yjacket Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 I have a brother who will most likely be married in a month after meeting a girl about 1.5 months ago. Shoot, he might even elope. I'm curious if anyone knows of crazy marriages that have lasted for a long time. I personally think he is probably making a mistake (not in the girl, just in timing, anyone heard of planning?). He went on a summer internship single and will come back married (he's a sophomore). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 My sister-in-law and her husband were engaged either the day after they met or 2 weeks later, I can't remember which, and then married within a month or two. They had a rough start (who didn't?) but now they've been married almost 14 years, have 7 kids, and they're one of the happiest couples I know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
estradling75 Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 So short time frames = Crazy marriages?.... Because I came home from my mission in March and was married in December. My wife and I are in our 15th year and we have four kids. Does that count as crazy enough? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yjacket Posted July 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 Did you meet her immediately after you came back, if yes I would say 9 months is IMO a little short, but not crazy. Crazy is like Eowyn's story. Shoot due to my work, I think I've been away from home longer than it will take my brother to have met someone and get married. <3 months IMO is nuts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yjacket Posted July 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 I'm not debating whether you can know if you should marry them (I think that can be pretty quick); I think relationships are more complicated than a simple to marry or not to marry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shdwlkr Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 Heck you want crazy my ex and my divorce was final and the next day she got married. That to me is very weird and strange and can it last only time will answer that one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
O2BNSD Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 I have a brother who will most likely be married in a month after meeting a girl about 1.5 months ago. Shoot, he might even elope. I'm curious if anyone knows of crazy marriages that have lasted for a long time.I personally think he is probably making a mistake (not in the girl, just in timing, anyone heard of planning?). He went on a summer internship single and will come back married (he's a sophomore).My cousin married a woman who was 16 yrs older than him & had 4 children...everyone said it wouldn't last, but it did! They were married for 28 yrs until he died from early severe Alzheimer's disease. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 In my opinion, marrying someone you've known less than a year is a stupid idea. My wife and I were married six months after meeting, and yes, I still think it was a stupid idea...just because it's a stupid idea doesn't mean it can't work out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
estradling75 Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 I've heard it called fast, crazy, stupid, etc. before it doesn't bother me... I lived through it and I understand where people are coming from when they say that, I shared the sentiment. My situation simply got to a point where it would have been crazier or stupider not to get married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 I've heard it called fast, crazy, stupid, etc. before it doesn't bother me... I lived through it and I understand where people are coming from when they say that, I shared the sentiment. My situation simply got to a point where it would have been crazier or stupider not to get married.Yeah, we made it a little over 10 months from meeting to marriage. We wanted to actually make it to the temple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yjacket Posted July 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 Yeah, we made it a little over 10 months from meeting to marriage. We wanted to actually make it to the temple.I completely understand this. Somewhere in the scriptures (Paul, maybe) says something like it is better for them to marry than to burn. I can only assume that if you are going to get yourself into trouble then yes by all means get married.My brother has no money, he is reliant entirely on student loans and the piddly amount he earned over the summer. He is going to an extremely difficult engineering school, studying to be an engineer. He is already locked into his housing for school (he considered for a moment to have his bride stay in his tiny 3x10 room with shared living and kitchen with 5 other guys). He finally decided that wasn't such a good idea. She lives cross county, hasn't finished school; she plans on finishing school on-line while he is going to school. I'm pretty sure she will be done in May. When she's done they plan on her supporting him through school (good luck on finding more than a Wal-mart job with an Associates job in this economy).The worst is he asks for advice on his situation and when I give him an opinion he shuts down because he doesn't like the advice. He then expects people to bail him out; i.e. he wanted someone in the family to go look at an apartment complex back home and tell him if it was okay b/c he won't be able to look at it until after he is married.At this point, I do not plan on saying another word to him. I think he is headed for a potential toxic mix, sophmore @ tough engineering school in a very difficult degree + no money + newlyweds + potential babies + very little planning and time = potential toxic mix.The suggestion that he shuts down over, is to wait until Spring, he won't have to break his school lease (which will cost him money he doesn't have), give him more legs in school (he's only had 1 semester back from a mission), he can write her to get to know her more, she can finish her associates degree, he'll go back where his internship is, have more opportunity to earn some money, etc. I'm sure he'll make it, I just don't understand making life harder than it already is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 (edited) Years ago a couple met on this site. After several months she went to visit him for the first time in person and they got married the very next day. About 7 years later they got divorced and now she is married to a guy in England. She met him online and married after visiting him there for the first time about a year ago. Edited July 9, 2011 by pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetiepie Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 My twin sister met a returned missionary right after his mission and they got engaged in one day. Its been pretty rough, rougher than it would have been had they waited (well, she to wait to get him off his mission high), but I think they are going to make it. 5 years and 2 kids so far... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miztrniceguy Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 A certain person on this site met someone in a LDS chat room on another site. After a few months he traveled a thousand miles to meet her. They spent a week visiting church history sites including the Nauvoo temple open house. Before he returned home, he asked her to marry him, and they did in Nauvoo temple 4 months later. They have been married almost 9 years and have two wonderful childre. I hear he's a NiceGuy ;-). Is that crazy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AGStacker Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 So short time frames = Crazy marriages?.... Because I came home from my mission in March and was married in December. My wife and I are in our 15th year and we have four kids. Does that count as crazy enough?Yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AGStacker Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 A certain person on this site met someone in a LDS chat room on another site. After a few months he traveled a thousand miles to meet her. They spent a week visiting church history sites including the Nauvoo temple open house. Before he returned home, he asked her to marry him, and they did in Nauvoo temple 4 months later. They have been married almost 9 years and have two wonderful childre. I hear he's a NiceGuy ;-). Is that crazy?Also yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yjacket Posted July 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 A certain person on this site met someone in a LDS chat room on another site. After a few months he traveled a thousand miles to meet her. They spent a week visiting church history sites including the Nauvoo temple open house. Before he returned home, he asked her to marry him, and they did in Nauvoo temple 4 months later. They have been married almost 9 years and have two wonderful childre. I hear he's a NiceGuy ;-). Is that crazy?Maybe a little :-), but you can get to know someone real well by writing letters (e-mail, etc.) and 6 months is fast, but depending on circumstances not necessarily unreasonable. Personally, I think ~6 months dating and 6-12 months engagement seems about right. That did not happen with me. We dated about 2 years, she went on a mission, I finished school she came back and within 6 months married. I was a sophmore when we meet and I wasn't about to throw myself into marriage without a job, while racking my brain trying to understand Differential Equations, Calc III, Electromagnetism, etc. I knew I couldn't do justice to my family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetiepie Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 I met my husband when I was 19 and he was 23, and we "knew" we had found our eternal companion within a week. Still, we dated 6 months and were together almost everyday. We were going to wait 4 more months, but we wanted to make it to the temple... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruthiechan Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 I know a couple who dated in college, he went on a mission, she waited for him, a few months after his return they were married. Then. . . well, the details are not mine to share, but 25 years and eight children later, they divorced. They still believe it was right to marry, but felt they got the timing wrong even after all that time they spent together before getting married. I should mention that divorce is the result of someone in the marriage not keeping the commandments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruthiechan Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 I completely understand this. Somewhere in the scriptures (Paul, maybe) says something like it is better for them to marry than to burn. I can only assume that if you are going to get yourself into trouble then yes by all means get married.My brother has no money, he is reliant entirely on student loans and the piddly amount he earned over the summer. He is going to an extremely difficult engineering school, studying to be an engineer. He is already locked into his housing for school (he considered for a moment to have his bride stay in his tiny 3x10 room with shared living and kitchen with 5 other guys). He finally decided that wasn't such a good idea. She lives cross county, hasn't finished school; she plans on finishing school on-line while he is going to school. I'm pretty sure she will be done in May. When she's done they plan on her supporting him through school (good luck on finding more than a Wal-mart job with an Associates job in this economy).The worst is he asks for advice on his situation and when I give him an opinion he shuts down because he doesn't like the advice. He then expects people to bail him out; i.e. he wanted someone in the family to go look at an apartment complex back home and tell him if it was okay b/c he won't be able to look at it until after he is married.At this point, I do not plan on saying another word to him. I think he is headed for a potential toxic mix, sophmore @ tough engineering school in a very difficult degree + no money + newlyweds + potential babies + very little planning and time = potential toxic mix.The suggestion that he shuts down over, is to wait until Spring, he won't have to break his school lease (which will cost him money he doesn't have), give him more legs in school (he's only had 1 semester back from a mission), he can write her to get to know her more, she can finish her associates degree, he'll go back where his internship is, have more opportunity to earn some money, etc. I'm sure he'll make it, I just don't understand making life harder than it already is.Asking someone to look at an apartment for him because he does not live in the area is bailing him out? That's not bailing him out, that's asking for a favor. It doesn't cost you anything but a bit of time to do that for him. Seriously, you need to take the judgments down a notch. His financial situation is none of your business. I know someone who lives off odd jobs and student loans, and internships. He is able to support his wife and four children. You need to encourage your brother to ask for guidance from the Spirit and to follow that guidance. You need to encourage him to pray with his fiance as well. You can start by saying, "Look bro, I love you, and I am worried about you, but you know what? The best person to give you advice on this is Heavenly Father, so you and your fiance should ask him about it." That'll help keep your relationship with your brother intact and direct him to the Spirit. The biggest mistake people make when getting married is not including Heavenly Father in the plans. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yjacket Posted July 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 Asking someone to look at an apartment for him because he does not live in the area is bailing him out? That's not bailing him out, that's asking for a favor. It doesn't cost you anything but a bit of time to do that for him. Seriously, you need to take the judgments down a notch. His financial situation is none of your business. I know someone who lives off odd jobs and student loans, and internships. He is able to support his wife and four children. You need to encourage your brother to ask for guidance from the Spirit and to follow that guidance. You need to encourage him to pray with his fiance as well. You can start by saying, "Look bro, I love you, and I am worried about you, but you know what? The best person to give you advice on this is Heavenly Father, so you and your fiance should ask him about it." That'll help keep your relationship with your brother intact and direct him to the Spirit. The biggest mistake people make when getting married is not including Heavenly Father in the plans.Poor planning on your part does not make a crisis on my part. My bro. is the youngest and frequently waits to the last minute to do something and then asks others to help him out. That's not asking for help, that's not taking responsibility.You're right financial affairs aren't my business, but if/when he's married in college with a couple of kids taking welfare then it is (yes I've known LDS couples that have done that). Now instead of being self-reliant he is leaching off of society. I've got no problem with people driving themselves off a potential cliff, it's their life. I've got a problem when people asking others to pay for their poor decisions. The guy asked for personal advice and I gave it (I also told him the things along the lines of what you said). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yjacket Posted July 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 Like I said, I'm not offering him any other bit of advice to him (it's not worth a family relationship), the advice he wants to hear is "go for it" rather than a "hey, that's awesome you found someone, maybe you should plan a little bit". Lesson learned, even when advice is solicited keep mouth shut b/c he doesn't really want it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yjacket Posted July 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 I also might have been unclear, if he didn't live here, that would be one thing; he lives here, but he is temporarily away for a summer internship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruthiechan Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 Like I said, I'm not offering him any other bit of advice to him (it's not worth a family relationship), the advice he wants to hear is "go for it" rather than a "hey, that's awesome you found someone, maybe you should plan a little bit". Lesson learned, even when advice is solicited keep mouth shut b/c he doesn't really want it.So, you won't offer him the advice to seek the Lord's will in the matter? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yjacket Posted July 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 So, you won't offer him the advice to seek the Lord's will in the matter? Please don't be obtuse, that advise was already given. Not every answer the Lord gives is through direct revelation. Many times other individuals hold the answers we seek. (I'm not saying that I hold the answer to this decision, b/c I don't).Again, lesson is learned, he was looking for approval vs. advice. If I had known that apriori I would have told him it's not mine to give; only the Lord can give approval and whatever the decision, congrats. Big difference between that and hey what do you think of xyz?He's getting married in a month, cool; I still think he's nuts, but it's not my decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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