How do I move on??

[Erogin]

Last March I met a man and we got on extremely well as friends.

We were totally opposite. He was (and still is) a member of the church, whereas I wasn't.

Our lifestyles were totally different, I would go out and drink with friends and party, while he didn't. However, something clicked between us and we started spending more and more time together. I was always fully aware that he had a girlfriend back in America (we live in England), so I never expected, or wanted, anything but friendship.

But as we spent more and more time together I fell in love. Completely. I have never known the sound of someone's name make me smile like it did, and still does.

We started a relationship. We even slept together.

However things couldn't continue, and he was honest with his girlfriend we both asked him to choose. After visiting her over in America for a month he decided to stay with her. That was the hardest time of my life ... just waiting.

To say I felt heartbroken is an understatement. I was devestated. I felt like life couldn't go on without him. Then he told me that he planned on proposing to her last Christmas. I was crushed.

We work together, so there was never a chance of a clean break between us. Things became extremely difficult. And he has even kissed me since then. I know it's wrong. But when he's all I want, I find the temptation too hard.

We went through a stage where we didn't talk, and we lost the friendship between us. A friendship I hold very dear to me. He is the one person on this planet I feel I can share anything with. He knows every secret of mine, knows every fault and doesn't judge.

I thought that by being angry with him, and almost hating him at once point it would help me to get over him, because I know I need to. But it hasn't? I don't know what else to do.

I had a clairvoyant reading the other night, and she talked about this guy a lot, she said things about him that she had no way of knowing, unless she could get into my head. She also said that he would leave overseas and get married, but he'd regret it. And that one day, in the future, he would eventually come back. You can imagine how this has affected me.

I'm sorry for writing so much - I just need advice on how to get over him?! I know the sort of advice my friends would give, and going back to the lifestyle I used to have before I met him isn't something I want to do.

Does anyone have any advice?

Thanks in advance. :)

[FunkyTown]

Couple of things:

Anyone can be clairvoyant. There's a party trick I do called 'Cold Reading'. Learned to do it from a book. I'm pretty good at it and so could you or anyone else who wanted to convince others they were psychic.

Secondly, he's pushed you as second choice. Do you really want to go for a guy who, when given a choice between you and another girl, wanted the other girl? Do you want to be the fallback plan?

If you don't, you can get over it, but you have to actively choose what you want in your life. There are ways to do it, but as long as you want to be that second choice, you won't choose to do them.

[Gwen]

i agree with ft.

you also have to be aware that he can't remain friends with you once it crossed that line, not and stay faithful to his (soon to be) wife.

the psychic told you what you wanted to hear, so you would come back. that's the idea right? more and repeat customers.

[NeuroTypical]

I'm sorry for writing so much - I just need advice on how to get over him?!

Time.

[Backroads]

Time.

That's pretty much it.

The next few months and possibly more will not be pleasant. Accept that now. You are going to be suffering. Make room for lots of self-nurturing; find a balance between that and getting out of the house.

Whether or not he eventually returns to you remains to be seen, but you can't sit around expecting and waiting for it with your heart unavailable.

[NobodysFool]

Time.

A diversion helps. Anything that gets you moving and occupies your mind so you don't focus on what you've lost. Go find some volunteer work.

[Guest]

Wow. I feel bad for the American girl - sounds like the palm-reader got her predicted to have a bigger heart-ache than you.

If I was in your shoes, I'd do everything I can possible to make sure I don't contribute to her unhappiness. That includes making sure I don't go kissing on her boy. Because, that girl is about to marry a sleezebag. Sorry - your boy sounds like one to me.

I'm not the type to "share". If I go for a boy, I make sure I'm the one and the only one. This boy wouldn't be "it" for me - because obviously, I'm not the one he chose. So yeah, it would be easy for me to let him go because I know that I deserve better than second place. Or, even better than first place on a 2-place slot. There's a big difference between the First and the Only.

So, yeah, the future is not bleak, because there's lots of fish in the ocean. And eventually, it might not be now nor tomorrow, you will meet this special somebody and you'll be glad you're not tied to this bozo who thinks so little of you that he figures it is ok to sleep with you while having some other girl waiting on the other side of the ocean - then dump you because, hey, I went back to the States and found out the American is better! Gee weez lueez! You're worth much more than that, girlfriend!

[Nelly]

Obviously, the boy doesn't know what he wants, and he's both going to play you two hard if you keep letting him.

Also, if he has a girlfriend and he keeps choosing her over you, you're always going to come second. It's not nice hearing that, but it's what happens when someone else comes along in a couple's relationship. He also seems like he doesn't know what he wants in life, and he feels like you can be a back up plan if things don't happen with him and his girlfriend.

He doesn't deserve your or the girl if he is doing this. It's going to take time to move on as loudmouth_Mormon says. You need a guy who will actually love you and not treat you the way this guy is.

[zippy_do46]

"I know the sort of advice my friends would give, and going back to the lifestyle I used to have before I met him isn't something I want to do."

What do you want to do? Sounds to me like you are ready for a lifestyle change. This should keep you busy. Old habits sometimes are hard to change. Just keep in mind that you need to make those changes for you and not for him. You are worth it.

Edited February 22, 2011 by zippy_do46

[Erogin]

Time.

Greatest Healer of them all? I hope so.

Thank you all.

[MorningStar]

There was a time it was clear a guy was trying to choose between me and another girl. I was insulted by it, so I made the choice for him. When I met my husband and later had to move home, he felt like a loved one was dying.

Get busy with your hobbies and wait for the guy who knows without a doubt that he wants you.