Is it wrong to admire beauty in this case?

[Darkpaw1]

Hello, I am a young adult learning Japanese. naturally, I do hope one day to move to Japan. I enjoy their culture and since I am a fan of anime/manga, naturally I'd want to move to Tokyo. Well in my time learning Japanese I have grown fond of Asian and Japanese woman. Not in any perverse way but basically I find them to eb really cute. And personally, out of all the races I would be estatic if one day I'd be lucky enough to meet such a young lady (I actually know a couple). In all honesty, I would find it nice to date an Asian woman, even more if I was to date one from Asia or Japan itself. Not to say I have a single eye for Asian/Japanese girls but like the title suggest I admire their beauty.

I really think Japanese girls are cute. As such, I would google or youtube a picture of a Japanese girl, then sigh, and wish I was in Japan rofl. Of course, the pictures aren't anything perverted or anything; generally what I try to find is somethign like the average Japanese college student or some people just hanging out, or something. what worries me is I wonder if it is a sin to admire them this way, or basically is it a sin to google up pictures of pretty girls this way?

Additionally, I dont have a girlfriend or anything though I am seeing this one girl. Its not serious, heck we're not even dating or anything, but we have hung out a few times. I like her and I think she likes me but as far as either of us knowing anything is null. I know wellll enough it wouldn't be well for me to desire to date other girls if I was dating somone, but sicne I am not dating somone is it ok to wish to date a girls from other countries like Asia or Japan?

[pam]

Not sure why this is in the "How do I" section. I'm moving it.

[prisonchaplain]

Hello, I am a young adult learning Japanese. naturally, I do hope one day to move to Japan. I enjoy their culture and since I am a fan of anime/manga, naturally I'd want to move to Tokyo. Well in my time learning Japanese I have grown fond of Asian and Japanese woman. Not in any perverse way but basically I find them to eb really cute. And personally, out of all the races I would be estatic if one day I'd be lucky enough to meet such a young lady (I actually know a couple). In all honesty, I would find it nice to date an Asian woman, even more if I was to date one from Asia or Japan itself. Not to say I have a single eye for Asian/Japanese girls but like the title suggest I admire their beauty.

Some men find buck teeth attractive, others women who are on the chuncky side, and still others are fond of certain hair colors and types. Stature may be an issue, with some liking tall, and others short.

I was an exchange student in Korea, then stayed an extra six years doing mission work and teaching. The young ladies were cute, and I ultimately married my roommate's sister. Ironically, I did not have a meeting with her until the last year of my sojourn there. So...sure, it's okay to take a fancy to Asian girls. Just keep God first, and let his timing and person for you come naturally. Heavenly Father may grant this desire of your heart...or he may surprise you with a different blessing...open mind, but honest about your likes...you should be fine.

[Darkpaw1]

Some men find buck teeth attractive, others women who are on the chuncky side, and still others are fond of certain hair colors and types. Stature may be an issue, with some liking tall, and others short.

I was an exchange student in Korea, then stayed an extra six years doing mission work and teaching. The young ladies were cute, and I ultimately married my roommate's sister. Ironically, I did not have a meeting with her until the last year of my sojourn there. So...sure, it's okay to take a fancy to Asian girls. Just keep God first, and let his timing and person for you come naturally. Heavenly Father may grant this desire of your heart...or he may surprise you with a different blessing...open mind, but honest about your likes...you should be fine.

Thanks that brings me a lot of comfort. Just find Asian/ Japanese really cute and was worried if googling up a picture or video of the average Japanese girl was bad or not.

Your quote though makes me wonder something else though. Is it a sin to meet people through the internet? Because as you know I have the intention of visiting and ultimately living in Japan one day and I thought it might be nice to chat with some other LDS from Japan. It would also help me edge up on my Japanese too. Though naturally, I might come across meeting a nice girl from Japan.

I beleive the prophets discourage internet dating, not that I think kindly of it either; but I want to know if it's ok to date over the internet in this situation. Like I have no intention of going on a LDS dating site or anything but if I was to meet a nice girl from Japan and after several months or so we grow close, would it be bad for us to like wanna date. Like, obviously it probably wouldn't be serious (then again I never even done so much as a long distance relationship) but would it be bad to say like if somone asks me if I hav been dating lately and I say " well I found this nice girl I skype with, we never met and she lives in Japan, but I do plan to meet her soon one day", would that be bad?

Its just i think the prophets discourage online dating. But what if a relationship happens just from meeting them online, not in a dating site but just from a friendly site that helps you meet other YSA members from other countries? I would hate to start getting to know somone overseas then have a church leader tell me that it isn't healthy for me to date somone overseas without having the intention of meeting them frequently (I do intend to go to Japan, just won't be for 2-4 years).

What is the church's veiw on internet dating? What is their veiw on somewhat unintentinally dating, like not going on a dating site but just happening to meet somone nice over the internet and dating eventually, can I date them or do I have to decline until I am able to at least meet them once?

And is there a site where young LDS members can just hang and chat with people from other countries? I think it'd be pretty cool to find out how they celebrated their Chinese New Yeear's in Japan (yesterday).

[Vort]

Because as you know I have the intention of visiting and ultimately living in Japan one day

If by "living in Japan" you mean spending two or three or five years there, then do whatever blows your skirt up. If instead you mean living there as a resident foreigner for the long term, like the rest of your life, you ought to reconsider that rash idea. The Japanese are very polite but are famously xenophobic, and justly so. As a gaijin in Japan, you will never be accepted in society as anything but an oddity. Unless you enjoy living as a second-class citizen, you should reconsider the idea.

[prisonchaplain]

I am not LDS, so I do not know whether your prophets have urged caution with internet dating, or have flat out said it is not for LDS people. A few folk here have met, and one couple married.

So, my outside perspective is that it would be great for you to chat with Japanese people online. If you do not meet in person, are you really dating? It may help you adjust better when you go there.

As for living in Japan, you never know. I went to Korea, planning to stay four months. I left six and a half years later--and would have stayed if God directed. I'd go back today, if God urged me to. I was never considered a Korean, only managed "pidgeon Korean" language ability, but made some wonderful friends, and enjoyed the work and ministry. just be open, prayerful, and relaxed.

[john doe]

I'm not sure where you got the idea that the prophets discourage meeting or dating people online. In fact, it seems to me that there are a number of websites out there dedicated to LDS introductions, meetings, and dating. I'm curious about where you read or heard that advice.

[Guest]

Anyone I know who has married for looks has done so with pretty disastrous results. Looks change and beauty fades, and then you still have to live with that person. Marrying a Japanese girl because she's "cute" is pretty immature and short-sighted as far as a healthy, long-term marriage is concerned.

[prisonchaplain]

I doubt the OP was suggesting that beauty would be the deciding trait. He just wondered aloud if it was okay to be an initial factor--especially if he was attracted to a particular race or culture.

[Bini]

Anyone I know who has married for looks has done so with pretty disastrous results. Looks change and beauty fades, and then you still have to live with that person. Marrying a Japanese girl because she's "cute" is pretty immature and short-sighted as far as a healthy, long-term marriage is concerned.

I agree. At some point, you must separate fantasy from reality. But as I've said before, personal preference is a powerful thing. If you're just not that into big girls, don't date them. For me personally, I had my own dating criteria. Some of that was based on what was inside and some of that was based on what was outside. Both aspects were equally important to me.

[Dravin]

Hello, I am a young adult learning Japanese. naturally, I do hope one day to move to Japan. I enjoy their culture and since I am a fan of anime/manga, naturally I'd want to move to Tokyo. Well in my time learning Japanese I have grown fond of Asian and Japanese woman. Not in any perverse way but basically I find them to eb really cute. And personally, out of all the races I would be estatic if one day I'd be lucky enough to meet such a young lady (I actually know a couple). In all honesty, I would find it nice to date an Asian woman, even more if I was to date one from Asia or Japan itself. Not to say I have a single eye for Asian/Japanese girls but like the title suggest I admire their beauty.

I really think Japanese girls are cute. As such, I would google or youtube a picture of a Japanese girl, then sigh, and wish I was in Japan rofl. Of course, the pictures aren't anything perverted or anything; generally what I try to find is somethign like the average Japanese college student or some people just hanging out, or something. what worries me is I wonder if it is a sin to admire them this way, or basically is it a sin to google up pictures of pretty girls this way?

If the images are being sought (even if she's wearing a parka and snow-pants, it doesn't have to be 'perverted') to titillate or as a focus of prurient intent then there is an issue. If you thoughts are being perfectly chaste I, personally, don't see an issue. Ultimately out of us here you are going to know best your intent and thoughts when looking this pictures up. Personally I'd advise it based on the slippery factor but you know yourself better than I.

I know wellll enough it wouldn't be well for me to desire to date other girls if I was dating somone, but sicne I am not dating somone is it ok to wish to date a girls from other countries like Asia or Japan?

If you aren't in an exclusive relationship (and some dates do not an exclusive relationship make) there isn't anything wrong with dating someone else (and less so with "I'd like to date her"). With that said while some fantasizing (I'm talking non-sexual) about the 'perfect' girlfriend is pretty normal and isn't unhealthy, keep in mind that it's ultimately a let down to sit there and pine over an imaginary girl because the people we make up rarely lack the flaws and imperfections real people do. Even when the people we are making up is based on someone who may actually exist.

Edited January 29, 2012 by Dravin

[Darkpaw1]

If by "living in Japan" you mean spending two or three or five years there, then do whatever blows your skirt up. If instead you mean living there as a resident foreigner for the long term, like the rest of your life, you ought to reconsider that rash idea. The Japanese are very polite but are famously xenophobic, and justly so. As a gaijin in Japan, you will never be accepted in society as anything but an oddity. Unless you enjoy living as a second-class citizen, you should reconsider the idea.

Thats a bit rash dont you think? To declare Japanese citizens as anti-immigrant is pretty hypocritical. I mean if they are probably a bit dgy toward Americans but so are the French and you dont see people dislike going there.

I inend to teach there of possible one day too so I don't think not vising Japan is an option.

Anyone I know who has married for looks has done so with pretty disastrous results. Looks change and beauty fades, and then you still have to live with that person. Marrying a Japanese girl because she's "cute" is pretty immature and short-sighted as far as a healthy, long-term marriage is concerned.

@Dravin

Yeah I am not looking at them pervertedly. But sometimes I do get aroused, not intenntionally of course but it just happens. Like the picture isn't bad or anything it just happens. Like once there was a picture of a Japanese girl just standing in aa 1990s shirt and pants nothing special but her face was really pretty, and once I noticed how cute she was I wa aroused. Ironcially though, earlier today I seen a video of these Japanese girls practicing English in a classroom (might've been a game show I dont know) and did not get aroused in the least. I thought they were exceptionally cute too. My guess is I just find them attractive but not influencing bad thoghts in my head. So no worries there,

And I am not fixating the "perfect girl" based on such a woman. I have standards but noen that is unrealistic. Like I'll date any race, any ethnicity, beatiful or ugly, as long as she keeps herself decently healthy, good hygene, and is friendly. Of course I have more but offf the top of my head without much thought thats generally it. Aside from preferences, yeah I 'prefere' beauty, I 'prefere' certain races over others, but those are all things I "prefer" and I dont cast aside a girl if she doesn't fit me perfectl. I'd accept a girl as she is. No girl is ever gona be perfect so I learn to accept their inperfections. And I truy enjoy imperfections. Sure I wdanna date a Japanese girl but I also enjoy dating white girls, chubby girls, spansih girls, french girls, Indian girls, etc. I just find at the top is cute Japanese girls, and desiring the opportunity to see what it'd be like to go on a date is nothing wrong. a small dream is a small dream. Now if I decided tod o something like, single out all the Asian girls I know then yeah it'd be a bit of a issue but fantasizing about being in Japane on a date with a cute Japanese girl doesnt seem so bad, no?

Um... I don't intend to segregate other races from the girls I wish to date, I do not understand why you seem to beleive beauty is my primary intention. Yes, I find Japanese girls cute but I would not marry somone based on their looks. What I meant to point out is Ifind Japanese girls cute AND I would like to date one. Not marry one. I mean yes dating ultimately leads to marriage but over such course of dating I'd naturally grow fond of her. The same can be said for any of the girls in my ward and such. If I ever had an oppprotunity to go on a date with one of them I'd be delighted all the same, and might even grow fond of them, maybe even marry her. Just because a girl is not cute does not mean I will not date her, in fact I am very un-shallow. I have my preferences, like eveyone else. I find some girls pretty while other guys do not and vice-versa. Same goes for personality.

Pint is, is narrowing down who you'd like to date isn't a bad thing at all. If say I was asked to hang out with a really big girl. Now I actually love big girls dont get me wrong (heck I'm pretty chubby mself) but of course I also desire for them to take care of themselves, as such I have my standards when it'd come to chubby girls opposed to really big girls. And you can argue I might like this big girl and I'd be happy to be friends with her but if I see we don't mix too well I am in no obligation to taking the extra step and asking her out. I might if I began to like her a bit but if I can see much with her I will rather stay friends, at least for now.

Now choosing to admire cute girls, particularly Japanese is nothing personal against other girls or races. Naterually yes, cute girls will have an edge, its just how the natural brain works, at first glance anywya. But down the line as you get to know somone whether dating or not you find how much you like that person, and when you make that decision thats when the "L" word comes in, when you can fully except the good and flaws of that person. I am just saying on point blank that since I am not focused on any one girl at the moment that perhaps taking time to plan to go to Japan and (very likely) date a Japanese girl eoesn't seem like a bad idea. Wll I dump the plan if I date before then? Of course not. Will I dump somone the second I am ready to go to Japan? Of course not either. What I am saying is if and while I am in this state of singleness I will plan ahead and hope for an optimistic outcome, among so hope I would meet a Japanese girl.

You over reacted a bit. That's like telling your 12 year old daughter she's too young to date whenever she goes berserk over Justin Beiber.

Edited January 29, 2012 by Darkpaw1

[Martain]

It also depends on what part of their figure you're 'admiring'. If it is their face and hair then I feel you're pretty safe. Yet Japanese culture, especially manga/anime are notorious for portraying immodest girls, very short skirts being one example. There is also a difference between pictures of Japanese Girls and Japanese Women. If the pictures you're admiring is of those who are actual girls as in underage, then yes I think that's a problem too.

Those who are LDS have been given specific guidelines as to what is modest and what is not. Are the pictures of individuals who would pass the guidelines set forth in the 'For the Strength of Youth' pamphlet? If they are not, then no it is not good that you're looking them up and pointedly admiring them. A single glance in passing of such a gal as you pass them by in the street is one thing. Turning to look again and again so long as they're in line of sight or pointedly looking at, admiring and studying their features in private? Something completely difference. The guidance then would be... stop.

Here's a test... would you feel comfortable if your bishop was sitting next to you viewing those pictures of those girls? If you wouldn't be comfortable with your bishop, I doubt you'd be comfortable if it were the Lord either. If you wouldn't be comfortable with the Lord... should you be viewing those pictures?

Regardless as to whether or not what you're doing is sinful, know that your current actions do provide a door for the adversary to tempt you that otherwise would not be available to him.

Edited January 30, 2012 by Martain

[Guest]

I have a lot of Asian cousins....

[Vort]

Thats a bit rash dont you think? To declare Japanese citizens as anti-immigrant is pretty hypocritical. I mean if they are probably a bit dgy toward Americans but so are the French and you dont see people dislike going there.

Not sure I'm understanding you. Here is what looks like just happened:

• You (Darkpaw) solicited an opinion.
• I (Vort) gave an opinion, as you requested.
• You (Darkpaw) called me hypocritical.

Do I have that right?

In what sense is it "hypocritical" to "declare Japanese citizens as anti-immigrant"? (Please note that I did not say they were anti-immigrant; I said they were "famously xenophobic". And they are. But even supposing I did say that, I'm not seeing the hypocrisy.)

It is rather silly for you to make up your mind to go to Japan, then ask for advice about it, then criticize anyone who doesn't agree with your predetermined plan. Look, "Darkpaw", by all means, feel free to paddle on over to Japan and get yourself a Japanese girlfriend. Marry her, raise a family there, and good luck to you.

But you will not be accepted in Japanese society, and your children, native Japanese, will forever be outsiders in their own country. That's the way it is. Many American expatriates in Japan will attest to the fact.

If you are wise, you will have ears to hear what is being said. This is not racism or anti-Japanese-ness or any such thing. It is the first- and second-hand experience of those older and (presumably) wiser than you. Take advantage of the experience of others.

[Darkpaw1]

It also depends on what part of their figure you're 'admiring'. If it is their face and hair then I feel you're pretty safe. Yet Japanese culture, especially manga/anime are notorious for portraying immodest girls, very short skirts being one example. There is also a difference between pictures of Japanese Girls and Japanese Women. If the pictures you're admiring is of those who are actual girls as in underage, then yes I think that's a problem too.

Those who are LDS have been given specific guidelines as to what is modest and what is not. Are the pictures of individuals who would pass the guidelines set forth in the 'For the Strength of Youth' pamphlet? If they are not, then no it is not good that you're looking them up and pointedly admiring them. A single glance in passing of such a gal as you pass them by in the street is one thing. Turning to look again and again so long as they're in line of sight or pointedly looking at, admiring and studying their features in private? Something completely difference. The guidance then would be... stop.

Here's a test... would you feel comfortable if your bishop was sitting next to you viewing those pictures of those girls? If you wouldn't be comfortable with your bishop, I doubt you'd be comfortable if it were the Lord either. If you wouldn't be comfortable with the Lord... should you be viewing those pictures?

Regardless as to whether or not what you're doing is sinful, know that your current actions do provide a door for the adversary to tempt you that otherwise would not be available to him.

Agreed dude. I think I'll stop

[Guest]

But you will not be accepted in Japanese society, and your children, native Japanese, will forever be outsiders in their own country. That's the way it is. Many American expatriates in Japan will attest to the fact.

If you are wise, you will have ears to hear what is being said. This is not racism or anti-Japanese-ness or any such thing. It is the first- and second-hand experience of those older and (presumably) wiser than you. Take advantage of the experience of others.

Vort, Japan has changed in the last 30 years that this is not all together true anymore. With more open trade in Japan, there are so many foreign corporations there now that foreigners and multi-racial families are not that uncommon anymore.

My husband lived in Japan in the late 70's when he was just a toddler and during that time, all the Japanese kids and even the parents would always touch his bright blonde hair but were still quite stand-offish. Today, though, multi-racial families just blend into society like everyone else. Of course, there are small pockets of society far from the cities that still have the old culture but it's pretty much gone in the major cities.

But yes, working in Japan will be very difficult for somebody who does not know enough Japanese to read and write it fluently. The education system in Japan is taught in Japanese with only elite schools teaching English. The work environment reflects this and an American working for a Japanese company will have to know how to read, write, and speak Japanese.

This is really the same in Vietnam and even the Philippines (except that the Philippine education system is taught in English so there's not much of a challenge for Americans there) - it used to be that "half-breeds" were ostracized in Vietnamese society. That's not true anymore. In the Philippines, foreigners used to be visa-by-marriage opportunities only and not really accepted into Filipino families. This is not the case anymore as more and more American businesses have presence in the Philippines. The Philippine Soccer Team is comprised of half-Filipino/half-European people and they are the most popular thing there besides Manny Pacquiao. There are also many more foreigners who live there that speak the dialect so that they all just blend in now even when they are a foot taller with brighter hair and multi-colored eyes.

[prisonchaplain]

If you are young, single, and have a desire for overseas adventure, just go! You may or may not find romance. You more likely than not will eventually return home. However, if you delay or talk yourself out of going, you will always wonder, "What if?"

In many ways, my time in Asia was, "The best six years." I never pretended to be a Korean, and, as Vort says, would never have been accepted as one. So what? I made friends, did good, and still have fond memories nearly 20 years later. And, who knows, you may indeed find love. JUST GO!

[Windseeker]

I served a mission in Japan went back a million times since. What living in Japan did for me was expand the type of girls (race) I found attractive. Prior to my mission I only dated blonde blue eyed girls. After my mission I dated many Japanese girls most of whom were LDS. I ended up with the best of both worlds and married an all American girl of mixed asian heritage.

I personally can relate to what your going thru and feeling. I think finding them attractive is fine and your almost assured that your kids will be cute :).

Some positives I found about Japanese girls.

They can be super good friends, like chum buddies. They can be cute, but IMHO the number who I considered cute were percentage wise far fewer than the ratio of cute girls in the U.S. They age well up until they are 50 then they look 80..hahahaha..someone slap me :)

Some negatives-

Extremely immature compared to Americans of the same age. They can be extremely cold-hearted. Not a negative or positive but don't expect every Japanese girl to fall head over heals for you. Some might be interested in dating and being friends but would never consider marrying an American.

Now some advice for you. I would not fixate on these pictures any longer. I agree with the advice you've been given. I think it's fine to find them attractive, but life is not Anime. If you fixate on those pictures now, I promise you that you will do the same thing after your married. Anyway, take my advice with a grain of salt, it's just my opinion. Good Luck

Edited January 31, 2012 by Windseeker

[Bini]

I served a mission in Japan went back a million times since. What living in Japan did for me was expand the type of girls (race) I found attractive. Prior to my mission I only dated blonde blue eyed girls. After my mission I dated many Japanese girls most of whom were LDS. I ended up with the best of both worlds and married an all American girl of mixed asian heritage.

I personally can relate to what your going thru and feeling. I think finding them attractive is fine and your almost assured that your kids will be cute :).

Some positives I found about Japanese girls.

They can be super good friends, like chum buddies. They can be cute, but IMHO the number who I considered cute were percentage wise far fewer than the ratio of cute girls in the U.S. They age well up until they are 50 then they look 80..hahahaha..someone slap me :)

Some negatives-

Extremely immature compared to Americans of the same age. They can be extremely cold-hearted. Not a negative or positive but don't expect every Japanese girl to fall head over heals for you. Some might be interested in dating and being friends but would never consider marrying an American.

Now some advice for you. I would not fixate on these pictures any longer. I agree with the advice you've been given. I think it's fine to find them attractive, but life is not Anime. If you fixate on those pictures now, I promise you that you will do the same thing after your married. Anyway, take my advice with a grain of salt, it's just my opinion. Good Luck

I actually agree with a lot of this. And LOL at the "it's all downhill after 50" comment. I hope I'm the exception but fortunately my husband loves me for my inside first and outside secondary!

[girlygirl]

Getting back to your original post...

I think its totally normal and healthy for a single person to daydream about a possible or future girlfriend/boyfriend. Heck, when i was a teenager I hung up posters and pictures of celebrity guys I thought were hunky. In fact, my mom said when she was a teenager she would draw pictures of elvis from the records she bought.

Stuff like this is so normal and healthy. However, hate to say it, but theres some pretty perverted things with japanese anime/manga. I would hate to say it is okay to look up those pictures when I know inevitably you are going to come across some gross stuff.

So my advice is, is looking at headshot pictures of a girl you think is cute okay? Heck ya! Just make sure the you have a filter on your computer and dont go to any questionable sites.

I hung pictures of Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom, ect. on my wall, did I think I was going to marry them? Obviously not! When I got boyfriends did I trash them because that was disrespectful to them? Of course!

Use your own judgement, and I think you will be fine :)

ps- I used to love the whole Japanese thing too when I was younger, however I can't stand anime now! Its weird how things change hey?

[Guest]

Oh my goodness, yes. I hung John Taylor (Duran Duran) posters all over my room. And yep, I dreamed of going to London and marrying him.

Then I turned 17...

[girlygirl]

Oh my goodness, yes. I hung John Taylor (Duran Duran) posters all over my room. And yep, I dreamed of going to London and marrying him.

Then I turned 17...

Haha yea I went through a Duran Duran stage too!