Is he to old for me?

[Chrissy3818]

Is it wrong to like a guy that is almost 5 Years older than me?

[Guest]

How old are you?

My husband is 5 years older than me, which was fine when we were dating at 19/20 and 24/25, but would have been totally inappropriate at 15/16 and 20/21.

[Chrissy3818]

How old are you?

My husband is 5 years older than me, which was fine when we were dating at 19/20 and 24/25, but would have been totally inappropriate at 15/16 and 20/21.

I am not thinking about dating him now, but maybe when I am 19 or 20 or 21. I am turning 18 soon.

[Jenamarie]

I agree that it depends on how old YOU are. My husband and I are 5 years 10 months apart. I was 19 and he was 25 when we met (and 20 and two-weeks-shy-of-26 when we married).

[Bini]

18 and 23 isn't a big deal to me, however, an 18 year old may not be as mature as a 23 year old who has been independent for awhile.

[pam]

I am not thinking about dating him now, but maybe when I am 19 or 20 or 21. I am turning 18 soon.

To be honest, I'm not sure why you are concerned about this particular individual. If you are not thinking about dating him for another 2-4 years, he may not even be available for dating at that time.

[Chrissy3818]

18 and 23 isn't a big deal to me, however, an 18 year old may not be as mature as a 23 year old who has been independent for awhile.

Well He's not super independent because he just got of his mission not to long ago so he is still living at his mom's for now (bad I know).

And past experiences in my life made me grow up a little faster than I was suppose to. I don't think its true, but people always compliment me on how mature I act for my age.

To be honest, I'm not sure why you are concerned about this particular individual. If you are not thinking about dating him for another 2-4 years, he may not even be available for dating at that time.

He at the moment has no interest in getting married. Who knows maybe he will in a year.

[Anddenex]

If you feel he is too old, than he is too old. If you feel the five years doesn't matter, than the five years doesn't matter.

Age is not as important as being equally mature and having similar goals in life.

[Bini]

Well I'm biased. I married a man almost 20 years older. I believe that age difference between two adults doesn't have to be a relationship deal breaker, certainly there are variables to consider, but that's true regardless.

[Chrissy3818]

If you feel he is too old, than he is too old. If you feel the five years doesn't matter, than the five years doesn't matter.

Age is not as important as being equally mature and having similar goals in life.

I really don't feel it matters. I am just afraid others will think differently.

[Guest]

The sooner you can stop caring what other people think about your decisions, the happier you'll be. :)

[Anddenex]

I concur with Eowyn's comment, however although I know she implies this in her comment, I would like to explicitly write.

Stop caring about what others think when you are doing good, or are in the right. If you are not doing good, and your decision, are in the dark, then yes you should be concerned by the thoughts, opinions, and charity of those who have stewardship over you.

:)

[pam]

Well He's not super independent because he just got of his mission not to long ago so he is still living at his mom's for now (bad I know).

And past experiences in my life made me grow up a little faster than I was suppose to. I don't think its true, but people always compliment me on how mature I act for my age.

He at the moment has no interest in getting married. Who knows maybe he will in a year.

Don't forget you were the one that posted not long ago that you had no interest in getting married for a few years and that you wanted to finish school. Now you say that maybe in a year he will be interested in getting married?

[Guest]

You also said you're giving up on the Church. I'm not trying to come down on you, I promise. But marriage is hard, and the more secure and stable you are as a person on your own, the easier it will be to be part of a marriage.

[NightSG]

Is it wrong to like a guy that is almost 5 Years older than me?

Is it me?

[Chrissy3818]

The sooner you can stop caring what other people think about your decisions, the happier you'll be. :)

A lot of things happened in my past that made me feel self conscious of what others think of me. I am slowly, but surely growing out of it.

Don't forget you were the one that posted not long ago that you had no interest in getting married for a few years and that you wanted to finish school. Now you say that maybe in a year he will be interested in getting married?

I don't mean with me, I meant for himself. I am not getting married until at least 21. I mean that maybe he'll end up getting married (not too me). But who knows, maybe God has him in future. IDK. Maybe he won't get married and we'll get married when i am 21 +. I am not sure, but I do know I have to focus on who I am before I get married. I have to figure out the whole religion thing.

You also said you're giving up on the Church. I'm not trying to come down on you, I promise. But marriage is hard, and the more secure and stable you are as a person on your own, the easier it will be to be part of a marriage.

With that, For some reason I can't stop going to church. IDK why, but I can't. I don't think I am giving up I am just so lost I feel like giving up. I think time away at college will sort out my home stuff from God and make me see things clearer. just have to wait a week for my track assignment. Hope I get too leave soon. Wish me luck, because I am so lost with religion!

Is it me?

I think you're just a little too old for me. 36 is just out of my league, sorry :)

[derblitzenator]

5 years is never too big of an age gap in adult dating. An 18 year old should be able to date all the way up to a 25 year old without major issues. It only becomes a problem when there's a serious mismatch in life experience and maturity.

[M_T_E]

I am not thinking about dating him now, but maybe when I am 19 or 20 or 21. I am turning 18 soon.

18 would be to young by my standards, even though you are legally an adult I was raised that 18 and 21 is alright, but anything older is to old. My parents were a different generation though.

My girlfriend just turned 21 and I turn 24 in April.

If he is morally and ethically sound though I don't see anything wrong with it.

[Backroads]

In LDS culture, I think an 18-year-old girl dating a 23ish-year-old man is quite normal (as far as I've seen) just because that's where the mission system has tossed us, made available. It doesn't bother me none.

But if you are wondering if he's too old for you, there's a chance you're sensing a maturity difference. I have a 28-year-old coworker who has recently had the epiphany that if he stopped dating 18/19-year-old girls he might meet someone on his level.

Now, maturity can often have nothing to do with age, but it can be a reasonable indicator.

But that is just practicality to consider and may or may not apply to your case. Bottom line: I see no problem with you dating him. I date a man ten years older than me at 18. I dated him again when I was about 25, and it was less weird then, though.

[Chrissy3818]

Thanks guys! You helped a ton! and I don't find it weird. I mean I would if he was 7 1/2 + years older than me. My mom married an older guy by 10 years. and my aunt and cousin married their guys and they're 7 years apart. hmm I think it falls in the family to be falling for other guys. 17-20 (most) bug the crap out of me, not sure why. But there are a few guys my age I can relate to but don't really have any interest in dating.

[mnn727]

The older you are the less 5 years matters, at 18 its a BIG deal (to me at least), at 50 its nothing.

But then to counter what I just said, my dad was 26 when he married my (then) 18 year old Mother - that marriage lasted all their lives - and they were not even LDS.

I'm 4 1/2 years older than my wife but we got married in our 40's.

Edited January 29, 2013 by mnn727

[Bini]

This veers off topic a bit but I mention it because it generally goes against the whole idea that the older you are the more mature.

Several years ago I watched a National Geographics that highlighted a remote town in India, where children were married off at very young ages, in many cases the boy and girl were groomed to be a couple as young as 6 or 7 but weren't actually wed for another 6 or 7 years. Needless to say, these kids were still minors by what is considered a legal adult in the United States. The interesting thing about this community was that boys kindergarten aged knew and understood that they would one day (and fast approaching) be responsible to provide and support a family. The interviewer through a translator talked with a boy that was about 7-years old, and asked him about his thoughts on marriage and how he would provide for a wife. The boy told him that he would work as his father and brothers do so that he could feed his wife. Wow! Just the responsibilities that these little kids had, they certainly grew up fast, and there were no ifs ands or buts. Another boy was 17 and his wife a bit younger, they were expecting a child soon, and the boy had said he's been working by himself since he was 10, and that's why they are able to have their own hut instead of sharing one with family.

Obviously this is an entirely different culture than ours but I still think it's fascinating that these kids, boys and girls, understood their roles early on and made no excuses to fulfil them. I look at some of my teenaged nieces and nephews and I think.. Man.. You got A LOT of growing up to do. They whine about working weekends, let alone, having to have a job before they graduate highschool. Haha.

[Chrissy3818]

This veers off topic a bit...

Actually no, it's on topic just explained in a different way. I get what you're saying. It doesn't matter the age it just matters about the maturity level of the two. at least that is what I got out of it thanks!