Helicopter Parents in the Workforce

[NadiaStar]

What do you think of this article?

I have to admit, part of me really wants to help my children get jobs.

[Connie]

There is an article in the March 2012 Ensign about helicopter parents. It's called "Helping without Hovering" on page 10. It's very good. Unfortunately, it's not quite March yet so they don't have that issue up on the website yet. Maybe tomorrow. :)

[NeuroTypical]

"You don't want to block the energy of the parent," says Neil Howe, who studies and consults on generational trends for the company LifeCourse Associates. "It's like jujitsu. You just want to channel it in a certain direction."

Horse hockey. If I ever found myself in the position of this HR lady, I'd refuse to interact with parents in such settings completely. Wouldn't take the call, would end it quickly if it came. If I couldn't avoid the parents, that would be a mark against the job applicant, and I'd be more likely to give someone else the job.

If I was trying to employ people with disabilities, things would be different. But grown mature adults? Please.

[Vort]

What do you think of this article?

I have to admit, part of me really wants to help my children get jobs.

I think it's hilarious. I feel sorry for the "kids".

[RMGuy]

I think it's hilarious. I feel sorry for the "kids".

We do agree sometimes!

-RM

[Backroads]

Hah! Sadly, I know the feeling. When my contract was not renewed a few years' back, I had to tell my mom several times she was not to write a letter to the district. She kept saying "it might help!"

Really, I support lots of parental involvement in schools, but by the time you are able to get a job, parents need to back off.

[Guest]

It's a pretty bad image to portray that your adult kid is not able to handle life without his mother having to do something for him. My kid is 10. I trust he can handle himself with things 10-year-old children are old enough to handle. Like, ride his bike to school. (Did I tell you, he got hit by a car his first time out?).

[Backroads]

Further reading of the article... I don't know if I would fire/not hire someone whose parent butted in (he might just have a crazy parent and be perfectly capable) but it would certainly be something worth investigating/talking about.

[Backroads]

anatess, good job! I hope getting hit by a car didn't hurt him too badly/taught him to be safer.

[Guest]

anatess, good job! I hope getting hit by a car didn't hurt him too badly/taught him to be safer.

He got a few minor scratches - but he wasn't really hurt. His martial arts training kicked in - got him rolling out safely on his shoulder when he got thrown off the bike. He was mad as a wet hen though (It was the driver's fault) because he for sure thought that was the first and last of his biking to school days. It took him 6 months to convince us he is old enough to bike to school... complete with straight A grades. We sent him back out on his bike the next day just to make sure he doesn't get "bike phobia". He was jumping up and down with joy that we still allowed him to bike the next day... so I guess bike phobia wasn't an issue. No incidences since then. He got a new name in school - Roadkill. 3 weeks later, he's still the most popular kid. What's up with that? It's like you get hit by a car, you're the most popular kid the next day - for a long time...

[dash77]

A few years ago I read a book related to brain development called the Pleasure Instinct. It outlines – like recent studies on brain development – that the brain does not fully develop until ages 22-23. As much as I think independent behavior should be learned, there are some young adults that really do not have fully develop brains and may need parental help through their early 20’s. Beyond the purely giving side of a mission, such experiences give young men and women a chance to be fairly indepdent within a framework of supervision (e.g., zone leaders, mission president) and would be a great experience just in transition through brain development.

My point is this - -sometimes I think the masses think that something magical happens when some turns 18. The age of adulthood was NOT based on scientific human developmental criteria. Some 18 year olds still due need their parents around to guide and help. With that said, there are parents that can go overboard.

[Backroads]

A few years ago I read a book related to brain development called the Pleasure Instinct. It outlines – like recent studies on brain development – that the brain does not fully develop until ages 22-23. As much as I think independent behavior should be learned, there are some young adults that really do not have fully develop brains and may need parental help through their early 20’s. Beyond the purely giving side of a mission, such experiences give young men and women a chance to be fairly indepdent within a framework of supervision (e.g., zone leaders, mission president) and would be a great experience just in transition through brain development.

My point is this - -sometimes I think the masses think that something magical happens when some turns 18. The age of adulthood was NOT based on scientific human developmental criteria. Some 18 year olds still due need their parents around to guide and help. With that said, there are parents that can go overboard.

Great point.

So, assuming young persons do need that little extra parental push, where should the line for parents be when it comes to the workplace?

[Guest]

Great point.

So, assuming young persons do need that little extra parental push, where should the line for parents be when it comes to the workplace?

The line is at home.

Yes, the brain continues to anatomically change past 18. But these changes are centered more in the emotional and cognitive development, not motor-skills, not language skills, etc. These emotional and cognitive areas develop the skills by which a person deals with challenges.

Basically, a parent can help their child between adolescence and adulthood through emotional support (a place of security, a sounding board, help in exposing and thinking through all available options, etc.) and not through physical means. So that, when a "college age" kid goes and gets a job, it is not the parent's place to go and try to get him the job. The parent's place is to emotionally and mentally prepare him for the job (such as trying to boost his confidence) and to be there for comfort if the kid failed the interview.

[NeuroTypical]

There are probably jobs out there appropriate for immature kids who need parental involvement. Those jobs haven't been anywhere around any workplace I've been in since graduating college.

I got my first 'real' job at 14. Typing union cards once a month for my dad, who was union seceretary. My first job not involving parents at 17. Yeah, my brain continued to mature into my mid 20's, but the "gotta do this or I'll get fired" center was pretty much in place by then.

If a kid has some sort of disability or mental/emotional impairment, that's a great place for parents to be involved. My wife will occasionally set a recoving addict kid up with work, often for bosses who take the notion that "I'll trust anyone once", and have massively high turn over.

The notion that a kid is just normal, but somehow 'needs parents to help' him at the workplace in some fashion, well, I'm thinking that notion is mostly false. Instead, it's covering up a deeper problem that the parents never taught the kid how to work or take responsibility.

I stand by my earlier statement - show up with a resume and a list of references, I'll interview you. If your mommy shows up with you and shows you to me, well, I won't be wasting my time, or the time of the serious applicants.

Edited March 8, 2012 by Loudmouth_Mormon

[Backroads]

The notion that a kid is just normal, but somehow 'needs parents to help' him at the workplace in some fashion, well, I'm thinking that notion is mostly false. Instead, it's covering up a deeper problem that the parents never taught the kid how to work or take responsibility.

I was thinking about dash's comments. And yes, it's true that 18 isn't necessarily full maturity.

But let's look at history. We have "kids" doing all sorts of jobs all over the place. And not just factory jobs of the child abuse sort. There have been teenagers setting out on their own, building careers. Their brains might not have been "fully developed" but they were certainly capable at eeking out some minimum responsibility and independence.

[dash77]

I was thinking about dash's comments. And yes, it's true that 18 isn't necessarily full maturity.

But let's look at history. We have "kids" doing all sorts of jobs all over the place. And not just factory jobs of the child abuse sort. There have been teenagers setting out on their own, building careers. Their brains might not have been "fully developed" but they were certainly capable at eeking out some minimum responsibility and independence.

Backroads:

The development of the brain is complex and is not really standradized. Some youth may have very advanced brains at age 13, there others it litertally doe snot develop until their middel 20's. And there are so many factors that play into brain development, from pure genetics, to good nutition, to supporting home environments, to climate. My arguement is that a once-size-fits all that everyone is mature at 18 is bogus thinking that does not aling in any way to brain research.

[Dravin]

there others it litertally doe snot develop until their middel 20's.

Unless they were born without a brain that's not literally true.

[Vort]

Full brain development is beside the point. If we're doing life right, our brains continue developing throughout our lives. Does this mean we should never be held accountable for anything we do -- because, after all, our brains are still developing and we might outgrow it?

Do we refuse to punish our children for their misdeeds because, hey, their brains are not "fully developed" yet? News flash: Consequences for misdeeds is how the brain develops.

[Backroads]

Backroads:

The development of the brain is complex and is not really standradized. Some youth may have very advanced brains at age 13, there others it litertally doe snot develop until their middel 20's. And there are so many factors that play into brain development, from pure genetics, to good nutition, to supporting home environments, to climate. My arguement is that a once-size-fits all that everyone is mature at 18 is bogus thinking that does not aling in any way to brain research.

You are absolutely right about the maturation of the brain, but I don't know what that has to do with one's ability to do a job. If the individual is not mature enough for the job, he should not be applying for it. If it's necessary for the parent to intervene in this job (the individual is legally an adult even if not brain maturation-wise) the job is too much for the individual, who should be looking for a job more in line with his skills and maturity.

The employer doesn't care if the individual's brain has matured or not and he certainly is not going to make exceptions in his organization for it.

[john doe]

I've found that part of my brain development is to trust the spell-check feature when I fat-finger the keyboard. Correcting mistakes when either man or machine points them out to me.

[Soulsearcher]

I've had a few conversations about parents in the work place as of late. Except for the one disabled staff member i have i don't want to hear from a parent period. If the employee is not capable of dealing with an issue by themselves then i don't see them as capable enough to do the job. I have had parents call in sick for their kids and it drives me crazy.

"do you work for me?"

"no I'm just calling to tell you lil johnny won't be in cause he's sick"

"well if you don't work for me you can't call in sick to me, put lil johnny on the phone and he can tell me or else i write him up for a missed shift"

I have no problem understanding there are occasional issues where a parent might have to get involved in some minor way, but I'm getting calls from parents who want me to remind their 20 something kids to bring home their tax papers and such. Good grief.

[Vort]

I had my wife call me in sick once. Does that count as pathetic?

[Backroads]

I had my wife call me in sick once. Does that count as pathetic?

I think there is a difference between your spouse reporting to your boss that you used your last ounce of strength to attempt to reach the phone in vain and li'l Johnny's Mommy worrying so over her little boy she must inform the place of work.

Granted, there's exceptions all over the place, but overall parents have no place doing these sorts of things.

[bcguy]

He was telling me once day, he was on the job as a roofer and his mom would not stop calling him once a day. Boss finally had it and fired him.

[Guest]

I won't give my MIL my husband's work number for a reason. Not that she's a helicopter parent, just that she thinks she has the right to call him at any time for anything. He's not getting paid to troubleshoot her computer every other day.