Engagement/wedding advice

[slamjet]

One more thing... try not to please everyone. We requested a certain officiator who was the son of this 92-year-old lady we visit as she said we should, and I'm starting to regret it.

So as not to offend anyone, we requested the Temple to assign someone. It turned out to be a very nice experience.

I think we get caught up in trying to include everyone in some way in the occasion. It may be best to try to be relaxed and let everyone celebrate at the reception and try to keep families and friends involvement to a minimum. Then one does not need to compete nor negotiate with personalities, disagreements and worries about creating hard feelings.

[mnn727]

Then invite everyone to the reception afterward and party. Also, don't forget to save the top tier of your cake for your first anniversary!

That is so disgusting, year old freezer burnt cake YUCK!

Save the freezer room and take your spouse out to eat for a decent meal on your anniversary.

[slamjet]

That is so disgusting, year old freezer burnt cake YUCK!

Save the freezer room and take your spouse out to eat for a decent meal on your anniversary.

Ok, ok. The reason why is not to have a yummy piece of cake. It's to pull it out of the freezer, attempt to eat it, but more important, playback the wedding and all the stuff that happened in the first year of marriage.

Gee wiz people, does it all have to be doom and gloom?

From here:

There is hardly a bride today who can't resist saving the top layer of her multitiered cake. Most couples freeze the cake with the intention of sharing it on their first wedding anniversary. The tradition has its roots in the late 19th century when grand cakes were baked for christenings. It was assumed that the christening would occur soon after the wedding ceremony, so the two ceremonies were often linked, as were the cakes. With wedding cakes becoming more and more fancy and elaborate, the christening cake quickly took a back seat to the wedding cake. When three-tiered cakes became popular, the top tier was often left over. A subsequent christening provided a perfect opportunity to finish the cake. Couples could then logically rationalize the need for three tiers --- the bottom tier for the reception, the middle tier for distributing and the top for the christening. As the time between the weddings and the christenings widened, the two events became disassociated, and the reason for saving the top tier changed. Regardless of the underlying reason, when the couple finally does eat the top tier, it serves as a very pleasant reminder of what was their very special day.

[Dravin]

Gee wiz people, does it all have to be doom and gloom?

It's doom and gloom not to buy into a particular cultural peculiarity?

Edit: The following is not aimed at slamjet.

Honestly I think this culture does its best (or maybe more fairly projects an ideal in popular culture) to turn weddings into a spectacle (not talking about eating frozen cake) and a relative and friend status grab, either directly or vicariously, and cheapens the event.

Edited February 17, 2011 by Dravin

[slamjet]

It's doom and gloom not to buy into a particular cultural peculiarity?

All I did was mention it in the spirit of the thread topic and title :) Then all heck breaks loose accusing me of attempting to poison the couple Now I'm left feeling like a fool for mentioning it

Did I mention the need for the groom to toss the leg garter?

[Dravin]

All I did was mention it in the spirit of the thread topic and title :) Then all heck breaks loose accusing me of attempting to poison the couple Now I'm left feeling like a fool for mentioning it

You're fine. I'm just one of those people that find tradition to be a lacking argument unless it's my personal tradition. Nothing wrong with people eating freezer burned cake for their anniversary. And my above post is not trying to accuse you of cheapening weddings. I'm just an ornry cuss about some things and wedding traditions is one of them.

Did I mention the need for the groom to toss the leg garter?

Another tradition I'm not particularly into.

[mnn727]

Us ornery cusses need to unite

'Tradition' is never reason enough.

My wife (girlfriend at the time) sat down and talked about the wedding/sealing in advance and wanted nothing other than what we wanted -- Parents wishes and tradition be danged.

To us: just being a Temple sealing was enough, we didn't want anything to attempt to upstage it. We both made a Covenant with each other and with God that day -- that was special enough for us.

Edited February 17, 2011 by mnn727

[Dravin]

Us ornery cusses need to unite

'Tradition' is never reason enough.

True, but once combined with personal meaning it becomes powerful. It's just wedding traditions are, for a number of them and for me personally, lacking in personal meaning. For some these traditions have personal meaning while for me they don't, and there is nothing inherently wrong with that (assuming your tradition is not to eat a newborn baby as part of the ring ceremony or something).

Edited February 17, 2011 by Dravin

[ryanh]

I’ve done the traditional wedding celebration, with dinners, temple, and reception afterwards. It was fun, but looking back, highly overrated, and not worth it.

I suggest keeping it as simple as possible. It'll cost three times as much as you plan, and be twice as hard to pull off, so focus on keeping it as simple as possible is my $0.02.

Also, it is FAR to easy for spiritual aspects of a marriage to be lost amid all of the temporal 'demands'. Your time in the temple will be very brief compared to all of the other events unfortunately.

As far as prioritizing the budget . . .

#1 - by far should be your honeymoon IMO. Photos, silk flowers, frozen cake tops, etc, etc are all fun and represent memories and are good, but pale in comparison to the time you will spend together on your honeymoon. That’s the time to take photos and write journal entries. (and no, I’m not talking about physical relations – just the chance to spend 24/7 together and talk about every topic imaginable in a completely uninterrupted setting). You don't have to go somewhere extravagant, but go somewhere, away from all of the rest of life, and spend at least a week together. Leave the cell phones off, the computers at home, and just take it easy and enjoy. This marriage is for YOU TWO, not everyone else. What you do in the temple, and on your honeymoon will be the most impactful to YOU. What memories and special occasions you give to everyone else will do very little to get your marriage off on the right foot. Spending your resources on the honeymoon will contribute to getting your marriage off on the right footing.

[Jenamarie]

I'm worried about this. I've just discovered I have very few friends who are endowed. However, my future mother-in-law feels the need to invite everyone, and my mother just glares at me and says this is also about her. She's inviting all of her close friends, and it might get scary.

Call the Temple and request the smallest Sealing room that will still fit the people YOU want to be there, then have them put a note next to your name saying that only YOU or your DH is allowed to reschedual/request a room change. That way you can say "Sorry, there just isn't room for so-and-so"

[Jenamarie]

Oh, and get to the Temple early! My DH and I got to spend an hour completely alone (well, +1 Temple Matron) in the Oakland Temple Celestial Room just prior to our Sealing ceremony. We also drove there (2 hours) alone. It was SO nice! We were away from the crowd of family and friends that had come together for the wedding. Away from all the last minute planning. Away from the last-minute-advice-givers. It was just US in that beautiful, sacred room, looking ahead to the journey we were about to embark on, and letting it sink in where we were hoping that journey would eventually end. It is my most precious memory of our wedding day.

[Wingnut]

I'm worried about this. I've just discovered I have very few friends who are endowed. However, my future mother-in-law feels the need to invite everyone, and my mother just glares at me and says this is also about her. She's inviting all of her close friends, and it might get scary.

My mom did the guilting. My mother-in-law frequently reminded me that this was my wedding (and my husband's), not hers. My mom tried to guilt me into inviting her bishop that I didn't like, and all her friends in the ward who were helping out (substantially, if I'm honest) with the reception. Thing is, I can't stand pretty much anyone in her ward. I moved my records to the singles branch after I started dating my husband just to get out of that ward. One of my husband's dealbreakers was a small ceremony, and my mom kept guilting me with comments to the effect that I owed those people or something. Finally, my husband announced that if he had to, he would stand at the door to the sealing room and turn people away if he had to. That effectively ended the conversation.

What? Just after I was married, they started charging to use the church to cover utilities. Did something change?

I've never heard of such a thing, but if you were in Utah or an area where the churches are in near-constant wedding reception use, I can understand.

Of course if my Mom went crazy off the deep end I'd probably just uninvite her (and I'm being serious here).

More sounding like my husband. Maybe it is the facial hair...except he didn't have it when we were engaged.

[mordorbund]

For some these traditions have personal meaning while for me they don't, and there is nothing inherently wrong with that (assuming your tradition is not to eat a newborn baby as part of the ring ceremony or something).

See, that's exactly the kind of mistake to be made on a starter baby and not your own.

[Guest]

Dravin, I understand your point about mothers...

But, take into consideration this quote from 10 Things About You (it's a father talking but you can apply the same thing to mothers):

(talking to his daughter about moving to a college on the other side of the country):

"You know fathers don't like to admit it when their daughters are capable of running their own lives. It means we've become spectators. Bianca still let's me play a few innings - you've had me on the bench for years. When you go to Sarah Lawrence, I won't even be able to watch the game. "

I like this quote because it gives a really good perspective about the relationship of a parent to a child. We spend all those years loving and caring for them and then they go out on their own and we're not included in their lives anymore.

So... it was really cool about my sister and her wedding. If it were up to her, she'll have 1/10th the wedding she had. But, my dad insisted on a giant celebration (his first daughter to give away - I eloped, so he never got the chance) and, since my dad was paying, she told him to "knock himself out". My mom planned the whole reception thing, my sister concentrated on the spiritual aspects.

Everybody wins and my parents were the happiest and proudest parents of the century.

Yes, I tell my parents not to run my life (hey, did I tell you I eloped?), but when it comes to celebrating happy events - we let them have their moments to share in their kids' milestones. We are happy to let them have at it.

My father has cancer now. And we're all right there for him. I am content that he has lived a happy life and that he can look at his kids with pride in his eyes tempered by deep love.

Ok, everytime I talk about my father I get sentimental. I need to get a grip.

[Dravin]

More sounding like my husband. Maybe it is the facial hair...except he didn't have it when we were engaged.

He had it, it just lurked beneath the surface. At any rate he sounds like a smart man.

Edited February 17, 2011 by Dravin

[Dravin]

So... it was really cool about my sister and her wedding. If it were up to her, she'll have 1/10th the wedding she had. But, my dad insisted on a giant celebration (his first daughter to give away - I eloped, so he never got the chance) and, since my dad was paying, she told him to "knock himself out". My mom planned the whole reception thing, my sister concentrated on the spiritual aspects.

Hey if she wants to pay for it and plan it (with my sweetie's permission of course) I'd be perfectly happy to let her knock herself out. I don't want you to think I'm completely insensitive to her feelings, but if I need to put my foot down I will, and if I need to put it down hard I will. As it stands I don't expect it to be an issue, she leans more my direction on the idea of receptions instead of the Momzilla side of things and is quite willing to let us have our day not her day.

Edited February 17, 2011 by Dravin

[Wingnut]

But, take into consideration this quote from 10 Things About You (it's a father talking but you can apply the same thing to mothers):

(talking to his daughter about moving to a college on the other side of the country):

"You know fathers don't like to admit it when their daughters are capable of running their own lives. It means we've become spectators. Bianca still let's me play a few innings - you've had me on the bench for years. When you go to Sarah Lawrence, I won't even be able to watch the game. "

Of all the possible lines you could quote from that movie, you pick the most serious one of all?

He had it, it just lurked beneath the surface. At any rate he sounds like a smart man.

He had facial hair when we met, but by the time we started dating, he was a temple ordinance worker, and had shaved it. But you're right...he is a smart man. He married me, after all.

[Backroads]

Dravin, I understand your point about mothers...

But, take into consideration this quote from 10 Things About You (it's a father talking but you can apply the same thing to mothers):

(talking to his daughter about moving to a college on the other side of the country):

"You know fathers don't like to admit it when their daughters are capable of running their own lives. It means we've become spectators. Bianca still let's me play a few innings - you've had me on the bench for years. When you go to Sarah Lawrence, I won't even be able to watch the game. "

I like this quote because it gives a really good perspective about the relationship of a parent to a child. We spend all those years loving and caring for them and then they go out on their own and we're not included in their lives anymore.

So... it was really cool about my sister and her wedding. If it were up to her, she'll have 1/10th the wedding she had. But, my dad insisted on a giant celebration (his first daughter to give away - I eloped, so he never got the chance) and, since my dad was paying, she told him to "knock himself out". My mom planned the whole reception thing, my sister concentrated on the spiritual aspects.

Everybody wins and my parents were the happiest and proudest parents of the century.

Yes, I tell my parents not to run my life (hey, did I tell you I eloped?), but when it comes to celebrating happy events - we let them have their moments to share in their kids' milestones. We are happy to let them have at it.

My father has cancer now. And we're all right there for him. I am content that he has lived a happy life and that he can look at his kids with pride in his eyes tempered by deep love.

Ok, everytime I talk about my father I get sentimental. I need to get a grip.

I just bought that movie on blu-ray!

The thing with me is that I would be perfectly happy doing the temple equivalent of wandering over to the courthouse. I honestly don't care either way. If my mom wants to have fun, I let her. I don't have any strong feelings against it. You might call me a people-pleaser, but hey, that's what I do.

[slamjet]

My brother let my mom have fun. It turned very complicated.

[beefche]

Thank you all for the suggestions and thoughts. I really do appreciate it. Keep the advice coming!

[Guest]

Of all the possible lines you could quote from that movie, you pick the most serious one of all?

I thought it was a better fit than:

"You're 18, you don't know what you want. And you won't know what you want 'til you're 45, and even if you get it, you'll be too old to use it."

[Wingnut]

I thought it was a better fit than:

"You're 18, you don't know what you want. And you won't know what you want 'til you're 45, and even if you get it, you'll be too old to use it."

It's definitely my all-time favorite teen/high school movie, though Mean Girls is a very close second. I watched 10 Things a couple weeks ago with my sister, and it had been a long time since I'd watched it. My favorite line in the whole movie is when they're getting ready to go to Bogey's party, and the dad makes Bianca put on the belly vest. "Who knocked up your sister?"

[Backroads]

I'm hitting the two-week yikes. Sail through it!!!

If you're buying a dress from a shop, look at all the options for cleaning, steaming, etc.

And remember the following in accordance with presented movie while considering your love:

I want you. I need you. Oh baby, oh baby.

It'll get you through hard times.

[Wingnut]

I'm hitting the two-week yikes. Sail through it!!!

If you're buying a dress from a shop, look at all the options for cleaning, steaming, etc.

And remember the following in accordance with presented movie while considering your love:

I want you. I need you. Oh baby, oh baby.

It'll get you through hard times.

HAHAHAHA!! I totally said that the other night to my husband, in the same cynical tone as in the movie.

[beefche]

Ok, people. When looking for a photographer, what questions should I ask him/her? I know I will need to look at some portfolio pics, but besides cost, what are some pertinent questions?