Have you ever turned down a calling?

[carlimac]

And as far as excuses, I don't buy it. At least all the ones you've tossed out as examples.

.

Not excuses- real life situations. Not mine but ones I've been aware of. Try explaining to the medical school that you can't respond to an emergency because you have to go to a cub scout meeting. Uh...might as well flip burgers for the rest of your life. I'm sure the Lord IS aware of our situations in life and doesn't expect us to accept callings unwisely. I saw a brand new mother with a month old baby (the 5th child under the age of 9) get called to RS president. She was a capable person in general, but I saw her kids start acting up and I saw her own confidence and coping skills falter with the weight of responsibility. There must have been at least a dozen other women in the ward at the ready who could have filled that calling. Young motherhood is trial enough without adding unneccessary burdens.

Elder Russell M Ballard said, " As a result of their focusing too much time and energy on their Church service, eternal family relationships can deteriorate. Employment performance can suffer. This is not healthy, spiritually or otherwise. While there may be times when our Church callings require more intense effort and unusual focus, we need to strive to keep things in proper balance. We should never allow our service to replace the attention needed by other important priorities in our lives. Remember King Benjamin’s counsel: “And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength” (Mosiah 4:27)."

"As mortals, we simply cannot do everything at once. Therefore we must do all things “in wisdom and order” (Mosiah 4:27). Often that will mean temporarily postponing attention to one priority in order to take care of another. Sometimes family demands will require your full attention. Other times professional responsibilities will come first. And there will be times when Church callings will come first."

And from an article by John C. Taggart in the Aug. 2010 Ensign, "A wise bishop will take into account a family’s circumstances before calling the able sister to serve as Relief Society president at a time of great, if temporary, stress. And the wise young mother or her husband will not withhold from the priesthood leader circumstances that might diminish her ability to serve or that would interfere with other, more important obligations. To ask the leader to take such things into account is not the same as declining to serve. Even those who earnestly seek the inspiration of heaven in extending callings need to know what is happening in your life to “study it out in [their] mind” .

These statements ring true to me. No need to be so hard on ourselves or feel so terribly guilty if we are in a season of life that just doesn't jive with a particular calling. The important thing is to be serving the Lord in some way, even if it's something small and simple, (like head chalkboard eraser cleaner) "By small and simple things are great things brought to pass." Alma 37:6

[MarginOfError]

Ok, this topic really has my dander up.

I'm an ex'd member. I was mercifully and gratefully given a calling. I guess its a case of the grass is greener, but I am so happy to have a calling that I thanked God profusely for it. I'm doing my best to perform and learn as much as I can with this calling.

To have a discussion as to whether to accept or not is asinine. ACCEPT! If you-all were in a position that you could not have one, cannot take the sacrament, cannot say a prayer in a church group then I hope you would feel differently about callings. However, I hope you never are in that position.

One word, Faith.

I think you have idealized and over-simplified the process. I work with the bishopric weekly to try and fulfill all the responsibilities in the ward. Many of the callings are inspired. Many are given because we need to fill a hole. Occasionally, a calling is given because it's been neglected, and we call someone we know will give it the attention we feel it needs to have.

There are times when the inspiration isn't who needs to be called, but only what needs to be accomplished. And in a number of cases, I've heard the bishopric say that if they had known more details about a person's situation, they wouldn't have extended the call. There have also been times that they've extended the call in spite of a person's situation.

I think that it would be a mistake to say that all callings are inspired. Some callings are extended following inspiration; some callings are extended following confirmation; and some callings are extended following administration. As long as all callings are extended with the intent for furthering the spiritual progression of the ward/stake membership, I don't see a problem with any such calling.

[LDSVALLEY]

I think you have idealized and over-simplified the process. I work with the bishopric weekly to try and fulfill all the responsibilities in the ward. Many of the callings are inspired. Many are given because we need to fill a hole. Occasionally, a calling is given because it's been neglected, and we call someone we know will give it the attention we feel it needs to have.

There are times when the inspiration isn't who needs to be called, but only what needs to be accomplished. And in a number of cases, I've heard the bishopric say that if they had known more details about a person's situation, they wouldn't have extended the call. There have also been times that they've extended the call in spite of a person's situation.

I think that it would be a mistake to say that all callings are inspired. Some callings are extended following inspiration; some callings are extended following confirmation; and some callings are extended following administration. As long as all callings are extended with the intent for furthering the spiritual progression of the ward/stake membership, I don't see a problem with any such calling.

Sometimes even inspired callings are not done correctly. A few years ago my wife was called as a councilor in Young Woman's. She was specifically told one of her roles was to "fix" the presidency because the President was unorganized.

Since we are supposed to accept callings she accepted this even though both her and I felt it was wrong. Since we had three young children I had to give up being active in my Ward Clerk calling since I was unable to attend the meetings we held on Wednesdays. She struggled with an improper calling as it should never be a councilor's role to fix a Presidency that is the role of a Bishop. A councilor is to support and help not to correct their Leader in all things. To keep it short things did not go well and the stress created stress for both of us at church and at home. The only blessing was it was short lived, the Presidency was dissolved a few months later.

[carlimac]

In a ward I was in a few years ago, the YW presidency had to be reorganized about 4 times because the counselors called kept going inactive or moving away shortly after being called. The president was so frustrated.

[Justice]

Suppose we have the stomach flu on the day we are supposed to fill a cannery assignment.

Assignments and callings are very different things. There may be days when you cannot attend church or perform your calling. Suppose you're a teacher and you're out of town over the weekend for vacation or a funeral. That doesn't mean you should not accept the calling for the weeks you will not be able to perform your duties.

I still see this as a black and white issue.

Service is one of the things that separates our church from others. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ we serve. The list of ways we serve each other is long. Christ set the example by giving of Himself so completely to the Church, the analogy was that He was married to it.

You are right. He does not expect us to spend every waking hour in church service. But, considering what He has done for us, He's not asking very much in return.

[Justice]

...etcetera.

In every one of your examples, and any other you can think of, it would be appropriate to discuss your concerns with the Bishop. If, after a discussion with him, he still wishes you to accept the calling, after making him aware of all of your concerns, then you should accept.

To suggest that there is any reason why you can't perform a calling is to doubt the Lord's ability to assist you. It really doesn't matter if it's the right calling. I happen to believe there are any number of callings people can be called to and the Lord will agree.

[carlimac]

To suggest that there is any reason why you can't perform a calling is to doubt the Lord's ability to assist you.

Completely disagree!

[Wingnut]

I happen to believe there are any number of callings people can be called to and the Lord will agree.

And some of us happen to believe otherwise.

[Guest mormonmusic]

In every one of your examples, and any other you can think of, it would be appropriate to discuss your concerns with the Bishop. If, after a discussion with him, he still wishes you to accept the calling, after making him aware of all of your concerns, then you should accept.

To suggest that there is any reason why you can't perform a calling is to doubt the Lord's ability to assist you. It really doesn't matter if it's the right calling. I happen to believe there are any number of callings people can be called to and the Lord will agree.

Ouchy on this one. I'm going to be frank about my beliefs.

In some wards, there is no confidentiality. All it takes is one Ward Council leader to tell their spouse and then the cat is out of the bag, and some issues are deeply personal. I operate on the assumption there is little or no confidentiality in our particular Ward, because as a former leader, I knew all kinds of stuff I shouldn't have -- without even searching for it. People just let stuff slip, depending on their professionalism, ability, and personal judgment.

I'm a very private person -- there's no way I'm going to share personal details until I'm ready to. I don't want to have to share deeply personal matters with people when there's a strong possiblity others may know things I don't want them to know.

So, when it comes to callings -- I don't think refusing a calling because you don't think you can perform is always born out of doubt either -- sometimes it comes from a lack of desire on my part. Time and time again, the Lord has indicated he wants commitment "hot or cold, or I will spew you out of my mouth". He wants us to pay tithing willingly, not grudgingly, for example, and to magnify callings.

Personally, as a leader, I want people who are on fire about what they are doing, or at a minimum, engaged in the work of my organization -- not half-hearted, not unreliable -- but engaged and contributing as best they can. They can be inexperienced, make mistakes, etcetera, but I want them anxiously engaged.

Too often people accept callings and then don't function. I would much rather they refused the calling and told me some areas they were interested in that I could consider and run through my judgment/inspiriation, rather than accept a calling out of duty and then not do it.

I'd like to align the work of the Lord with their passions as best I can.....and if I'm off, I want to hear about it so I can find something better for them.

I think the "never say No" to a calling is a cultural opinion in our Church, definitely not doctrine, and something that causes as much hardship as good.

[Suzie]

I think that it would be a mistake to say that all callings are inspired. Some callings are extended following inspiration; some callings are extended following confirmation; and some callings are extended following administration. As long as all callings are extended with the intent for furthering the spiritual progression of the ward/stake membership, I don't see a problem with any such calling.

I don't see the problem either, unless the calling following "administration" or filling a "hole" is given to the member and worded as "inspiration". I do have a problem with that. I rather them NOT to say anything and just extend the call.

[Suzie]

You are right. He does not expect us to spend every waking hour in church service. But, considering what He has done for us, He's not asking very much in return.

That's true. I would like to emphasize that members should see service BEYOND Church callings. There are MANY, inspirational people out there whose lives are dedicated to service and they are not in the Church. Sitting down in a meeting for a few hours doesn't ring "service" to me (IMO). Going to feed the poor or care for the less fortunate yes (again IMO).

[Guest mormonmusic]

That's true. I would like to emphasize that members should see service BEYOND Church callings. There are MANY, inspirational people out there whose lives are dedicated to service and they are not in the Church. Sitting down in a meeting for a few hours doesn't ring "service" to me (IMO). Going to feed the poor or care for the less fortunate yes (again IMO).

Agreed -- and I think serving because you feel you HAVE to in order to be a good LDS person, rather than for a sincere desire to bless others can be taxing emotionally....

[Justice]

It's not about what we want. It's about trusting the Lord and exercising faith.

I think we should seek service above and beyond our calling, as mentioned above. But, I believe the first place we should serve is in the church.

I don't want this to turn into an argument. And, I'm certainly not going to tell you it was easy to accept all the callings extended to me. But, in the end, I've grown from each and every one of them.

The Lord doesn't need us. He will fulfill His promises even if He has to come and of it Himself. We need Him, and serving in His church is one way we can gain His added grace.

We grow when stretched.

I go back to my first statement, that it all depends on where you think the call comes from.

[Guest mormonmusic]

I go back to my first statement, that it all depends on where you think the call comes from.

I agree -- that's the premise upon which the conflicting conclusions are based.

However, I'm comfortable with variance in opinion Justice -- and I respect your way of looking at it. I had your perspective for several years and it was a comfortable place for me until certain life circumstances happened to me.

Being believing yet non-believing at the same time, and happy through it all, is truly an artform, and much more difficult to maintain/manage than the simple, admirable and consistent faith you show here.

[Wingnut]

I think we should seek service above and beyond our calling, as mentioned above. But, I believe the first place we should serve is in the church.

Really? You don't think we should serve in our own families first?

[LDSVALLEY]

Several people are saying things are black or white on this issue. Oddly enough I must be my own color call it Med green that's a nice color.

Simply put

I believe most callings are inspired by most Leaders as with all things there are always the exceptions.

In our Ward I honestly think they are 99% of the time inspired.

I believe (as I stated earlier) the issue is the manner the Leaders are praying.

It is not enough to pray and ask blanket questions like who can fill this calling, or should member X be called to this position etc.

1 Callings must be in line with Church guidelines and purposes or they will not work.

2 The Leadership needs to find out back ground information on a person before an interview.

3 Of course callings need to be inspired of the Lord.

4 A clear vision of the calling must be explained and extended.

5 The importance of the calling should be explained.

6 A member should be properly trained in the actual role not what the outgoing person thinks it is. (from experience they can be very different.)

7 A Leader should do a followup interview after a period of time, month or two.

Most often I find the issues relate to number 1 and 2. As humans we constantly alter things to make them work better, the problem comes when we alter so much we stray from what the Lord has laid out and then can't figure out why it's not working.

I have not yet ever refused a calling however I have no problem telling a Bishop or Stake President that I need to go pray and inquire of the Lord on my own because I have not felt revelation. Or refusing it if I did not get that confirmation from the Lord. If people accept calling simply because the church culture says they should they most often will not do an inspired job.

Too often I have heard leaders downplay the importance of a calling to make it seem easy, that is one reason why so many refuse. I used the opposite tack when I was an Auxiliary Leader, I spent time explaining the importance of the calling and how it effected other people for good or bad depending on how they did the calling.

I will say to date every calling I have been given other then my very first, I knew in advance it was coming because the Lord would tell me a week or two before it came along.

[zippy_do46]

I think and believe sometimes we serve our families when we accept a calling. I believe it shows them Heavenly Father is first then family. They need to know that everyone needs to have their own personal relationship with Heavenly Father. That sometimes means you will miss an event of the family to be able to build the relationship with your Heavenly Father by doing a calling. Somehow we must teach our children a balance of life which includes God, Family, and Church.

Edited September 28, 2010 by zippy_do46

[Justice]

Really? You don't think we should serve in our own families first?

My comment was addressed toward the types of service mentioned in the post I was referring to, like feeding the hungry, clothing the naked... etc.

I do not think family should be neglected while performing any kind of service, especially church service. However, nor do I think that it's either serve your family or serve in the church. One should maintain a healthy balance. One can serve in the church and perform all family functions.

My point is to try. If you do your best and it doesn't work out then at least you gave it your best effort. Then you're in a much better position to approach the Lord and the Bishop for further counsel and possibly a less time consuming calling.

[Moksha]

It really comes down to where you think the call comes from.

That is a hard one for LDS to ascertain, since many LDS see some form of divine guidance in all things.

[Misshalfway]

That is a hard one for LDS to ascertain, since many LDS see some form of divine guidance in all things.

I think the truth is that some callings come from God. Others come because the bishop needs a warm body. When in doubt, serve anyway.

[carlimac]

Some posters on here make it sound like to reject a calling is to reject God and the church- throw the poor baby out onto the lawn with the bathwater. It doesn't have to be that way. I think EVERYONE should have a calling or assignment of some sort. Some seasons of life are inappropriate for some callings (in my ever so humble opinion). When we are in the really stressful, physically demanding and exhausting seasons of life, I believe with all my heart that it's perfectly appropriate to say to the bishop, after seeking the Lord's guidance, "I'm not able to accept this calling right now but please consider me for a Sunday only calling or a weekday only calling, or whatever fits better. I DO want to serve in some capacity! "

If we pray sincerely and look deep into our hearts, I think we all know when we are just looking for an excuse to not have to do something hard or on the other hand, when our hesitations are legitimate and we should reject the calling. I can't believe a loving Father in Heaven would condemn us for honestly trying to maintain balance and sanity in our lives. And I believe He wants us to think for ourselves rather than blindly going along. I know bishops always want members to say yes and with a big smile. But bishops DON'T want another mental case on their hands if it's just too much.

I'm afraid that this whole guilt trip some of you are trying to send us on is a ticket to depression, anxiety, frustration, and resentment. We are all different. The Lord gave all of us different capacities and gifts. Some can run a six ring circus and some can't. Some have panic attacks when speaking in public. Some can tap dance, sing and juggle in front of an audience all at the same time with no fear. The Lord knows this. Sometimes bishops don't know this. Sometimes they are miraculously inspired to call some oddball person to a position without knowing why. Sometimes they just need helping hands no matter how inadequate. Sometimes we need to just get out of our comfort zone to grow and develop a latent talent by accepting a calling that seems all wrong. Sometimes we NEED to say no. And that is OK.

Now a postscript. After much thought, prayer, discussion, meetings with the bishop and more prayer my husband has decided to accept the calling. It still seems preposterous given the circumstances. The bishop has downplayed the calling as being "no big deal" and has given my husband permission to be missing half the time. (whatever! That's purely a guy thing) I still don't believe it's a wise calling. It will put an added strain on him and our family at a vulnerable time for us. But I am certain that some blessings will come of it, too. Is he the only one who can do it? NO! Is he the one the Lord has picked out for this calling right now? I'm not convinced of that, either. But my husband is willing (but not especially eager) and capable. I'm reluctant and will have to learn even more patience. But I've agreed to it, too. And I won't complain once he is set apart. This will happen in a few weeks. So now you know "the rest of the story".

Edited September 29, 2010 by carlimac

[Guest mormonmusic]

It still seems preposterous given the circumstances. The bishop has downplayed the calling as being "no big deal" and has given my husband permission to be missing half the time. (whatever! That's purely a guy thing)

I've run into this before as a leader. You end up with someone reporting to you that has been told by the Bishop at the outset they only have to serve half-way. And so, as a leader, you've got this person who is only half-committed. It's situations like that which make it hard on the leaders. It can be disheartening when you're committed, stretched, and wanting to build a committed, vibrant auxiliary.

You've got me wondering if my new philosophy that you can't have your heart set on acheiving things in the Church to be happy as a leader is a good attitude. When Bishops coax people to serve with promises they can be uncommitted and still serve, its a recipe for underachievement. Perhaps we should embrace it and just be thankful for the experiences people DO get out of their calling, even if they are uncommitted?

There is a hidden price to the leader to whom the not-very-committed person reports....I was lurking on another discussion forum recently, and someone made the comment that "people serving in non-leadership positions in the Church are likely the happiest". I think situations like this are part of the reason why....perhaps having lesser expectations for what you will accomplish as a leader in the Church is the antidote.

Edited September 29, 2010 by mormonmusic