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MagneticField

Converts who have made lot's of sin

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Hi, this is my first post to this forum, and I hope this isn't in wrong section. I was choosing between this and advice board, but eventually chose this. English isn't my first language, so if you don't understand something, please tell about it. And if this is in wrong section, is it possible to move to the correct one?

Please, if you're under 18 or very sensitive, don't read further.

So, I'm 24 years old male from northern europe, not member of any church and I've considered myself atheist about 10 years. I'm always been interested about religions, even that I don't (didn't?) believe in any god. Every religion was missing something. This autumn I started to study mormonism as an hobby (I don't count that 15 minutes in 7th grade as study, it wasn't even close what mormonism is really about), actually from anti-mormon website, and something weird happened. Now I'm reading Book of Mormon every day, and still thinking should I attend to the sacrament meeting at my local church. I'm still a bit confused...

Now I'm struggling with my current life and history. Being an atheist means that I've thought there's no any god or holy spirit, which is forbidden (there would be better way to say that, but I hope you understand). I smoked my first cigarette when I was 14, and now I smoke regulary. I drink alcohol, since almost every university student does that, and it's part of our culture. I've also used coffee and tea, but I've given up with those and started to drink hot chocolate instead. I have masturbated numerous times and had premaritial sex thousands of times (it's normal here, my 17 partners is about average for guy who's at my age and isn't married), few times group sex and lived with my girlfriend without marriage. I believe from law of chasity the only thing I haven't done is gay sex. This does sound bad, doesn't it?

On the other hand, I've always obeyed laws of my country, if not counting few speeding tickets. I've never stolen anything or hurted anyone in a purpose.

So, my problem is that I believe I've broken about every single rule in mormonism. This is quite hard for me, since I haven't felt that I'm doing something wrong, ever. My question is, would I ever become worthy, in eyes of local ward or in front of God? Would I even be baptized if I wanted to?

I'm not familiar with organisation of mormon church, I could contact to local bishop, but it's bit hard since there's no bishop in the city I'm living. Is the leader of the church of the area (that's direct translation, but the guy who's in charge but isn't called bishop) doing the same stuff? I'm also bit concerned about how he would react if I'd confess all this to him.

Any couraging words are also welcome. Please, don't judge me because I've done all that, I had no idea that it could be wrong in any kind. Our culture is much different from american culture.

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Repentance is such a wonderful thing and baptism wipes your record clean. :D You need to find the bishop or missionaries in your area and talk to them. They can help you with your questions. Did you look in the phone book for their numbers? Go to mormon.org and it will show you where the closest meetinghouse is to you and will give you some phone numbers.

You are doing great. Its not easy to change your life around but it is very possible and you are well on your way.

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The amazing thing about the Atonement is that is covers everything. And by everything I mean everything:

11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

13 Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me.

Note that phrase, "according to the flesh," that appears so many times. This means that Christ did not suffer your pains, weaknesses, and sins in a indirect, abstract way, he literally and physically felt them. All of them. He literally knows exactly how you feel, because He has literally gone through them before. The best part, though, is this promise which Christ gives us if we repent:

42 Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.

So, once you've taken advantage of the Atonement it couldn't matter less what sins you've done in the past. God has forgotten them. It's like they never even happened. You can let go of all the baggage you're carrying around and move forward in your life.

Now, I'm not saying that the journey will be easy. You will definitely need help from God and local Church leaders to get through. But it is never too late, it is always possible, and it is always always worth it. You just have to take that first step.

Thankfully, finding your local leader is easy. Just go to this page, enter your address, and you'll be given the name and phone number of your local Bishop. Don't be shy about calling him, it's his job to take care of the members within his ward. :)

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Thanks for everone! This helps me a lot!

out of curiosity, what happened?

did you experience what the Spirit was all about? I remember the first time the Spirit tapped me on the shoulder so-to-speak, it is a bit startling the first time :) (PS - I'm a convert too, and someone with a past too)

Okay, this is one weird thing. The anti-mormon site is hosted by former mormon, who was member for five years. He or she has lot's of material, so I just read few articles and beliefs. Earlier I only knew what my old teacher said when I was 13, just about Jesus visiting native americans, garments, polygamy and rulings, which is called word of wisdom.

First day I learned about women in church, what kind of mormon culture is like and basic beliefs. That was enough for me, and I closed that webpage.

Next day I noticed that I was thinking what I've learned. This has never happened before, even that I know quite much about any big religion in the world. So, I went back to that webpage. I read stories about recovering mormonism, summary about six lectures with missionaries (yes, even those are in there) and I felt relieved. Didn't think it was anything, and I didn't keep studying. I had to go to the other town because of my work, and the trip lasts nearly 12 hours. So, in train I was drinking beer with few of my friends, and I was quite drunk. Before I went to sleep, I went to smoking cabinet, where were 3 men smoking pot, which is illegal :P They offered that for me too, and I took a bit. Then I went to bed.

Next morning I woke up, I felt terrible. Not because of pot or alcohol, but I felt so quilt (is that correct?) about what I've done. This has never happened before. When I went out of train, I saw four missionaries, and decided to go to talk with them. They were moving to other part of the country, and I was in a hurry, so I just asked if they have spare Book of Mormon. When I got that book, I didn't feel quilt anymore. They also gave me cell phone numbers of missionaries and the leader of the church in my area (still don't know correct name). The weekend was very full, so I didn't have much time to read.

After I went to home and I was unpacking, I took the book out of my bag, and I opened that website. I studied those missionary lectures, and found 3. Nephi 11, which is, at least I believe so, greatest thing ever written.

I'm not yet sure, is this what's true, but I've found something that hasn't ever been in my life before. Not sure what it is, but I definitely will find out. My life has always been great, I'm valuable member of society, I even have my name twice in finnish wikipedia because I've achieved something, but this just feels so great and different. I haven't missed it earlier because everything was great, but now I know I have to find out is this what I think it is, or something else.

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Tho I am no expert, I understand that all of the are forgivable. Repent, and come unto Christ. I know people that have done a lot, and once they are baptized they are clean. As clean as anyone that has been baptized, as clean as me, when I was 8 and never had done any of that, and I was baptized. Baptism is not a partial cleansing, is is 100%.

Now, it might take a couple of interviews and a an honest commitment to do better, and all, but I don't see how any of this would be unforgivable.

Then you have to remember to forgive yourself, too. I echo the others, you are held accountable for what you know.

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MagneticField, your story doesn't seem very weird to me: it's something similar to another Book of Mormon story. Check out Alma 36:

17 And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.

18 Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.

19 And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.

20 And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!

Now, you may not know what "harrowed" means (it's a very English farming term) but it's vital to understanding this verse. A harrow is a big machine that breaks up packed soil so that farmers can plant things in it. This is literally what was happening to Alma's soul: it was being broken up and loosened so that the gospel could grow there. While this is helpful, the experience is rarely very pleasant. This "harrowing" is the guilt (you got the right word, you just misspelled it) you experienced. However, once Alma's soul was ready, he caught hold upon the words of Jesus Christ and the Atonement, and the harrowing stopped. The guilt was completely removed, and Alma was able to feel joy for the first time in a while.

You've already done the hard part: you've been sufficiently "harrowed" and you have caught hold on the one source of happiness that never fades away: the Atonement and words of Jesus Christ. As long as you never let go you will find the peace and forgiveness you seek. :)

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Hey just a minute here. You dont like the women in the church? What in the world did you read about us?

I have no idea what you're saying. Maybe something lost in translation?

But, Finland is country with equality. Our president is woman, chairman of our supreme court is woman, our national church (lutheran) has accepted women to serve as priests since 1986 and so on. I have only known one stay-at-home mother in my entire life, so the culture is so different.

I don't say I don't like it, I meant earlier that I wasn't interested to study anymore.

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MagneticField, your story doesn't seem very weird to me: it's something similar to another Book of Mormon story. Check out Alma 36:

Now, you may not know what "harrowed" means (it's a very English farming term) but it's vital to understanding this verse. A harrow is a big machine that breaks up packed soil so that farmers can plant things in it. This is literally what was happening to Alma's soul: it was being broken up and loosened so that the gospel could grow there. While this is helpful, the experience is rarely very pleasant. This "harrowing" is the guilt (you got the right word, you just misspelled it) you experienced. However, once Alma's soul was ready, he caught hold upon the words of Jesus Christ and the Atonement, and the harrowing stopped. The guilt was completely removed, and Alma was able to feel joy for the first time in a while.

You've already done the hard part: you've been sufficiently "harrowed" and you have caught hold on the one source of happiness that never fades away: the Atonement and words of Jesus Christ. As long as you never let go you will find the peace and forgiveness you seek. :)

I don't read your quotes from here, I have my own Book of Mormon in finnish with me, so I read them from there.

And this is, again, one really weird thing. Why is Book of Mormon saying exactly I want to hear? Telling exactly what's happening?

Like I said earlier, I'm not sure yet is BoM true. I'm quite sure that there's too many weird coincidenses happened already, and now this. Well, I think I know where I'll spend three hours next sunday.

I'm really confused. All those years I was so sure that there's no any god at all. Well, maybe with time this will be easier for me to accept.

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Here's the WORST story I've ever heard about investigators who wanted to join the church... and I heard this story 3rd hand.

A wonderful couple wanted to join the church. It was what they were looking for. But they didn't pass a particular question. Apparently, this couple had a baby. But they couldn't afford to keep it? So they drowned it in the bathtub. The First Presidency declared that they would never be forgiven in this life or the next.

So... by comparison... you're doing great! (Again, I heard the story 3rd hand, so take it as you want.)

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I don't read your quotes from here, I have my own Book of Mormon in finnish with me, so I read them from there.

That's a good idea! I'll keep putting the references in the quotes so you can read from your Book of Mormon. :)

And this is, again, one really weird thing. Why is Book of Mormon saying exactly I want to hear? Telling exactly what's happening?

This is because the Book of Mormon wasn't just written for the people in it, it was written for us, and for our day. Nephi, who began keeping the record, was told to preserve his writings of God and the Gospel but didn't know exactly why:

5 Wherefore, the Lord hath commanded me to make these plates for a wise purpose in him, which purpose I know not.

6 But the Lord knoweth all things from the beginning; wherefore, he prepareth a way to accomplish all his works among the children of men; for behold, he hath all power unto the fulfilling of all his words. And thus it is. Amen.

This purpose was later revealed to Mormon. He knew his people were going to be destroyed, but he still preserved these sacred records. He said he couldn't keep "the hundredth part" of all the records (see Words of Mormon 1:5), so how did he know what to put on the gold plates that would eventually become the Book of Mormon?

34 Behold, the Lord hath shown unto me great and marvelous things concerning that which must shortly come, at that day when these things shall come forth among you.

35 Behold, I speak unto you as if ye were present, and yet ye are not. But behold, Jesus Christ hath shown you unto me, and I know your doing.

Mormon, and many others who wrote in the Book of Mormon, saw our day and knew what we would need to know in order to face today's challenges. It's an amazing thing to discover, to see something in a book written over a thousand years ago be so relevant today. You'll have this sort of experience many times as you continue to study the Book of Mormon.

Like I said earlier, I'm not sure yet is BoM true. I'm quite sure that there's too many weird coincidenses happened already, and now this. Well, I think I know where I'll spend three hours next sunday.

That's good. There's also a scripture in the Book of Mormon that tells you how you can know with a certainty whether or not it is true:

3 Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.

4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

This is how we know anything in the Gospel is true: we ask God, the source of all truth. However, we must ask sincerely, and have faith that we will receive an answer, and be willing to act on the answer that we receive. This faith starts with something you already have: a desire to know:

27 But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.

28 Now, we will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me.

Faith works exactly this way. A desire to believe plants a seed. If you take care of it, it will grow into a tree of faith. Faith may develop slowly, but the feelings you get from the process are real, and you'll begin to feel the Book of Mormon enlarge your soul, enlighten your understanding, and be delicious to you. It's an amazing feeling, and it all starts with just a small seed. You're already well on your way for that seed to grow. :)

God loves us more than we can possibly know, and doesn't want us to be confused or in the dark about things: He wants us to know what He wants us to do. I know He will answer your questions if you ask in faith. :)

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Hi, this is my first post to this forum, and I hope this isn't in wrong section. I was choosing between this and advice board, but eventually chose this. English isn't my first language, so if you don't understand something, please tell about it. And if this is in wrong section, is it possible to move to the correct one?

Please, if you're under 18 or very sensitive, don't read further.

So, I'm 24 years old male from northern europe, not member of any church and I've considered myself atheist about 10 years. I'm always been interested about religions, even that I don't (didn't?) believe in any god. Every religion was missing something. This autumn I started to study mormonism as an hobby (I don't count that 15 minutes in 7th grade as study, it wasn't even close what mormonism is really about), actually from anti-mormon website, and something weird happened. Now I'm reading Book of Mormon every day, and still thinking should I attend to the sacrament meeting at my local church. I'm still a bit confused...

Now I'm struggling with my current life and history. Being an atheist means that I've thought there's no any god or holy spirit, which is forbidden (there would be better way to say that, but I hope you understand). I smoked my first cigarette when I was 14, and now I smoke regulary. I drink alcohol, since almost every university student does that, and it's part of our culture. I've also used coffee and tea, but I've given up with those and started to drink hot chocolate instead. I have masturbated numerous times and had premaritial sex thousands of times (it's normal here, my 17 partners is about average for guy who's at my age and isn't married), few times group sex and lived with my girlfriend without marriage. I believe from law of chasity the only thing I haven't done is gay sex. This does sound bad, doesn't it?

On the other hand, I've always obeyed laws of my country, if not counting few speeding tickets. I've never stolen anything or hurted anyone in a purpose.

So, my problem is that I believe I've broken about every single rule in mormonism. This is quite hard for me, since I haven't felt that I'm doing something wrong, ever. My question is, would I ever become worthy, in eyes of local ward or in front of God? Would I even be baptized if I wanted to?

I'm not familiar with organisation of mormon church, I could contact to local bishop, but it's bit hard since there's no bishop in the city I'm living. Is the leader of the church of the area (that's direct translation, but the guy who's in charge but isn't called bishop) doing the same stuff? I'm also bit concerned about how he would react if I'd confess all this to him.

Any couraging words are also welcome. Please, don't judge me because I've done all that, I had no idea that it could be wrong in any kind. Our culture is much different from american culture.

Nice to meet you MagniticField.......I am an LDS convert to the Church. I live in Canada and by no means am well read in scriptures but will offer the only advice I can, which comes from the heart! It sounds to me like the Lord really loves you and through the Holy Ghost you are experiencing a change of heart. Understand where these feelings are coming from....pray about them, there are no such things as coincidences in our lives but God knows each of us personally, he knows what is in your heart.

Our Lord and Savior came to this earth as our Savior for he knows what the natural man is all about and that we are all sinners.....yes, even all of us who attend church......this is why we go each Sunday to renew our covenants we made with Him when we were baptized. We all have things we need to repent of.....this is what Christ did in the Garden of Gethsemane; he took all our sins, pains, sorrows, afflictions, stress, worry etc upon himself for each and everyone of us born to this earth, from the very beginning to the end, and such was His pain and anguish that He bled from every pore. We need to put our full trust in the Lord and ask forgiveness then move forward with an eye single to the glory of God and these sins and transgressions will be blotted out and He will remember them no more.

It's never too late to make this change and move forward with the truthfulness of His Gospel by having Faith, REPENTANCE, baptism, by one who has the authority to do so in Jesus name, receive the Gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of hands....by those who once again have the priesthood authority to do this in Jesus name and then finally to endure to the end. This is when we will need a testimony to know the truthfulness of the Gospel as it has been restored once again to the earth through the Prophet Joseph Smith.

Follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost for he testifies of this truth and you will know these things to be true. Read the Book of Mormon and seek an answer of it's truths by praying mightely unto the Lord for confirmation and you will receive your answers you are looking for.

I had a little chuckle where you wrote that "Mormon" women stay home for many are told that this is true.......this is not always the case for in failing economic times many women have had to go to work to help support the families. Ideally this would be the perfect situation for mothers to stay home and raise the kids....be the nuturers and the fathers to be the bread winners and support the family but times have changed drastically. The world is in a very sad state.

I wish you well and please keep us informed of what is happening in your life as it is so wonderful for me to finally feel free of guilt and enjoy the joy and blessings HF has promised to all who follow His counsel! We all need to look at our lives and get out of the mindset that all is well....eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow ye shall die......this is Satan's lie.....we all return back from where we once came in the Spirit world and will await the great day of judgement. Do not get caught up in Satan's lies for he is the great deceiver....Jesus paid the ultimate price for all of us and redeemed us from all Sin!

Edited by Rockies

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Well, at the moment I believe I'll be baptised as soon as I think I'm worth it. Now it's too soon, and I don't think I'm ready nor worthy, but I hope that before year 2012 I'm proud member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

Edited by MagneticField

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Well, at the moment I believe I'll be baptised as soon as I think I'm worth it. Now it's too soon, and I don't think I'm ready nor worthy, but I hope that before year 2012 I'm proud member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

Just keep in mind that satan likes us to feel guilty even after we repent.

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yeah man i echo also what everyone else says. just continue in the faith, read the book of mormon, and ask in faith continuesly wether or not it is true and as you do this you i promise will always get your answer. a little saying or verse from the book of mormon. its helaman 5:11.

helaman 5:11

11 And he hath power given unto him from the Father to redeem them from their sins because of repentance; therefore he hath sent his angels to declare the tidings of the conditions of repentance, which bringeth unto the power of the Redeemer, unto the salvation of their souls.

I believe what this is saying relates back to the atonement, that the lord has all the power in heaven and earth to save you from your sins (not in them but from them) so that you can begin to heal and get better as long as you work with him and pray as well as speak to your bishop counsel or you stake president, you will find peace added to your soul as they too will help you on the path to recovery and healing. i will finish with another verse from john 21:16.

john 21:16

15 ¶So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs.

16 He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, aFeed my sheep.

17 He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep.

I just wanted to let you know that as the lord told simon several times (at least three times) to feed his sheep in all three of those verse, we your bretheren will continue to feed you the sweet loving words of christ . as it told "for god so loved the world that be gave his only begotten son that who so ever should believe in him should not perish but have everlasting life." john 3:16. as that verse said, you too are loved so much that the lord was willing to put his mortal life to an end that you could come back to live with him in eternal glory one day. my brother. just remember we love you and so does he in the of the lord jesus christ. amen.

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Well, at the moment I believe I'll be baptised as soon as I think I'm worth it. Now it's too soon, and I don't think I'm ready nor worthy, but I hope that before year 2012 I'm proud member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

MagneticField, your story is a very good one :) You will be able to experience the full benefit of the healing power of Christ. If you are willing to let all the bad things in your life go away, they will disappear. I too, am a convert. Even now, I am not perfect, but I try my hardest to be good, and I know that there is always a hope that I can become, and remain clean one day.

And remember, if there is a particular thing that bothers you, or a question you have to ask, you can speak to the Church authorities, and they will guide you. Most important, however, is that you continue to read scripture, and build that personal relationship with God. That is the ultimate basis of your religious conversion.

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I actually have a very similar story to you Magnetic! I was raised Catholic but never really connected with the Church, but was always really spiritual. However, due to falling in with the 'wrong crowd' I strayed a lot, got piercings and tattoo's, drank, smoked, and had a massive caffeine dependancy!

Since finding God and the Church of Latter-day Saints, I've given up smoking and drinking, stick solely to hot chocolate, and have taken out my piercings. Not much to be done about my tattoo's, but I think of them as reminders of wrongs which led me to God, and his love. I believe that I will be completely forgiven for my transgressions! You will too!

I'm now 20 years old, and hoping to be baptised before 2012 :)

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Congrats to both Magnetic and PrincessAllie for their journeys into the light. This is a former agnostic talking who also has some similarities in his background.

I often think about the changes I've made in my life over the years as I've strived to come closer to my Savior and when I see the immense happiness I have now I am even more convinced that I've joined the true Church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

May you be blessed in your journey toward Christ.

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I would add something to all this concerning Magnetic and PrincessAllie: I am a 5th generation Mormon of proud pioneer stock. I have never strayed very far from the “path” or as some would say - from the iron rod. My journey has been markedly different than Magnetic and PrincessAllie.

With that background may I say welcome to you both - welcome to the house hold of G-d. I respect your decision to take upon you the honor and discipline of a Saint of G-d. And I recognize you - not as damage goods because of your past but a honored Saint as worthy of respect or even more so than myself.

The Traveler

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Hi, this is my first post to this forum, and I hope this isn't in wrong section. I was choosing between this and advice board, but eventually chose this. English isn't my first language, so if you don't understand something, please tell about it. And if this is in wrong section, is it possible to move to the correct one?

Please, if you're under 18 or very sensitive, don't read further.

So, I'm 24 years old male from northern europe, not member of any church and I've considered myself atheist about 10 years. I'm always been interested about religions, even that I don't (didn't?) believe in any god. Every religion was missing something. This autumn I started to study mormonism as an hobby (I don't count that 15 minutes in 7th grade as study, it wasn't even close what mormonism is really about), actually from anti-mormon website, and something weird happened. Now I'm reading Book of Mormon every day, and still thinking should I attend to the sacrament meeting at my local church. I'm still a bit confused...

Now I'm struggling with my current life and history. Being an atheist means that I've thought there's no any god or holy spirit, which is forbidden (there would be better way to say that, but I hope you understand). I smoked my first cigarette when I was 14, and now I smoke regulary. I drink alcohol, since almost every university student does that, and it's part of our culture. I've also used coffee and tea, but I've given up with those and started to drink hot chocolate instead. I have masturbated numerous times and had premaritial sex thousands of times (it's normal here, my 17 partners is about average for guy who's at my age and isn't married), few times group sex and lived with my girlfriend without marriage. I believe from law of chasity the only thing I haven't done is gay sex. This does sound bad, doesn't it?

On the other hand, I've always obeyed laws of my country, if not counting few speeding tickets. I've never stolen anything or hurted anyone in a purpose.

So, my problem is that I believe I've broken about every single rule in mormonism. This is quite hard for me, since I haven't felt that I'm doing something wrong, ever. My question is, would I ever become worthy, in eyes of local ward or in front of God? Would I even be baptized if I wanted to?

I'm not familiar with organisation of mormon church, I could contact to local bishop, but it's bit hard since there's no bishop in the city I'm living. Is the leader of the church of the area (that's direct translation, but the guy who's in charge but isn't called bishop) doing the same stuff? I'm also bit concerned about how he would react if I'd confess all this to him.

Any couraging words are also welcome. Please, don't judge me because I've done all that, I had no idea that it could be wrong in any kind. Our culture is much different from american culture.

I haven't yet read beyond your OP so I don't know if anyone else has posted this, but I had to:

Isaiah 1:18

18 Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.

:')

Bless you. Now I have to go back and read the thread.

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I haven't posted to this thread because I haven't felt I had anything to offer. But let me echo the words of others and perhaps add a few of my own:

When you join the kingdom of God and repent, you are turning your back on your previous life and "sins" (if you care to think in those terms). You are more than simply the sum of your previous actions. You cannot undo your earlier life, but that is not important. Get on the path and start walking it, and watch your spiritual life change and blossom in a way you could never have imagined. Quit worrying about sins you may have committed in the past. Look forward, not backward.

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MagneticField, see Matthew 25: 14 through 23 for the parable of the talents that the Savior taught. The parable continues on past 23, but the facet of the parable I wish to highlight is that the Savior does not expect the same level of performance from all. To the person given much (Traveler), much is expected. To the person given less, quantitatively less (but likely qualitatively similar) is expected.

This concept is also nicely captured in the author Stephen E. Robinson's Parable of the Divers he published in his book Following Christ

Many years ago, when I was somewhere between nine and eleven, I participated in a community summer recreation program in the town where I grew up. I remember in a particular a diving competition for the different age groups held at the community swimming pool. Some of the wealthier kids in our area had their own pools with diving boards, and they were pretty good amateur divers. But there was one kid my age from the less affluent part of town who didn’t have his own pool. What he had was raw courage. While the rest of us did our crisp little swan dives, back dives, and jackknives, being ever so careful to reach our backs and point our toes, this young man attempted back flips, one-and-a-halfs, doubles, and so on. But, oh, he was sloppy. He seldom kept his feet together, he never pointed his toes, and he usually missed his vertical entry. The rest of us observed with smug satisfaction as the judges held up their scorecards that he consistently got lower marks than we did with our safe and simple dives, and we congratulated ourselves that we were actually the better divers. “He is all heart and no finesse, we told ourselves.” After all, we keep our feet together and point our toes.”

The announcement of the winner was a great shock to us, for the brave young lad with the flips had apparently beaten us all. However, I had kept the scores in my head, and I knew with the arrogance of limited information that the math didn’t add up. I had consistently outscored the boy with the flips. And so, certain that an injustice was being perpetrated, I stormed the scorer’s table and demanded an explanation. “Degree of difficulty,” the scorer replied matter-of-factly as he looked me in the eye. “Sure you had better form, but he did harder dives. When you factor in the degree of difficulty, he beat you hands down, kid.” Until that moment I hadn’t known that some dives were awarded “extra credit” because of their greater difficulty.

I have a friend to whom life has been unkind. Although she married in the temple, her husband proved unfaithful and eventually abandoned her and their small children. Since he has never paid a penny in child support, my friend works full time to support herself and her kids. For several years she also went to school at night to improve her financial situation. Therefore, of necessity, she could not be with her children as much as she would have liked and could not always give them the guidance and discipline they needed. It just wasn’t possible in her difficult circumstances. One result of her less-than-perfect family situation was troubled teenagers. Now in middle age she is faced with raising some of her grandchildren—again, all alone. Without a faithful companion, without the priesthood in her home, without the blessings that are realized where the ideal family setting is possible, it is almost inevitable that my friend should feel that her scores as a wife and mother, and perhaps even as a person, aren't very high. When she goes to church and sees other ‘ideal’ LDS families, when she hears them bear their testimonies and give thanks for all their spiritual and temporal blessings, she sees in her mind the judges holding up scorecards that say 9.9 or 10.0. When she looks at her own life, her own failed marriage, her own troubled children, she knows that the scores are much lower, and she worries about her place in the kingdom.

Well, she needn’t worry, for she is faithful to her covenants in her troubles as the rest of us are in our blessings. True, there are some things she cannot do, but these are the result of her circumstances, not choices pursued by her own free will and where there is no choice, there can be no condemnation. I have no doubt that when the ‘degree of difficulty” is factored in for the life she leads, her crown will shine brighter than many others, for god always factors into his judgments the “degree of difficulty.”

Whenever I am tempted to feel superior to other saints, the parable of the divers comes to my mind, and I repent. At least at a swim meet, we can usually tell which dives are the most difficult. But here in mortality, we cannot always tell who is carrying what burdens: limited intelligence, chemical depression, compulsive behaviors, learning disabilities, dysfunctional or abusive family background, poor health, physical or psychological handicaps—no one chooses these things. So I must not judge my brothers and sisters. I am thankful for my blessings but not smug about them, for I never want to hear the scorer say to me, “sure you had better form, but she had a harder life. When you factor in the degree of difficulty, she beat you hands down.”

It would be foolish of me, or anyone who themselves hopes for mercy, to judge you for that which is has happened in the past. We have no idea of the 'degree of difficulty' of your life, even if it seems patently obvious. Thankfully it will be a merciful and omniscient God that will judge us, who will fully take into account all factors, seen and unseen, known and unknown.

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Well, at the moment I believe I'll be baptised as soon as I think I'm worth it. Now it's too soon, and I don't think I'm ready nor worthy, but I hope that before year 2012 I'm proud member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

I can only say that your story confirms my testimony about the gospel, you're so on the right path, the gospel is exactly for you so please dont feel inadequate. You have been lead to the church for a reason, there is not coincidence. I can promise to you that you will receive the remission of your sins when you are baptized and that you will feel peace and the love of your Heavenly Father as you make a convenant with Him.

Just remember a couple of things, First: Baptism is a mean and not the end. You can't feel completely worthy until you're baptized thats what baptism is for, only through baptism you can become clean of those sins and guilt. so, i would encourage you to be baptized and not to wait too long to do it. Second: endure, as you gain a testimony of the things you are experiencing always work on that testimony to make it stronger by reading, praying etc, basically live the commandments... the promise is the greatest of all the gifts of God, please read 2 Nephi 31:19-20 so you can understand this principle better.

I admire the courage you have had to look for answers, if you have any doubts or concerns we will be happy to help you resolve them.

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