Hunger for Sin

[LostSheep]

I've realized something about my pornography addiction. It doesn't control my mind or my body as much as it controls my heart. When I give into temptation, it usually does not start with a thought or an action. It's hard to explain the way I feel when I go without it. Pushing it out of my head doesn't work any better than telling a starving man to not think about food. I literally begin to feel an emptiness in my heart. A hunger. I can try to think about other things, but the hunger lingers. I don't understand. Do I have to put up with this feeling of "starvation" for the rest of my life? I can't do it. I can't feel like this for the rest of my life. I don't know what to do. Please. Any advise would be appreciated.

[Hemidakota]

It does...all sin we do is first acted in the mind prior to accomplishing the actual sin itself. Now, if you succumb to the thought, do you not think action follows it? It will....

Stop making excuses and seek help...we are all sinners before the Master but seeking help and having the desire to be like the Master is the step forward in ones life then complaining and whining. Last, you need to have your place of rest blessed. I suspect there are minions who are cohabitating with you.

[Generally_Me]

Our bishop set my husband up with an addiction class that meets locally; does your ward/stake/whatever have something similar?

[sixpacktr]

My thoughts exactly. Our Stake Presidency had the addiction recovery folks come in and do a 60 min presentation on how the program works. I must say that I was impressed and the spirit was strong.

I would urge you to see this help IF you truly want to overcome this. If you don't, then this won't work any better than anything else. The Savior is there to help you, but you have to make the first move yourself.

[Misshalfway]

It has lied to your heart and you have believed it. Satan is a clever manipulator and he has you all blinded and softened your conscience as he has fettered you in the process.

You need to unwind the lies, dear friend. That is the purpose of the workbooks I have discussed so often.

Again, I wonder if Stephen Cramer's book might be a good read. "Putting on the Armor of God: How to win your battles with Satan." And you know I am gonna ditto everything the above posters have said.

Is it really true that you don't know what to do?

[LostSheep]

Our bishop set my husband up with an addiction class that meets locally; does your ward/stake/whatever have something similar?

I'm already taking an addiction recovery class.

[Misshalfway]

Let me ask you this, LS...... What mechanism(s) do you have in place to hold you to accountability?

[LostSheep]

Let me ask you this, LS...... What mechanism(s) do you have in place to hold you to accountability?

well, my parents know...

[Just_A_Guy]

LostSheep -

They say that viewing pornography releases some of the same chemicals into your brain as heroin does. Moreover, viewing pornography is a stress-coping mechanism. The pornography has ingratiated itself into your spiritual and neurological functions, and to really get away from it you're going to have to detoxify. It's going to take at least a couple of months, maybe longer. At times you may have to be physically restrained in one way or another from going after it (install internet filters for which you don't know the password; stay with friends/family members; etc). That's why it's so important to get a close friend involved with your struggle--you need someone who you can call at 2:30 in the morning when you can't sleep and the computer's down the stairs . . . and who will, if necessary, drive over to your house and bang on your door until you let them in, and sit up with you until you're able to drift off to sleep.

It will be pure Hell. But yes, things will get easier eventually.

Edited July 10, 2009 by Just_A_Guy

[DigitalShadow]

From my secular viewpoint, I think a lot of that hunger you describe is just natural human sex drive. It will become more controllable with age and when you get married it will suddenly become A LOT more controllable and won't dominate your thoughts once there is an acceptable release for those feelings. At least that's the way it happened with me. In any case, I guarantee that it will not feel like this for the rest of your life.

[ryanh]

Do I have to put up with this feeling of "starvation" for the rest of my life?

No, I don't believe for a minute that you will have to put up with it for the long-term - at least not to the degree that is hurts now. But, it will be painful for a time.

LS, you OBVIOUSLY do have a good heart - you want to quit. It's not your heart that's the problem, it is the successive layers of threads that have been wound around you to bind you down like chains. Like Just_A_Guy pointed out, this is more rooted in neurochemistry now - that's why it's an addiction.

Before I joined the church when I as a typical teenager, I accessed a bit of porn (thank goodness the internet wasn't available then!!!!!!!! I don't know how kids these days will make it). When I gave that up, there were certainly cravings. It took months to subside, but they did go away. It took longer for the memories to fade, but they did fade. It took more than a decade to forget almost every single detail of the images I saw, but it does happen. Now, just shy of two decades later, it's not an issue for me anymore - I don't have obtrusive thoughts, don't recall the images, and don't have cravings.

Be patient, stick with treatment, put controls in place like Just_A_Guy described, develop strong accountabilities like Misshalfway suggested, and hold fast to the Iron Rod. It WILL get better. But the only way out is THROUGH your issue. Giving in will only prolong the pain, and make getting out of it harder in the future.

Have your considered, or been screened for conditions that predispose you to addictions of this type? ADD / ADHD is a VERY common driver of porn addictions. If you did have ADD, treating that would go a long way in helping you overcome the impulses driving you to porn.

[dazed-and-confused]

My friend, all the other posters are absolutely correct....and i'm glad that you're in an addiction recovery class. This IS as serious an addiction as any drug, and in fact it is used the same way, to relieve stress and to feel better. So you have to expect that there will be withdrawl symptoms. Now, with drugs, one will go into detox before trearment, and that is a big help because you begin to remember what life is like without drugs. With this type of addiction, however, the detox isn't just physical, and THAT makes it more difficult, in my opinion. Plus the fact that it's too easy to cheat on your recovery, using fantasy, for instance. You have a greater need for outside help in order to keep yourself honest with whats going on in your head. Be honest with as many people as you can feel safe with, but safe means people that wont judge you too harshly for your addiction.....NOT someone that will be easy to bluff your honesty with. If you cheat in your recovery process, you with not have as good a recovery, and that leads to relapse, and THAT gets harder and you just feel more anxiety about yourself, and pain, and shame and guilt....and ALL that stress......it's a huge burden. You hyave a choice here......YEARS of all that stress, or a brief time of the stresses you feel from recovery and growth and done with it. It isn't easy, but thats all the choice that i can see that you have. There are many avenues to recovery, that is, there are many ways that you can access help...but you have to have courage. Satan will try to blind you with shame and fear so that you dont get the help you need...have courage and seek the help that is available to you......and if you think that there isn't any, then i'd have to say that you aren't looking closely enough, my friend. Know this, that i consider a friend and that wont change....i have had sexual issues in my life since early childhood, so i have a lot more experience with this stuff than you do. Trust all of your friends here, we all care about you....and when you feel so terribly wieghed down by it all, remember the source of THOSE feelings and his purpose....and reach out for help.

[LostSheep]

Have your considered, or been screened for conditions that predispose you to addictions of this type? ADD / ADHD is a VERY common driver of porn addictions. If you did have ADD, treating that would go a long way in helping you overcome the impulses driving you to porn.

I DO have ADD, but I don't really see the connection. I'm not taking any medication for it anymore. I haven't in years.

[lost87]

I've been stuck in the same place for a while LostSheep, and it really is terrible. I completely understand what is going through your head, the things that you think you are feeling in your heart, and the frustration of what seems to be a forever long struggle.

One thing that has REALLY been helping me lately, the elders in our ward apparently noticed that I seemed "down" at church and called to ask a few days later if all was well...I let them know it wasn't, and they have been coming over every few days since. The first time they came over they gave me a blessing, and we had a wonderful, tearful conversation. It has been wonderful because while they do not know the nature of my struggles, they know they are there and can relate so well (both being missionaries that started their mission at 21 rather than 19 to allow for some repentance time). Their testimonies are so helpful...I encourage you to find someone like that....or several someones like that...I've not done so yet, but they have told me to call even if it is 2:00 in the morning if I ever need anything. (though things are slightly complicated as I myself am a young single lady, but we work around that while staying within their rules). Seek a priesthood blessing...I found it odd that they used oil for the blessing, but you and I are both afflicted, and that is what the oil is for...healing the "sick and afflicted" I felt a lot of strength from the words that were said. One thing that was mentioned was D&C 121:7-8. Read it real quick.....

K now that you've read it....if not do so now :)....when he first referenced this scripture it answered so many things for me....and i think it can for you....will this last forever? NO! it will be "but a small moment", despite our difficulties in the sin, can we still be exalted? (this is a question I really struggled with) YES! through christ, all answers to any problem or difficulty can be found. I got a wonderful talk from another thread on this site...I really think it would be great for you to listen to....its called "Faith, an anchor for the soul" by bradley wilcox....its a little long, but listen to the WHOLE thing, the end is the best for you and I.

I find myself slipping back into those sins most when I allow myself to believe what Satan is trying to tell us....that we are stuck, that its something our heart needs...not really a sin, that we can't repent of it or ever change, that we'll fight it forever and never win.....it is so much better to simply trust in the promises of the savior....that our trials will be but a small moment, that even if we make mistakes He will still be there, that we can obtain all that He has, and that He loves us no matter what. When I hold on to hope, and refuse to let go regardless of how loud Satan is screaming in my head, I have the tool to stop it.

This is a forever long comment....but one other thing....for about a month I kept a little calendar in my pocket, and everyday I read and prayed both morning and night I would mark it down, but also everytime I gave into temptation, I marked it down....it wasn't surprising that most times that I gave into temptation there wasn't another mark for scripture study and prayer.

I am learning now that the Lord can really only give us the strength to overcome if we ask for it, and the best way to ask is to prove that we are willing to read and pray EVERY day, and not just pray, but sincerely cry to the Lord. Neither of us can expect to overcome the sickness if we don't take the daily medicine. I am still very much struggling with all of this, but I am starting to feel an overwhelming sense of hope that through the Lord, that struggle will become easier to bear.

Sorry this was so long....but I hope you'll cast out the doubts and fear that Satan would have us believe, and hold fast to the faith and hope (or even just hope if thats all you have at the time...I know how that goes too) that Christ is pleading with us to find.

[ryanh]

I DO have ADD, but I don't really see the connection. I'm not taking any medication for it anymore. I haven't in years.

Then I would suggest you read to understand how the condition affects you and your daily life. You have more than an addiction to fight against, and your addiction is strengthened by existing neurochemical imbalances. Sorry, but there really is a connection, and getting treated will make getting away from the porn a whole lot easier. I'll see if I can get a scan from one of the books on ADD that address the connection. But many of the books do touch upon it.

For only about 30-40% (depending on the source) of those with ADD do the symptoms disappear by the late teens/adulthood. For the remaining 60-70%, symptoms persist, and unfortunately, current medical technology's only treatment is daily medication. If you haven't taken meds for years, then you will be surprised at the variety of meds available now.

[ladykemma2]

I've realized something about my pornography addiction. It doesn't control my mind or my body as much as it controls my heart. When I give into temptation, it usually does not start with a thought or an action. It's hard to explain the way I feel when I go without it. Pushing it out of my head doesn't work any better than telling a starving man to not think about food. I literally begin to feel an emptiness in my heart. A hunger. I can try to think about other things, but the hunger lingers. I don't understand. Do I have to put up with this feeling of "starvation" for the rest of my life? I can't do it. I can't feel like this for the rest of my life. I don't know what to do. Please. Any advise would be appreciated.

the SAA (sex addicts anonymous) program addresses the hole in your soul. there is good help in the SAA program.

[ladykemma2]

Our bishop set my husband up with an addiction class that meets locally; does your ward/stake/whatever have something similar?

the lds addiction recovery program frankly sucks. go to a 12 step program like sex addicts anonymous.

[StallionMcBeastly]

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles Lost, and Lost Sheep.

All I offer is, think of how good you feel about yourself when you successfully resist temptation. Write down how proud you are of yourself, and how good you feel. Also, when you give in and sin, write down how disappointed and bad you feel after.

Before coming close to giving into a temptation, read your writings and think back to how you feel AFTER you've sinned, or how you feel AFTER you successfully resists temptation.

I think this could help give some foresight to the action when struggling with temptation.

Hope this helps.

[Laureltree]

There is a program here in SLC, Bountiful, etc.. that is SIMPLY AMAZING:) If you follow this program and do the work..the changes in your life are so wonderful:) I'm taking this class for spouses because my ex had a major addiction all our marriage. I cannot tell you the blessings I have seen and felt after starting this class, its totally worth it.

Sexual Addiction Recovery - LifeSTAR Network

Hugs and prayers to all.......

You have to decide if you want to struggle or fight for the freedom from this addiction.....:) but only you and you alone can make the changes needed in your life to free yourself from this addictions.....

your both in my prayers.....

[RainbowTrigger]

One book you might want to get into (and I highly recommend it) is Phil Harrison's Clean Hands, Pure Heart. He incorporates the 12-step program that they use for alcoholics, but in this case sexaholics.

[pam]

the lds addiction recovery program frankly sucks. go to a 12 step program like sex addicts anonymous.

I guess that's a matter of opinion and perspective. I know of someone personally who has been through this program and found it extremely helpful and useful.

[Danite]

I'm sorry your hurting , I know anything I say will be weak or stupid. some times the labor pains to be born agian are long and hard. and repentance means suffering. if it came to easy we would make a joke out of the atonement ,just as if Jesus never lived or died for us. what your going thru now, is why so many of us give up, Please understand dear sister you not a lone. I have prayed for to our Heavenly Father that he might give you a portion of his spirt as you return to him.