Why don't girls exercise? (outside Utah)

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Perhaps it's a side effect of my wrestling years. Perhaps it's my genes. But my whole life I've had a psychological aversion to fat. I work out 5 times/week to stay in shape. I love it! So I've dated slender girls who enjoy working out and living healthily. Fortunately, Utah is blessed with many such people, but since moving away from Utah I've found a dearth of young members who have any kind of desire to maintain such a lifestyle. As a result, I haven't dated many LDS girls out here. I'd hate to be out biking, climbing, hiking, etc, and my wife not participate in those activities with me.

It seems to me that non-LDS girls in their mid-20s are more physically active. I've spent the last two years trying to figure this out. Here are a couple of my ideas:

1. LDS girls generally leave the state to go to BYU. Most of the exercising girls get married at a young age. The heftier girls return home with a degree and maturity (both great things, but not everything).

2. Non-LDS girls may be more sexually promiscuous and put a higher value on physical appearance.

Anyway, I've been vilified in the single's ward here. They think all I care about is how a girl looks. They're right to a point. Usually, a girl's looks reflect her level of physical activity.

Maybe it's unrealistic to expect a girl to exercise every day. But I don't think it should be. What do you think? Am I just being shallow? Should I look for a Sweet Spirit? A fertile vessel who will be a loving mother? If exercise is important in my life, shouldn't it be important in hers? And why do girls outside Utah and California not care about physical fitness?

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Am I just being shallow?


But you are allowed. It makes perfect sense that you are looking for someone who shares your interests. I would probably keep the "aversion to fat" thing to yourself. Many women have an aversion to short, poor, uneducated, etc. but as life goes we all end up challenged by the things we seek to avoid.

FYI, I would look for the deeper characteristics of compassion, sense of humor and overall well-being. Those things generally last. There is no guarantee that a slender, willowy gal will be able to retain that shape after having children.

Trust me and 60-70% of women who have born the little darlings.

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Yes, but there's more of a chance that a stick who has good health habits won't put on as much weight.

But there is still a chance that she will. I was the exception to that rule myself.

What if you marry a girl who is the exception too? Do you expect her to drop the weight immediately? Would you withhold affection if she became overweight, or even just not your ideal weight? Would you stay with her if this happened? Would your eye wander if she put on ten pounds?

Here's the thing. You have a right to your standards. There is no sense in marrying a person you aren't physically attracted to. You do not, however, have the right to demand behaviors out of your wife or girlfriend.

If you were to find someone you shares your love of physical activity, and is in good shape what would happen if over the years after you married her she no longer enjoyed exercise? What if she developed a health condition? What if she just got busy and let herself go? Would you be willing to deal with that? If not, then maybe you are shallow.

If you could still love your wife after her appearance changed over the years, then I don't see anything wrong with wanting someone slim now. So long as you could deal with it if she changes.

You do sound like a jerk, but it actually has very little to do with you wanting to date slim girls. My reasoning for calling you a jerk is this; how is it that the girls in your singles ward know about your preference for slender women to vilify you in the first place? Most men honestly feel the way you do deep down, they just aren't stupid enough to go around telling all girls this. They keep it to themselves to spare the feelings of their sisters in the church. It's a smart move too.

Your post makes me wonder what you are saying to the sisters in your ward to think you are shallow, because frankly you shouldn't be sharing this information with them in the first place. What if a really awesome chick came along who loved to exercise and looked great? You might scare her off thinking you are some impossible to please guy and lose your chance.

As for Utah and California citizens being the only ones who exercise? Please tell me you are kidding.

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Scott, are you still an atheist? I'm just asking that because I'm surprised to hear you're attending the LDS church, unless you've had a change of heart and wish to be an LDS, or just prefer LDS women because you feel they have higher standards/morals than non LDS..

I'm not saying that is what you're thinking, just wondering..

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Would you withhold affection if she became overweight, or even just not your ideal weight?

Mostly likely anyone who doesn't find their spouse as attractive (as they used to be) is less likely to be as frisky (as they used to be). If after I got married I put back on 100lbs I would expect my wife's thoughts of, "Dang, I want to hit that." to be less frequent. Of course there is more to affection than sex and love is some pretty powerful rose colored glasses.

Just a random thought not support for a, "If you go above 120lbs we're sleep in different beds you fat pig" mentality. Also, not accusing the OP of possessing such mentality.

Should I look for a Sweet Spirit?

Just noticed this, there is a huge gap between 'Sweet Spirit' and Olympic Gymnast.

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Hmmm, supposing you marry a slim, althetic, cycling loving, gymnast and she becomes pregnant, loses her figure, and is unable to keep up with your excercise regime? What if several children down the line she is far too tired/busy to excercie every day?

Are you being shallow? Most definitely.

I once dated someone of a similar attitude. He found something physically 'wrong' with every girl he dated. He is still single. We all married happily and some of us are even grandparents now.

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Let me be clear here: I don't want a girl to work out just for me. She should be doing it for herself. I think everyone should want to stay fit for their health, physically and mentally. If either one of us, for some reason, puts on weight, fine. That happens; however, it should be everyone's goal to look and feel their best.

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Ok, so I completely agree with you in every aspect of your point. I think this subject goes both ways for men and women. Honestly, it is a selfish thing to let yourself go and not at least try every day to look good for your spouse. Is this not the person you love and respect the most? Shouldn't we want to impress them more than any other person? YES, most definitely!! Grant it, some people have higher metabolisms than others, but there is no excuse for a person to sit around and get fat. It's unhealthy and everything about it goes against the word of wisdom. Now I'm not saying everyone has to be an avid triathlete, but you can find activities to enjoy that will keep you in shape. America is FAT, stop justifying yourselves. Come on girls, you may be content. Why not be happy all the time? It's common knowledge that exercise releases endorphins, which gives you more energy, making you enthusiastic and cheerful. You start thriving after that. Find discipline in your life, not only through the gospel, but living a healthy lifestyle.

No S. Allen, I don't think you're a jerk at all for wanting to a find a wife who shares the same desires as you. I hope you do and please don't settle for less. Be fair to each other, live long, stay healthy and look good doing it. (That's an extra perk!)

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