Guest kshRox Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 Who said she is in the wrong? Who am I to judge her? I'm not her Bishop. She has a perfect right to sabotage her marriage and drag her husband through the mud if she wants to. She can emote here and probably generate a lot of dialogue both pro and con. She can obsess over things that happened before her husband was the man she met if she wants to. I personally think she would be much wiser "to never open her mouth again" concerning the topic and be grateful what what she has. If she did that I'm sure 'getting over it and moving on' would happen naturally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 Who said she is in the wrong?Who am I to judge her? I'm not her Bishop. For not one to judge her you sure did a lot of judging.So why couldn't you have just said...perhaps it's wise to just not bring it up again instead of telling her to shut up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
selek Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 Oh and she did say in her OP that her husband gave her permission to read his emails etc. Yes, she did, which is why I put scare quotes around "snooping".To my line of thinking, her perusal of his past has all the hallmarks of an IRS audit- a damned if you do, damned if you don't Catch-22.If he'd refused, she'd have had her suspicions confirmed (at least in her own mind). If he didn't have anything to hide, why wouldn't he let her look?And look she did- and found the "proof" she was looking for.She also admitted that she didn't find the "incriminating" message on his machine- but in an ancient FB archive (over which he has no real control).In either case, the suspicion, the insecurity, and jealousy are all HERS. By her own admission, they are symptoms of her own issues and not his actionsShe is the one who needs to get the help and she is the one who needs to repent of the evil that is robbing her of peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 And again..she asked for advice on how to get over it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
selek Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 Ah...the Juneau. Ponce was nearly identical, but we lacked the dedicated flag bridge.Good ships....and good years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
selek Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 And again..she asked for advice on how to get over it. Which she got......in abundance..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 Which she got......in abundance..... And things that could have gone without being said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 Ah...the Juneau. Ponce was nearly identical, but we lacked the dedicated flag bridge.Good ships....and good years. I miss those days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
selek Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 And things that could have gone without being said. "The Lord causes the rain to fall on the just and on the unjust. Blessed be the name of the Lord..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
selek Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 I miss those days. Me too.Of course, weren't you just complaining about all the hardships that came from having him at sea..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 If you can't say something nice...... Quote by a very wise rabbit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 Me too.Of course, weren't you just complaining about all the hardships that came from having him at sea..... Oh they weren't all hardships. Just the communicating part. Back before there was available email and cell phones and facebook and..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 That was back in the day when we actually wrote letters. hahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
selek Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 If you can't say something nice...... Quote by a very wise rabbit. Since we're quoting wabbits:"For shame, doc. Hunting rabbits with an elephant gun. Why don't you shoot yourself an elephant?""The way I run this thing you'd think I knew something about it.""Well, what did you expect in an opera? A happy ending?""Of course you realize this means war!"And of course, the penultimate, "Gee, ain't I a stinker?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest kshRox Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 For not one to judge her you sure did a lot of judging.So why couldn't you have just said...perhaps it's wise to just not bring it up again instead of telling her to shut up?I used "shut up" because I think it is the correct connotation to match the tone of her complaint.And again, she has a right to do whatever she wants.I personally think it is foolish to the point of bordering on childish ignorance.But that's just my opinion.If you have so many things to be grateful for, why would you actively go looking for things to destroy it?Perhaps to see something in black and white bluntly exposing how silly something sounds to another may strike a note somewhere. Maybe not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 What may sound silly to me may be very serious to another. It's not all black and white. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest kshRox Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 Some things are simply foolish except to fools. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 Some things are simply foolish except to fools. Now that's harsh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 I think the quote I posted for the quote of the day is appropriate here: Our forgiveness must be manifest by reaching out to help mend wounds even when they are the result of transgression. To react in any other way would be akin to setting up a lung cancer clinic for nonsmokers only. Whether the pain has come to someone who is completely innocent or is something of his own making is irrelevant. When a person has been hit by a truck, we don't withhold our help even when it is obvious he didn't stay in the pedestrian lane. Glenn L. Pace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
estradling75 Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 Chelly00... Your husband has not changed from the man that you've known and married and loved... The only thing that has changed here is you. Remember that because that is what you must fix or otherwise deal with to get through this. Now admittedly it is your perspective of your husband that had changed and that makes it easy to shift the blame to him. But there is nothing he can do to fix this except offer what loving support that he can while you work through your problem. You changed your perspective about your husband that got you here you need to change it again to get out of this mess. The best method I know to change my perspective on a person is to put myself in their situation. So I would like you to take a some time to seriously consider what you would want and how you would respond if the roles you currently find you and your husband in were reversed. In your mind change the situation around and ask yourself if it was your husband that found out about your nasty past. A past you didn't try to hide but had no desire to rub his nose in. But that he found out about because he went a little 'crazy.' Ponder how you would be feeling about his actions and response, ponder about how you would be wanting him to react. Hopefully by doing this you will gain the empathy and understanding you need to change again your understanding of your husband. In this life it is really easy to be all about me, what I want, what I need, how I feel. This is understandable and it is even sometime necessary, but it is also very much a natural man response. Christ methods are all about pulling out of that and serving others. Focusing on helping other, seeing to their needs. It has been my experience that when I cast off my cares to serve and help others my care become light and unimportant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiterateParakeet Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 This message was nothing like I'd ever heard him say before. I know a huge part of it is because he respects me and loves me, . .How can I move past this and try to forget what I read? I need help.Chelly...you left out an important possibility...perhaps this message was nothing like you'd ever heard him say before BECAUSE he has repented, changed and moved on. He is not the same person now that he was back then, that is what the Atonement is for.I understand that you are feeling hurt. I think though that the best way to get over it is to pray that you can better understand the Atonement. Ask Heavenly Father to help remove the hurt and help you focus on the man your husband has become. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rameumptom Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 Sounds like you are the one who has the problem now. Go to your husband, ask his forgiveness, and repent of the sin of judging unrighteous judgment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mnn727 Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 Chelly: Did you never do anything that you were ashamed of? Nothing stupid or silly? The past is over and done with, your husbands indiscretions were before you were married, sorry, but you really need to find a away to put it behind you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chelly00 Posted December 17, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 Gracious, people. Some of you are being kinda rude over something that you know nothing about. He did tell me to look through his stuff...and I was being crazy so I did. It's not something that I normally do, and I have no intention on doing it again. Also, I am not playing God's role. I'm not holding it over his head. I'm not rubbing it in his face or making him remember or apologize for it. I did tell him that I found it, but after a very short conversation it was dropped and that was it. I am not the kind of person that it going to bring it up to make him feel bad. That's an awful thing to do and I know he is a good man and that is a different person than he is today. I love him...why would I intentionally make him feel bad about something that was well before I came along? So, let's be clear. I'm not punishing him. I'm not holding it over his head. I'm not blaming him for anything. I'm sure and heck not going to leave him. A couple of you are ridiculous and judgmental and missed the whole point of this post. It is not "how can I forgive him?" I have NOTHING to forgive him for. I know that. I'm not harboring ill feelings towards him. I feel jealous because he is my husband, and I'm trying to understand those feelings so I can stop feeling that way. If you are just going to go on about how awful of a person I am and make up feelings and actions and details that aren't there, don't comment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chelly00 Posted December 17, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 Also, I would like to add that someone said earlier my husband was here....no, he's not. He's in Afghanistan, and I'm sure as heck not bringing it up and holding it over his head while he is fighting for our country, let alone if he was home. Some of you were very helpful, and I thank you for that. I know that he was changed by the Atonement and he was a good man when I met him and is to this day. My whole point in posting this was that I know my feelings were unjustified...and I didn't want to have them anymore. I wasn't saying "I can't forgive him, it's awful" blah blah blah. I'm not trying to play God. I don't have anything to even forgive him for. IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. I know. I know he's a good man, I know I made myself crazy. I KNOW. YES, I'm insecure. I am very well aware of that. This is our first deployment and I've got all sorts of crazy things going through my mind. It's not him I don't trust--it's everyone around him. I have thanked him for being loyal, and a worthy priesthood holder. You have no idea how truly grateful I am for his example. He makes me want to be better than I am. Why wouldn't I drag him through the mud and make him feel like less of a person? I wouldn't, and I haven't. Like I said, some of you missed the point of the post. And it only took me a day to get over it anyways, I was just asking for advice when I was upset. And you guys called me judgmental, throwing me under the buss when you take into account things that didn't happen/aren't happening, and saying I feel or act a way that I am not. This thread can be closed, anyways. I got over it last night. I was just asking for help when I was upset. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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