recent lessons learned

[Gwen]

So we've been house shopping.... nearly 4 1/2 yrs actually. lol I'm the type of person that does not have a realtor of my own, I will call the name on the sign. I've learned that is a huge mistake.

A few months ago we thought we had found the right house. I called the lady on the sign (she had suggested and shown us a few houses in the past). It was an 1854 antebellum home right near downtown. It is beautiful but "needs a lot of love". From our walk through it appeared to have a solid roof, electrical (per owners), and foundation. Those were our requirements for an old home. Thinking we knew about how much it would cost to fix it up we made an offer and finally agreed on a price. After paying for a home inspection and appraisal (well over $1000 that we can not get back) it was clear this would cost more to fix up than we had to invest.

So here is the time line from inspection.

Inspection - wiring isn't good and can't speak for the roof because it's not raining

Called the realtor and said that it wasn't a go. Realtor insisted the owners would fix the wiring. (At this point the contract was voided and we did not sign a new one stating that the sellers would repair the wiring.)

Got the appraisal and the amt came in only slightly more than we were going to pay. Bank refused to loan the money on that house. They said we were good but not that house. (The contract is now voided for the second time.)

Again called the realtor and said "not gonna happen, please show us some other houses" At this time I explained that though I loved the house my dreams aren't about a house but my family. If it's not a sound investment for my family then I won't be purchasing it.

Realtor said she would NOT show us more houses and insisted we talk to "her guy at .... bank" and he would help us. We did but the loan he offered us was very high risk for our family.

We contacted some contractors to see about cost of fixing up. The quotes were coming in way higher than expected (our state has some new and very strict laws for dealing with older homes).

Prayed about the high risk loan and the cost to fix up.

Called realtor again and said, "I'm sorry it's a not gonna happen". She insisted we keep the key a few more days and get a few more quotes and to "call my lady who fixes my houses, I promise it won't cost that much"

After finding out more about "her lady" we discovered our choice (she was very open about it, not assumptions being made)... go with the expensive guy that will do everything by law or go with this lady who will ignore the law and do it using illegal immigrants as her workers. That is an ethical dilemma I didn't want to be in.

Throughout all of this I get calls and texts about how we need to give her and the sellers due respect before we say no. Everything was all about the sellers and her, never about us. It started to become rather insulting, an over $1000 investment is due respect.

Called the realtor again and demanded our earnest money back and returned the key. At this point she started texting me several times a day (I don't have a text plan so it's 20 cents every time she does this.) I had become so upset about her attitude that I chose to eat the costs of her texts and ignore them than say something unkind, figured she would eventually go away.

So after all this I called a different realtor in town (like night and day in attitude) and very honestly told her all we had just gone though. I asked if she would show us some houses. She changed her entire schedule and showed us about 6 houses in 2 days. We found 2 other houses and we have made an offer on one, the seller was crazy with what she wanted so we walked away from it. We made an offer on the second and are going through the inspection, etc process now. We have not purchased anything yet and I'm being a lot more quiet about it this time. lol

Out of respect for the sellers of the other house and the realtor that I know invested a lot of time into all of this I have been very careful about how and the why when I've told ppl we were not buying the house. It's a small town and there is a lot of gossip, I didn't want to ruin the sale for someone that did have the time and money to invest in such a beautiful part of our town history.

I get a text today from the first realtor....

"Good morning!

You told me you prayed about the house.

I let you keep the keys for days which we NEVER allow.

I spent time looking for an acceptable contractor to help you get your dream house at an acceptable price.

I got the sellers to reduce the price simply because you said you loved it and they wanted a young family to love their family home.

I got the sellers to agree to fix the wiring.

The house was as is sale.

Asked you to take a breather and then come back to the table after asking you to talk to my contractor to see if she could solve the problems. Then we could have walked away and find you something else

But you quit answering my texts and calls.

The sellers were not wanting to give up the earnest money but I got that for you.

Heard on the street you bought a house on .....

I think that is the house I told you about and at the time was a sale by owner, once again stepping aside for you to get a deal.

Next time you pray about it maybe you also need to ask your God to show you how to treat others as you would like to be treated."

I really just want to say the heck with her or her house and post it all over facebook, quote her text and tell the whole story and every ugly detail we learned about the house. But that isn't what "my god" says I should do, so I will suppress the natural man and do the right thing. However, her text will not go unanswered.

My current thoughts (haven't sent yet, will respond by email) on how to respond and yes comments are appreciated.

I'm sorry you are disappointed about us not buying the house. Yes we did pray about it.

You insisted we keep the key for days to get quotes. After trying to return the key you still insisted. That was not a request I made.

You did put "time" into finding contractors which again I never asked for. You pushed that we talk to "your ppl" after we said we were not going to purchase the house.

The sellers did reduce their price but after the appraisal they won't find any bank that will loan at anything close to the asking price. That was not a favor for us, it's a reality of the quality of the home they are trying to sell. It would have come out eventually. Maybe they can use your contractors and fix it up and sell it for twice as much as we were going to buy it for.

I stopped answering your texts and calls because you stopped listening. You were just going to push and push as you had been the entire time. Every time we talked you went on about due respect for the sellers and you. What about me? I had already explained that my dreams are not in a house. We invested well over $1000 that will never come back. How much more "due respect" could we have given? It was rather insulting so...if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all... so I said nothing (also texts are rather expensive for me).

The contract was void twice over the earnest money had to be returned and you know that. It wasn't a favor for us, it was the law.

Be very careful about small town gossip. I have been very respectful about how/who/what I say when discussing having not bought that house because I don't want to be in the middle of such gossip. I will continue to treat ppl how I would like to be treated (for example not gossiped about) but I know we don't all hold the same values and I won't ask you to live by my standards.

Again, I'm sorry you and the sellers are disappointed. I WAS disappointed too. But I know I will be even more disappointed if I don't do what I know is right for my family. At this time that is not the right house for our family. I trust the lord that the greatest happiness isn't always where we think it will be and I am at peace with the decision. I hope you too can find peace and let this go.

You were never our realtor, it even stated that on the contract. I do appreciate the time you put in as our broker of that sale and I WILL CONTACT YOU if there is any way in which you can be of service to our family in the future.

[Dravin]

My current thoughts (haven't sent yet, will respond by email) on how to respond and yes comments are appreciated.

I'd not respond, except I probably would have responded after the first text that they cost you money and to not send them. If it persisted I'd be looking at a restraining order and most certainly be complaining to any professional organization she belongs to.

You were never our realtor, it even stated that on the contract. I do appreciate the time you put in as our broker of that sale and I WILL CONTACT YOU if there is any way in which you can be of service to our family in the future.

If your heart is set on sending a response I'd only send this if it is true. I know in my case, from what you shared, I'd never be dealing with this person in a professional/business capacity again.

[Guest]

We've had to sign papers to declare a realtor "officially" ours. I don't doubt that Gwen is correct about that.

The only think I might take out is the paragraph about watching small town gossip, and that you don't expect her to live your values. The rest sounds more professional and factual, and that undercuts you a little and makes you sound probably more emotional than you want to.

I wouldn't let this person near my home purchase, ever. She sounds petty and childish. I get that it's a bad market and she wants the sale, but if you don't want the purchase, that's her problem (and the sellers). She's trying to make it yours, and it's not.

[Maureen]

I agree with Dravin; if you don't like how she does business, I would not say that you promise to do business with her in the future.

M.

[MorningStar]

Yes, when you buy a house, you want a "buyer's agent". They sign papers agreeing to work for you and not for the seller. If they are working for the seller, their obligation is to them, not to you. This woman knows this, so I would maybe bring that up.

I know this from taking 4 home buyer classes (yet still haven't bought a house). Hahaha! But you can bet we'll be getting a buyer's agent so we don't have to deal with that crap! When the realtor is over the selling and buying, they get more money out of it, so of course this woman is being a pest. I also wouldn't have a problem reporting her to the BBB for her nonsense.

[Vort]

Two comments:

1. Your realtor's comments were exceptionally unprofessional. This should be a guide to you in future interactions with her -- in other words, don't have any. If you are sufficiently offended, you can consider reporting her behavior to whatever regulatory body oversees her. In any case, in your position I would immediately terminate all conversation with her.

2. As a rule, I do not talk about personal things, such as praying about thus-and-such, with business associates. In that position, I would tell her, "I need to think this over for a few days." That avoids all potential "is-this-how-you-worship-your-God?" type of nonsense questions.

[skippy740]

I believe that prayer influences me to have better relationships... not necessarily the basis of professional relationships.

[Just_A_Guy]

I wouldn't engage her, except to say "please do not contact me again". I'm probably hyper-paranoid, but it's possible she may be trying to goad you into admitting that she did work for you so that she can lay a small-claims court action against you.

[MorningStar]

If that's the case, then you should be sure to mention she recommends a company that uses illegal aliens. Or telling her to go away would also work. Just make sure you save the nasty messages from her in case you need them.

[Wingnut]

The extent of my response would be:

It did not feel like the right decision for my family. I hope you can accept that and move on. Please do not contact me again.

As previously mentioned, I would also contact any professional organization (nationally) and/or local agency that she is affiliated with, and report her grossly unprofessional communications with you. I hope you saved all those texts.

[applepansy]

I like Wingnut's response. Short, respectful and to the point. If she continues to send you text messages after that send her a bill for the cost of all the text messages after you said No thank you. Yes, it may only be $1.00 (?) but the point will be made without a word said.

In small towns sometimes the less said the better. Keep her text messages in a "just in case" file.

I also agree you need to report her behavior to the Real Estate Board in your State. She has stepped over the line and you're probably not the first family she has been this way with.

Good luck!

[Iggy]

Is she a broker? If not- then cc all the saved messages( from & to her) and send them to her broker.

The Broker is required by law to give you the name, addresses of their regulatory board. File a complaint against this Realtor- her pushing the sleazy contractor is a big No-No. Her harassing you via texts-emails & phone is another big No-No. Her not accepting NO is a big No-No.

I would also remove the paragraph about being careful of small town gossip. It could come across as a veiled threat. The rest of your response is fine. Just make sure to CC it to her supervisor aka Broker. If it were me, I would send your response to her, with CC's to her Broker & the Regulatory Board. This way she knows that she can't alter her side of the story.

Heck, even if she is a Broker, CC all the Brokers at her Real Estate firm. Where my Ex worked, one of the Brokers was as crooked as they come, until the other Brokers got enough complaints and lawsuits brought against the company, nothing was done. Once they (the firm) had had enough and asked him to leave, that is when the Regulatory board removed his RE License and hit him with mucho big fines!

I have my cell phone set up so that I can NOT text and no one can text me, except my cell phone carrier (text's from them are free). The reason is - there is no way for ME to have printable access to what is texted to and from me. Not like emails. After working in the Insurance claims business for 5 years, I am a firm believer in documentation, documentation, documentation!!! Also before that, I was harassed via telephone by my ex's mistresses ( yep, plural!). Taping their conversations, then having those tapes transcribed by my Para Legal is what helped me with my divorce and in getting restraining orders against not only the Ex but also his many bed partners.

[Just_A_Guy]

By all means save her nastygrams and report her if you think it appropriate; but two caveats:

1) I'd be very careful about presenting a "sanitized" version of your communications with the realtor to her governing authorities. Either forward the communications in their entirety, or don't forward them.

2) I wouldn't threaten to report her, or otherwise threaten to publicize her idiotic behavior. If you're going to "out" her, just do it.

If you aren't careful in the way you do this you may be setting yourself up for accusations against you of communications fraud and extortion.

[Guest]

Go for the Wingnut approach. You don't need to be explaining/defending your side. It doesn't gain you anything of value except to give you that satisfaction of harummphing - I really don't know the word I'm looking for here so I made one up... it's that feeling you get when you reply to a personal attack on LDS.net with a clever personal attack of your own. It's like, "Take that, you numskull.".

Anyway, in this case, that harummph is not worth the risk of potentially making this into a hornet's nest.

Business/professional - devoid of personal stuff. That's what you're going for. Don't say anything that is not completely true just to make her feel better. That's a passive-aggressive style that you should not use here. Same with attacks wrapped in flowery vague statements. Same style. Say what you mean in a direct no-nonesense manner in as few professional words as possible with a ring of finality to it.

Take the harummph satisfaction from knowing you only lost $1,000 instead of a potential tens of thousands if you would have gotten yourself strong-armed into buying a money-pit house.

Edited April 16, 2012 by anatess

[Gwen]

Thank you everyone. You gave me exactly what I needed, which is why I posted here before doing anything. I needed that voice of reason. Yes I have saved everything.

I think this was her "goodbye" message, full of rewritten history and backhanded comments. I'm not sure I even need to respond for her not to contact me again, this was her saying she wouldn't be doing business with me again. If I respond, even short and to the point, does that give her an excuse to "argue" with me and only restart the flames?

My husband says she is probably just scared. She knows the nature of a small town and she is a backbiting gossipy person so she assumes I am as well so she is trying to "get me" before I can get her. The irony is I would have left it alone, her attack is what makes me want to respond in kind. lol

For now I won't respond (if she sends another I will simply tell her never to contact me again) anything I say about the situation will fall on deaf ears anyway.

A side note on having mentioned praying about it. I do understand keeping business and personal separate. It might help to keep in context that I am in the bible belt and to discuss praying about something (especially big decisions) is usually appreciated and responded to with mutual respect. This is honestly the first time that apparently "my god" wasn't good enough for someone. lol Which of course she kept quiet until she was mad at me. Which makes me glad that she didn't get our money. I have had many business ppl selling me something say things to the effect of "it's a big decision/a lot of money, go home, talk it over, pray about it and get back to me when you are ready".

Time to put her behind me and enjoy the house that is working out so far. This whole thing is only reaffirming that we have made the right decision.

Thanks for all the comments and keeping me sane. lol

[rameumptom]

It sounds like the 1st realtor was not being honest with you. They are licensed and expected to treat sellers and buyers equally. I would go to the real estate company that she works for, and tell them that she has been unethical and insulting. You do not want anyone else being ripped off by her, because you said nothing.