Gay couple as roommates

[yotoman]

I'm somewhat confused on what to do right now. I am currently living in an apartment with 3 bedrooms. My roommate (The one moving out) that has the bedroom with a private bath is the room a 2 gay guys want to rent. (Each pays $170 a month per room...we sign a contract to pay that much each...even if someone moves out I still pay $170...however, the rental unit wants people in these rooms, so I am finding them.

Across from my room is an empty room I am going to be renting out to a foreign exchange student. So we will share the big bathroom.

The gay couple will be in the room in the front of the apartment. Separate bathroom, but we all share the laundry room which is in the closest of their room.

The guy I met is really nice and he agree to not show affection and such...but I'm not sure if the rental place will accept 2 people in one little room...not sure.

I feel like I need to follow the Church non-discrimination stand on this one. They recently supported that in Utah, but I want to be careful.

I will fast tomorrow and ask the rental people on Monday or Tuesday.

[pam]

I think the first order of business is to find out what the rules would be of 2 people sharing the room.

If they are okay with it, personally, if they are respectful of house rules as well as everyone else..I don't see a problem.

[yotoman]

Definitely. The guy I met is actually from Arizona and he said he had a lot of Mormon friends so I think this will work out fine, but I've never been placed in a situation like this before. I am the one making decisions...not my parents or mission president so it's really new to me.

Thanks Pam for responding so quick...it's bothering me just a little.

[pam]

There has to be lots of communication. These two also have to realize that while you don't necessarily approve of their lifestyle, you can cohabitate as roommates in the same rental unit. There just needs to be lots of talking about what everyone is comfortable with. Respectful of everyone will be key.

[Moksha]

I once had some gay guys living across the hall. They were great neighbors in that they would bring goodies over whenever they baked and they were quite. Can you ask for better neighbors than that?

[Dravin]

I once had some gay guys living across the hall. They were great neighbors in that they would bring goodies over whenever they baked and they were quite. Can you ask for better neighbors than that?

A pair of beautiful straight Mormon gals of sound values living across the hall who bring over goodies and with at least one of them interested in me?

I mean, I can ask right? :)

[Moksha]

A pair of beautiful straight Mormon gals of sound values living across the hall who bring over goodies and with at least one of them interested in me?

I mean, I can ask right? :)

I'de like to buy into that pipe dream as well. Let's make me young again and have the two Mormon gals bear a striking resemblance to Heather Locklear and Denise Richards. Oh, and have them whisper anything in French while I eat the yummy baklava they brought over. Are you in on this upgrade too?

[pam]

Some reason I don't see this as answering the OP's question.

[Moksha]

Advice? Go talk to your Bishop ahead of time. No need to buy into down the pike trouble.

[Iggy]

I'm somewhat confused on what to do right now. I am currently living in an apartment with 3 bedrooms. My roommate (The one moving out) that has the bedroom with a private bath is the room a 2 gay guys want to rent. (Each pays $170 a month per room...we sign a contract to pay that much each...even if someone moves out I still pay $170...however, the rental unit wants people in these rooms, so I am finding them.

Across from my room is an empty room I am going to be renting out to a foreign exchange student. So we will share the big bathroom.

The gay couple will be in the room in the front of the apartment. Separate bathroom, but we all share the laundry room which is in the closest of their room.

The guy I met is really nice and he agree to not show affection and such...but I'm not sure if the rental place will accept 2 people in one little room...not sure.

I feel like I need to follow the Church non-discrimination stand on this one. They recently supported that in Utah, but I want to be careful.

I will fast tomorrow and ask the rental people on Monday or Tuesday.

What if it was a man/woman couple (not married) instead of the gay couple? Would you have the same question? As long as they are not going to be groping/fondling/etc in the common areas of the apartment, there should be no problems.

The apartment managers should have NO say as to who can move in, other than can they financially afford it, and are they good renters (references from previous landlords re: are they messy, do damage, have loud parties, listen to LOUD music, etc. NOT what gender, race, religion, sexual preferences, etc. they are/prefer)

As a female, who in her youth had more than her share of room mates, I would have preferred gay couple room mates. Male homosexuals, by and large, are much neater and quieter than their female counterparts.

[NeuroTypical]

Being able to genuinely love someone despite the things they do, is a very worthy goal that involves a lot of maturity. Learning the line between righteous and unrighteous judgement, condoning behavior vs. not condoning, civil disagreement vs being a jerk, all good stuff to know. I strive to get better at it myself.

LM

[pam]

What if it was a man/woman couple (not married) instead of the gay couple? Would you have the same question? As long as they are not going to be groping/fondling/etc in the common areas of the apartment, there should be no problems.

The apartment managers should have NO say as to who can move in, other than can they financially afford it, and are they good renters (references from previous landlords re: are they messy, do damage, have loud parties, listen to LOUD music, etc. NOT what gender, race, religion, sexual preferences, etc. they are/prefer)

As a female, who in her youth had more than her share of room mates, I would have preferred gay couple room mates. Male homosexuals, by and large, are much neater and quieter than their female counterparts.

The only reason about whether the two of them could move in came up, some places have rules about the number of people that can be in one apartment or one bedroom.

[pam]

I actually think the whole thing is a wonderful teaching opportunity. To show that members of the Church can be tolerant (to a point) of alternate lifestyles. We're not saying we condone the lifestyle but we can love the people.

[Dravin]

What if it was a man/woman couple (not married) instead of the gay couple?

Actually I think that is a great way to think about it. The concern with having a pair of gay roomates move in is law of chasity violations. Other things like roudy parties or drugs would be independant of their orientation

As the place isn't mine I don't feel I'd be in a position to oppose somebody on those grounds, how many people violate the law of chasity by either brining people home with them (if there are rules against that then an unmarried couple poses problems regardless of orientation), or by viewing porn?

As long as they understand anyone making out in the common areas (straight or gay) will be met with retching noices or rolled eyes...

[yotoman]

These are some great comments. I guess I'm worried about hiding it from my parents because they have freaked out in the past with this friend I had that wasn't even gay! But they heard rumors and thought he was going after me...he was like 40 something.

I mean...my parents are crazy. I'm 22 but they still feel like they need to intervene.

I could talk to my bishop. I thought about that. I should find out the rules first. It's a small room for two people, but they said they don't need much to be happy.

[pam]

No your parents aren't crazy, they are being parents. Since I'm old enough to be your mom, I would probably be concerned in the same way they are. Just because you are 22 doesn't mean they stop worrying. Heck my mom still tries to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing and I'll be 53 this month.

Did I just admit that out loud?

[Dravin]

No your parents aren't crazy, they are being parents. Since I'm old enough to be your mom, I would probably be concerned in the same way they are. Just because you are 22 doesn't mean they stop worrying. Heck my mom still tries to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing and I'll be 53 this month.

Did I just admit that out loud?

It's okay Pam, we all know you are dyslexic and that you're actually only 35. :)

[Jenamarie]

No your parents aren't crazy, they are being parents. Since I'm old enough to be your mom, I would probably be concerned in the same way they are. Just because you are 22 doesn't mean they stop worrying. Heck my mom still tries to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing and I'll be 53 this month.

Did I just admit that out loud?

You're old enough to be my mom too.

[pam]

Why thank you JenaMarie for pointing that out as well.

[pam]

It's okay Pam, we all know you are dyslexic and that you're actually only 35. :)

Darn keyboard. Always blame the keyboard.

[yotoman]

No....my parents are a little crazy. You don't know half the stuff they do! lol But yes, i do appreciate their concern, but they tend to go overboard with it! I have to put my foot down or just leave.

[Wingnut]

I'm confused...are you the landlord? Do you have a final say as to who gets to move in there? If not, then why are you asking the question? If you are the landlord, then you need to know what the fire code is for the apartment -- is it zoned for four people or just three? If it's only for three, there's nothing you or they can do about it. If you're not the landlord and you just live there but aren't sure you're comfortable with it, you don't have to adopt the non-discrimination ideas if you personally aren't comfortable with it. There's a big difference when it comes to your own living space. If it were me, I don't think I would be comfortable sharing an apartment with a heterosexual romantically involved couple. It automatically creates an exclusivity, which can be awkward, and then there's the general weirdness of knowing that while you're studying or watching your favorite show, or not able to sleep for whatever reason, they could be one wall away having sex. It would just be a little weird for me, even with a straight couple.

[Gwen]

It automatically creates an exclusivity, which can be awkward, and then there's the general weirdness of knowing that while you're studying or watching your favorite show, or not able to sleep for whatever reason, they could be one wall away having sex. It would just be a little weird for me, even with a straight couple.

so did you have issues when you were young living with your parents? .... what about when your kid gets older? no more sex once they are old enough to know you MIGHT be doing something when they are home? lol

[Guest mormonmusic]

I think there's another issue -- if you do rent to them. The Proposition 8 issue has created a wider rift between gays and Mormons. So, issues of sexual orientation would likely be really touchy in conversation. I'm not saying don't rent to them -- but if you do, you'll need to decide how you're going to handle any Church questions or Church talk you might find yourself into -- if any -- with these people. Could get ugly and make living under the same roof really unpleasant if you don't handle any discussions in a way that isn't offensive.

Edited December 6, 2009 by mormonmusic

[yotoman]

Well, they have Mormon friends, and they don't seem like the argumentive kind.