Too much information? We need to teach our kids

[pam]

After tossing her books on the sofa, she decided to grab a snack and get on-line. She logged on under her screen name ByAngel213. She checked her Buddy List and saw GoTo123 was on. She sent him an instant message:

ByAngel213:

Hi. I'm glad you are on! I thought someone was following me home today. It was really weird!

GoTo123:

LOL You watch too much TV. Why would someone be following you?

Don't you live in a safe neighborhood?

ByAngel213:

Of course I do. LOL I guess it was my imagination cuz' I didn't see anybody when I looked out.

GoTo123:

Unless you gave your name out on-line. You haven't done that have you?

ByAngel213:

Of course not.... I'm not stupid you know.

GoTo123:

Did you have a softball game after school today?

ByAngel213:

Yes and we won!!

GoTo123:

That's great! Who did you play?

ByAngel213:

We played the Hornets. LOL. Their uniforms are so gross! They look like bees. LOL

GoTo123:

What is your team called?

ByAngel213:

We are the Canton Cats. We have tiger paws on our uniforms. They are really cool.

GoTo1 23:

Did you pitch?

ByAngel213:

No I play second base. I got to go. My homework has to be done before my parents get home. I don't want them mad at me. Bye!

GoTo123:

Catch you later. Bye

Meanwhile.......GoTo123 went to the member menu and began to search for her profile. When it came up, he highlighted it and printed it out. He took out a pen and began to write down what he knew about Angel so far.

Her name: Shannon

Birthday: Jan. 3, 1985

Age: 13

State where she lived: North Carolina

Hobbies: softball, chorus, skating and going to the mall. Besides this information, he knew she lived in Canton because she had just told him. He knew she stayed by herself until 6:30 p.m. every afternoon until her parents came home from work. He knew she played softball on Thursday afternoons on the school team, and the team was named the Canton Cats. Her favorite number 7 was printed on her jersey. He knew she was in the eighth grade at the Canton Junior High School . She had told him all this in the conversations they had on- line. He had enough information to find her now.

Shannon didn't tell her parents about the incident on the way home from the ballpark that day. She didn't want them to make a scene and stop her from walking home from the softball games. Parents were always overreacting and hers were the worst. It made her wish she was not an only child. Maybe if she had brothers and sisters, her parents wouldn't be so overprotective.

By Thursday, Shannon had forgotten about the footsteps following her.

Her game was in full swing when suddenly she felt someone staring at her. It was then that the memory came back. She glanced up from her second base position to see a man watching her closely.

He was leaning against the fence behind first base and he smiled when she looked at him. He didn't look scary and she quickly dismissed the sudden fear she had felt.

After the game, he sat on a bleacher while she talked to the coach. She noticed his smile once again as she walked past him. He nodded and she smiled back. He noticed her name on the back of her shirt. He knew he had found her.

Quietly, he walked a safe distance behind her. It was only a few blocks to Shannon 's home, and once he saw where she lived he quickly returned to the park to get his car.

Now he had to wait. He decided to get a bite to eat until the time came to go to Shannon 's house. He drove to a fast food restaurant and sat there until time to make his move.

Shannon was in her room later that evening when she heard voices in the living room.

"Shannon, come here," her father called. He sounded upset and she couldn't imagine why. She went into the room to see the man from the ballpark sitting on the sofa.

"Sit down," her father began, "this man has just told us a most interesting story about you."

Shannon sat back. How could he tell her parents anything? She had never seen him before today!

"Do you know who I am, Shannon ?" the man asked.

"No," Shannon answered.

"I am a police officer and your online friend, GoTo123."

Shannon was stunned. "That's impossible! GoTo is a kid my age! He's 14 And he lives in Michigan !"

The man smiled. "I know I told you all that, but it wasn' t true. You see, Shannon , there are people on-line who pretend to be kids; I was one of them. But while others do it to injure kids and hurt them, I belong to a group of parents who do it to protect kids from predators. I came here to find you to teach you how dangerous it is to talk to people on-line. You told me enough about yourself to make it easy for me to find you. You named the school you went to, the name of your ball team and the position you played. The number and name on your jersey just made finding you a breeze."

Shannon was stunned. "You mean you don't live in Michigan ?"

He laughed. "No, I live in Raleigh . It made you feel safe to think I was so far away, didn't it?"

She nodded.

"I had a friend whose daughter was like you. Only she wasn't as lucky. The guy found her and murdered her while she was home alone. Kids are taught not to tell anyone when they are alone, yet they do it all the time on-line. The wrong people trick you into giving out information a little here and there on-line. Before you know it, you have told them enough for them to find you without even realizing you have done it. I hope you've learned a lesson from this and won't do it again.. Tell others about this so they will be safe too?"

"It's a promise!"

That night Shannon and her Dad and Mom all knelt down together and thanked God for protecting Shannon from what could have been a tragic situation.

Whether this story is true or not, it is something we need to make our kids very much aware of when they are online. Might not be bad to refresh it on ourselves as well.

[dazed-and-confused]

Absolutely.......it can be VERY dangerous for kids today, and they need to made aware of this danger, hopefully, without becoming too paranoid....just carefully aware. Computers have made it so easy to talk to people that you dont know in ways that make you feel comfortable and safe, but, you cant really get all the same "vibes" from them as you can in person....those "creepy" feelings. Chatrooms have also given kids a certain independance within the "world", exposure to so many more people, that it can be all too easy for someone to hunt for victims. It's always been a dangerous world in ways, but now it seems the dangers have been magnified for kids.......be careful.

[Guest Alana]

I did this to my sister. It was way to easy. Then online I told her all the information I had about her and showed her how easy it was to find her, all without telling her who it was. Then I told her that if I was a bad person it would have been so easy to find her.

Later that day I told her it was me, I could see she was very upset. I'm glad, I hope it helped.

[Wingnut]

I think I first read this story 10 years ago. I can't believe it's still out there!

[NeuroTypical]

No need to make up stories - the real news has plenty real stuff.

Sting nets an ex-LDS official

DILLON, Mont. — A former Mormon stake president pleaded guilty to using the Internet to solicit sex from an Idaho police officer posing as a 14-year-old girl.

[Misshalfway]

Maybe I am too overprotective here, but I just don't see a need for kids to be chatting online. I ask myself all the time why parents give cel phones to grade schoolers or who let their kids have computers in their bedrooms. I just think giving a kid an electronic device, without supervision is ASKING for this kind of trouble -- not to mention the pornography issue.

My kids want to be online because its popular. They want facebook pages (why they would need to search long lost friends, I don't know. They aren't old enough to have long lost friends!) and they want to go these "game" sites all the time. We do a lot of previewing. One time my son was approached by someone shifty.

I don't know. I am prolly an old fuddy duddy. I don't let them (all under 12 years) have a lot of time on the computer. I'd rather they invite friends over and play the Wii or use the telephone if they need to "chat". I just want my kids safe and it seems too easy for these preditors to get to our kids.

[ADoyle90815]

The Internet is definitely a way for pedophiles to go after children, so kids have to be reminded never to give out any personal information, and computers really should be kept out of children's bedrooms and in a room where parents can see what their child is doing.

If parents have blogs, they really need to make them private if they want to post pictures of their children on them. All a pedophile has to do is find a picture of a child in a "mommy blog," and with Photoshop or other software, they can make that picture into pornography. I've even seen in a few cases online where the house number is visible, something that is really bad now with Google Maps and Google Earth since someone can use the blog picture with the house number to find out where children live.

[Wingnut]

I've even seen in a few cases online where the house number is visible, something that is really bad now with Google Maps and Google Earth since someone can use the blog picture with the house number to find out where children live.

Before my blog was private (for reasons other than the ones you listed), I had posted a picture of my car at one point, but I made sure to white-out the license plate number for that very reason.

[Tough Grits]

I am prolly an old fuddy duddy. I don't let them (all under 12 years) have a lot of time on the computer. I'd rather they invite friends over and play the Wii or use the telephone if they need to "chat". I just want my kids safe and it seems too easy for these preditors to get to our kids.

You are not fuddy duddy at all. You are protective of your children, and that stems from love.

ALL the computers in my house are password protected. Only I know the password. Nobody in the house can use my laptop (which I use for college), and the other computers are locked. Which means that the other two computers can only go to specific websites that I have pre-approved (which is not many) and if the kids or an adult wants to view another site I must enter a password to allow them to do so. But I can choose if that site is a permanent "safe" site or only temporarily accessible.

Facebook is a good way to stay in touch with extended family, but I am set to private and only friends can view pics or read blogs. I do not even use my real name on Facebook. I try to never say where I live or where I work. We all make mistakes though, and it is easy to be relaxed in our friendships.

I hope those that are my friends care enough about me and my family to never give out where I live, what my name is, or where I work...if they know that information to begin with.

We never know when a dangerous person might being using us to get to another person. Be safe, be wise.

[pam]

Wait...you mean your real name is not really Tough Grits?

[Iggy]

Wait...you mean your real name is not really Tough Grits?

That isn't her real life name, but it sure is her real life attitude!

She is Tough as Grits!

[pam]

I mean her moms last name is Grits so of course I just assumed it was their real names. I thought maybe she had just kept her maiden name.

[Tough Grits]

Pam, are you trying to trick me into revealing my true identity???

Friends don't let friends reveal their alter egos!!!!!! :roflmbo:

[pam]

hahaha not at all my dear.

[DigitalShadow]

I think the real danger with kids on the internet is not that they inadvertently give away too much information so that a predator can find them, I think the greater danger is when they other person gains their trust enough to lure them somewhere. If someone is looking to take advantage of kids and is willing to risk breaking into a house to do it, it would probably just be much easier to stalk the kid with binoculars than to stalk chatrooms hoping to find a stupid kid who lives near enough to them and happened to give out enough information to find them.

Don't get me wrong, I would teach my kids never to give out personal information online and bestow some technological common sense on to them, but I think that the whole paranoia over kids on the internet is overblown. Dealing with the internet is just one more potential danger you have to teach your kid about, like paying attention when they cross the street. While banning your child from the internet altogether is an option, in this day and age in my opinion it would be as silly and counterproductive as banning them from crossing the street.

[Mahone]

I have to agree with digitalshadow. A lot of parents become way too protective when it comes to the Internet, partly due to a lack of understanding (a fear of the unknown) and partly due to the vast media coverage telling all the bad stories (which are not as common as you would think) and not covering the wealth of good the Internet can do.

In my opinion, harsh filtering like has been mentioned is a little over the top. That will likely do more damage than good. They won't get access to a lot of sites they may need access to for homework, and asking for every site that comes up for their search terms on the first page of google to be unblocked is tedious and they won't bother in the end.

To my knowledge, having a fake alias on facebook is against their terms and conditions and I don't really see a lot of good it will do. No-one can get anything with your name and as an adult, I doubt anyone other than your friends will be interested where you live (a possible exception is phishers but they need many more details then that).

What I would do personally is set up a basic filter which only blocked the really bad stuff and also logged all activity, so I could read msn conversations, look at browsing logs and read emails they send. This gives them freedom of the full Internet without disabling limitations and allows me to keep an eye on them in case anything suspicious was going on.

There is plenty of free software which will do this, some which is not at all easy to get around, even by the most knowledgable kids.

Edited June 4, 2009 by Mahone

[pam]

I think we need to remember that every parent has their own parenting ideas and thoughts. While some may feel that some actions are harsh, if that is what the parent is comfortable with then who are we to say they are wrong or over the top?

[Mahone]

I think we need to remember that every parent has their own parenting ideas and thoughts. While some may feel that some actions are harsh, if that is what the parent is comfortable with then who are we to say they are wrong or over the top?

that is why I included the words "in my opinion", because that is what it is, not fact. I think often it is good to hear other peoples opinions, even if you disagree with them.

[pam]

That's fair. I was in no means meaning to single anyone out. It was mainly for future posts.

[Tough Grits]

that is why I included the words "in my opinion", because that is what it is, not fact. I think often it is good to hear other peoples opinions, even if you disagree with them.

I respect your opinion. Obviously, I don't agree, or I wouldn't do it the way that I do it.

Actually, my reasons on the password protect on unapproved sites are to protect my children from being exposed to pornography.

If my children need access due to homework assignments then I will include the sites that they need in order to do that. It is only time consuming for me, not them, and as I work in the school system I know exactly which sites are used and I already have those sites approved and ready to go.

Also, I have spoken to my kids and they understand and agree why certain things are the way they are. I am not an oppressive parent, but then again, I don't need to apologize or make excuses for the rules of my house. My kids aren't weird, and they are exposed to enough things that I cannot control that I don't feel one bit bad about my rules on the internet or---heaven forbid---my rating locks on the TV's.

Also, there is a VERY specific reason I do not use my real name, and it has to do with a person who was in FACT stalking and harassing me. I did not have to explain or reveal that fact, but I chose to, because I am not usually a rule breaker nor am I some shrinking violet who sits around being scared of everything and everybody. But if that person just becomes a friend of a friend of mine, then they can see my name, and if they can see my name they can access my address through the internet, and they have tried diligently to do this.

I love technology and I am so grateful to be living in the age that I am living in, however, being molested as a child by a relative taught me VERY early on that anybody can hurt you at any time...and caution is NEVER a bad thing.

So, Mahone, I am very aware of the dangers of the flesh and blood people around us in our lives. I don't live in fear of them either, nor do I teach my children to be. But I do teach them moderation and diligence in ALL aspects of their lives. No apologies there! ^_^

~Peace

Edited June 4, 2009 by Tough Grits
silly typo

[Mahone]

I respect your opinion. Obviously, I don't agree, or I wouldn't do it the way that I do it.

Actually, my reasons on the password protect on unapproved sites are to protect my children from being exposed to pornography.

If my children need access due to homework assignments then I will include the sites that they need in order to do that. It is only time consuming for me, not them, and as I work in the school system I know exactly which sites are used and I already have those sites approved and ready to go.

Also, I have spoken to my kids and they understand and agree why certain things are the way they are. I am not an oppressive parent, but then again, I don't need to apologize or make excuses for the rules of my house. My kids aren't weird, and they are exposed to enough things that I cannot control that I don't feel one bit bad about my rules on the internet or---heaven forbid---my rating locks on the TV's.

Also, there is a VERY specific reason I do not use my real name, and it has to do with a person who was in FACT stalking and harassing me. I did not have to explain or reveal that fact, but I chose to, because I am not usually a rule breaker nor am I some shrinking violet who sits around being scared of everything and everybody. But if that person just becomes a friend of a friend of mine, then they can see my name, and if they can see my name they can access my address through the internet, and they have tried diligently to do this.

I love technology and I am so grateful to be living in the age that I am living in, however, being molested as a child by a relative taught me VERY early on that anybody can hurt you at any time...and caution is NEVER a bad thing.

So, Mahone, I am very aware of the dangers of the flesh and blood people around us in our lives. I don't live in fear of them either, nor do I teach my children to be. But I do teach them moderation and diligence in ALL aspects of their lives. No apologies there! ^_^

~Peace

All fair points, and I can now understand more about why you do things the way you do.

I guess my original reasoning comes from working in the education system too. I've seen schools where they worked almost to a white list (a list of allowed sites and everything else is blocked) and then others who were a lot more relaxed with their filtering. I attended an e-safety course once run by the local authority who was in charge of the filtering for about 90% of the schools in the city I lived in where they spoke out against the schools that added the extra filtering on top of the local authority filtering. The reasons for this were similar to the ones I stated above and to be honest, I agreed with them, the harsh filtering was affecting the childrens education, even with sites continually being added to the whitelist on demand.

Then I've seen other schools which are far too relaxed with their filtering, usually due to not having anyone who is actually operating the filter - it just got more and more out of date - this was some time ago now though, back when the internet was just becoming common place in schools.

But as has been stated, there are valid reasons both for and against very strong filtering and it's up to each individual how they want to operate theirs.