Repentance will end my marriage

[myalternate]

Myalternate, what was your purpose on posting on this board? It doesn't seem like you are looking for advice. Rather, it looks like you are looking for justafication, as well as a fair dose of pity. No one should pity you. You are suffering because the Lord often harrows our hearts and minds so that we will seek repentance, and the comfort associated with it. What you appear to be doing is trying to feel better about not repenting. Nothing will ever make you feel better about breaking commandments.

As for your statement about as long as you live your life living your covenants, there seems to be some confusion here; you can not live a covenant that has the prerequisite of cleanliness (temple covenants, priesthood covenants, baptismal covenants) when you are dirty. True, you may go through the motions, but much like the saducees and pharisees, you will be drawing near God with your lips while your heart is far from Him.

I know this post seems harsh, but sometimes in life we need harshness. If everyone coddled you and told you it would be ok, we would do you a huge disservice.

So please, Myalternate, stop wasting your families time and get back on the ONLY path to happiness.

WOW! Welcome to this thread. You really have a way with words. Did you read beyond the first few posts? You might want to use the quote option so you get what I said right. I wouldn't expect the brother of the prodigal son to understand what I am going through. I posted here because I made a terrible mistake and I have no where to turn to ask these questions. Fortunatly there are a few saints who have responded to my "pity party" that have made a difference in my attitude and way of thinking regarding my current situation. I am not looking to be coddled but to find truth, understanding and to feel the love of my heavenly father through others so that I can have the strength and courage to do the right thing. I suppose church for you is a graveyard of saints where mine is more of a hopspital for sinners.

[myalternate]

It's not about punishing you. It's about her right to know. If she were cheating on you, would you want her to hide it?

No. I wouldn't. I would be hurt but I would forgive. But then again, this is coming from someone who is not in a very good position to judge. Thank you.

[myalternate]

Temple married father of 4 young children. Served mission. Full tithe payer. 100% church attendance. Holds callings. Never had problem like this before, commits adultery. Forsakes the sin. Feels deep remorse and wants to repent fully, so willingly confesses to the bishop and starts the repentance process. What will happen to him?

Excomunication

Disfellowship

Formal disciplinary action

Nothing

[beefche]

Is this a continuation of the discussion you began here?

Because we do not have stewardship over you. Only your bishop can answer these questions.

[Jennarator]

This is between the person that comiited the adultry, their bishop and the Lord.

COuld be anything, depending on so very many factors.

[Hayky3126]

I believe you become excommunicated since you have been through the temple, but that is just an insight as my mother went through this.

Each bishop deals with this differently and honestly God is the only one who knows the intent of your heart and if your repentance is sincere.

Either way I commend you for going forward and making things right.

[slamjet]

Disciplinary hearings are what the Lord dictates needs to happen. If the repentant doesn't feel that way, well, then they are not fully on board. So no one will know until it actually happens. Anyone saying otherwise is just useless conjecture.

[classylady]

Temple married father of 4 young children. Served mission. Full tithe payer. 100% church attendance. Holds callings. Never had problem like this before, commits adultery. Forsakes the sin. Feels deep remorse and wants to repent fully, so willingly confesses to the bishop and starts the repentance process. What will happen to him?

Excomunication

Disfellowship

Formal disciplinary action

Nothing

Any one of those could happen. No one knows. Whatever disciplinary action is given to one person may not necessarily be what happens to another because circumstances in the lives of individuals are different--different levels of sin, testimony, repentance, sorrow, etc. The Lord knows what is best for you in order to fully repent and come back to Him clean and pure. One needs the attitude of "Whatever needs to happen in order to fully repent, is what I want". It takes a lot of humility and submissiveness to give ones self over to the will of the Lord.

[Family_Man]

I have been guilty of adultery. I want to repent. But...

I don't believe it is possible to confess my sin to a bishop and have it not turn out bad. What would jesus want to have me do?

It seems like you want to repent. Thats why you posted here instead of actually repenting. I see your point.

I am not fully repentant since I have not confessed to anyone.

Not fully repentant? How are you even partially repentant? You keep saying that if you repent than you will ruin your life.

According to the church all that was good in me is now in question and means nothing unless I REPENT which means confession. How can I do this? Everything will change.

Everything good in you is not gone. You can still have good in you even though you made a mistake. Your post here seems to say "The church says there is no good left in me, so why bother"

I know it sounds trite to say I don't want to hurt anyone when I have already done so. My wife and I have had our problems. But my kids are complete innocent victims. I just don't know what to do.

Your wife and you have had your problems? Didn't you just say earlier that you blame no one but yourself? What is the point of saying that you and your wife had your problems? Sounds like you are starting to justify what you did.

I was a good man. Not anymore apparently.

Yet again, another "pity me" statement. I was a good man, not anymore apparently. Apparently why? Because people are telling you that you need to repent?

Maybe that is what I deserve?

Here you are insinuating that you deserve "the devil hath all power over you; and this is the final state of the wicked." How is this not looking for pity? If you procrastinate the day of your repentsance until it is too late, than this is exactly what will happen, and it will be exactly what you deserve. No maybe about it. However, you don't have to procrastinate the day of your repentance. You could start it today.

I guess that is part of what I am struggling with. If I tell I lose my family in this life and the next. If I don't God will take care of them and I am lost.

So you are justifying not repenting because then you will at least "get" your family for this life? But do you really "have" your family? This sin will continue to "harrow up" your mind and soul until you repent. You will be unable to be truly happy "with" your family until you repent.

I am trying hard not to dwell on them myself as I am disgusted with my actions. I am hoping the bishop will back me up on this.

Here you seem to be hoping that other people will agree that you can repent without a full confession to your wife. The fear of taking responsability for your actions seems to be the motivator for your justifying not repenting.

I have felt very alone for a long time. Even before I commited this sin I didn't feel as though I mattered much to the Lord. I have not lost my testimony nor buried my conscience. My faith however is weak.

It has been a while since I have heard from him but I believe he talks with others because I hear your stories. Maybe he will comunicate with me again someday.

So if you don't feel close to Heavenly Father or the Savior, who has moved away from whom? If you felt like you didn't matter before this mistake, than was your testimony and / or faith very strong to begin with? As for burrying your conscience, you are burrying it. Because your conscience is telling you to repent.

Everything about what I did was selfish. If I were to commit suicide it would be selfish. Selfish that I want to stay with my family. The fact that I am asking for advice is selfish. I agree with what it is you are saying for the most part. I guess some other father figure can raise my kids as well as I can. You are right. If my wife leaves me and takes my kids with them I guess that is what I deserve. Right? Sorting the wheat from the tares and I guess I know what I am now. I can just resign myself to the terrestrial kingdom and deal with it.

Here for some odd reason you address suicide. In my experience suicidal talk has two categories; the first being people who need serious mental help or they will kill themselves and the second and overall far more common type is people who are looking for attention and pity (quick, let's see how many people can chastise me with posts about they know someone who talked about suicide and then nothing was done and then the person killed themselves! That way I can tell who reads and comprehends and who skims and guesses)

Furthermore in this post you claim that you "can just resign yourself to the terrestrial kingdom", because after all you are a tare. Wow, if this doesn't smack of pity seeking, than nothing does. You are wheat, you are simply wheat that has made a mistake. The way to eternal happiness is to consign yourself to the Celestial Kingdom.

WOW! Welcome to this thread. You really have a way with words. Did you read beyond the first few posts? You might want to use the quote option so you get what I said right. I wouldn't expect the brother of the prodigal son to understand what I am going through. I posted here because I made a terrible mistake and I have no where to turn to ask these questions. Fortunatly there are a few saints who have responded to my "pity party" that have made a difference in my attitude and way of thinking regarding my current situation. I am not looking to be coddled but to find truth, understanding and to feel the love of my heavenly father through others so that I can have the strength and courage to do the right thing. I suppose church for you is a graveyard of saints where mine is more of a hopspital for sinners.

I can see why you would assume I didn't rread the entire thread. After all, I didn't post until page 10. I do enjoy your backhanded remarks on me being the brother of the prodigal son, as well as informing me that my church experience is a "graveyard of saints". So because I disagree with you, and because I (and MANY others) have told you the "truth" you so desperatley are seeking, I am wrong? You know the truth of what you should do. You knew it BEFORE you created a thread. So your claim that "I have no idea what to do" is false.

[slamjet]

FM, there are two things going on here.

1) The OP really doesn't want our advice

2) The OP really wants our sympathy.

Either way, his posts have been manipulative and should be ignored. He knows what to do. He just want's someone to tell him it's ok, when it's not.

[MorningStar]

I think he's trying to get the courage now. Reminds me of when I'm trying to get my son to jump off the dock.

"Will you get a little closer, Mom?"

"I'm getting cold. Let me go warm up a little, then I'll jump in."

"1 ..... 2 ..... 3 .............. *holds breath* *exhales* 1 ..... 2 ...... 3........."

He knows he should do it. He just knows that once he jumps, there's no turning back and he's not going to enjoy the initial shock of the water.

Jump in the lake of repentance, Alternate! The water's fine! Yeah, it will feel unpleasant at first, but the benefits far outweigh that.

[Family_Man]

FM, there are two things going on here.

1) The OP really doesn't want our advice

2) The OP really wants our sympathy.

Either way, his posts have been manipulative and should be ignored. He knows what to do. He just want's someone to tell him it's ok, when it's not.

Exactly. Just like I surmised as well, he knew what to do BEFORE he even posted. He just wants us to tell him it is ok to ignore the repentance process.

[rameumptom]

Temple married father of 4 young children. Served mission. Full tithe payer. 100% church attendance. Holds callings. Never had problem like this before, commits adultery. Forsakes the sin. Feels deep remorse and wants to repent fully, so willingly confesses to the bishop and starts the repentance process. What will happen to him?

Excomunication

Disfellowship

Formal disciplinary action

Nothing

Chances are it will be disfellowship, depending on what callings you have held in the past. However, it all depends upon the Spirit and other circumstances involved: whether you willingly went to the bishop about it, or if someone else had to drag you to it, how long ago it occurred, whether it happened once or more than once, etc.

The bishop will send it to the stake president to handle. The stake president will counsel with you regarding this. Then he will bring together a disciplinary council consisting of the stake presidency and high council. They will hear your case, see how sorrowful you are, etc. The stake presidency will then retire to prayerfully consider what to do. They will return, discuss it privately with the high council, who will sustain the final decision. You will then be brought back in to hear the decision. Each of these brethren will then offer you a handshake and hug, and will willingly help you return back into full fellowship.

[findingmyway]

Temple married father of 4 young children. Served mission. Full tithe payer. 100% church attendance. Holds callings. Never had problem like this before, commits adultery. Forsakes the sin. Feels deep remorse and wants to repent fully, so willingly confesses to the bishop and starts the repentance process. What will happen to him?

Excomunication

Disfellowship

Formal disciplinary action

Nothing

Well , at least the list is on "when" you do confess right ? Not anyones call here, but I believe Formal Disciplinary action,or Disfellowship, but any one of those is better than the list of what will happen if you dont repent. Any one of those is a way back.... except for the Nothing. Something will happen, and it will be good.

[myalternate]

FM, there are two things going on here.

1) The OP really doesn't want our advice

2) The OP really wants our sympathy.

Either way, his posts have been manipulative and should be ignored. He knows what to do. He just want's someone to tell him it's ok, when it's not.

What are you talking about? Who is the OP? Who am I trying to manipulate? Consider the frame of mind someone in my situtation might be in. Unless you have been where I am you will never know. I am in the middle of the biggest test of faith yet I am at the weakest point I have ever been. When I confess, it will be laying it all on the line for my faith. I have taken the advice of many who have posted to this thread. I have a reason to be here. You might ask yourself what your purpose is in commenting on this forum.

[myalternate]

It takes a lot of humility and submissiveness to give ones self over to the will of the Lord.

Indeed it does.

[myalternate]

Chances are it will be disfellowship, depending on what callings you have held in the past. However, it all depends upon the Spirit and other circumstances involved: whether you willingly went to the bishop about it, or if someone else had to drag you to it, how long ago it occurred, whether it happened once or more than once, etc.

The bishop will send it to the stake president to handle. The stake president will counsel with you regarding this. Then he will bring together a disciplinary council consisting of the stake presidency and high council. They will hear your case, see how sorrowful you are, etc. The stake presidency will then retire to prayerfully consider what to do. They will return, discuss it privately with the high council, who will sustain the final decision. You will then be brought back in to hear the decision. Each of these brethren will then offer you a handshake and hug, and will willingly help you return back into full fellowship.

Thank you for your answer. I thought it only goes to the stake president if you are being excommunicated? I will be coming forward willingly. I am repentant. I have done everything I am supposed to do since forsaking the sin except confess. That is going to be the hardest thing to do and I am scared. The answer to what will happen to me won't change whether I confess or not. I am just preparing myself for what lies ahead. I am not looking for sympathy or someone to tell me what I did was ok. If I were, I wouldn't be coming to any of you that is for sure. I am looking for answers, reassurance and love. All you have to do is read this whole thread and you will see the change that is slowly coming to my heart. I can only hope that none of those in my disciplinary council are as judgemental as some in this forum have been.

[myalternate]

Well , at least the list is on "when" you do confess right ? Not anyones call here, but I believe Formal Disciplinary action,or Disfellowship, but any one of those is better than the list of what will happen if you dont repent. Any one of those is a way back.... except for the Nothing. Something will happen, and it will be good.

Thank you for your comments. They are encouraging and I appreciate that.

[slamjet]

What are you talking about? Who is the OP? Who am I trying to manipulate? Consider the frame of mind someone in my situtation might be in. Unless you have been where I am you will never know. I am in the middle of the biggest test of faith yet I am at the weakest point I have ever been. When I confess, it will be laying it all on the line for my faith. I have taken the advice of many who have posted to this thread. I have a reason to be here. You might ask yourself what your purpose is in commenting on this forum.

I have been where you are. Matter of fact, I'm living it. While I don't dismiss many posts or advice on this forum, I'm here as someone who has sinned greatly. So greatly that I have been excommunicated from the Church.

I also have sat across from a large number of men who have been where you are. And we all take one of two roads:

1) They will accept they have done wrong and take the consequences. It takes them a while to get there, but once they do, they come to the attitude that they need to let the Church do what it needs to do; they will take care of what they need to do.

2) They are not convinced what they did is really wrong. This is because of a disconnect or trying to get away from the consequences. While this is where many men are when they finally come to grips with their acts, there are a number of them who do their best to manipulate others around them. The ultimate goal to dismiss their acts and give them some measure of comfort so they can justify their non-repentance.

With your posts, you have been manipulative in trying to draw out the "oh, please, we love you and it's not that bad." Seen it, done it, got over it.

So if you are in a crisis of faith, it's of your doing. God loves you regardless of anything you will ever do. That's the bottom line. There is no qualifying for it because he just does. However, to make it through the repentance process, it takes not going down a check-list of things, but a true change of heart. A true and burning desire to change and to allow God to do with us as he pleases, having faith that he knows what is best. That you will accept and give up whatever is necessary to repent of what you have done so that you can have this change and become eligible for Exaltation. Also, an acceptance that whatever chastisement God feels necessary for us to go through is for our benefit and betterment.

You do what you need to do; repentance, confessions, accept the consequences of bad decisions. You need to let the Church do what it needs to do; disfellowship, probation, excommunication. And take care of business. Bottom line, that's the attitude you need to get to. Then it will all fall into place.

[myalternate]

I admit I have come across at times as "begging for mercy". I am sure that Christ would just say "Man up and do the right thing you coward." Obviously you are way beyond where I am. You said it yourself " Seen it done it, got over it." I still don't believe I have tried to manipulate anyone. Do you feel manipulated? You don't sound as though you would let many convince you much of anything. Communication through the written word is very interesting as it often can be interpreted different that what it was intended. I don't need capt'n obvious to point out that my crisis of faith is of my own doing. I can take my strips and I will when that time comes. I can't imagine anyone not feeling like commiting adultery was not that bad or trying to excuse it. The fact is the battle between spirit and the natural man is real. I appreciate your insight from someone who has been through it. I hope none of us chase someone away from this forum who is losing this battle and who's cry's for help are dismissed as manipulative and are told they have no place here.

[Family_Man]

I admit I have come across at times as "begging for mercy". I am sure that Christ would just say "Man up and do the right thing you coward." Obviously you are way beyond where I am. You said it yourself " Seen it done it, got over it." I still don't believe I have tried to manipulate anyone. Do you feel manipulated? You don't sound as though you would let many convince you much of anything. Communication through the written word is very interesting as it often can be interpreted different that what it was intended. I don't need capt'n obvious to point out that my crisis of faith is of my own doing. I can take my strips and I will when that time comes. I can't imagine anyone not feeling like commiting adultery was not that bad or trying to excuse it. The fact is the battle between spirit and the natural man is real. I appreciate your insight from someone who has been through it. I hope none of us chase someone away from this forum who is losing this battle and who's cry's for help are dismissed as manipulative and are told they have no place here.

We are not telling you you have no place here. We are tired of your "I don't know what to do" statements. You "acting" like you don't know what you should do smacks to some of us (perhaps many of us) of pity seeking and justifying. Why? Because, you already KNOW the answer. So spirit up and get it started.

[slamjet]

- I never said you have no place here.

- Crisis of faith is not always obvious.

- Christ would never use the word "coward." He would use the word "oh ye of little faith."

- I've dealt with a whole lot of folks from rapist and kidnappers to your basic adulterer. I know manipulative and passive aggressive language and you've posted it.

So you need to stop digging into folks who really know what we're talking about, and stop trying to garner sympathy. for what it's worth, you've got mine because I know just what's in store for you. Go see your Bishop and let him know everything. That's the first step and the only thing right now that's relevant. In the end, it will be worth it.

[myalternate]

We are not telling you you have no place here. We are tired of your "I don't know what to do" statements. You "acting" like you don't know what you should do smacks to some of us (perhaps many of us) of pity seeking and justifying. Why? Because, you already KNOW the answer. So spirit up and get it started.

Nice. You are right. I knew the answer before I even came to this place. So tell me why you are here if this makes you so weary?

[Family_Man]

Nice. You are right. I knew the answer before I even came to this place. So tell me why you are here if this makes you so weary?

Honestly? Because I am a deployed Soldier and find myself bored from time to time. So I figure this is a better place to spend time on the internet than MANY other sites.

Why am I posting on this particular thread? Because, it really bugs me when people search for pity. Maybe it is because I am in the medical field, or maybe it is the military in me talking, but it is ridiculous to me, and therefore I comment.

Since we are asking questions, why haven't you repented yet?

[beefche]

Thread closed.