So angry!!!

[BadWolf]

I am beyond angry right now.

Possibly overreacting... I don't know. I can't think straight. Help me sort this?

...

I'm a new convert (this year), but my family's always been into family history (tons), and geneology to a degree (we have some VERY old bibles, and Ive got lines traced back to 900s in several cases, stacks of documents/diaries/photographs/etc. ). Anyhow... Point being...Not my first rodeo.

It was made VERY clear to me that I would not be able to submit my grandparents, etc., until after my parents have passed. As the nearest living relative has to approve. But getting them into the database is no worries. And, at least, as awful as it will be (in many years/decades , touch wood, a long time from now!) something to look forward to. And a little poetic as well, since parents & kids at the same time.

I've also PROMISED my parents I would in no way (nor does the Church allow) me sidestepping their wishes while they're alive. (My family doesn't care AFTER death). I promised. Have assured them 6 ways from Sunday that its disallowed.

Am I telegraphing this punch enough?

So I register, go online to start transferring my trees into the church database... And. My. Grandparents. Are. Already. There. Everything DONE. 2 years ago. By some stranger who didnt even bother to spell their names correctly.

(The lines are "close" enough that there's no mistaken identity. A misspelled name here, a totally wrong middle name there, a wrong birthday, etc. one or two things wrong with almost everyone. But enough -80%?- right that its obvious its "them".).

NO ONE else in my (known) family is LDS. I'm it. And we're a big / tightknit group with really lousy boundaries (read none to speak of, whatsoever).

I feel like I shouldn't be this hurt/angry/upset... But I am. Someone has just plowed through MY family mucking things up.

Grrr.

Of course, now Im almost in tears.

I am beyond surprised at how emotional I am over this & really don't know what to do about it.

: (

[tumbledquartz]

Maybe you could try and think of it differently. Maybe your grandparents are happy that they didn't have to wait those two extra years to get their work done? I don't think it matters to the Lord whether their names are spelled right or their birthdays are right on a form. Yes, it should all be done in wisdom and order, but all those details can be worked out. In the meantime, you didn't have to disobey your parents and at the same time your grandparents didn't have to wait as long on the other side. You could talk to someone at the family history library for advice on what to do moving forward, etc. but at this point maybe you just need to pray to feel peace over it.

Best wishes.

[J-DawgFluffy]

I can understand your frustrations. But don't let it ruin things for you.

[Vort]

Wow. Don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry that you found things like this. Someone certainly overstepped his or her boundaries in taking it upon themselves to do work like that without permission.

But I'm thinking there's something like a 110-year rule that says that at 110 or so years after someone's birth, they are presumed dead and anyone can do their work. I know there are specific exceptions for Holocaust victims, but in general I think something like this is the case. If so, then maybe this was just a well-meaning person who actually followed the rules. All the same, I'm sorry it was so upsetting to you.

[applepansy]

This sometimes happens when we start going laterally. However, the rule is "do not do work for someone who has been dead less than 110 years without permission from the nearest living relative. There are eager beavers out there and have just gone ahead. There is more emphasis on the rules now that there was a few years ago.

Try to not be angry. Submit the corrections and source them in Family Tree.

You can still say to your parents that you didn't do the work because you didn't.

I have a different situation, sort of... and it made my mother (who is LDS) very angry. Her father was baptized at 8, did his own temple work, sealed to his wife in the temple, etc. During the 5 years after his death his work was done about 13-15 more times. I thought it was funny. My mom got angry.

Anger won't help you, your grandparents or anyone else. I suggest forgiving whomever might have done the work, even if you don't know who it was.

EDIT:

You said:

Someone has just plowed through MY family mucking things up.

I attended a Genealogy Conference this past September. One big change that is coming with the implementation of Family Tree is this: We are all one family! Its not my family and your family anymore, its OUR family. Whomever did the work is probably related in some way even if it is distantly. Should they have followed the rules and gotten permission? YUP! But they didn't. My point here is Family Tree is suppose to create opportunities to bring family together, not cause contention. As I've thought about this a bit I would like to suggest contacting the person who submitted the work (provided their contact info is in the system) and starting a dialogue. Try not to be angry when you email them, but rather ask to share records and work to get the information connected. You might find that the person was a closer relative than you realize. (I've seen it happen. Most non-members do not know which cousins, aunts/uncles, etc. are members.) Edited January 17, 2013 by applepansy

[BadWolf]

Maybe you could try and think of it differently. Maybe your grandparents are happy that they didn't have to wait those two extra years to get their work done? I don't think it matters to the Lord whether their names are spelled right or their birthdays are right on a form. Yes, it should all be done in wisdom and order, but all those details can be worked out. In the meantime, you didn't have to disobey your parents and at the same time your grandparents didn't have to wait as long on the other side. You could talk to someone at the family history library for advice on what to do moving forward, etc. but at this point maybe you just need to pray to feel peace over it.

Best wishes.

Yeah... That's the thing. Theoretically, I should be happy about this, right?

But I'm not.

I suppose the upside is that I now 'get' why so many people get upset who aren't LDS about their family members being baptized. Which Ive never understood, before. Even as a kid I knew that LDS baptisms for the dead weren't like Catholic (or other) baptisms. (LDS friends) That they're an invitation, not an imperative. So I never got what all the fuss was about, nor why the Church had so many rules surrounding who is allowed to request work on whom.

Well, I sure get it, now!

It feels like someone picking on your kid brother (when you're the only one "allowed" to pick on him, that instant lash out to protect/defend...Hey! That's MY brother. ), or wanting a baby but getting pregnant via rape. Whomever came up with those rules was quite wise. Hopefully I'll feel differently (less yucky) at some point.

[BadWolf]

Wow. Don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry that you found things like this. Someone certainly overstepped his or her boundaries in taking it upon themselves to do work like that without permission.

But I'm thinking there's something like a 110-year rule that says that at 110 or so years after someone's birth, they are presumed dead and anyone can do their work. I know there are specific exceptions for Holocaust victims, but in general I think something like this is the case. If so, then maybe this was just a well-meaning person who actually followed the rules. All the same, I'm sorry it was so upsetting to you.

Sigh. I'm starting to get a little numb to it, but no. My grandparents were pushing the 100 line (not 110), but my favorite uncle was nowhere near. I'm not even going to look up my daughter.

[BadWolf]

I can understand your frustrations. But don't let it ruin things for you.

I hope not!

I need to back away for a little while, though.

[BadWolf]

This sometimes happens when we start going laterally. However, the rule is "do not do work for someone who has been dead less than 110 years without permission from the nearest living relative. There are eager beavers out there and have just gone ahead. There is more emphasis on the rules now that there was a few years ago.

Try to not be angry. Submit the corrections and source them in Family Tree.

You can still say to your parents that you didn't do the work because you didn't.

I have a different situation, sort of... and it made my mother (who is LDS) very angry. Her father was baptized at 8, did his own temple work, sealed to his wife in the temple, etc. During the 5 years after his death his work was done about 13-15 more times. I thought it was funny. My mom got angry.

Anger won't help you, your grandparents or anyone else. I suggest forgiving whomever might have done the work, even if you don't know who it was.

EDIT:

You said: I attended a Genealogy Conference this past September. One big change that is coming with the implementation of Family Tree is this: We are all one family! Its not my family and your family anymore, its OUR family. Whomever did the work is probably related in some way even if it is distantly. Should they have followed the rules and gotten permission? YUP! But they didn't. My point here is Family Tree is suppose to create opportunities to bring family together, not cause contention. As I've thought about this a bit I would like to suggest contacting the person who submitted the work (provided their contact info is in the system) and starting a dialogue. Try not to be angry when you email them, but rather ask to share records and work to get the information connected. You might find that the person was a closer relative than you realize. (I've seen it happen. Most non-members do not know which cousins, aunts/uncles, etc. are members.)

I'm trying to wrap my heart around the idea that Im SURE it was by some well meaning person, with the best of intentions... With utterly LOUSY research (the correct spellings are on all the birth/death certs/ obits/ heck... Tons and tons of sources out there... 5 minutes... If my family had been worth even FIVE minutes of their time), less empathy, and total inability to follow rules.

I know that fam Hist research is often like falling down a rabbit hole... But that's someone's mum. Someone's baby. Someone's grandfather. Someone LOVED. And they're WORTH that 5 minutes of someone's time (or should be left to someone who chooses to spend that time, kwim?). Not just assembly line click-click-next!

I'm soooooo glad I get to process HERE, though, instead of IRL. Oy. And am even more grateful I didn't find this out in the Center (spectacle of myself, much?).

I really appreciate everyone's time talking me back from the ledge. Not totally there, yet, but I'm getting a BIT more rational .

[Guest]

or wanting a baby but getting pregnant via rape

Really??

I hope you find some peace in this soon. The person who did it [possibly overstepped, but they didn't do anything harmful to you and your grandparents.

[mnn727]

Had the exact same thing happen to me. I converted after my father died, and when I went to start I found out some 3rd cousin far removed had already entered him and got quite a bit of info wrong (death date and place), but again like you there was no doubt it was him. (this was in the old days before the internet and tightened rules)

I was angry for a while (close to a year I guess), then I finally realized that the important thing was that his work was done, not who did it.

Edited January 17, 2013 by mnn727

[Vort]

Especially if the spelling and information were wrong, I see no harm in resubmitting the name and redoing the work. In general, we try to avoid duplicate submissions, but in such a case I doubt anyone would find fault.

[applepansy]

Especially if the spelling and information were wrong, I see no harm in resubmitting the name and redoing the work. In general, we try to avoid duplicate submissions, but in such a case I doubt anyone would find fault.

There might be an issue in resubmitting the records and doing the work. Family Tree is set up to avoid just that.

So.... if the OP is going to try to do that they need to do it soon because Family Tree has safeguards in place. But they might be able to do it in new.familysearch.

[rameumptom]

You promised your parents that YOU would not do the work while they are alive. You are keeping your promise. You have not done it. What others do is not your responsibility.

You can either choose to tell your parents, or let sleeping dogs sleep. I suggest you do not bother bringing it up to them, as you made a promise for yourself, and you are keeping it. Why bring concerns into their lives that are unneccessary? Be glad that the work has been done (Vort is right about the 110 year rule, btw), and move on. There's plenty of other work for you to do now.

[Backroads]

What's the policy for making corrections?

[BadWolf]

I wouldn't want to resubmit the records, personally. What's done is done. LOL Besides... My parents have another 20-40 years (touch wood) in front of them before it would be ethical for me to submit their parents & brothers. Hopefully, I'll be on even keel again loooooong before then.

[BadWolf]

Really??

I hope you find some peace in this soon. The person who did it [possibly overstepped, but they didn't do anything harmful to you and your grandparents.

Its actually the exact same feeling I had with my daughter. Something I wanted, something inherently good... That's gotten without permission, care, etc... That took awhile before I could feel not conflicted about the whole thing, much less happy about it.

Obviously, I can't speak for everyone, just my own experience.

[MorningStar]

My mom was upset to learn that the work had been done for my grandma because we don't have proof of her death because she has been missing for over 40 years. When and if we do, we want the privilege of being baptized for her. So she contacted someone and now there is a note saying that only family is allowed to do the work for her.

[applepansy]

What's the policy for making corrections?

The best source wins. :)

[Blackmarch]

I am beyond angry right now.

Possibly overreacting... I don't know. I can't think straight. Help me sort this?

...

I'm a new convert (this year), but my family's always been into family history (tons), and geneology to a degree (we have some VERY old bibles, and Ive got lines traced back to 900s in several cases, stacks of documents/diaries/photographs/etc. ). Anyhow... Point being...Not my first rodeo.

It was made VERY clear to me that I would not be able to submit my grandparents, etc., until after my parents have passed. As the nearest living relative has to approve. But getting them into the database is no worries. And, at least, as awful as it will be (in many years/decades , touch wood, a long time from now!) something to look forward to. And a little poetic as well, since parents & kids at the same time.

I've also PROMISED my parents I would in no way (nor does the Church allow) me sidestepping their wishes while they're alive. (My family doesn't care AFTER death). I promised. Have assured them 6 ways from Sunday that its disallowed.

Am I telegraphing this punch enough?

So I register, go online to start transferring my trees into the church database... And. My. Grandparents. Are. Already. There. Everything DONE. 2 years ago. By some stranger who didnt even bother to spell their names correctly.

(The lines are "close" enough that there's no mistaken identity. A misspelled name here, a totally wrong middle name there, a wrong birthday, etc. one or two things wrong with almost everyone. But enough -80%?- right that its obvious its "them".).

NO ONE else in my (known) family is LDS. I'm it. And we're a big / tightknit group with really lousy boundaries (read none to speak of, whatsoever).

I feel like I shouldn't be this hurt/angry/upset... But I am. Someone has just plowed through MY family mucking things up.

Grrr.

Of course, now Im almost in tears.

I am beyond surprised at how emotional I am over this & really don't know what to do about it.

: (

A few things to remember

stuff happens.

If something is not your fault then its not your fault.

With how the world is designed family trees get big quickly. And in this world a relative could have already done the submission or someone who was over-eager to help out went through a census and whatever other records they could find of people and your grandparents just happened to be in the records they went through. (Altho i don't think activity of the latter type happens as often as it used to it likely still pops up now and then - we are human after all).

Also inaccuracies pop up all the time and tend to get more prevalent the further back you go.

If you know you have more accurate info, probably the best thing you can do is submit corrective info.

If you don't have any written records from the grandparents stating their intent to not have their work done for them at any time, then theres not much else you can do in regards of the records for the grandparents. You probably could send in an added note saying stating the relationship of your parents to your grandparents and what your parents have instructed you regards to your grandparents. Beyond that I wouldn't know what else you could do.