The LDS stance on birth control???

[Daughter_of_Helaman2709]

Hello!

I know I haven't posted in awhile, and for that, I am sorry. Many of you know that I am a convert, and I am taking steps to enter the temple next month, and to marry within the next year, also in the temple.

My question is this: What is the official Church stance on birth control within marriage? I have always thought that children were not a responsibility to be taken lightly, and that starting a family should come after much prayer and preparation... but what if you never feel prepared? I, for one, am terrified that I will be an awful mother, that my children will hate me, et cetera, based mostly upon my fear and lack of experience with children. I believe, though, that it is my responsibility to bring Heavenly Father's children to this earth... as many of them as I and my husband can responsibly care for.

I don't want to do anything that would compromise my baptismal covenants, or the covenants I am about to make in the temple. If my ideas are not in line with Church teaching, then I intend on praying and fasting for conversion.

Please help.

Kate

[Wingnut]

Birth Control

Children are one of the greatest blessings in life, and their birth into loving and nurturing families is central to God’s purposes for humanity. When husband and wife are physically able, they have the privilege and responsibility to bring children into the world and to nurture them. The decision of how many children to have and when to have them is a private matter for the husband and wife.

****************

God has a plan for the happiness of all who live on the earth, and the birth of children in loving families is central to His plan. The first commandment He gave to Adam and Eve was to “be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28). The scriptures declare, “Children are a heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Those who are physically able have the blessing, joy, and obligation to bear children and to raise a family. This blessing should not be postponed for selfish reasons.

Sexual relations within marriage are not only for the purpose of procreation, but also a means of expressing love and strengthening emotional and spiritual ties between husband and wife.

Husband and wife are encouraged to pray and counsel together as they plan their families. Issues to consider include the physical and mental health of the mother and father and their capacity to provide the basic necessities of life for their children.

Decisions about birth control and the consequences of those decisions rest solely with each married couple. Elective abortion as a method of birth control, however, is contrary to the commandments of God.

[Honor]

A great resource I've used many a time is the Eternal Marriage Student Manual. It's pretty much an encyclopedia of scriptures and quotes from prophets and GA's regarding different subject pertaining to marriage.

Eternal Marriage Student Manual

“I am offended by the sophistry that the only lot of the Latter-day Saint woman is to be barefoot and pregnant. It’s a clever phrase, but it’s false. Of course we believe in children. The Lord has told us to multiply and replenish the earth that we might have joy in our posterity, and there is no greater joy than the joy that comes of happy children in good families. But he did not designate the number, nor has the Church. That is a sacred matter left to the couple and the Lord. The official statement of the Church includes this language: ‘Husbands must be considerate of their wives, who have the greater responsibility not only of bearing children but of caring for them through childhood, and should help them conserve their health and strength. Married couples should exercise self-control in all of their relationships. They should seek inspiration from the Lord in meeting their marital challenges and rearing their children according to the teachings of the gospel’ (General Handbook of Instructions [1983], p. 77)” (Cornerstones of a Happy Home, 6).

Edited January 27, 2010 by Honor

[MarginOfError]

Is it our understanding that we are to propagate children as long and as frequently as the human body will permit? Is there not any kind of “gospel family-planning,” for lack of a better way to say it?

Homer Ellsworth, “I Have a Question,” Ensign, Aug. 1979, 23–24

Dr. Homer Ellsworth, gynecologist and former member of the Melchizedek Priesthood General Committee I hear this type of question frequently from active and committed Latter-day Saint women who often ask questions that are outside my professional responsibilities. Here are some of the principles and attitudes I believe apply to this fundamental question, a question most couples ask themselves many times during their child-bearing years.

I rejoice in our basic understanding of the plan of salvation, which teaches us that we come to earth for growth and maturity, and for testing. In that process we may marry and provide temporal bodies for our Heavenly Father’s spirit children. That’s basic, it seems to me. In contemplating this truth, I also take great delight in the Church’s affirmative position that it is our blessing and joy, and our spiritual obligation, to bear children and to have a family. It impresses me that the positive is stressed as our goal.

I rejoice in our understanding that one of the most fundamental principles in the plan of salvation is free agency. The opportunity to make free agency choices is so important that our Heavenly Father was willing to withhold additional opportunities from a third of his children rather than deprive them of their right of choice. This principle of free agency is vital to the success of our probation. Many of the decisions we make involve the application of principles where precise yes-and-no answers are just not available in Church handbooks, meetings, or even the scriptures.

Our growth process, then, results from weighing the alternatives, studying the matter carefully, and seeking inspiration from the Lord. This, it seems to me, is at the heart of the gospel plan. It has always given me great joy and confidence to observe that in their administration of God’s teachings, our inspired prophets do not seek to violate this general plan of individual agency, but operate within broad guidelines that provide considerable individual flexibility.

I recall a President of the Church, now deceased, who visited his daughter in the hospital following a miscarriage.

She was the mother of eight children and was in her early forties. She asked, “Father, may I quit now?” His response was, “Don’t ask me. That decision is between you, your husband, and your Father in Heaven. If you two can face him with a good conscience and can say you have done the best you could, that you have really tried, then you may quit. But, that is between you and him. I have enough problems of my own to talk over with him when we meet!” So it is clear to me that the decisions regarding our children, when to have them, their number, and all related matters and questions can only be made after real discussion between the marriage partners and after prayer.

In this process of learning what is right for you at any particular time, I have always found it helpful to use a basic measuring stick: Is it selfish? I have concluded that most of our sins are really sins of selfishness. If you don’t pay your tithing, selfishness is at the heart of it. If you commit adultery, selfishness is at the heart of it. If you are dishonest, selfishness is at the heart of it. I have noted that many times in the scriptures we observe the Lord chastising people because of their selfishness. Thus, on the family questions, if we limit our families because we are self-centered or materialistic, we will surely develop a character based on selfishness. As the scriptures make clear, that is not a description of a celestial character. I have found that we really have to analyze ourselves to discover our motives. Sometimes superficial motivations and excuses show up when we do that.

But, on the other hand, we need not be afraid of studying the question from important angles—the physical or mental health of the mother and father, the parents’ capacity to provide basic necessities, and so on. If for certain personal reasons a couple prayerfully decides that having another child immediately is unwise, the method of spacing children—discounting possible medical or physical effects—makes little difference. Abstinence, of course, is also a form of contraception, and like any other method it has side effects, some of which are harmful to the marriage relationship.

As a physician I am often required to treat social-emotional symptoms related to various aspects of living. In doing so I have always been impressed that our prophets past and present have never stipulated that bearing children was the sole function of the marriage relationship. Prophets have taught that physical intimacy is a strong force in strengthening the love bond in marriage, enhancing and reinforcing marital unity. Indeed, it is the rightful gift of God to the married. As the Apostle Paul says,

“The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband; and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” Paul continues, “Depart ye not one from the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” (JST, 1 Cor. 7:4–5). Abstinence in marriage, Paul says, can cause unnecessary temptations and tensions, which are certainly harmful side effects.

So, as to the number and spacing of children, and other related questions on this subject, such decisions are to be made by husband and wife righteously and empathetically communicating together and seeking the inspiration of the Lord. I believe that the prophets have given wise counsel when they advise couples to be considerate and plan carefully so that the mother’s health will not be impaired. When this recommendation of the First Presidency is ignored or unknown or misinterpreted, heartache can result.

I know a couple who had seven children. The wife, who was afflicted with high blood pressure, had been advised by her physician that additional pregnancy was fraught with grave danger and should not be attempted. But the couple interpreted the teachings of their local priesthood leaders to mean that they should consider no contraceptive measures under any circumstances. She died from a stroke during the delivery of her eighth child.

As I meet other people and learn of their circumstances, I am continually inspired by the counsel of the First Presidency in the General Handbook of Instructions that the health of the mother and the well-being of the family should be considered. Thirty-four years as a practicing gynecologist and as an observer of Latter-day Saint families have taught me that not only the physical well-being but the emotional well-being must also be considered. Some parents are less subject to mood swings and depression and can more easily cope with the pressures of many children. Some parents have more help from their families and friends. Some are more effective parents than others, even when their desire and motivation are the same. In addition, parents do owe their children the necessities of life. The desire for luxuries, of course, would not be an appropriate determinant of family size; luxuries are just not a legitimate consideration. I think every inspired human heart can quickly determine what is a luxury and what is not.

In summary, it is clear to me that couples should not let the things that matter most be at the mercy of those that matter least. In searching for what is most important, I believe that we are accountable not only for what we do but for why we do it. Thus, regarding family size, spacing of children, and attendant questions, we should desire to multiply and replenish the earth as the Lord commands us. In that process, Heavenly Father intends that we use the free agency he has given in charting a wise course for ourselves and our families. We gain the wisdom to chart that wise course through study, prayer, and listening to the still small voice within us.

The Church has no formal stance on birth control. You are free to use it or not use it as you see fit. However, if you have fears about being a parent, I would suggest you seek out some form of counseling (maybe through your bishop, home teachers, visiting teachers, relief society president, etc).

You may also want to read some books on parenting. Get some different points of view and try to come up with a concept of what kind of parent you want to be.

Also, you could take the Church course "Marriage and Family Relations," or the Institute course on eternal marriage.

Lastly, I would point out that how you parent has very little to do with whether you are an effective parent. What matters more is the quality of person you are. If you are a good person, with good morals and good habits, your children will most likely grow up to be the same, in spite of your efforts to corrupt them.

Personally, I think your fear of parenting smells of a self-esteem problem (no offense), and you should address your self-image. If you do so, you'll find that parenting really isn't all that hard.

[Honor]

Also, you could take the Church course "Marriage and Family Relations," or the Institute course on eternal marriage.

The study guide and teacher's manual for the class MOE mentioned is available online as well.

Marriage and Family Relations Participant's Study Guide

Marriage and Family Relations Instructor's Manual

[Wingnut]

Sorry, I only skimmed the OP the first time through. I read it more thoroughly this time.

... but what if you never feel prepared?

You never will.

[NeuroTypical]

Everyone here is posting the relevant quotes on what the church teaches.

Be prepared, though, for the occasional good-intentioned but prying busibody who figures it's her business to "put the young couple on track". :)

Just try not to kick her.

LM

[eternalpromise516]

OP,

i'm so glad to see you back here! and i'm so freaking happy you're going to the temple for your endowment soon, as well as being sealed. that's amazing! i remember when you first joined the site and you were a recent convert. i've now been baptized as well, back in june :)

sorry this doesn't have anything to do with your question, but i had to post a reply anyways. come back here more often! :)

[annamaureen]

Be prepared, though, for the occasional good-intentioned but prying busibody who figures it's her business to "put the young couple on track". :)

I had an older female member tell me once that birth control was sinful. I politely replied, "oh, interesting, that's not what the church teaches." She didn't have much of an answer!

[Bini]

I never really consider what the Church's stance is on this. I always felt it was our decision (husband and I) whether or not we use it. But I can tell you one thing. I have no intentions on getting pregnant every other year between now and until I hit menopause.. I prefer my body intact :] Pluuus Filipinas are notorious for being extremely fertile, that just passing by a member of the male species, is enough to get you preggers!

[Blackmarch]

Hello!

I know I haven't posted in awhile, and for that, I am sorry. Many of you know that I am a convert, and I am taking steps to enter the temple next month, and to marry within the next year, also in the temple.

My question is this: What is the official Church stance on birth control within marriage? I have always thought that children were not a responsibility to be taken lightly, and that starting a family should come after much prayer and preparation... but what if you never feel prepared? I, for one, am terrified that I will be an awful mother, that my children will hate me, et cetera, based mostly upon my fear and lack of experience with children. I believe, though, that it is my responsibility to bring Heavenly Father's children to this earth... as many of them as I and my husband can responsibly care for.

I don't want to do anything that would compromise my baptismal covenants, or the covenants I am about to make in the temple. If my ideas are not in line with Church teaching, then I intend on praying and fasting for conversion.

Please help.

Kate

THe LDS believe that families are of the utmost importance, however the manner and time that you take build one is between you, your spouse, and God.

So I guess the best answer is that the Church really doesn't have one, other than maybe to not shirk parenting. From the word of wisdom that all things must be done in moderation and wisdom.

[talisyn]

Daughter_of_Helaman2709 (love your name, btw), I thought I was ready for motherhood. Oldest of 8 kids, read up an everything I could find, etc. But nothing prepared me for the moment I held my very tiny daughter in my arms and knew that I was totally responsible for her. It was humbling. Whether you think you're prepared or unprepared know that as co-creators with God Himself you will receive the blessings needed when the time comes. And there is no one on this planet that will ever love you as much as your beautiful children (even when they're teens ).

Birth control or no birth control is a choice for only you and your husband. I haven't heard any condemnation of any means except abortion. It's a matter of can you handle the hormone flux of pills, can you make condom use a habit, stuff like that. Good luck!

[Elgama]

I am still not prepared for Motherhood and I got 3 kids

[Blackmarch]

I am still not prepared for Motherhood and I got 3 kids

I don't think anyone is every truly prepared for Mother or Father-hood.

[ferretrunner]

OP,

If part of your concern is not having experience with kids, then why not ask if you could help out in primary or in the nursery? Remember, though, they're not your kids. From what I understand, there's a huge emotional bond with your own kiddo. So, changing diapers isn't such an awful experience. =)

Read up on parenting. Information may help you feel less overwhelmed. I actually like the show Super Nanny. Jo basically demonstrates how some basic concepts have tremendous impact on the children: respectful, age appropriate discipline, listening and learning about your kiddos, and having fun!

Any way you slice it, parenting is hard. No one is ever really "ready." It's also a process. Parents learn as they go.

As for the matter of using bc or not- pray, follow your conscience, and talk with your partner in the decision. You both have stake in this.

Congrats on your preparation for the Temple!

[Vanhin]

And just for trivia...

By way of policy, the Church discourages surgical sterilization (including vasectomy), and it should only be considered for serious health reasons, or if a person is mentally incompetent, and unaccountable for their actions.

Regards,

Vanhin

[Daughter_of_Helaman2709]

Thank you all for your caring replies. I am currently a nursery leader, and am finding that the quiet children love to curl up with me and hide behind my skirts (which just makes me giggle) and that I have a certain knack for calming the crying ones. Apparently, I have more of the "mom gene" than I thought, haha.

;-D

Kate

[john doe]

And just for trivia...

By way of policy, the Church discourages surgical sterilization (including vasectomy), and it should only be considered for serious health reasons, or if a person is mentally incompetent, and unaccountable for their actions.

Regards,

Vanhin

Serious health reasons being: having too many kids can drive some people crazy?