What makes your marriage great - or - what ruined it?

[Vort]

Hard question to answer tonight. (Rough week with another yet ahead.) One little thing that makes our marriage better than it might be otherwise is going on evening walks together to just talk.

One thing that makes it not great is that ...frankly we're two of the most boring people on the planet. We rarely ever do anything fun and when we do, it's still not really very fun to be together. When we do go on a "date" it's usually a drag- can't decide where to go, end up at Sam's Club or the mall just wandering aimlessly. I've begged DH for years to take us on a trip somewhere romantic. Money isn't the issue. We could afford a cruise or a trip to Hawaii. It's that we don't work well together. I can't decide where to go (I get literally overwhelmed with all the choices) and he doesn't plan ahead on anything but work. So we never go. We just stay home and indulge the kids in what they want to do. They run our lives. After they go to bed he watches sports and I get on internet boards. The spark is definitely gone! He's a good man, dedicated father but...mediocrity and complacency have plagued us for a long time. We're just burned out.

On behalf of the other LDS.net members, I will make you an offer, carlimac. You do the following:

• Firmly agree that you and your husband will schedule definite time off from your duties sometime in the next nine months and tell us, as closely as you can, about when that time will be and how long it will be for (must be at least five days, as long as three weeks).
• Give some idea of where you want to go, or if you don't know, some idea of where you DON'T want to go.
• Give some idea of the kinds of things you would like to try, or if you don't know, some idea of things you definitely DON'T want to try (scuba, wingsuit flying, opera attendance, etc.).
• Provide the amount of money you are willing to spend.

In return, WE will plan your vacation. We will even script it out day by day for you, if you like.

What do you say?

[beefche]

Sweet idea, Vort! I love spending other people's money. Tell us, carlimac! We will plan the most romantic, fun vacation for you and hubby. And if that doesn't put some spark in your lives, Vort will put on a Cinderella costume and post a pic.

[Vort]

And if that doesn't put some spark in your lives, Vort will put on a Cinderella costume and post a pic.

When I was in high school, we had a yearly freshman "slave auction" to raise money for the homecoming dance. (The fact that we had an event called a "slave auction" might give you some idea how old I am.) I was "bought" by a girl a year or two older than I was. She dressed me up as a hooker and had me sing some stupid song. At the time, I was a bit under 6' tall and very skinny, so I made a bizarre-looking lady of the evening. Lots of pictures. Did wonders for my school popularity. Uh, yeah.

[Misshalfway]

When I was in high school, we had a yearly freshman "slave auction" to raise money for the homecoming dance. (The fact that we had an event called a "slave auction" might give you some idea how old I am.) I was "bought" by a girl a year or two older than I was. She dressed me up as a hooker and had me sing some stupid song. At the time, I was a bit under 6' tall and very skinny, so I made a bizarre-looking lady of the evening. Lots of pictures. Did wonders for my school popularity. Uh, yeah.

So THAT'S where your original avatar pic came from! It's all making sense now.

[applepansy]

I found old fashioned glass bottles of Coke and Pepsi today at the store. I brought them home, showed hubby and said "These are a date accessory." His response...NOTHING.

so much for romantic gestures.

[beefche]

When I was in high school, we had a yearly freshman "slave auction" to raise money for the homecoming dance. (The fact that we had an event called a "slave auction" might give you some idea how old I am.) I was "bought" by a girl a year or two older than I was. She dressed me up as a hooker and had me sing some stupid song. At the time, I was a bit under 6' tall and very skinny, so I made a bizarre-looking lady of the evening. Lots of pictures. Did wonders for my school popularity. Uh, yeah.

That's just mean!

Cinderella is no lady of the evening.....well, she is considering that she became a "lady" for only one evening, but she isn't cheap! Well, she is considering that she didn't pay for her dress or carriage....but she doesn't come easy! Well, she does since all she did was try on a shoe and that clinched her engagement agreement.

Ok, I better stop now. Maybe Vort will dress up as Mickey Mouse?

[Misshalfway]

On behalf of the other LDS.net members, I will make you an offer, carlimac. You do the following:

• Firmly agree that you and your husband will schedule definite time off from your duties sometime in the next nine months and tell us, as closely as you can, about when that time will be and how long it will be for (must be at least five days, as long as three weeks).
• Give some idea of where you want to go, or if you don't know, some idea of where you DON'T want to go.
• Give some idea of the kinds of things you would like to try, or if you don't know, some idea of things you definitely DON'T want to try (scuba, wingsuit flying, opera attendance, etc.).
• Provide the amount of money you are willing to spend.

In return, WE will plan your vacation. We will even script it out day by day for you, if you like.

What do you say?

You better make sure they don't call each other "baby". It will make Morningstar anxious.

[tumbledquartz]

Sweet idea, Vort! I love spending other people's money. Tell us, carlimac! We will plan the most romantic, fun vacation for you and hubby. And if that doesn't put some spark in your lives, Vort will put on a Cinderella costume and post a pic.

Yes, let us live vicariously through you, carlimac! I personally recommend a cruise. I talked my hubby into it one time and LOVED it. If for no other reason than that you pay one price and all meals and entertainment and itinerary is all planned and included. If you have the money, choose somewhere more exotic to cruise to. If not, there are pretty cheap cruises you can find. They make their money off gambling and alcohol, so the price of admission for what you get is actually really small.

[MorningStar]

You better make sure they don't call each other "baby". It will make Morningstar anxious.

That's right, snookums.

[carlimac]

Ok, part of the problem is that we had kids later in life than most. I had a bonus baby at 43 and a dessert baby at almost 45. So right now when most of my contemporaries are into the empty nest years, we still have two elementary school kids. Our teenagers are really busy- almost never home and our younger kids are really too old for a baby sitter but not old enough to spend an evening alone.

So, perhaps my advice would be to not have kids late in life if you want to have any fun in your 50s. That being said, I can't imagine life without these two little girls.

[tumbledquartz]

Ok, part of the problem is that we had kids later in life than most. I had a bonus baby at 43 and a dessert baby at almost 45. So right now when most of my contemporaries are into the empty nest years, we still have two elementary school kids. Our teenagers are really busy- almost never home and our younger kids are really too old for a baby sitter but not old enough to spend an evening alone.

So, perhaps my advice would be to not have kids late in life if you want to have any fun in your 50s. That being said, I can't imagine life without these two little girls.

Are they too old for a baby-sitter or do they just think they are? If they aren't old enough for you to feel comfortable leaving them alone, they aren't too old for a baby-sitter, imho. Maybe you could work out a trade with another family in your area? There are lots of other couples who have similar problems, though they may admittedly be in their 40s rather than 50s, but regardless, there are plenty of people who have to worry about what to do with their kids while they have fun. Could you arrange for your younger girls to each have an evening at a friends' house for date night or something along that vein? Do you have family nearby? What about ward members / visiting teachers / etc.? When they say, "is there anything we can do," say "yes" for a change and ask them to help you out.