Some advice?

[IamMe]

I was raised LDS. I've been inactive for about 10 years now. I feel the calling to return to the church, but face some difficulties & looking for some advice on how to handle things. Turning to my parents isn't do able. I'm in a new community, so turning to my bishop, ward or anything of that nature isn't do able.

I am now very happily married with 10 beautiful children. My husband doesn't believe in any church, approaching him, asking for his assistance or anything also isn't an option. He isn't anti, he just would rather not hear of any of it.

I look at my oldest daughter whose now 12 & think all the time that she should be in YW, just as I was. She should be starting service projects...like I was. The kids all attend a kids youth program at a local baptist church, and while it's all good...it isn't good enough. I know in my heart where the truth is, it's not there.

My girls have all been raised knowing some of the basic principals, and some of the reasons why, (ie no dating etc) but since they aren't there, it's not the same. I'm sad to say I don't even have a Book of Mormon here in the house.

I'd like to start off with finding a BOM, and seeing if there's any sister missionaries in my area...but I don't even know where to start. I'd rather see them while my husband is at work so I'm not causing issues between us...not to hide it from him (I will be telling him), but rather so it's something I can do without shoving it in his face so to speak. Because I'd rather do it while he's at work, I'm not sure having elders visit would really be appropriate.

Any advice?

[Connie]

Mormon.org <----this is a good website.

You can request a free copy of the Book of Mormon, you can request a visit from the missionaries (just put down that you'd like some sister missionaries) or you can even chat with some missionaries right online.

Good luck and peace be with you.

[JudoMinja]

Go ahead and get a Book of Mormon and see if there are any sister missionaries in your area- and talk to your husband about it. Express to him your feelings and your reasoning behind your desire to return to activity. He does not have to accept the church to understand. It may be hard for him to accept you making changes, but as long as you are not trying to force him to change with you or presenting any ultimatums this should be perfectly understandable and doable in a healthy marriage. Be honest and open with him, and make sure he knows that you are doing this for you (to be at peace with what you feel to be right and true) and will not expect him to do any different than what HE feels to be right and true. If what he feels is right for himself is not the same as you, that is okay and you can respect that and work together to decide what is best for your children.

[Vort]

I'm in a new community, so turning to my bishop, ward or anything of that nature isn't do able.

Quite the opposite. You are new to the community, so you will be welcomed with open arms. The ward members will likely think, "What a find!"

I hear many complain of just the opposite: That they can't go back to their ward because everyone knows them, so they would be embarrassed. Seize the opportunity that a new ward presents of making a fresh start.

[IamMe]

Thank you.

I did look at mormon.org but saw that in order to receive the BOM it needed to be brought by missionaries. I don't want to seem rude by asking for sister missionaries to bring it by, I don't even know if there's sister missionaries in my area & I don't know how to find out. I just don't think it's appropriate for elders to come by, especially since my preference would be when my husband isn't home.

I won't be hiding anything from my husband. We have a very open & honest relationship, & I intend to keep it that way. There is one of the words of wisdom I struggle with (smoking) but I'd like to at least think that a return to church won't impact him a great deal. There won't be any ultimatums placed on him. I prefer an approach of let him see, than an in your face type. He's always known my upbringing and on times has asked questions, no secrets there.

Is there a way to find out if there's sister missionaries in my area?

[IamMe]

I went on to the chat for mormon.org and was able to get a phone number..there's no sister missionaries in my area

[JudoMinja]

I went on to the chat for mormon.org and was able to get a phone number..there's no sister missionaries in my area

Well, poo. Hmm... If you really want missionaries to visit with you, you could just let the Elder's know that it would be at a time when your husband is not home, and they will make sure they bring someone else with them. It's in their rules that they cannot meet with a lone female. However, the person they bring with them may also be a male... so I'd double check with your husband to see if this will bother him or not.

If that is going to prove problematic, another route you could go would be to look up your local ward building. Get in touch with the bishop there and/or the Relief Society president and ask if you can have visiting teachers assigned to you. They could act in much the same capacity as the sister missionaries would.

[beefche]

Go to church in your ward. The members will freely welcome you. And there, you can talk to the missionaries and let them know your concerns. Together, ya'll can come up with a solution that fits your circumstances.

[beefche]

If that is going to prove problematic, another route you could go would be to look up your local ward building. Get in touch with the bishop there and/or the Relief Society president and ask if you can have visiting teachers assigned to you. They could act in much the same capacity as the sister missionaries would.

And if the RS is smart, she'll assign the YW or Primary president as her VT.

[IamMe]

Excellent ideas!! I never even thought of that. I think the relief society pres & visiting sisters is definitely the way to go. I'm really not comfortable having elders here while my husband isn't home, now knowing that it's also in the mission rules just confirms that for me.

I have the bishops phone number here now. I always loved having visiting sisters, and I think that would be a great way to at least know someone before I walk into the chapel. And, beefche you're right in that a YW's or primary pres would really be a good choice for our family. It's also nice that none of you have commented on how many children we have, that's usually the first thing anyone comments on.

[Guest]

There's a good chance that there are ward missionaries who are female, also, who could either visit you as a companionship or with the elders.

I'll comment on all those kids. I'm the youngest of 9 and it's a blessing to have so much family! Kudos to those of you that can give that to your kids.

[IamMe]

Thank you Eowyn. You're right in that they are a blessing. I'm used to getting comments more along the lines of trying to out do the TV show, which we're not. It was our choice, and if I could do it over, I would in a heart beat.

[sister_in_faith]

Pack up those little ones and get yourself to church! I bet you won't regret it!

[IamMe]

Just thought I'd give an update on this.

Over the weekend we had a friend come visit us. I've been friends with her for about 15 years, we met through the church. She's also inactive now.

Anyways.... we both got the idea Sunday morning to load up most of the kids & take off to church. We told the hubby we were going to London to visit the queen and we'd be back in a few hours with final words to enjoy his morning off.

Talking my 12 yr old daughter into going was a bit of a challenge, but she agreed to come. As you know, yesterday was fast & testimony.

I should explain, that although I've been inactive, some things have always been in our home, like some of the hymns. I believe in Christ & I am a child of God are my 2 personal faverites. I am a child of God has helped me through a lot. Frustrated with the kids, sometimes I just need that to remind me that I'm not managing inconviences...they too are a child of God. The more frustrated I am, the more it's sung...

As we walked into the chapel, with 5 kids...one a scared and nervous tween, the pianist sat down to start... wouldn't you know it. I am a child of God.

Her eyes lit up, and she realized she knew the song and was able to know all the words, it took away the uneasiness for her, there was something to comfort her.

The bishop is having our records transferred here, the kids are set up in primary. My young woman is excited about going to mutual tomorrow night. I even have a sunbeam.

ANNNNND.... Sister missionaries were transferred in last week. There's also another family in the ward that I got to meet that also has 10 children.

As for the little fib we told my hubby when we left, when we got back home we told him where we really were. He doesn't care, said anytime I want to go he's more than happy to drive me (I don't drive) with any kids that want to go, so long as I don't force him to go.

Edited March 5, 2012 by IamMe

[classylady]

Just thought I'd give an update on this.

Over the weekend we had a friend come visit us. I've been friends with her for about 15 years, we met through the church. She's also inactive now.

Anyways.... we both got the idea Sunday morning to load up most of the kids & take off to church. We told the hubby we were going to London to visit the queen and we'd be back in a few hours with final words to enjoy his morning off.

Talking my 12 yr old daughter into going was a bit of a challenge, but she agreed to come. As you know, yesterday was fast & testimony.

I should explain, that although I've been inactive, some things have always been in our home, like some of the hymns. I believe in Christ & I am a child of God are my 2 personal faverites. I am a child of God has helped me through a lot. Frustrated with the kids, sometimes I just need that to remind me that I'm not managing inconviences...they too are a child of God. The more frustrated I am, the more it's sung...

As we walked into the chapel, with 5 kids...one a scared and nervous tween, the pianist sat down to start... wouldn't you know it. I am a child of God.

Her eyes lit up, and she realized she knew the song and was able to know all the words, it took away the uneasiness for her, there was something to comfort her.

The bishop is having our records transferred here, the kids are set up in primary. My young woman is excited about going to mutual tomorrow night. I even have a sunbeam.

ANNNNND.... Sister missionaries were transferred in last week. There's also another family in the ward that I got to meet that also has 10 children.

As for the little fib we told my hubby when we left, when we got back home we told him where we really were. He doesn't care, said anytime I want to go he's more than happy to drive me (I don't drive) with any kids that want to go, so long as I don't force him to go.

Thank you for the update. It's wonderful that your husband is willing to drive you to church!