee65]

Look your young he has a job and is busy with that and playing games, your a sweet girl. He knows exactly the right thing to say to get you to hold on for another month, but you need to start to live your life, feel the hurt and let yourself get over him and move on honey, but he is not the last guy your going to like and thats going to like you. the only thing hes confused about is why your still around.

I know that may sound harsh but dont let him continue to drag you through the mud he knows whats going on here.

[foreverafter]

As Dr. Laura says, you want a guy who can't take his next breath without you in his life. & she also asks, "Is this the life you want?" cause this is how it's most likely going to be. It rarely gets better than during the dating & engagement period. Once married, everyone relaxes & unfortunately doesn't usually try as hard to win the other.

[Gatsby]

I have been with this person for around 8 months. It was unofficial for all of it except for the past 2 weeks. Well it still is official, although not many people know. I am sick and tired of playing hot and cold with him. Everytime he gets snowed under with work, it's like I hardly exist, he keeps saying he's going to make it up to me, but it never happens. He is the first person I have ever fallen in love with, but I don't think it's meant to hurt this much is it? I suppose I have a lot of questions... should I break up with him or should I try sticking it out a little longer, but I've really had enough, I've seen him twice in the past 2 weeks, and when we used to talk all the time, I'm lucky if I hear from him at all. I got a txt at 12am saying that he's lost and confused and that he's sorry because he doesn't know what to do or to say. I don't think I can handle it anymore, I practically cry myself to sleep these days.

whatever, life is just not fun anymore.

Real love is unconditional and loving someone isn't about becoming too emotionally attached to them. Perhaps he's telling the truth and he can't spent much time with you or perhaps he has lost interest in the relationship. It's hard to fall out of love the first time because it only hits you really hard the first time but the next time you fall in love again you know what to do to avoid all the discomfort that comes with a broken heart.

You said that you're tired of it and don't want to deal with it anymore. You need to worry about your feelings and move on. Perhaps not seeing him anymore would benefit both of you. You feel frustrated because he doesn't have time to spent with you. He feeling guilty for constantly hurting you.

You can fall in love more than once. Sometimes in a romantic relationship one person falls in love while the other doesn't-it happens.

Pray about it and think about it before making a decision. It's up to you. Is it worth you crying every night and wait till he calls you? Or is it better to just move on and fall in love again? The choice is yours and I know that it is easier said then done.

[Guest missingsomething]

If this is the work he does... then you either have to be ok with it or move on

I disagree that a text at 12am is a good thing. In my opinion, not knowing the situation, if people WANT something - they find a way to make it happen. If they really dont WANT something... they find excuses.

Its good to decide now... the longer you wait... the harder the decision gets. But time will lessen your pain and it will be only a memory when you replace the love with service, love, and compassion.

[daenvgiell]

Thanks for all your input guys, I really appreciated reading all of this, just thought I might let you know that I don't feel broken anymore, it was weird how fast I feel I got over it, I don't know if that makes me a bad person or not, and while it still hurts a little when I think of him and such, and that when I talk to him every now and then that my feelings can arise for him again, I feel at peace and calm about not being with him now. Don't know what that means either, but anyway.

------

or maybe I don't, everything reminds me of him

Edited March 14, 2009 by daenvgiell

[bert10]

"Unconditional Love" will heal your heart and even your relationship if you can live it. If I read this post right...you are sad because you are not getting the attention that you think you deserve. You are expecting that person to meet your needs instead of God. It cannot work for long. All relationship that depends on a return for our love will fail eventually. For some it takes 5 years, others 10 and even 15 years or more.

Let God meet your needs and begin to live your life. Begin to Love that person "Unconditionally." Love everyone and everything unconditionally and the Lord will begin to guide you where you should go. For this is the same type of Love that God gives everyone. And those who who wish it...can chose to increase it or decrease it in their heart. You shall know soon enough if he was meant for you or not.

You have not described what work he does and if he is required to work those hours just to keep his job and if this would be a permanent thing. That would be another story and you would have a big decision to make.

Peace be unto you

bert10

I have been with this person for around 8 months. It was unofficial for all of it except for the past 2 weeks. Well it still is official, although not many people know. I am sick and tired of playing hot and cold with him. Everytime he gets snowed under with work, it's like I hardly exist, he keeps saying he's going to make it up to me, but it never happens. He is the first person I have ever fallen in love with, but I don't think it's meant to hurt this much is it? I suppose I have a lot of questions... should I break up with him or should I try sticking it out a little longer, but I've really had enough, I've seen him twice in the past 2 weeks, and when we used to talk all the time, I'm lucky if I hear from him at all. I got a txt at 12am saying that he's lost and confused and that he's sorry because he doesn't know what to do or to say. I don't think I can handle it anymore, I practically cry myself to sleep these days.

whatever, life is just not fun anymore.

[Ivy64]

My answer is simple. Pray. Ask the Lord not "is he right for me" or the other things ppl normally pray for. Ask if you should continue dating him...

BTW, how old are you? You sound young...

[beefche]

Thanks for all your input guys, I really appreciated reading all of this, just thought I might let you know that I don't feel broken anymore, it was weird how fast I feel I got over it, I don't know if that makes me a bad person or not, and while it still hurts a little when I think of him and such, and that when I talk to him every now and then that my feelings can arise for him again, I feel at peace and calm about not being with him now. Don't know what that means either, but anyway.

------

or maybe I don't, everything reminds me of him

I'm going to give some advice that you can take or leave. Your profile says you're 18 y/o. An 18 y/o is still growing emotionally and phsysiologically. Means, your brain ain't done cooking yet.

As an 18 y/o I felt very mature and responsible. As a woman looking back on my 18 y/o self, I was mature and responsible, but I was also young, inexperienced to life and naive in many ways.

I would caution anyone at that age to take your time in dating. Enjoy dating many men/women. Get to know friends. Then when the time is right, find that one friend who gives you not-just-friends feelings and see what happens.

You'll find many men/women who are fantistic people and get a crush on them. That's ok. But as life gives you opportunities for life experiences, you recognize crushes vs. real feelings of caring.

[daenvgiell]

I'm going to give some advice that you can take or leave. Your profile says you're 18 y/o. An 18 y/o is still growing emotionally and phsysiologically. Means, your brain ain't done cooking yet.

As an 18 y/o I felt very mature and responsible. As a woman looking back on my 18 y/o self, I was mature and responsible, but I was also young, inexperienced to life and naive in many ways.

I would caution anyone at that age to take your time in dating. Enjoy dating many men/women. Get to know friends. Then when the time is right, find that one friend who gives you not-just-friends feelings and see what happens.

You'll find many men/women who are fantistic people and get a crush on them. That's ok. But as life gives you opportunities for life experiences, you recognize crushes vs. real feelings of caring.

Yes I am 18 y/o but if you ask anyone that knows me, most of them would be likely to say that I am very mature and responsible for my age, but yes I do agree that I am still young and very inexperienced and naive in many ways.

Thank you for your input, I appreciate it very much, I don't think I'll go into the dating scene again just yet because I personally don't feel quite ready to do so just yet.

[caroline30]

Relationships are definatley not easy! Unfortunatley it is a part of life with the one you love, to take the good and the bad. The only advice that I could give right now would be to talk it out with him, just make a date and stick to it. Tell him exactly how you are feeling and try to get to the bottom of why is confused. But do not force the issue as this might have the opposite affect and might push you guys further away from each other! All women everywhere in the world will be behind you 100%

[daenvgiell]

we aren't together anymore

[Islander]

we aren't together anymore

I just hope you are clear in the means and motives of the process. Is the breakup real or just a tantrum? Are you really done with him and his inconsistencies or you are just pouting to get his attention?

I feel for you. I hope you can find comfort and solace in your friends, family and the Gospel. There is nothing more healing than the words of the Savior. I am not sure how "far" you took this relationship but you may want to take a break, talk to someone, take a class. It is important that you really, truly understand what happened. I am not talking about a recollection of the facts, but true insights into the dynamics of the relationship. You should avoid falling into the self mitigating bias that it was "his fault." It was also YOUR fault for daydreaming, fantasizing and using your "heart" instead of your head.

Sorry if I sound a bit harsh at times. I hold women to a higher standard since it is obvious they are smarter than men by an order of magnitude. I still care much for how you feel and worry how you'll handle the aftermath of the relationship.

My prayers are with you my young sister.