Guest Posted September 6, 2012 Report Posted September 6, 2012 My husband has been working 2 basically full-time jobs for the last 9 or 10 months. Things are starting to quiet down to the point that now he'll have maybe 1 1/2 jobs. :) So for all of that time, I've been holding down the fort and taking care of the kids, including 2 toddlers (I know I've mentioned that, but seriously, they're killing me). I'm not a super fun mom right now and I'm sure I've aged more this year than I would have. I've also missed my husband something awful. I have a chance to go on a retreat with a few friends in a couple of weeks. I'd be 6 hours away for 3 days. We'd be staying in a cabin, visiting with one of our best friends that moved away, and going to the temple (ours has been closed for over a year). But it will be one of the first weekends that we could have family time and- dare I say it- a chance to go on a date together. So what would you do? 1. Weekend away with the girls to restore sanity 2. Family weekend at home to reconnect
Backroads Posted September 6, 2012 Report Posted September 6, 2012 Personally, I think restoring your sanity will be beneficial for the children. Moms often forget to take care of themselves.
Guest Posted September 6, 2012 Report Posted September 6, 2012 That also includes getting rid of guilt (because when does my husband get to go away and relax for a long weekend?), and overcoming the superstition that I will certainly die in a firey car accident on the way there or back if I go.
pam Posted September 6, 2012 Report Posted September 6, 2012 Does your husband mind if you went away or would he prefer to be able to have some family time. Sometimes that helps make the decision.
Guest Posted September 6, 2012 Report Posted September 6, 2012 He's all for whatever I want. So helpful.
pam Posted September 6, 2012 Report Posted September 6, 2012 He may say that but what is your gut feeling?
Guest Posted September 6, 2012 Report Posted September 6, 2012 My gut feeling is that I will certainly die in a firey car accident on the way there or back if I go. Or someone at home will have something happen and I'll be 6 hours away. Or the house will burn down. Or the cabin we're staying in. Not the temple, though. Everything will be peachy for that 2 hours. That's a good question, though. I'll have to push through all that crap (yeah, maybe I have some minor anxiety issues) and see how I'm really feeling about it. But I thought I started this thread so y'all could tell me how I feel about it!
classylady Posted September 6, 2012 Report Posted September 6, 2012 Either one would not be a bad choice. You're not choosing between two evils, or one bad and the other good, but you have two good options. What do you want to do the most? Choose that one, and don't feel guilty about it. Another thought, how often do you get to go on a retreat with friends? In my life, it would be never. But, I do occasionally get a chance to reconnect with my DH and children.
pam Posted September 6, 2012 Report Posted September 6, 2012 I think you would LOVE to go but at the same time feel guity because he would finally have free time and he would be at home with 5 kids while you are out having fun.
Guest Posted September 7, 2012 Report Posted September 7, 2012 pam wins. This is a retreat they try to do every year. Maybe I should go next year. Maybe I should make them take my kids and stay home with DH.
classylady Posted September 7, 2012 Report Posted September 7, 2012 pam wins.This is a retreat they try to do every year. Maybe I should go next year. Maybe I should make them take my kids and stay home with DH. Or, find a friend who would watch your children for a awhile, so you and DH could have some alone time together.
MsMagnolia Posted September 7, 2012 Report Posted September 7, 2012 (edited) What if you took your husband and kids to a cabin 6 hours away and asked one of the dear friends who also was going to watch your kids for two hours and went to the temple with your sweetheart? (whoosh what a run-on sentence!) Sounds like you need both the time with hubby and the spiritual strengthening that comes from visiting the house of the Lord. Edited September 7, 2012 by MsMagnolia mispelled house.
applepansy Posted September 7, 2012 Report Posted September 7, 2012 Tough decision. I always chose time with hubby. Looking back I'm not sure that was always the best decision. Sometimes husband's need the time with the kids alone so that they understand that your job is 24/7. hmmmmm... I'm thinking grandpa and daddy need to understand what grandma/mom does 24/7. LOL EDIT: Having said all that, I still think I'd choose time with hubby over time away with the girls. That's just me and what I'm most comfortable with.
Backroads Posted September 7, 2012 Report Posted September 7, 2012 Whether or not you go this year, I feel you should plan on going to at last one of the near-future retreats. Hubby time is important, but so is girltime. What do you feel you need the most now? Hubby or friends?
estradling75 Posted September 7, 2012 Report Posted September 7, 2012 He's all for whatever I want. So helpful. I guess I can throw some guy perspective here... He doesn't want you to go and leave him with the kids. He is clearly willing, he might even think you need to go. But if you are asking for what he really wants I think it is pretty safe to say he would want you to stay. Being a 'good' guy/husband/father means putting the needs of your Wife and Children first, and I am pretty sure that is what you are seeing here.
pam Posted September 7, 2012 Report Posted September 7, 2012 pam wins.This is a retreat they try to do every year. Maybe I should go next year. Maybe I should make them take my kids and stay home with DH. Yayyyy what do I win? Please don't tell me I win a weekend with your 5 kids.
Vort Posted September 7, 2012 Report Posted September 7, 2012 Yayyyy what do I win? Please don't tell me I win a weekend with your 5 kids.First place prize: A week in Ogden!Second place prize: Two weeks in Ogden!
x1134x Posted September 8, 2012 Report Posted September 8, 2012 (edited) He's all for whatever I want. So helpful. This should not be an acceptable answer to you. He should be the leader of the household and AT LEAST be able to tell you his PREFERENCE. You already know he wants you to be happy, you asked what HE wants in regard to you going or not.I guess I can throw some guy perspective here... He doesn't want you to go and leave him with the kids. He is clearly willing, he might even think you need to go. But if you are asking for what he really wants I think it is pretty safe to say he would want you to stay. Being a 'good' guy/husband/father means putting the needs of your Wife and Children first, and I am pretty sure that is what you are seeing here.He should be able to say that. There's nothing wrong with "I'd prefer you to stay, but understand if you want to go". Its then ok for you to GO, even though you know he'd prefer you to stay. He doesn't realize it, but by not leading, he's *probably* becoming less attractive to you. Not that its a huge negative, but its missing out on a possible positive. And who knows if he really expressed himself, you might get the answer of "I'd enjoy some Dad time with the kids since I'm always out and don't get much solo time with them. I could take them fishing or go do some dad stuff" Edited September 10, 2012 by x1134x
Guest Posted September 8, 2012 Report Posted September 8, 2012 Well, he is pretty brow-beaten. I've worked very hard to get him to keep his opinions and needs to himself and I'm not about to undo that now.
Guest Posted September 8, 2012 Report Posted September 8, 2012 In all seriousness, DH had today off from his regular full-time job so we talked a little and I realized how behind he is on his freelance work, and I decided that this wouldn't be the right time to leave him for 3 days. But I am going out tonight with my girlfriends, to sit and have a quiet meal and shop in places where children are miserable. :)
estradling75 Posted September 8, 2012 Report Posted September 8, 2012 He doesn't realize it, but by not leading, he's becoming less attractive to you.Eowyn... don't you just love how someone just 3 posts in on this site already knows you well enough to say what you find attractive and what you don't?
x1134x Posted September 9, 2012 Report Posted September 9, 2012 (edited) Eowyn... don't you just love how someone just 3 posts in on this site already knows you well enough to say what you find attractive and what you don't?Human nature is what it is. Eowyn may not even be aware of it yet. There's plenty of factual information about human attraction on the internet, should you care to study it.I guess there needs to be another logical fallacy added to the classic list: Argumentum ad populum postum: "Person has few posts, and therefore must be wrong".I guess its still just the ad hominem logical fallacy. Edited September 9, 2012 by x1134x
estradling75 Posted September 9, 2012 Report Posted September 9, 2012 Human nature is what it is. Eowyn may not even be aware of it yet. There's plenty of factual information about human attraction on the internet, should you care to study it.I guess there needs to be another logical fallacy added to the classic list: Argumentum ad populum postum: "Person has few posts, and therefore must be wrong".I guess its still just the ad hominem logical fallacy.On this forum those making the claim get to provide the proof.You made and extraordinary claim of knowing Eowyn better then she knows herself. You claim to know how she is attracted to her husband, and what kills that attraction for Eowyn.Cite your sources. (Ideal ones would be from Eowyn's life. Got any of her Journal entries?) I really doubt you will find any of that with a google searchWhen you realize the impossibility of backing the claim you made you might reach the conclusion that what you said wasn't exactly what you meant. That you might have instead meant that in general Women find those men that Lead attractive and that those that don't to be less attractive. I am sure you can find lots of sources for that. Your google search will work for that That instead of presenting it as fait accompli (see I can use big words too) you could have presented it as a warning something for her to be aware of and work to counter. But you did not. Instead you came off as someone setting themselves up as an authority of all things Eowyn and you got called on your self referral appeal to authority fallacy.
x1134x Posted September 10, 2012 Report Posted September 10, 2012 That you might have instead meant that in general Women find those men that Lead attractive and that those that don't to be less attractive.You got it! Applying critical thinking works way better than pointing out technicality. Your second post was all that was necessary if you wanted that cleared up. I've edited the post to say "probably" and now we're in agreement.Ad-hominem is the most over-used, annoying, and IMHO trolling logical fallacy used on the internet today.
Guest Posted September 10, 2012 Report Posted September 10, 2012 Sometimes leading means sacrifice for the good of those you're leading. That my husband is willing to sacrifice what he wants because he feels it would be good for the mother of his children is not a sign of weakness. But besides that, we do work together to make decisions. I am his helpmeet, no his subordinate, any more than he is "less" than I am. We are capable of rational discussion deciding what's best for everyone, and we're fine with sacrificing for each other now and then. Saying that my husband might be less attractive because he's not being man enough to state his wants is an insult to both of us.
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