Question about going through proper channels

[applepansy]

Hi Applepansy! I do miss our chats. Life just got too difficult to handle for a bit. When we last spoke, I didn't think it could get worse, but it did. The divorce process was even worse. I'm in counseling for domestic violence and that is helping a lot.

I do not expect church leaders to have any sort of super human power to stop the abuse or wave a magic wand and make him repent. Nor do I expect they could change the way abusers manipulate the courts (that is happening to me too). They can only hold the abuser accountable within the authority they are given. That's all I would like to see....

(I believe our area authority is David L. Cook. I'm just not sure how to contact him.)

Secretsister

A letter or email to Church Headquarters addressed to him? I don't know. I'll call them on Monday and ask.

[Hemidakota]

Elder Jay E. Jensen is over the Northeast area.

[Maureen]

I am so shocked by some responses to this thread.

secretsister, you have a sincere desire to protect another woman from the possibility of also becoming abused by your ex and another poster tells you that that's her problem. It's hard to believe that some posters on this forum don't believe in being their brother's or sister's keeper.

I hope that you get the answers you're looking for and someone in leadership can truly help.

M.

[Guest mormonmusic]

Wow, he abused his own child as well? My goodness, my heart goes out to you. I am so happy that you and your little ones are now safe. I think you have EVERY POSSIBLE RIGHT to ensure that he is held accountable for his actions so he does not hurt anyone anymore.

Now, I think you've got something that priesthood holders should be aware of -- evidence with the state papers you mentinoed. I wasn't aware there was a convictino or that children were involved when I read your opening post.

You should make the people above aware.... there would normally be some kind of disciplinary action for child abuse. Priesthood leaders were also supposed to call a help line to figure out what to do if they became aware of it. I've been in priesthood training meetings on this very issue, and there's a pretty hard line taken on it.

Also, a person who has abused a child needs to have his membership record annotated so priesthood leaders don't put him in places where he can harm the innocent. This is how we protect others.

Edited June 12, 2010 by mormonmusic

[Dravin]

I do not recall ever saying anything about leaving the church.

You said the following:

The way the church has handled it is shaking my faith like never before.

Admittedly you used relative language so for all we know your faith has never had so much as a tremor and this is simply a small 1.005 on a scale of 1 to 10, but generally (not always) statements talking about things shaking your faith like never before carry the implication of a potential loss of that faith and subsequent separation from the Church. As a result people where offering what advice they felt appropriate to try to shore up your faith.

In a lot of ways you've kinda got an institutional memory (the board) working against you when you don't fit the mold.

I am NOT being eaten alive inside.

Regardless that is how you come/came across and thus why statements were aimed with such an assumption in mind (from some). I'm not trying to tell you the advice is correct (you get what you pay for), I'm just explaining why people (some of them) are most likely (in my estimation) offering the advice they are. *shrug*

Edited June 12, 2010 by Dravin

[mrmarklin]

its not physical - it involved things like trapping her in a toilet cubicle and telling her how bad she was, humiliating her in class, telling her not to talk to Mummy about it etc. It was a year ago and my daughter is only 6, by the time she really let us have a small idea of what had happened she was also starting move on and recover, my daughter is safe right now, and whilst I have to consider others she comes first and I don't think reopening it for her by making her go to court etc would be helpful to her. This time last year she was having panic attacks that were investigated as seizures they were so severe. Now we don't have them, she is beginning to smile again the little girl I had at 2 is returning. She endured nearly 3 years of this and we had no idea.

Trapping someone in a toilet cubicle is possibly a tort called false imprisoment and may also be a crime. Civil authorities should have been notified. In my non-legal opinion, this is also actionable in the civil courts. It sounds like your child suffered and may be suffering severe psychological damage for which she should be compensated. Frankly, I'd consult an attorney.

If the church authorities know about this, this person should not be anywhere near any position of authority around children. The local church authorities should have taken some action. The church has an 800 number for just these situations.

[Elgama]

Trapping someone in a toilet cubicle is possibly a tort called false imprisoment and may also be a crime. Civil authorities should have been notified. In my non-legal opinion, this is also actionable in the civil courts. It sounds like your child suffered and may be suffering severe psychological damage for which she should be compensated. Frankly, I'd consult an attorney.

If the church authorities know about this, this person should not be anywhere near any position of authority around children. The local church authorities should have taken some action. The church has an 800 number for just these situations.

Actually under Scots law if she felt physically threatened it was assault and its criminal not civil I am aware of the legal situation but as far as I am concerned we do this as least painfully for my daughter as possible, we have moved on so much, and so has she. She was 5 when it happened and has the chance to put this well and truly behind her. It can take upto a year for a case like this to be heard and can invoilve a massive circus.

[Suzie]

Actually under Scots law if she felt physically threatened it was assault and its criminal not civil I am aware of the legal situation but as far as I am concerned we do this as least painfully for my daughter as possible, we have moved on so much, and so has she. She was 5 when it happened and has the chance to put this well and truly behind her. It can take upto a year for a case like this to be heard and can invoilve a massive circus.

Elgama, on the other side, if nothing is done (report to the police) she is now free to go and hurt other children.