Maxel Posted September 21, 2009 Report Share Posted September 21, 2009 So, I make a lot of lame jokes. Usually I do it because I think said jokes are funny, and they usually are context-heavy so retelling them increases the lameness ten-fold. Anyone have some lame jokes which don't lose their lameness in retelling it? I promise I'll use them the first chance I get. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamie123 Posted September 21, 2009 Report Share Posted September 21, 2009 What do you call a German barber? Herr CuttHow many ears did Davy Crockett have?Three: His left ear, his right ear and the wild front earHow do you get to Carnegie Hall?Practice!How did Isiah get his name?One of his eyes was 'igher than the otherWhat do you do when you see a space man?Park in it manKnock knockWho's there?DoctorDoctor Who?Errrr....yes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostSheep Posted September 21, 2009 Report Share Posted September 21, 2009 Maxel, try looking on Laffy Taffy Wrappers...They usually have pretty terrible joke. Like... Q. Why did the girl run into the door? A. She forgot to open it. Q. Where does the general keep his army? A. In his sleevy. Q. What kind of brush do you use to comb a bee's hair? A. A honey comb. Q. Where can you find an ocean without water? A. On a map. Q. Why do bees have sticky hair? A They use honey combs (Not sure what Laffy Taffy's facination is with honey comb jokes) Q. What kind of trees sew? A. Pine trees, they always have needles around. Q. What do you call a monkey who loves potato chips? A. A chipmonk Q. What do sneezes wear on their feet? A. Ahh-Shoes Q. What's red and not there A. No tomatoes Q. What kind of bean can't grow? A. A jelly bean Q. How do you keep a fish from smelling? A. Put a clothes-pin on its nose. Q. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? A. To get to the bottom. Q. What's green,black,white,black,green? A. Two peppers fighting an Oreo...(I'm not even sure that should count as a joke ) Q. How does a man on the moon get his hair cut? A. Eclipse it. And... Q. What do you get when you cross a grape with a lion? A. A grape nobody picks on Hope these are bad enough for ya Max. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted September 21, 2009 Report Share Posted September 21, 2009 Man where's the groan button on this thread? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostSheep Posted September 21, 2009 Report Share Posted September 21, 2009 Hey, they're not MY jokes Pam... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted September 21, 2009 Report Share Posted September 21, 2009 I also wouldn't be groaning at you. Just the jokes. hahaha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenamarie Posted September 21, 2009 Report Share Posted September 21, 2009 Q: What did the fish say when it swam into the wall? A: Dam! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iggy Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 What's invisible and smells like worms? Bird farts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FunkyTown Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 What do you get when a canary flies in to a fan? Shredded tweet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
interalia Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 Prolly my personal favorite and I've heard many derivations: Two muffins were put in the oven. One muffin turned to the other and said, "Man it's hot in here!" The other muffin look at the first and exclaimed, "Holy crap a talking muffin!" Always gets me. I'm laughing now. How sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamie123 Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 What do you get when a canary flies in to a fan?Shredded tweet.LOL reminds me of that famous scene from The Vicar of Dibley:Vicar: So, what do you call a budgie that's been run over by a lawnmower?Alice: I don't know; what do you call a budgie that's been run over by a lawnmower?Vicar: Shredded tweet.Alice: So the budgie's dead, then?Vicar: Yes, I should think so. It's shredded tweet!Alice: [upset] Poor little thing! It didn't even see the lawnmower coming. How could it know that death was just round the corner?Vicar: Alice, look, I'm not going to tell you these jokes any more if you're going to keep on responding like this. It's not a real budgie, OK? It's not a real lawnmower; it's just a joke!Alice: So the budgie's not dead?Vicar: No. It never got born.Alice: Never got born?Vicar: No.Alice: [More upset than ever] Poor little thing! Oh, so much beauty. So much potential; it never got born. Never saw the light of the sun, or felt the gentle rustling of the breeze through its feathers. Never went "tweekle, tweekle, tweekle, give me my Cottle Fizz."Vicar: Get out now. Go on, get out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamie123 Posted September 25, 2009 Report Share Posted September 25, 2009 If it wasn't for venetian blinds, it would be curtains for all of us! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted September 25, 2009 Report Share Posted September 25, 2009 Where are those darn tomatoes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Xzain Posted September 25, 2009 Report Share Posted September 25, 2009 How about this as a lame joke: You're a big dummy-head! Hahahaha.... Love you anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jameslentz Posted September 25, 2009 Report Share Posted September 25, 2009 what time is it when it is time to go to the dentist? tooth-hurty!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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