What does it mean "women have let themsleves go"

[Bini]

Not to derail from the idea that LDS women have a special "glow" about them but I think this can be blurred too. My parents ward is very well-off and it's apparent that "appearances" (both your financial status and how you carry yourself) is very very important. Trophy-wives is not an uncommon sight at their ward.

[Jennarator]

Not to derail from the idea that LDS women have a special "glow" about them but I think this can be blurred too. My parents ward is very well-off and it's apparent that "appearances" (both your financial status and how you carry yourself) is very very important. Trophy-wives is not an uncommon sight at their ward.

So sick of the plastic wifes in my old ward. If I saw them make a "run to tthe store" early in the morning and they said hi to me I had no idea who they were......they look like different people with out make up. I also went on a ward camp out where the bishop's wife was in the bathroom at 4 am am doing her hair and make-up before the rest of the ward could see her. I hace also hear the comment from these women that a husband sould never see his wife without make-up unless it was bed time. She should have it done before he wakes, weather she is sick or not.....whew....I can't live up to those standards!

[dash77]

Trophy-wives is not an uncommon sight at their ward.

Good point. I am always a little worried that the view of "let letting oneself go" can be used as an excuse to be excessive with apperaance, be it plastic surgery or the lack of modesty -- the antecedents of the trphy wife.

[zippy_do46]

I was one of those people that let myself go. I did not decide to do this. It just happen. We just did not have the money for all those things. Hubby had to have a new pair of $100 work boots instead of me going to the beauty shop and getting a hair cut and color. Suddenly free education cost more then we thought. Paying taxes, health care, our home, our car, and 101 other things that seem more important then ME. Then there was time for me. It seem everyone had my time planned before I even come to my planning. Working and then coming home and being a full time, Mom added to this. It has always been hard to spend money on me. It has always been hard for me to take time for me. Then having no self-worth added to this thought. Somewhere along the line I suddenly realize what I had done. It has been a up hill battle since. I struggle with thinking about me and my needs. I think it is very easy for a woman to let her self go, under those conditions. I think really the problem comes when we think something will not give ... as we TRY to be all to everyone.

Edited September 15, 2011 by zippy_do46

[dash77]

I was one of those people that let myself go. I did not decide to do this. It just happen. We just did not have the money for all those things. Hubby had to have a new pair of $100 work boots instead of me going to the beauty shop and getting a hair cut and color. Suddenly free education cost more then we thought. Paying taxes, health care, our home, our car, and 101 other things that seem more important then ME. Then there was time for me. It seem everyone had my time planned before I even come to my planning. Working and then coming home and being a full time, Mom added to this. It has always been hard to spend money on me. It has always been hard for me to take time for me. Then having no self-worth added to this thought. Somewhere along the line I suddenly realize what I had done. It has been a up hill battle since. I struggle with thinking about me and my needs. I think it is very easy for a woman to let her self go, under those conditions. I think really the problem comes when we think something will not give ... as we TRY to be all to everyone.

Zippy:

I know this is so very easy to say, but can be extremely hard ot do -- you just need to find ME time and not feel guilty or bad about it.

[Bini]

I was one of those people that let myself go. I did not decide to do this. It just happen. We just did not have the money for all those things. Hubby had to have a new pair of $100 work boots instead of me going to the beauty shop and getting a hair cut and color. Suddenly free education cost more then we thought. Paying taxes, health care, our home, our car, and 101 other things that seem more important then ME. Then there was time for me. It seem everyone had my time planned before I even come to my planning. Working and then coming home and being a full time, Mom added to this. It has always been hard to spend money on me. It has always been hard for me to take time for me. Then having no self-worth added to this thought. Somewhere along the line I suddenly realize what I had done. It has been a up hill battle since. I struggle with thinking about me and my needs. I think it is very easy for a woman to let her self go, under those conditions. I think really the problem comes when we think something will not give ... as we TRY to be all to everyone.

It's interesting but money certainly plays a big part in "maintaining" one's appearances. Just as in my example above. I'm not certain these families would be able to maintain their lifestyles or physical appearances if it weren't for the income. But again, this is just the other side of the coin I wanted to point out. Yes, LDS women do have a special attractive glow about them but there's also the keeping up with the joneses that is very much apparent in affluent wards (such as the trophy-wives). Women have enough standards to live up to. It's quite disheartening to see some church-goers promoting such expectations.

[pam]

I was one of those people that let myself go. I did not decide to do this. It just happen. We just did not have the money for all those things. Hubby had to have a new pair of $100 work boots instead of me going to the beauty shop and getting a hair cut and color. Suddenly free education cost more then we thought. Paying taxes, health care, our home, our car, and 101 other things that seem more important then ME. Then there was time for me. It seem everyone had my time planned before I even come to my planning. Working and then coming home and being a full time, Mom added to this. It has always been hard to spend money on me. It has always been hard for me to take time for me. Then having no self-worth added to this thought. Somewhere along the line I suddenly realize what I had done. It has been a up hill battle since. I struggle with thinking about me and my needs. I think it is very easy for a woman to let her self go, under those conditions. I think really the problem comes when we think something will not give ... as we TRY to be all to everyone.

I think many of us go through the EXACT same thing.

[Dravin]

Okay, to those of you using the phrase "Trophy Wife" for me it has shades of:

1. Usually attractive younger wife (often not the first).

2. Implications of a distant marriage, she's not a marriage in the prefered sense but they're more like accessories to each other that have the arrangement because he provides nice shiny things, and he gets an attractive woman to have marital relations with and to make other people jealous.

Is that what you mean? Because if you are not then there is some miscommunication happening.

[Bini]

Okay, to those of you using the phrase "Trophy Wife" for me it has shades of:

1. Usually attractive younger wife (often not the first).

2. Implications of a distant marriage, she's not a marriage in the prefered sense but they're more like accessories to each other that have the arrangement because he provides nice shiny things, and he gets an attractive woman to have marital relations with and to make other people jealous.

Is that what you mean? Because if you are not then there is some miscommunication happening.

That sums it up pretty well. And trophy-wives love being trophy-wives.

[Spartan117]

And trophy-wives love being trophy-wives.

AAAAAmen.

[BenRaines]

There should be more to attraction than weight management and clothing. My wife is very attractive to me and never wears makeup. Shops at Kohl's when I can get her to spend money on herself instead of her adult children and loves to cuddle up on the couch every night to watch tv or a movie.

Ben Raines

[Jennarator]

Okay, to those of you using the phrase "Trophy Wife" for me it has shades of:

1. Usually attractive younger wife (often not the first).

2. Implications of a distant marriage, she's not a marriage in the prefered sense but they're more like accessories to each other that have the arrangement because he provides nice shiny things, and he gets an attractive woman to have marital relations with and to make other people jealous.

Is that what you mean? Because if you are not then there is some miscommunication happening.

I would say, not younger, all the time, just really high maintinance....& proud of it.

[shine7]

Putting in my thoughts without reading every post here:

My cousin lived in Florida. He's not the best lookin' guy, but has a great sense of humor and is tons of fun, full of happiness and goodness. The LDS girls there would not give him the time of day. So he moved to Rexburg Idaho to find an LDS girl at byui. The girls there would not give him the time of day. Then he met a very BEAUTIFUL girl from Mexico.....they are now married and sooo happy. She adores him.

[garryw]

hear the comment from these women that a husband sould never see his wife without make-up unless it was bed time

This makes no sense. If your wife doesnt look good without makeup you simply have an ugly wife. If it's really that bad just have her wear a paper bag on her head. I don't see the difference between that and hiding behind makeup.

[Jennarator]

This makes no sense. If your wife doesnt look good without makeup you simply have an ugly wife. If it's really that bad just have her wear a paper bag on her head. I don't see the difference between that and hiding behind makeup.

I agree, but yet these women make no snse to me anyway.....

[Jennarator]

Of course some of these women might look fine (just way differnt) without make-up, just that they think men shouldn't see them without it.....

[cew03]

it means they guys saying it think high of them self and don't realize they to have let them self's go

it means that they believe women are not fitting the hegemony view of what the think women should look like next time you here them say that tell them to go sit on it and spin

[shine7]

My husband and I both had a time when we 'let ourselves go', gained some weight, etc. But we didn't hound each other over this and it did not dim our love for each other. Yes, it would have been nice if that hadn't happened, but it's up to the individual to take hold and make a change when they are ready......not up to the spouse to nag the other spouse. Neither of us are/were sloppy in personal hygiene.

What is sad is someone only "loving" their spouse if they meet certain standards put upon them by another.

Something might need to be done if a spouse truly is lacking in personal hygiene.

Edited October 12, 2011 by shine7

[Dreams_Of_Deutschland]

As a divorced LDS man, I had to comment.

There are a lot of pretty ladies in the church. Some use tons of make up, some do not. I know that women are masters of camoflauge, be it make up or support garments (not your temple garments!) that deceive.

At age 48, I do not illustrate nor expect a perfect body. In fact, you would be surprised what I like in that area.

I would MUCH rather find a truly sweet lady than a potential trophy wife. I find that the "trophy wives" have the personality of a rattlesnake. No thanks, been there, done that!

My current special girl is a very sweet lady, and she has my eye on her heart, not her figure.

Bodies and looks fade- then what?

[Guest]

I married a runway model. I don't wear make-up. I might put some eye shadow and eye liner and lipstick on, but that's pretty much it. But then, I'm Filipino - blessed with that year-round tan, freckle-free. My husband thinks I'm gorgeous. Lucky me.

My husband, on the other hand, is gorgeous. We got married when he was 21. At 35, my husband is still gorgeous - a lot more mature, an IT geek now, no more modeling, had to wear glasses since last month, but still gorgeous and in excellent health. You can't say he's let himself go.

I married him for his principles and the way he treats people, especially his mother, and his devotion to God even if he's not Catholic. Of course, I married him because he turns me on too. I can't imagine waking up every single morning to a face I don't like.

If I would gain 100 lbs, my husband will not like me. Yes, I would be "letting myself go". It's not because he's a vain man who wants a trophy wife. It's because gaining 100 lbs, to him, is a sign that I don't respect myself or my family. It is a fact that obesity is not healthy and my children shouldn't be motherless just because I can't seem to take care of myself. Of course, my husband will not just leave me, but I will guarantee you that he will do everything in his power to help me overcome that problem.

I usually don't like to spend too much time infront of the mirror - especially now that I work from home. But, I do love to "pretty up" for my husband a lot.

It's like this:

That's the same woman - Katherine Heigl. Love that girl. She looks pretty in a pedestrian style but having all that make-up on says something else. I'm like the without-makeup Heigl everyday - then I would do the made-up Heigl when I want my husband to see something special... like having icing on his cake. Sweet!

[FunnySheila]

Yep, means part or all of that mentioned above.

The statement is annyoying but moreso when the man (or woman) has also let themselves go and yet complains about their partner's shortcomings.

Yeah, I had a neighbour who would yell at his missus (in a nasty way 'till she would be bawling - I could hear everything because the walls are like paper-thin) that she was FAT (meanwhile she was heavily pregnant) and yet this dude literally had MAN-BOOBS and a great big belly.

I had enough one day and ended up out outside on the basphalt screaming my guts out at him to leave her alone (it shut him up for awhile and his missus come and talked to me the next day out at the common clothesline with a huge grin on her face - she rarely smiled the poor thing). He was a horrible and nasty man - such a temper and such a cruel cutting mouth on him and to think he thought she was fat?!!! It defies logic.

And no, I don't usually go around yelling at people, especially not my neighbours. :-|

Edited January 4, 2012 by FunnySheila

[FunnySheila]

Don't men prefer women to be in less make-up not more???

I thought make-up (being plastered with it that is) is a competitive thing between women rather than a thing women do for men?

I wear only eye-liner and lipstick (dark-orchid) - never wear foundation (no matter how many pimples I have), or mascara, or eye-shadow although I do sometimes use the eye-liner to create the shadowy look.

Yeah, and I'd have to say I get asked out ALOT.

I do have strict face cleansing and detoxing routine, I eat really healthy, I exercise alot (mainly because I have no transport and have to walk everywhere), I dress relatively modestly although I do dress beautifully.

I don't dress for men, that's for sure, I dress for me because it raises my self-esteem and I feel more up to all my activities when I'm "dressed-up". I even dress up when I'm just going to be staying at home all day with the kids and am not going anywhere. I couldn't care less what men thought of my looks, or women for that matter. I personally hate make-up, although I don't mind lipstick or eye-liner, but foundation - YUCKH!!!

[Vort]

I don't dress for men, that's for sure

Thus lending credence to the theory that women dress to impress other women.

I couldn't care less what men thought of my looks, or women for that matter.

This is almost certainly false. If you live in a Western society, odds are close to 100% that you wear a dress or pants along with a shirt or blouse. Your dress is almost completely determined by your society, men and women. Even your colors and patterns are socially determined; I bet you don't wear bright orange and fluorescent green as casual wear around town, or nice plaid pants when you go out.

And arguing "I don't like those things!" is a non-starter. Why don't you like them? Is there something intrinsically bad about plaid or green? Of course not. You don't like them because your culture does not recognize them as conforming to an acceptable norm.

[Guest]

I don't dress for men, that's for sure, I dress for me because it raises my self-esteem and I feel more up to all my activities when I'm "dressed-up". I even dress up when I'm just going to be staying at home all day with the kids and am not going anywhere. I couldn't care less what men thought of my looks, or women for that matter.

Thus lending credence to the theory that women dress to impress other women.

I dress for success. That means - I dress up to impress other people, men or women - for example, my workmates/boss/clients. Spic and span professional attire entices people to take you seriously.

I dress up for church. Of course. It shows my respect for God.

And then, of course, I dress up for my husband. I like the simple admiration in his expression for the way I look. Date nights every Friday are always dress up nights.

Yes, I dress up for me too - lots of times, when I don't feel too good, I would dress up to "lift my spirits". Hence, my almost obsessive relationship with shoes - I dress up, look in the mirror, and see the unattractive bulge around my stomach. I put on shoes, look at my feet in the mirror, and they ALWAYS look good. LOL!

But, when I'm just doing everyday stuff (especially since I work from home), I am more comfortable working in my ratty pajamas that I won't be caught dead wearing in public.

Edited January 5, 2012 by anatess

[Guest Anonymity]

So I see lots of people saying NOT to focus on things like a woman wearing makeup, sloppy clothes, overweight, etc. but I sure hope those aren't the people that feel comfortable doing just that, not wearing makeup, sloppy clothes, overweight etc. I'm sorry, but I don't like it when a woman "lets herself go" in that way. I think it shows a lack of respect for herself and for what God has given her (I'm not saying that she should flaunt what her mother, or God, haha, gave her by being immodest, etc.). I took a class at BYU on marriage prep from Dr. Brent Barlow. He specifically said that we should all marry someone we are physically/sexually attracted too. That does not mean that that is the ONLY attraction, just a certain, specific, and important part. If I marry someone I'm not attracted too then what a terrible injustice I'm doing to her and to myself. And the SAME goes for us men. We can't just expect that a woman will think its okay for us to stop wearing our contacts, cologne, doing our hair, or GAINING weight! Its a two-way street.