Unconsummated Marriage

[sk8erchick]

What is so wrong with talking about sex?! Our society is so uptight about sex... This is why so many people have issues with it! Because it's not talked about other than don't do it, it's a sin, it has made so many issues with people not being able to shake the thought that they are sinning when they make love with their spouse. This needs to stop.

[slamjet]

What is so wrong with talking about sex?! Our society is so uptight about sex... This is why so many people have issues with it! Because it's not talked about other than don't do it, it's a sin, it has made so many issues with people not being able to shake the thought that they are sinning when they make love with their spouse. This needs to stop.

I agree and disagree with you. Sex talk is not as taboo as it once was. However, context is everything. I'm not going to talk to someone other than an extremely close friend, therapist, or clergy about any sexual issues with me. But I'm not going to openly discuss it because I feel it's wrong to be so secretive. Some things in marriage should stay sacred. The God-given, God-sharing procreative and bonding power is one of those sacred things.

[sk8erchick]

I agree and disagree with you. Sex talk is not as taboo as it once was. However, context is everything. I'm not going to talk to someone other than an extremely close friend, therapist, or clergy about any sexual issues with me. But I'm not going to openly discuss it because I feel it's wrong to be so secretive. Some things in marriage should stay sacred. The God-given, God-sharing procreative and bonding power is one of those sacred things.

Yes, I apologize, I wasn't being specific enough. Thank you for clarifying what I was trying to get across.

:)

[slamjet]

Yes, I apologize, I wasn't being specific enough. Thank you for clarifying what I was trying to get across.

:)

[Backroads]

What has shocked me is that siblings would share intimate details of their marriage.

I Have a very close relationship with all my siblings especially my sisters but we have never ever discussed our sex lives.

That is like betraying your spouse in my mind what goes on behind closed doors-or doesn't is between spouses -perhaps sharing with your Bishop or a parent but only in extreme circumstances.

Would it be the same response if the situation was reversed & the husband was impotent?

Well... this is the brother I am closest with, and my family has difficulty staying out of each others' lives, anyway. I see what you mean, though.

As for your last statement... I don't recall how clear I made that early in the thread, but... yeah, that's part of the problem.

But don't worry about brother and SiL betraying each other. That's not what's happening here at all.

[Joette]

I have no problems talking about sex,contraception,pregnancy, menstruation,menopause etc.

In fact my two teen boys often cry "Too much detail" for things which I think are quite tame.

Intimate details of what happens between a man & wife are just that "intimate" & not to be shared.I agree with LDS Jewess that would seem like a betrayal.

[Backroads]

I have no problems talking about sex,contraception,pregnancy, menstruation,menopause etc.

In fact my two teen boys often cry "Too much detail" for things which I think are quite tame.

Intimate details of what happens between a man & wife are just that "intimate" & not to be shared.I agree with LDS Jewess that would seem like a betrayal.

I would think it would be a betrayal if they weren't both knowingly telling me this, but they're on the same level.

[Guest pspence2]

Yes. This is happening. I'm commenting on a thread over a year old.

I have a situation similar to backroads brother in that my wife has vaginismus. I am only signing up for membership here and commenting to let you all know how happy I am that I didn't turn to the LDS church for this. I cannot fathom how unhealthy you all must be to think you can make sense of the most intimate details of a stranger's life. Your condescending, judgemental attitudes are just sickening.

We are able to sexually fulfill each other in other ways. As far as being happy without "actual sex"....have you ever met a buddhist monk? Some of the happiest people I've ever met were Tibetan Buddhist monks who live a life of celibacy. I turned to buddhism to find acceptance and peace with things as they are and being able to awaken to the impermance of the situation. we're working on it, it might take years but luckily there are other people out there experiencing it. Backroads make sure your brother knows about forums out there for woman with vaginismus and forums for partners of woman with vaginismus. Because you and everybody on this board(except those who have vaginismus or a parter with vaginismus) has absolutely no right to have any say about it. They don't understand, they never will. It's best to allow them to turn to others in a similar situation and know that you can't do anything for them. It's their cross to bear.

[marshac]

I cannot fathom how unhealthy you all must be to think you can make sense of the most intimate details of a stranger's life. Your condescending, judgemental attitudes are just sickening.

Pot, meet kettle. The fact that you went out of your way to issue judgement is even more astounding.

We are able to sexually fulfill each other in other ways. As far as being happy without "actual sex"....have you ever met a buddhist monk? Some of the happiest people I've ever met were Tibetan Buddhist monks who live a life of celibacy.

Most people don't wait for marriage only to then become celibate monks. I would imagine that this condition could ultimately end in divorce for a lot of couples, and I have the utmost respect for those couples that stay together and work through things. I can't imagine it's easy.

Because you and everybody on this board(except those who have vaginismus or a parter with vaginismus) has absolutely no right to have any say about it. They don't understand, they never will. It's best to allow them to turn to others in a similar situation and know that you can't do anything for them. It's their cross to bear.

Say about what? Last I checked this was the 'advice' forum, and opinions are like... well, you know... everyone has one. Simply because one is not afflicted with some condition doesn't mean that one is no longer entitled to their opinion. Is it an opinion based on ignorance? Perhaps, but it's still 'advice'- nowhere in the title of the forum does it say "Good Marriage and Relationship Advice"- it simply says "Marriage and Relationship Advice." My advice to you? Help with the situation- speak from your own experience on this topic and attempt to improve things rather than simply levy criticism and judgement at those you feel are being judgmental.