Maybe this will make me free...

[pam]

The advise I've been given for the longest time on this site is to get an internet filter. Now that I get one, it shows no sign that I'm trying. All it shows is that I'm being a "pitiful slave". Now I'm confused...First people are saying "You can't do this on your on, get help." Then When I do, People say "You have to do this on your own. Stop being a coward" I'm only trying to do what's right. I'm tired of this BS. I'm uninstalling Covenant Eyes and asking for my money back.

I think it's great LS that you have done this. Another tiny step in helping you to deal with an issue you have struggled with so long. Keep up the good work.

[Misshalfway]

You make a good point Misshalfway...Ozzy Osbourne WOULD make a terrible president......Oh...and thank your encouragement. I don't see it as enabling. I have gone two weeks without porn. When I felt like I was going to fail, I decided to try this software to keep me going longer.

Enabling? An internet filter?

Enabling is your mother knowing you have a problem and handing you an unfiltered laptop as she goes to knit!!!!

[Maxel]

LostSheep:

Having been addicted to pornography myself in the past, I can safely say that an internet filter is an absolutely wonderful step- especially since you realized the need for it yourself.

Christ has said the following to us in Doctrine and Covenants 50:0-41:

40 Behold, ye are little children and ye cannot bear all things now; ye must grow in grace and in the knowledge of the truth.

41 Fear not, little children, for you are mine, and I have overcome the world, and you are of them that my Father hath given me

It's not shameful that you have to put up barriers to help yourself stay on track. Consider this: what is the point of raised barriers on curved roads along a cliff? So that cars that slide or miss the turn for whatever reason don't plummet into the valley below. It is wisdom, not foolishness or weakness, to implement those kinds of barriers so that we might be protected in our moments of temptation where we would otherwise fall.

You're doing the right thing- I say this because I have experience, and this is the kind of advice given to me by 2 bishops and 3 different counselors running Addiction Recovery Programs. Continue to work on yourself and the controlling of your addiction and you will eventually be able to live without some of thsoe barriers (although I'd recommend leaving some, like an internet filter, in place).

[eternalpromise516]

LS,

you.are.so.freaking.awesome!!!

congrats on making this big and monumental step forwards in your recovery :) i have not been very active on the boards lately, as i've been overwhelmed getting my feet on the ground and outta the water since my baptism, and just trying to manage being a young college student in general! that doesn't mean that i haven't been lurking around a little, so i have been trying to keep up with how you have been doing :)

i laud you in choosing to reach out to your family, especially your mother, in receiving help to fight this. it surely takes a lot of guts, and baby you got 'em! keep up the great work. please keep us updated.

on another note, i believe that ddd's statement regarding "and the award for most melodramatic goes to..." was slightly misinterpreted, but i could be wrong. i believe that it was not directed at you, LS, but at 3%'s remark on the whole shameful thing. ddd, please feel free to correct me and if it was originally meant for LS. i can sometimes read things in a different way than what they were intended for.

congrats again!! i'm so proud of you :)

-EP

[LostSheep]

I just wanted to apolagize to 3%. I'm sorry if it sounded like I was just blowing you off. I know your intentions were good, and that you were only trying to help. Please forgive my for coming off as jerk to your responses.

[Traveler]

The advise I've been given for the longest time on this site is to get an internet filter. Now that I get one, it shows no sign that I'm trying. All it shows is that I'm being a "pitiful slave". Now I'm confused...First people are saying "You can't do this on your on, get help." Then When I do, People say "You have to do this on your own. Stop being a coward" I'm only trying to do what's right. I'm tired of this BS. I'm uninstalling Covenant Eyes and asking for my money back.

Dear Lost Sheep,

The first step to freedom is discipline. Do not be discouraged that some think of discipline as confining or a loss of freedom. Do whatever it takes to become disciplined – which means do not worry about distractions – if you could see, you would see that there is more that stand with you than the more easily discerned hoard that stands against you. It can and has been done.

The Traveler

[Moksha]

LostSheep, it is the truth that will set you free, but in the mean time I hope this spyware program does the trick for you.

:)

[Misshalfway]

LostSheep, it is the truth that will set you free, but in the mean time I hope this spyware program does the trick for you.

:)

Isn't it the truth to know when you can't do it alone without help??

[threepercent]

I just wanted to apolagize to 3%. I'm sorry if it sounded like I was just blowing you off. I know your intentions were good, and that you were only trying to help. Please forgive my for coming off as jerk to your responses.

perhaps I should apologize to you, I had just finished reading Sun Tzu's famous treatise prior to that post in a single sitting. that tends to push me towards a more militant approach to the war in heaven, and that is what you are engaged in.

I take no offense at all. like I say, I am just here for you, I have had much, much, much worse at the hands of addicts, believe me.

what the others have said about hanging in there is true. follow it. and my offer stands when you are ready.

[Kwil]

Hey LS, I'm also striving to recover from pornography addiction. I've been addicted since I was 15, and it has damaged and destroyed several aspects of my life. It has fed on my self-esteem, my confidence, my social life, my academic life, and the core of it all, my spirit. I'm also addicted to masturbation, which commonly goes along with an addiction to pornography. For the first 3 years it never occurred to me that it was an "addiction", I just labeled it as simply a bad habit that I wanted to break. Since I saw it as merely a "bad habit", I would confess to my bishop and beg to the Lord for forgiveness every time I fell short and tell myself that was the last time. It never was.

It wasn't until spring of '08, right before graduating high school, that I hit rock bottom and finally admitted I was an addict, or in other words, I was HELPLESS. I was exceedingly depressed and miserable. I was tired! I was tired of fighting! I knelt and asked the Lord for forgiveness for what I wanted to be the LAST last time. I told him I was tired of this struggle. I wanted to be done with this trial for good. I asked him to remove my disposition to give in to my addiction forever. Why couldn't I be like everyone else who doesn’t have to go through this? Or why can I not be made strong like them? A few days later something amazing happened that totally dissolved my desire to look at pornography. I was free! Free at last! For six months I received no temptation and I had no desire or compulsion to act out. I finally had cleans hands, and a pure heart! I was able to get closer to God than I ever had before while I was free from the struggle. I thought surely I was never going to go back to my wicked ways ever again.

In December '08 I had lost my pure heart, I started to have the desire to act out again and I gave in. I felt horrible, oh so horrible. I told my bishop and prayed for forgiveness. It happened again and again. And again... And again. You know the pattern. I was stuck in the cycle of misery again. It seems the Lord, in his wisdom, relieved me for a season, and then let satan tempt me again, lighting the fire of my desire, consequential of me giving in to the temptation. I've been stuck in the cycle ever since then. I've had sporadic periods of abstinence, but they've meant nothing in the long-term perspective. I want to be free of my addiction forever. I got rid of my computer. That didn't help; my dad has a computer. I told him to put a password on it. That didn't help; I found a way around it. Trying to control my urges like this didn’t help resolve my addiction for good. It did help sometimes, but when an urge of great intensity came along, I would do anything to get what I wanted. Then right after I got what I wanted, I didn’t want it! That’s an addiction for ya!

Well what am I doing now? My bishop recommended me to see a psychologist at USU and participate in a 12-week research study pornography addiction treatment program. I'm on week 5. After this, I might get into one of the LDS 12-step addiction recovery programs. I’ve learned that us addicts will always be in recovery; we’ll always be in need of the Lord’s strength and protective power. There is always a possibility of relapse, even after a lengthy period of abstinence.

If you are wishing to stop the urges to view pornography or masturbate for a time, it is possible; but if you desire to have the urges stop forever, that is impossible, unless it’s the Lord’s will. You cannot fully control 100% what thoughts are conjured in your mind; satan and your natural man instincts will always exist while you are on earth.

Fighting this war is very confusing. Let’s ask, WHAT are we fighting? We are fighting our urges, thoughts or desires that come into our mind (regardless of our will) that come from either satan or our natural man instincts. Let’s ask, WHERE are we fighting this war? Our mind, an extremely confusing place that exists somewhere and somehow between Disneyland, the economic crisis, and Tom Cruise. Yeah, that made no sense… EXACTLY. WHEN do we fight the urges? Variable, we cannot choose when we fight them. HOW do we fight them? A common answer might be: Replace the thought with another thought, but that is easier said than done. Okay, so let’s say an urge comes with variable intensity. HOW do we receive it? Is it distressing? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Do we feel guilty for having the urge? Does satan want us to feel guilty for having it? What if the thought or urge is so powerful and convincing that you become it, in a sense? -“I WANTS it!”

Those are questions that we probably should try asking ourselves a lot. Don’t think that I have the answers; I don’t know your experiences, only you do. We cannot control when the urges happen, because they will eventually happen. Will we be ready? The only way we can control our urges/bad thoughts is how we receive them. We can either make a place for them and step back and look at the thought as a thought, or be totally distressed, demoralized, and wrapped around them that it may seem that we ARE the thought. If we are comfortable with the thought or urge and not guilty as if we are the thought, it’s easier to discard it by replacing it with something better or by doing something else.

Even though it may sound like I’m a psychologist who’s got this all figured out, this is just some of the advice that I’ve received and am still playing with. Just figure I’d try to share a little bit of it and not keep it to myself. If you are serious about overcoming your addiction, seek professional help. The program I’m on right now is helping me a lot. And if it doesn’t cure me, will I give up? Never! I’ll find another program or source of help. Take courage bro, you’re not alone!

Also, remember no matter how you feel you are always worthy to pray! You are always worthy for God’s help! Will He miraculously set you free from your addiction? Maybe, I don’t know His will. But if he doesn’t, He will help you every step of the way as you try to do everything in your power to overcome your addiction! We have these great weaknesses for a reason, they have a potential to make us more reliant on the Lord and make us strong!

I'll try to keep you updated on how my treatment is going and see if I can help any. PEACE!

[prisonchaplain]

Lost Sheep, I hope you're kidding. You have support here from all but two posters, and one of those two is commenting more on the companies that produce these filters than on you. Three percent's post has a grain of truth in it. But, the other reality is that many people over come addictive behaviors with the help the external. Whether it's AA, Weight Watchers, or Nicorette, if it helps use it. Covenant Eyes sounds like a great step. Ironically, by investing money each month, you may actually be cementing your determination, and helping your find your deliverance. I say kudos to you, and don't let the detractors frustrate you.

[threepercent]

YouTube - LDS-Watchmen on the Tower

[threepercent]

Pres. Romney, “The great overall struggle in the world today is, as it has always been, for the souls of men. Every soul is personally engaged in the struggle, and he makes his fight with what is in his mind. In the final analysis the battleground is, for each individual, within himself. Inevitably he gravitates toward the subjects of his thoughts. Ages ago the wise man states this great truth “As he thinketh in his heart, so is he.” (Prov. 23:7)

“If we would escape the lusts of the flesh and build for ourselves and our children great and noble characters, we must keep in our minds and in their minds true and righteous principles, for our thoughts and their thoughts to dwell upon.

“We must not permit our minds to be come overindulged with the interests, things, and practices of the world about us. To do so is tantamount to adopting and going along with them.

Vice is a monster of so frightful mien,

As to be hated, needs but to be seen;

Yet seen to oft, with her familiar face,

We first endure, then pity, and then embrace.

(Pope, Essay on Man)

“If we would avoid the evils of the world, we must pursue a course which will daily feed our minds with, and call them back to, the things of the Spirit. I know of no better way to do this than by daily reading the Book of Mormon.

Pres. Romney “It is irrational to hope to escape the lusts of the world without substituting them, as the subjects of our thoughts, for the things of the Spirit. I know that the things of the Spirit are taught with mighty power in the Book of Mormon. I believe with all my heart, that if our young people could come out of our homes thoroughly acquainted with the life of Nephi, imbued with the spirit of his courage and love of truth, they would choose the right when the choice is placed before them.”

Pres. Romney “I counsel you to make reading the Book of Mormon, 30 minutes each day, a life long practice. All of us need the uninterrupted association with the Spirit of the Lord. We need to take the Holy Spirit for our constant guide so that we be not deceived. I am persuaded by my own experience , that of my loved ones, as well as the Prophet Joseph Smith, that one can get, and keep, closer to the Lord by reading the Book of Mormon than by reading any other book. Don't be content with what someone else tells you about what is in it. Drink deeply from the divine fountain itself.”

Pres. Benson “It is not sufficient that the Book of Mormon be found in our homes; its principles must be captured in our minds and hearts. Through consistent reading, prayerful pondering and conscientious application of principles, its teachings will become an essential part of the fabric of our lives. It can become a personal Urim and Thummin in your life.”

Pres. Ezra Taft Benson “Every Latter-day Saint should make the study of this book a lifetime pursuit. Otherwise he is placing his soul in jeopardy and neglecting that which could give spiritual and intellectual unity to his whole life. There is a difference between a convert who is built on the rock of Christ through the Book of Mormon and stays hold of that iron rod, and one who is not. There is a difference within the church, in discernment, insight, conviction, and spirit, between those members who love the Book of Mormon and those who do not.”

Pres. Romney, “I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents will read from the Book of Mormon, prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our homes and all who dwell therein. The spirit of reverence will increase; mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to the counsel of their parents. Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity - the pure love of Christ -will abound in our homes and lives bringing in their wake peace, joy, and happiness.”

Edited August 25, 2009 by threepercent

[ryanh]

All good quotes that apply to 90-95% of the populace - the main stream. But what do you say 3% to the schizophrenics that can't control the thoughts that enter their mind? How about Bipolar? ADHD? Clinically depressed? Do you count them as weak and damned?

It would be nice to see advice given that is not so absolute, but contemplates the reality of life and various situations. The advice given by you from the beginning of this thread has rubbed me wrong as overly critical and condemning. Why berate someone for setting up a safetynet? Makes no sense to me.

Edited August 25, 2009 by ryanh

[Misshalfway]

So, LS. You put on the filter and gave your sweet momma the pass word. How is it working out? What are your biggest struggles? You said you were two weeks clean. That is something. :) Is it helping you get free of the temptation at all?

[Mahone]

Lost Sheep, I hope you're kidding. You have support here from all but two posters, and one of those two is commenting more on the companies that produce these filters than on you

Oh I'm definately in support of lostsheep and I don't disagree with the path he is taking per se. I think a filter, or similar type of software is a great idea to aid him. I'm just not sure about the company (and the software they produce) he has chosen to help him go down this path and I think this is more likely to backfire at some point if it ever gets to the stage of trying to bypass it. The reason I think this is because it isn't in the least bit difficult to do so - this is unfortunately an inherent flaw in any locally installed software of this nature and something the companies who produce this software fail to mention to technophobe parents. This is also the reason you'll rarely find this type of filter/monitor software in schools.

Edited August 25, 2009 by Mahone

[Moksha]

Isn't it the truth to know when you can't do it alone without help??

That is the basis for all those helpful 12-Step Groups and they have assisted millions of participants.

[LostSheep]

Oh I'm definately in support of lostsheep and I don't disagree with the path he is taking per se. I think a filter, or similar type of software is a great idea to aid him. I'm just not sure about the company (and the software they produce) he has chosen to help him go down this path and I think this is more likely to backfire at some point if it ever gets to the stage of trying to bypass it. The reason I think this is because it isn't in the least bit difficult to do so - this is unfortunately an inherent flaw in any locally installed software of this nature and something the companies who produce this software fail to mention to technophobe parents. This is also the reason you'll rarely find this type of filter/monitor software in schools.

You make it seem like my parents are making me do this...I asked them for this, and they kept putting it off...so i bought it myself with a visa gift card I got for my birthday. Why would I waste my time trying to bypass this software, when I'm the one paying for it? Why is NO software better than software that I have to bypass to access porn? I'm not replacing my internal controls with this external control. I just want to stop looking at porn. If I have to pay $8 a month to do so, then fine. So far, thing are going great...I mean, I still have a problem with masturbation once a week, but at least I cut out the porn.

[Mahone]

You make it seem like my parents are making me do this...I asked them for this, and they kept putting it off...so i bought it myself with a visa gift card I got for my birthday. Why would I waste my time trying to bypass this software, when I'm the one paying for it? Why is NO software better than software that I have to bypass to access porn? I'm not replacing my internal controls with this external control. I just want to stop looking at porn. If I have to pay $8 a month to do so, then fine. So far, thing are going great...I mean, I still have a problem with masturbation once a week, but at least I cut out the porn.

What is the reason you purchased the software? My assumption is because you don't yet have the self control to stop yourself looking at porn when at peak temptation so you need an external control to help you. With that, you have a reason not to do it - you'd have to face your parents. So, if you don't have the internal control to prevent yourself looking at porn, why do you think you'd have the internal control to prevent yourself bypassing the external control in order to get what your body desires?

I have also not said no software is better - just that this software isn't very good. For the reasons stated above, the level of difficulty of bypassing the software is supposed to be high - at the very least it should be possible for the person checking the logs to see that there might have been an attempt to circumvent it. But with covenant eyes the difficultly level is practically nil, even though they make all sorts of contrary claims on their website.

Edited August 26, 2009 by Mahone

[Elohel]

I work in the IT field. Lostsheep's best option would be to use DNS level filtering. No sticky software, only a slight modification to the settings made in the router.

OpenDNS | Providing A Safer And Faster Internet

It has an almost 100% catch rate with pornographic material. And it FREE, no strings, and no software needed.

And, if it's any help...I attended a 12 step program for help with ceasing my pornographic viewing habits. They do help and I realized there was a deeper issue for viewing pornographic material than just physical reasons. There have been good posts and bad posts concerning how to break the habit.

What worked for me?

Realizing that pornography very much damaged my life. Realizing that pornography ruled my agency and thoughts, at times. And realizing that I should just take a step back and not beat myself up over any of this. This is an emotional battle, one where you will need all the loving support from anybody willing to give it. I can tell you that I love you more than you will ever know for trying to deal with this problem. I still struggle, at times, and what keeps me on the right track is remembering to never look back with disdain, but to keep moving forward with a perfect brightness of hope.

Remove negative feelings, and replace them with positive ones. Pornography is horrible for the soul, but that does not make you a horrible person. Yes, this is a battle, but one, in my opinion, you shouldn't dwell on unless absolutely necessary. Fight when you have to, but rest when you can. If you constantly worry, stress, fret, or feel anxious over this than Satan is getting to you. Heavenly Father loves you, supports you, and wants you to be joyful. Keep up the good work my brother, I love your honesty.

Lastly, have someone you can always confide in. My wife is so supportive of me in this. If I ever feel tempted or if I ever give in, she always comforts me and helps me to move on. I think this can be one of the best things you can do. You always have us here who are willing to help, but nothing is like having someone really there for you.

The Atonement heals brother, I believe in you!

[Mahone]

I work in the IT field. Lostsheep's best option would be to use DNS level filtering. No sticky software, only a slight modification to the settings made in the router.

OpenDNS | Providing A Safer And Faster Internet

It has an almost 100% catch rate with pornographic material. And it FREE, no strings, and no software needed.

This is more along the lines of what I was thining would be a better solution. It's a lot more difficult to bypass (providing you don't have remote or physical access to the router and it's set up correctly) and it's something which doesn't cost anything - all in all a better solution. I like the solution to be part of the LAN personally (e.g. Welcome to Express 3.0! - SmoothWall.org ) but opendns is just as good really albeit not quite as much control is given to the administrator which is why I opted not to use it for any of my personal networks. We also decided not to use it for the network at work for this reason too.

Edited August 26, 2009 by Mahone

[LostSheep]

Psh....blocking the router? That's easier to bypass than anything...All you have to do is reset it...I like the software I have. No key loggers. No IM recorders. No annoying blockers. No screen shots. That's what I want. If you don't agree with me, that's fine. We'll just say your right. But I'm keeping Covenant Eyes.

[Mahone]

Psh....blocking the router? That's easier to bypass than anything...All you have to do is reset it...I like the software I have. No key loggers. No IM recorders. No annoying blockers. No screen shots. That's what I want. If you don't agree with me, that's fine. We'll just say your right. But I'm keeping Covenant Eyes.

I did actually say providing you didn't have physical access to the router in my previous post. And I'm not trying to force you do to anything - I don't know why you appear to be so annoyed, I'm merely pointing out a flaw in your plan and it is a valid flaw. In my mind, if you have enough self control to not spend 5 minutes setting up a permanent way to bypass covenant eyes completely without your mum or anyone else knowing you have done so, you probably already have enough self control not to look up porn in the first place. I also know I would rather flaws in my plans were pointed out to me before I began rather than finding out later the hard way - but that's just me I guess.

Edited August 26, 2009 by Mahone

[ryanh]

I don't know why you appear to be so annoyed

Honestly? I think of myself as pretty dense and coarse at times, but still I thought that presentation of your ideas were lacking sensitivity or understanding.

My assumption is because you don't yet have the self control to stop yourself

Ooof, there's a nice poke in the eye!

[Mahone]

Honestly? I think of myself as pretty dense and coarse at times, but still I thought that presentation of your ideas were lacking sensitivity or understanding.

In what way were they lacking understanding? You'll find nothing factually incorrect in my posts. I'm completely confused as to how they were insensitive as well, unless you mean I shouldn't have pointed out that something hadn't been thought about here, that should really have been? If I see someone say something that is wrong and that could potentially cause problems in the future for them, why do I get slammed for pointing that out?

Ooof, there's a nice poke in the eye!

Why? Isn't that what a pornography addiction is? A lack of self control? Or am I seriously mistaken here?

Edited August 26, 2009 by Mahone