Church with Mom or Dad

[alicenjit]

My husband and I have been married for 2 years now. He is a convert and his ex started to go back to church after she left him. Their arrangement was for each parent to have the kids go to church with them every other Sunday. I feel like that is hard on the kids as they dont' have a sense of belonging to one ward. I feel like when the kids get older it will be harder for them to hold callings and fully participate in both the wards.

We would love to have them go to church full time with us. The kids were sealed to their mom and new husband, not because we couldn't get sealed, but because their mother refused to let them be sealed to us (particularly me) And we knew the importance of the sealing covenant so we decided to give up that and have them be sealed to their mom. So we feel like this is a good trade off. Is since they got sealed to their mom, we get to have the kids full time for church.

What does anyone else think?

[skippy740]

I feel like when the kids get older it will be harder for them to hold callings and fully participate in both the wards.

Most wards will only assign callings to those members who have their records in their ward. So, if you are wondering if you may be holding your child back from being the Teacher's Quorum or Mia Maid President... it would only be in the ward where their records are.

As far as how I would feel about your arrangement... as long as you all can get along, keep the kids going to Church and that they know that you all love them... then it's the best you can do! It may not be everything YOU want, but it's what's best for the children and that is what's most important.

Edited June 14, 2013 by skippy740

[Dravin]

You mention when the kids get older, are they old enough to talk to them about how they feel about it?

[pam]

Just don't let this become a "You got this so I want this" kind of thing.

[alicenjit]

Yea we are trying to not do the you got this so we get that. My husband does get to baptise and do any blessing for the kids also. So that also is more of the trade off. I just see the kids in my ward who switch back and forth and they just are not as strong as the other kids. I feel l ike it's because they don't have a sense of belonging to one ward or the other. The kids are 10 7 and 6 . They want more time with us and we don't want to mess up their school schedule so this is kind of the only option.

[pam]

I totally understand where you are coming from. I hope you are able to work out what is best for the kids. Because in reality..that's who the decisions have to be made for.

[Guest]

We have some kids doing the same thing. I don't see them as "weaker" because of it. They used to be really reticent and kinda anti-social when the divorce was fresh but that was years ago and now they're immersed in the wards they go to. They're half in our ward and half in a different ward but in the same stake. So, the bishops of both wards talk about their priesthood responsibilities. And they flip-flop with scouting too but they belong to the other ward's pack so it gets tricky for the advancements because our scouting activities are not the same so the parents end up doing a lot more to get them their rank advancements.

But, the arrangement worked well for them under the circumstances.

[Iggy]

When my little brother and his wife divorced- he got the kids (3 boys and a daughter) every other week-end. They went to church every Sunday. Their records are in Mom's ward. They thought they had the best set up.

In Primary they had two celebrations of birthdays, participated in two Primary Presentations at Sacrament. Same theme, but totally different presentation.

The eldest went on a mission in 2008 - the youngest just graduated from high school. The next to the eldest is waiting for his mission call.

In our branch we have a mother of three who is the daughter of very active parents. Her husband is of a different faith - in which he is very active. They had agreed that the children would not be baptized into any faith until they were 10 and then they would choose for themselves.

They alternated attending church. Well, husband didn't play fairly. When he took them to church he dissed the LDS church. When the two older boys turned 10, Dad would not agree to baptism. At this time, he and his wife were still married.

About two months ago, all three children got baptized. The oldest just graduated from high school this year, the youngest is 11. They hadn't been coming to church on alternate Sundays because Dad would get moody and be unpleasant.

He and his wife recently divorced. She and her children have been coming steadily since their baptism's. It was the children's choice to get baptized and to attend on a regular basis. What I find totally amazing is that the children have not once dissed their Dad's faith, or him for that matter. They just don't visit him on Sundays. Actually the three of them visit Grandma & Grandpa on Sundays. Mom meets them at Church and after - they all go to the Grands for brunch & dinner.

What I don't understand is that your husband's children are sealed to Mom and their step-father. Wasn't your husband and the mother of his children sealed together? It amazes me that the Church agreed to allow the children to be sealed to a non-biological parent when the birth father is alive and active in church! Has he given up his parental rights legally as well?

[alicenjit]

My husband's ex was not active in the church till after she and my husband divorced so when they were married the church was not apart of their lives. my husband joined the church after he and his ex divorced. and you can only get sealed to both of your parents if you are seal together. So My husband and I got sealed and his ex and her husband got sealed. so it was one way or the other. How our stake president explained it is that somewhere along the line me, or his ex or him or his ex's husband has a family connection that seals us all together as one big family. Kind of like a chain link fence. Just because my husband is not sealed to his children like in the temple, under the sealing covenant we are all sealed together.

[mirkwood]

Find out which ward they are more comfortable with (probably going to be the one where they are living) AND that they will actually attend on a regular basis. That is where I would put their records and have them attend. Occasional attendance in the other ward would not be a big deal. Consistent attendance is much more important.

[Gwen]

I'm not sure about this but if they are sealed to the ex then wouldn't their church records be attached to them? If that is the case then the ward is predetermined, where they would pay tithing and hold callings anyway.

Where they attend is another matter.... unless there is something in the court paperwork to cause the church to deviate from the standard way of doing things.

[mnn727]

What does anyone else think?

I think its between your husband and his ex-wife.

[Just_A_Guy]

I think its between your husband and his ex-wife.

This. These kids are blessed to have so many people who love them and are concerned for them; but my experience is that when the parents' new spouses get involved in intra-parental negotiations, things tend to go south pretty quickly.

[Maureen]

...What I don't understand is that your husband's children are sealed to Mom and their step-father. Wasn't your husband and the mother of his children sealed together? It amazes me that the Church agreed to allow the children to be sealed to a non-biological parent when the birth father is alive and active in church! Has he given up his parental rights legally as well?

Thank you for bringing this up Iggy. alicenjit, so then, did your husband give up his parental rights and did his ex's husband adopt your husband's kids?

M.

[Martain]

What if you decide it is best that they stay at your ward but they do not agree?

Fortunately there is a third party involved which all parties can willingly defer to. Their Eternal Father.

What if all of you came together in prayer and fasting and expressed your sincerity to each other and to the Lord regarding doing his will in the matter even if it was counter to your personal desires?

Would it not soften their hearts? Would it not incline them to seek the same?

If the answer was then to let them go full time to their ward, would her and her husbands love and trust for you and your husband not increase? To see you sacrifice and align your will with the Lord?

If the answer was then to have them go full time to your ward, would not you and your husbands love and trust for her and her husband increase? To see them sacrifice and align their will with the Lord?

All four of you have temple recommends and are worthy to hold them correct?

I promise that if you all come together in the spirit of prayer and fasting with your chief concern being the welfare of the and obtaining the Lord's will, you will obtain it.

That's what's really important isn't it? Given in the name of Christ, Amen.

Sincerely,

Brother M.