On living together before marriage?

[bmy-]

OR.....maybe his testimony isn't fully formed yet.

At least Bmy is honest. He says things straight unlike some other members who talk the peter priesthood but do other things when everyones back is turned.

Wow. Talk about using someones words against them. Is it possible for people to change their minds? Come on, you are a girl! For us we can feel and say all sorts of opposites. Anyway being 21 is all about trying on different hats. Give the kid a break.

Her (:))comments are fine. I made those comments and stand by them today. It's very easy to be blunt on the internet.. and taking offense seems like a silly thing to do.

Thank you everyone for your responses. I've read through the thread and will try to answer most of the points. I'm looking for opinions, suggestions, and advice.. not debate. I may be 'cavalier' in regards to my beliefs.. but I strive to make educated decisions in just about every facet of my life. I did the same thing when I joined this wonderful Church. I was honest with the missionaries and my bishop about my beliefs and habits, they counseled me to join in spite of them, glad I did

Edited December 2, 2009 by bmy-

[Wingnut]

His comments are fine.

His who?

[beefche]

Haha, Wingy! Welcome to the avatar/username is ambiguous so it must be a he! It's a fun club--Vort is one of the few men who have strayed into the he is a she thought.

[Dravin]

It's understandable confusion.

Wingnut carries connotations of craziness. Since we all know that women are perfectly sane the assumption that Wingnut is a man is understandable.

:whistle:

[Wingnut]

Well, it's funny, because Halfers made the comment that I should understand the mind-changing thing because I'm a woman.

[Dravin]

Well, it's funny, because Halfers made the comment that I should understand the mind-changing thing because I'm a woman.

You passed up a chance to have fun with it, play into his assumption and then mention giving birth, it'd be good for at least a few moments confusion. :)

[bmy-]

His who?

He is the default, I suppose I think I read the comments as "you are a woman!" as a slight dig, my mistake

You passed up a chance to have fun with it, play into his assumption and then mention giving birth, it'd be good for at least a few moments confusion. :)

And when the thread suddenly vanishes.. Catastrophe averted.

Edited December 2, 2009 by bmy-

[MarginOfError]

There is nothing inherently wrong with cohabitation, and the Church has been easing off of its no tolerance attitude toward it for a few years now. But it still strongly discourages cohabitation between romantically interested partners. The obvious reason is the temptation for immorality, but there is a less obvious and equally important reason--at least by my reckoning.

Hop on this train:

When we are baptized we make a covenant to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light.

We already have precedent of commandments given to the weak and the weakest of the saints.

And we sometimes avoid doing things that are not inherently wrong because doing so helps the weaker-willed of our brethren avoid doing the same thing that my lead them into sin.

[NeuroTypical]

I'm looking for opinions, suggestions, and advice.. not debate. I may be 'cavalier' in regards to my beliefs.. but I strive to make educated decisions in just about every facet of my life.

Well, best wishes to ya bmy-. And remember - even if you end up a daddy at 22, you're welcome here.

(At least you should be - some folks might have a hard time of it.)

LM

[bmy-]

Well, best wishes to ya bmy-. And remember - even if you end up a daddy at 22, you're welcome here.

(At least you should be - some folks might have a hard time of it.)

LM

That's my nightmare (having a kid, not being unwelcome here ). Sex isn't worth the potential consequences.

[MarginOfError]

That's my nightmare (having a kid, not being unwelcome here ). Sex isn't worth the potential consequences.

I beg to differ.....oh, you mean premarital sex...okay, I'll give you that one.

[popstop785]

All I know it is one of the few things that can instantly make a person no allowed to serve a mission.

If you love a girl, you don't need to live with her to really find out. Also, it puts you at risk of breaking the law of chastity and believe me, you don't want to do that. Don't question the rules, just follow them and be happy.

Besides, it's one of the benefits of getting married, you get to live with the woman you love. Why take away one of the benefits and make the union of marriage less special?

From one guy to another, don't do it. The risks are not worth it, trust me.

[Jenamarie]

Some questions to consider, if you do decide to move in with her:

What will you do about the lease if you DO discover that you don't want to marry ehr? (assuming you're getting your own place and not moving in with parents)

Who will cover the fines for an early termination of a lease?

What if you can't afford to pay the fee's of terminating your half of the lease, and she can't afford to pay for the lease on her own? Are you willing to take the hit to your credit? (also, early termination of a lease will make it more difficult to get an another apartment in the future)

What will you do with any communal property that you purchase together for the apartment if you break up? (a tv, or a couch, or bed sheets).

Will you be allowed to drive eachother's cars? What will you do if one of you gets in an accident while driving the other's car?

Do you see what I'm getting at? Moving in together isn't as simple as it sounds. Breaking up with a live-in girlfriend due to "incompatability" will be just as difficult and potentially costly as a divorce. And you'd be acting like a married couple, except with out the physical blessing of sex (don't underestimate the potent power of sexual-tension!), or the priceless blessings of a Temple Sealing, which can help you see your relationship through the hard times (which WILL come, no matter how well you know your spouse pre-marriage).

I knew my husband for 6 months before we got married, and I can't say there were any huge shockers after we started living together. We asked the hard questions prior to kneeling at the alter, and relied on the power of prayer to help us learn to accept eachother's foibles. Are there things about him I wish I could change? Sure. But they are far, far, FAR out numbered by the things I love about him. And I learned about all those things the old-fashioned way. :)

[Bini]

It may be possible for a romantically involved couple to avoid sex while living together but unlikely. I moved into my boyfriend's house prior to getting married and I can tell you that avoiding intimacy would have been pure torture. Unfortunately, I was inactive and he's not a member -- so it was an easy mistake for us to make.

In regards to "test-driving" a partner. I've always just called that "dating". Then you follow your gut instinct and commit to that person. You take the good, the bad and work through it all.

[Churchmouse]

I don't really see anything wrong with living together before marriage. My mom and dad and I lived together before I got married.

[Churchmouse]

Evidently,"test driving " a partner must not work to well. The stats I see show the divorce rate higher among those that lived together before marriage than those that didn't. Must be some poor drivers out there.

[nmdesertrose]

Evidently,"test driving " a partner must not work to well. The stats I see show the divorce rate higher among those that lived together before marriage than those that didn't. Must be some poor drivers out there.

Brings a whole new meaning to backseat drivers doesn't it?

[bmy-]

Evidently,"test driving " a partner must not work to well. The stats I see show the divorce rate higher among those that lived together before marriage than those that didn't. Must be some poor drivers out there.

Links to studies would be greatly appreciated.

I believe you, but they're interesting to me. It's a bit counter-intuitive. As PC mentioned.. it may just be that it starts you off with the wrong attitude. Instead of "this will work, because we'll make it work" it's "well, if it doesn't work.."

[bmy-]

Do you see what I'm getting at? Moving in together isn't as simple as it sounds. Breaking up with a live-in girlfriend due to "incompatability" will be just as difficult and potentially costly as a divorce. And you'd be acting like a married couple, except with out the physical blessing of sex (don't underestimate the potent power of sexual-tension!), or the priceless blessings of a Temple Sealing, which can help you see your relationship through the hard times (which WILL come, no matter how well you know your spouse pre-marriage).

I knew my husband for 6 months before we got married, and I can't say there were any huge shockers after we started living together. We asked the hard questions prior to kneeling at the alter, and relied on the power of prayer to help us learn to accept eachother's foibles. Are there things about him I wish I could change? Sure. But they are far, far, FAR out numbered by the things I love about him. And I learned about all those things the old-fashioned way. :)

It's not nearly as simply as it sounds. Someone else raised this concern earlier.. that the stuff would not be "ours" yet, and that's a huge sticking point. The mentality is all wrong. This is the exact reason I started this thread -- for insight.

It's definitely not a good idea. I don't find it morally wrong but I do see some major snags. Unfortunately, we're not ready for a temple marriage.. and we've already agreed to do it the 'normal' way. We'll wait the year and then go from there. Of course, that's after we've been engaged and it's a ways in the future.. so things can always change. By we're not ready.. I mean that I am not ready. Faith isn't something you should fake.

Edited December 3, 2009 by bmy-