Sign in to follow this  
defenderofzion

What should i do

Recommended Posts

I was addicted to pornography for 3 years. I am a teenager and i have been actively trying to stop for one of those 3 years. I am doing really well, but i have done really well before and slipped and fallen back into it. I wanted to know if i NEED to talk to my bishop. What if i am able to stay clean? Can i wait until i am out of my home ward and in college to confess? I dont want my parents to know. I have never told a single soul. I have a very strong testimony, i am just stuck. I love the gospel, and i am so thankful for the Atonement. But i need to know what i need to do?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest tbaird22

Run to your bishop!! just talking about it with someone lessens the urge. and youll have support. your parents dont have to know although they can help to of course they'll initially be shocked and will attempt to "over-parent"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, you need to talk to your Bishop now so he can help you. I know it's hard to confess, but it will make the load you're carrying much lighter. Promise. Not confessing now is Satan's way of sneaking in and convicing you it's "ok." Then you are more likely to slip again.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As others have already said, go talk to your bishop now and don't worry about your parents finding out. This is something that he will be obliged to keep confidential. It is a personal sin between you and God and your parents don't ever have to find out about it if you don't want to tell them.

Talking to your bishop about this is a necessary part of the repentance process and it will help you immensely! Satan uses secrets to control us so just getting it out in the open so that it is no longer a secret breaks some of his power over you. Who better to share such a secret with than someone you can trust to not spread it around to others who is spiritually trained to help you overcome it? :) Talk to your bishop. That is steop one right now. You can go from there.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1) Do as other are advising and see your Bishop.

2) Understand that you will need help in kicking this habit. You CANNOT do this alone. 1st, go to the Lord in prayer and ask for his tender mercy to take this from you. It may take a bit, but it will happen.

2) Realize that you are in good shape since you know that you need to get this matter worked on. There are so many who think it's no big deal. Thankfully, you know better.

Take care of it now and start to learn your triggers (what happens to make you run to pornography) and involve the Lord, your Bishop and the church's ARP and PASG groups. You will find the strength you need to heal.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Also, by not telling anyone else, you are inadvertantly beginning the process of isolation. Of course it's a serious issue, and no, it's not something you want to shout from the rooftops, but Satan would have you face this alone, because he knows you can't win on your own. Speaking as one who has faced this addiction for many years, I can tell you that it will take time and serious effort.

However, it will take far longer and it will be even harder if you don't reach out for help. By talking with the bishop you are reaching for the support system that Christ has put in place for exactly this situation. I would also advise selecting a personal time to sit down with your parents and tell them as well. You've already begun the process of repentance, and I can also tell you that a father's blessing will be a tremendous boost to your ability to beat this demon in your mind.

Also understand that you're hardly the only one that's been tempted by pornography and given in to it. It is so pervasive today, I tend to be more surprised when I learn someone has never really had an issue with it.

Finally, take heart in knowing that you can beat this. The more people you have working to help you along, the stronger you will be. Pray as many times in the day as you feel the need to. In the MTC we prayed close to 20 times a day. The more connected you are to the Holy Ghost, the better.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

defenderofzion- make sure you tell someone, if not your bishop- at least someone close to you that you can tell in person (not the net like here)- why is this so important? Because when you do something wrong, it makes you feel cruddy, when you have done something wrong though and someone KNOWS it makes you feel accountable, and gives you this different sense of not wanting to do it again because if you do- you will have to tell this person again and it is embarrassing (ei. your bishop). Trust me I am no psychologist but this does work! When you are just hurting yourself it is easier to slip up. When someone is keeping tabs on you you will give it a second though before you slip up.

Also, have you heard of Pavlov's Dog? (if not look it up) the dog salivates when the bell rings. This is what you are TRAINING to your mind. When you see something risque you will be turned on. You are training your brain to go through tons of images of women to stimulate yourself. Like with pornography. But guess what? When you are with a real girl and she is not airbrushed/ plastic surgery/ (basically not unrealistic) you run the risk of not being attracted to her because that is not what you have trained yourself to be attracted to! You will have trained your brain to see multiple women vs. your eternal partner, and will let your mind wander then just be focused on her!

You are you young and can break the habit, please be careful as this can potentially harm you and your future spouse! :(

Also- make sure you are not going on sites with racy ads, watching a ton of MTV, etc. which will tempt you. Make sure you keep busy with activities with teams or groups of people so you are not by yourself bored and tempted. Try to have things to fill up your spare time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am a recovering porn and sex addict. For 20 years I tried to stop on my own. I would do okay for awhile and tell myself that I could overcome without confessing to my Bishop, but then I would slip right back into my old habits. Back in January I finally confessed to my Bishop, started attending the group meetings for the church's Addiction Recovery Program and began seeing a counselor.

Those that successfully "recover" do 4 things:

1. Confess to and meet regularly with a Bishop for accountability, guidance in the repentance process, and support. (This isn't as scary as you make it out to be in your head. It is a very freeing experience, one I wish I would have had the courage to do 20 years ago.)

2. Do all the "Sunday School" answers to the gospel; daily scripture study, daily personal prayer, pay tithes and offerings, fast monthly (at least) and attend all three hours of church. When I don't do these things my spirituality stagnates and I become susceptible to Satan's temptations.

3. Attend the LDS Church Addiction Recovery Program meetings AND do the 12 Steps.

4. See a therapist/counselor qualified to treat pornography and sexual addiction. LDS Family Services is a great resource.

By doing these four things, and with God's help, I am almost 7 months sober. After 20+ years! I am so grateful.

A few things I have learned in my recovery process:

1. The church's 12 Step Program is the essence of the gospel. If you could make a manual and workbook on "How to Gain Salvation", it would be the Addiction Recovery Program workbook. I think every member of the church should go through the program. You really come to understand the Atonement and how it applies in your life every single day.

2. It is not about the addiction. The addiction is a coping mechanism, a way to soothe feelings of hurt, guilt, shame, fear, anger, etc. There are always underlying traumas or character weaknesses that are the foundation of the addiction. If you don't identify and address these issues you will never be able to abstain, or you will switch to another addiction. The 12 Step Program and seeing a qualified therapist are vital in identifying these issues.

3. Pornography and Sexual Addictions are just as chemically addicting as drugs and alcohol. When you act out your brain is flooded with feel good chemicals. You become addicted to those chemicals and acting out is the only way to appease the craving. Because of the unnatural levels of chemicals released your the decision center of your brain shrinks, literally killing brain cells. The recovery process takes time because your have to heal the brain, bringing it back to it's previous, healthy state.

A few other resources that have been essential in my recovery process:

1. He Restoreth My Soul by Donald L. Hilton, M.D.

2. Clean Hands, Pure Hearts: Overcoming Pornography Addiction through the Redeeming Power of Jesus Christ by Phillip A. Harrison. This book was a god-send. It is also a workbook, to compliment the ARP workbook. I didn't use it as a workbook, but the information and personal experience of Brother Harrison in his recovery process were vital in my own.

I am grateful for my addictions. Because of my addiction I had the opportunity to have the broken heart and contrite spirit required to come unto Christ and accept him as my Redeemer.

If anyone has any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me.

Edited by loveslifegal27

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know about him not being able to do it alone. I did.

I'm gonna tell you from experience. You need to pray. Tell heavenly father that you need his help. Tell him that you need him to guide you by the hand.

Go to your bishop as soon as you can.

Don't worry it isn't as hard as you feel it will be. Satan wants you to feel like your going to fail. He wants you to feel like your gonna be outed to the world, like your gross for doing so.

You need to pray every morning right when you wake up, and ask for his protection. and read your scriptures and do the same before you get in to bed. Or Before your the last one up.

Read the miracle of forgivness it will help you alot with this.

Most of all have faith in yourself and that the lord hears and will answer your cry for help.

Read Ephesians 6 13-18 use that formula daily.

NEVER EVER GIVE UP!

There is no such thing as a last chance to change with the atonement. Using it will be one of the biggest blessings in your life.

Do not feel stupid, or dumb or anything for doing this!

I congratualte you for having the desire to change. I know that you will succeed. Rember it's not how many times you fall.

It's how many times you get back up.

Sometimes you can't get up on your own. The lord has put people on this earth with the keys to help us up and to stand firm.

Your parents wont find out at all. Your bishop wont treat you any different, if anything with more love then before. Trust me he wont make you feel like your bad.

Always remember when you feel alone in this journey..

You and God are the majority.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know about him not being able to do it alone. I did.

If you really did, then more power to you. I hope that when you went to your interviews for any callings, advancement or Temple recommends that when the question of adherence to the Law of Chastity, you were honest.

But I would never, ever give the advice that it's ok to go at it alone. Not for something like this. The leaders clearly state that any abortion to the Law of Chastity MUST be brought up to the Bishop.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No no no

I don't mean alone as in not talked to the bishop and repented

I mean I was able to over come it on my own without books or therapy or anything like that.

When I repented I had already completely left all that behind and had been completely clean and sitll am.

But I see what you thought i said.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this