I need some advice

[LDSChristian]

Along those lines doing something 'cultural' such as visiting a museum (art, history or science) if both of you are interested in such is a nice way to spend some time together. It can also be cheap or even free. Also, musical offerings or a play (though such can be spendy if you want the more professional offerings instead of say a community or university theater).

P.S. My vote is for the museum instead of the music or play, at least at first. Talking at a museum is considered more acceptable than at the other two.

The museum here is too expensive but thanks anyway. I'm still looking for more advice because we might be hanging together today too.

[LDSChristian]

For the Strength of Youth: Fulfilling Our Duty to God Dating

For the Strength of Youth: Fulfilling Our Duty to God Sexual Purity

For the Strength of Youth: Fulfilling Our Duty to God Music and Dancing

"No matter how strong temptations seem, the Lord will help you withstand them if you choose to follow Him. The Apostle Paul declared, “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it” (1 Corinthians 10:13). The following counsel can help you overcome the frequent and blatant temptations in the world today:

Decide now to be chaste. You need to make this decision only once. Make the decision now, before the temptation comes, and let your decision be so firm and with such deep commitment that it can never be shaken. Determine now that you will never do anything outside of marriage to arouse the powerful emotions that must be expressed only in marriage. Do not arouse those emotions in another person’s body or in your own body. Determine now that you will be completely true to your spouse.

Control your thoughts. No one commits sexual sin in an instant. Immoral acts always begin with impure thoughts. If you allow your thoughts to linger on obscene or immoral things, you have already taken the first step toward immorality. Flee immediately from situations that may lead to sin. Pray for constant strength to resist temptation and control your thoughts. Make this a part of your daily prayers.

Stay away from pornography. Do not view, read, or listen to anything that depicts or describes the human body or sexual conduct in a way that can arouse sexual feelings. Pornographic materials are addictive and destructive. They can rob you of your self-respect and of a sense of the beauties of life. They can tear you down and lead you to evil thoughts and abusive conduct.

If you are single and dating, always treat your date with respect. Never treat him or her as an object to be used for lustful desires. Carefully plan positive and constructive activities so that you and your date are not left alone without anything to do. Stay in areas of safety where you can easily control yourself. Do not participate in conversations or activities that arouse sexual feelings. Do not participate in passionate kissing, lie with or on top of another person, or touch the private, sacred parts of another person’s body, with or without clothing. Do not allow anyone to do such things with you."

(Source)

There's a reason those are called Strength for Youth.

[LDSChristian]

I guess I'm having trouble seeing what the big deal with the age difference is. I've seen it all the time. And I've seen kids wise beyond their years and thirty-year-olds who don't know which way is up.

I'll accept that the girl is mature.

Just keep in mind that there are legal problems with the age difference. I didn't date anyone significantly older until I was 18.

Also remember the best of the best have slipped up before.

My parents are 9 years apart. There's no big deal with the age difference. People at that high school know me anyway because that's where I graduated from. One of the things for me is the girl has to be mature and mine is. We've been dating for about a week but I've known her for around 2 years so I should know.

[LDSChristian]

Ok. So I had an awesome night. Oh, it also proved it's not impossible to not give into temptation when alone. My parents trust me and her and I trust each other which was how we knew what not to do. That's one of the cores in a relationship with who you date, your parents, or anyone. Trust. In fact, my mom had to work. My dad said he would leave so me and her would be alone so we could spend time together. That's how much they trust me. Does anyone here know how to go on a date without having sex? I'm just checking because of the reactions people have. If you want some advice here it is: don't do it. People here claim it's hard. I find it easy to not give into that. We watched Jeff Dunham but before we came home we walked on main street.

I need some advice about what to do today since we might be with each other today too. None of the "you shouldn't be dating her" or anything like that. We're happy together and haven't done anything wrong and won't do anything you people claim has to happen in a relationship. As I just said, a relationship doesn't have to have the stuff you people mentioned. Ours doesn't. So again, some advice on other activities would be good. Bowling is a good one. The tennis one is good but I don't have stuff for it. The museum here is expensive.

[LDSChristian]

Wow, you really are a child. It takes a high level of immaturity to say "I'm more mature than you."

You are a child. You're judgment you post in this thread is that of a child. What you are searching for here is absolution, acceptance and permission. And thus you are disappointed. However, no one here is holding a gun to your head. If you want to go with this minor child, then go. You will fail, and it will be a very expensive lesson you will have learned.

I promise you from over 40 years of very hard experience, and the experiences of many, many men for whom I have worked with and befriended. You are on the road to disappointment and failure.

But as I said before, it's ultimately your choice and I'm not the one who will have to deal with the consequences. You will. So go do your romantic slow dances, go park yourself somewhere with her and do all that googly-eye stuff. Go put yourself in compromising places and positions. Go commit your undying love and unwavering loyalty as a child to a child. Go mess with feelings and ideas that you have no clue how to control. You will not win, you will mess up, you will go where you think you're so smart and strong to avoid. You will get into trouble, you will get her pregnant and you will have to pay society for what is properly deemed as an illicit, illegal and immoral activity.

But it's ok, because you were more mature at the age of 5 than me, backroads, anetess, ryanh, judominja, etc, etc, etc. You know better. When in the end, all that's driving you is that little brain that sits between your legs.

Grow up.

"So go do your romantic slow dances, go park yourself somewhere with her and do all that googly-eye stuff."

Wow. Now dancing is a bad thing. Anyone say anything about parking somewhere? Nope.

I am the one that's grown up. And no, my judgment wasn't a childish judgment. Going by posts in here I can honestly say what I said about being more mature. It's also due to the fact that people have always told me I'm mature for my age no matter how old I am/was when people tell/told me that.

"You will get her pregnant."

Kind of hard to do without sex isn't it.

"When in the end, all that's driving you is that little brain that sits between your legs."

Nope. This seems to tie in with a few comments in the "Sex Therapy" thread with something I pointed out. People here think a relationship has to have sex. Why is that? You people have your minds in the gutter too much. I find it ironic that we don't do any of that stuff and yet the first thing that comes to people's mind here is if a couple is alone they're going to have sex.

[LDSChristian]

He started that thread after the legalities were brought up in this one. I've read that thread and he is just voicing his thoughts about laws of this nature in general.

The point with the other thread was a simple contradiction laws seem to create. That being that a 16 year old can get married.

[volgadon]

Oh, it also proved it's not impossible to not give into temptation when alone.

Of course it is not impossible, but don't trust yourself too much. That is when things become dangerous, as you aren't on your guard. Complacency puts too much power in the hands of the natural man. Some alone time is good, but from personal experience, the reason I was able to overcome temptation when I flew over to visit the girl who became my wife was precisely because we didn't trust ourselves. So next time do something else, maybe go to the park and take sandwiches.

[pam]

There's a reason those are called Strength for Youth.

Those standards in For Strength of Youth apply to adults as well. Also last time I knew..16 years old was still considered a youth.

I'm going to give a last warning. Personal attacks need to stop.

[pam]

Nope. This seems to tie in with a few comments in the "Sex Therapy" thread with something I pointed out. People here think a relationship has to have sex. Why is that? You people have your minds in the gutter too much. I find it ironic that we don't do any of that stuff and yet the first thing that comes to people's mind here is if a couple is alone they're going to have sex.

It really has nothing to do with having minds in the gutter. It's knowing human nature and the pitfalls that someone can fall into whether they intend to or whether they think it won't ever apply to them. And yes many have learned this by their own experiences. I am included in that.

[rameumptom]

I suggest most of your dates be in group dating. Why? Because it is safe, and that is the Strength of Youth suggests for 16 year olds, which she still is.

When you are out on a date alone, make sure it is in safe places. We want you to have a wonderful experience in dating, but not to have remorse for a mistake.

Zoo, window shopping, hiking, sports are all wonderful things you can do together.

[slamjet]

"So go do your romantic slow dances, go park yourself somewhere with her and do all that googly-eye stuff."

Wow. Now dancing is a bad thing. Anyone say anything about parking somewhere? Nope.

I am the one that's grown up. And no, my judgment wasn't a childish judgment. Going by posts in here I can honestly say what I said about being more mature. It's also due to the fact that people have always told me I'm mature for my age no matter how old I am/was when people tell/told me that.

"You will get her pregnant."

Kind of hard to do without sex isn't it.

"When in the end, all that's driving you is that little brain that sits between your legs."

Nope. This seems to tie in with a few comments in the "Sex Therapy" thread with something I pointed out. People here think a relationship has to have sex. Why is that? You people have your minds in the gutter too much. I find it ironic that we don't do any of that stuff and yet the first thing that comes to people's mind here is if a couple is alone they're going to have sex.

You don't understand a thing I've said nor where I'm coming from because your mind is blinded and closed. Too bad. I've said my piece. No more from me.

[pam]

Arcade, miniature golfing, bowling...anything that just lets you have fun.

Edited February 26, 2011 by pam
GRRRR punctuation error

[LDSChristian]

I suggest most of your dates be in group dating. Why? Because it is safe, and that is the Strength of Youth suggests for 16 year olds, which she still is.

When you are out on a date alone, make sure it is in safe places. We want you to have a wonderful experience in dating, but not to have remorse for a mistake.

Zoo, window shopping, hiking, sports are all wonderful things you can do together.

The closest zoo is like 2 hours away. There's not much around here.

[Wingnut]

Thank you. I do agree, you and I don't always see eye to eye. And yes, "alone time" just meant being alone so we could spend some time with each other away from everyone else. We watched Jeff Dunham . We also used the time to talk and get to know each other even better. As you see in my other post, my mom was at work and my dad actually left so me and her could have some alone time. I didn't know there's a rule saying if a guy is going to be alone with a girl they have to have sex or something. That's what it sounds like in here.

When people say you have to be in public places to avoid temptation it makes me wonder what the specific reason is for those people saying it. Meaning I wonder if it comes from their experiences.

I love Jeff Dunham -- he's hilarious.

There's a reason those are called Strength for Youth.

And she's not still a youth? That argument only holds water if you're both not youth anymore, which is another point many here have been trying to make. And, as Pam said, they're good standards for more than just teenagers.

Ok. So I had an awesome night. Oh, it also proved it's not impossible to not give into temptation when alone.

Well, it never happens the first time. It happens over a period of extended complacency.

Does anyone here know how to go on a date without having sex? I'm just checking because of the reactions people have.

Yes, we do, and that's why we've given you the advice we have.

There's also a concern not that you necessarily will have sex, but that if any problems arise legally speaking, the law isn't going to believe that you haven't had sex. That's one reason we're taught to avoid the appearance of evil.

I actually have no doubt that you can control yourself (you'd hate to prove us right, after all), but I'm more concerned about implied trouble you could get into.

Arcade, miniature golfing, bowling...anything that just let's you have fun.

Mini golf and the arcade sound fun. Also, if either of you have a Wii or something similar, you can have fun playing games there.

[john doe]

My parents are 9 years apart. There's no big deal with the age difference. People at that high school know me anyway because that's where I graduated from. One of the things for me is the girl has to be mature and mine is. We've been dating for about a week but I've known her for around 2 years so I should know.

I wasn't going to bother with this thread, but this one got me. Wow, dating for a whole week, huh? Well with that kind of time put into knowing her you probably don't need any advice from anyone who has actually been in a relationship, because you already know more than any of them. And being 18 yourself, it's obvious that you can spot maturity better then some old codger over 35, right? I mean, what do they know anyway? They're old, washed up, probably picking out their headstones on the weekends. You don't need these old people telling you what to do, go do whatever you want. Don't trust anyone over 30, that's my motto.

[LDSChristian]

I wasn't going to bother with this thread, but this one got me. Wow, dating for a whole week, huh? Well with that kind of time put into knowing her you probably don't need any advice from anyone who has actually been in a relationship, because you already know more than any of them. And being 18 yourself, it's obvious that you can spot maturity better then some old codger over 35, right? I mean, what do they know anyway? They're old, washed up, probably picking out their headstones on the weekends. You don't need these old people telling you what to do, go do whatever you want. Don't trust anyone over 30, that's my motto.

We liked each other since we met but whenever one was single the other would end up taken so us liking each other isn't new. We've liked each other since we met. It just took me so long to ask her out.

[pam]

It's great that you have known her for a couple of years. But you have only dated 1 week. The most trusting of individuals can fall to temptation.

[LDSChristian]

She's also getting a horse soon and said whenever I come up there she'll let me ride so that'll be something else to do.

[pam]

Now that sounds like a lot of fun. Now I'm jealous because I love horseback riding.

[LDSChristian]

Now that sounds like a lot of fun. Now I'm jealous because I love horseback riding.

Yep. It will be fun. I've rode horses before and it's pretty fun. I just hope I don't ride too long and get off the horse looking like I'm still on it. lol

[pam]

This could be your new avatar.

[LDSChristian]

This could be your new avatar.

Haha...no.

Speaking of which, I just put up an avatar.

[rameumptom]

The closest zoo is like 2 hours away. There's not much around here.

Two hours is not that far away. Those of us living in/near large cities must drive that distance for entertainment, as well. And if you were in California, that would possibly be how long it takes to go to/from work!

Don't be afraid to occasionally spend some time in a car to get somewhere. Growing up in western Montana, we would often drive that distance to various parks, swimming holes, etc. You just make the drive part of the adventure, and if there is a group of you it can actually be lots of fun.

[pam]

Haha...no.

Speaking of which, I just put up an avatar.

What? I'm offended you wouldn't choose mine.

[LDSChristian]

What? I'm offended you wouldn't choose mine.

Oh well. lol