Pms

[Drpepper]

Ok about once a month I nearly get divorced. Seriously...

I'm not exactly sure how to deal with my wife's PMS. Last month she actually stabbed me with a fork. This is not in her normal nature the rest of the month. Is there some kind of treatment, herbal tea, plant extract, super drug, something, anything, that can help with this? It seems to be getting worse as she gets older and I'm wondering how long before I need to go and buy myself a bullet proof vest. I understand that it's not really her fault. When I die going to have some serious questions with God about what he was thinking regarding hormones.

[Dravin]

I understand that it's not really her fault.

If she's cognizant of her behavior the rest of the month then it is entirely her fault for not looking for solutions, and unless she literally is incapable during PMS of discerning between right and wrong she's entirely responsible for her behavior during PMS.

[Smudge]

Maybe try something like st Johns wort or evening primrose oil

[Lakumi]

I donno, the moment someone tries to kill me, they and I are no longer on good terms

seeing all these stories makes me think being married is like being stuck around someone you don't really get along with

though I don't know any married couples to ask them what theirs is like, my friends are all lonely singles

my advice is run, get to da choppa!

[Guest]

If she's cognizant of her behavior the rest of the month then it is entirely her fault for not looking for solutions, and unless she literally is incapable during PMS of discerning between right and wrong she's entirely responsible for her behavior during PMS.

THIS.

I've opened myself up here plenty of times before regarding my rage issues. Yes, I get completely incapacitated when I'm in that red haze. Yes, I do still recognize right and wrong. But, I lose physical control of me. That DOESN'T excuse the behavior. That doesn't excuse the abuse. I do recognize that I have to find a solution to that problem. I am blessed to have a husband that recognizes this challenge and stands on my corner while I go a round or two with this monster.

I don't know how your wife is. But with me, I've done everything I could think of including script meds and herbal meds to solve the problem. Scripts only gave me different problems. The herbs helped some but not enough. The shrink made me feel like I'm an idiot. The only thing that seems to help some is just "muscling through it". With your wife, it's easier - she knows when it's coming. By the way, I suggest to keep a calendar. Start marking days. It gives you some idea of a pattern to prepare yourself, your children, and your house. Mine is a little trickier.

Okay, first off, your wife will need to recognize that she has a problem. If she's in denial, the way you approach this can be touchy. You don't want this to become You versus Her. You want this to be You (as in you and your wife as a team) versus The Problem. Once you pass that hurdle then you can talk (the rest of the month when everything is hunky dory) about what steps you can do to protect yourselves from The Problem.

Okay, as far as meds. Arbonne's Prolief cream works. It's a non-prescription topical cream she puts on her chest, elbows, neck, etc (sensitive skin areas) that your wife's body absorbs to help balance her estrogen to progesterone levels. It has no known side effects and it is a vegan completely natural product. Just google Arbonne Prolief to get more info. And talk to her doctor about it!

Hope this helps.

Edited September 13, 2013 by anatess

[Drpepper]

I donno, the moment someone tries to kill me, they and I are no longer on good terms

seeing all these stories makes me think being married is like being stuck around someone you don't really get along with

though I don't know any married couples to ask them what theirs is like, my friends are all lonely singles

my advice is run, get to da choppa!

ha ha,, Ok she's not really trying to kill me. She was just angry and used a fork to vent her frustration. Im not really looking to blame her. Im just after some practical advice on what could help her..

[Guest]

ha ha,, Ok she's not really trying to kill me. She was just angry and used a fork to vent her frustration. Im not really looking to blame her. Im just after some practical advice on what could help her..

I threw a knife at my sister. This can be a serious problem.

[Drpepper]

THIS.

Okay, first off, your wife will need to recognize that she has a problem. If she's in denial, the way you approach this can be touchy.

wo touchy is un understatement. Id rather flick a pin on a Grenade and see if i can play table tennis with it before id mention to my wife that she is perhaps acting this way because of PMS.

However the cream does seem like a good idea, ill look it up and maybe approach it with her on the good weeks. Keeping a calendar would probably help too that way i atleast know when the bell is about to ring. Ive been sucker punched a few times in the past ( not literally)

Thanks Anatess

[Irishcolleen]

She needs to see a medical doctor. Encourage her to get an appointment with her doctor and go with her so you can talk to the doctor about what is going on.

I used to get very depressed every month. I eventually was diagnosed with Lupus. Once my lupus was treated a lot of the depression went away. I think it was caused by fatigue.

[Just_A_Guy]

ha ha,, Ok she's not really trying to kill me. She was just angry and used a fork to vent her frustration. Im not really looking to blame her. Im just after some practical advice on what could help her..

If you had a period of emotional/mental/physical stress, and after a week or so of that you snapped and came at her with a fork the same way you say she's done with you--what would the result be?

Males don't get a pass for domestic violence, and IMHO--neither should females.

[Guest]

That's not your garden-variety PMS. That sounds more like PMDD:

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Don't even get me started on women using either that or PMS for an excuse to go on a monthly rampage against their family. If you can't manage it on your own, ladies, (and most of us can with a little effort and a lot of chocolate), go to the doctor. You owe it to the people around you and yourself to get a handle on it. A couple of my brothers also live through a monthly hell because their wives call it "just the way it is" or "hormones out of control again" and shrug it off, when they ought to be medicating for it. If your hormones are out of control, treat them. If YOU are out of control, stop it.

[applepansy]

Hormone imbalances are tricky. Not all prescriptions work for everyone. Sometimes herbal remedies are more effective and have fewer side effects than prescriptions. BUT, Start with her OB-GYN. Guaranteed he/she has dealt with this issue in patients before.

I agree with Eowyn that this sounds more like PMDD than PMS.

I'm sorry you and your wife are going through this. The bottom line is your wife needs to be held accountable for her actions. She needs to hold herself accountable. And she needs to accept help. She gets to choose and I hope she chooses to get help so that her family isn't living in hell every month.

Living with a ticking time bomb isn't fair to you or your children.

[Bini]

I'm going to make a different comment.

You mention that this has got worse as she is older. How old is she? If she is in her 30's (yes it starts this early for some) or is older, it's possible that she may be going through perimenopause and not really PMS. This is a transition stage into menopause, so periods are still present, yet hormones may be more out of whack than ordinarily. Try a gentle approach with her addressing your concerns. I would also advice a doctor visit for her.

[Chrissy3818]

I am on medication due to the fact that it makes life for everyone around me utterly miserable.

I also love to take lavender salted baths and listen to soft music to help me relax my emotions.

I do not find chocolate helpful, I think it makes things worse (for me).

I like my quiet time where I can just vent and be angry for 10 minutes a day.

Yoga and meditation helps.

reading a book helps.

And since our hormones are crazy, be careful with what you say until this time passes.

Maybe get her a nice lavendar bath set for a gift and talk to her about seeing a doctor for her PMS.

[mnn727]

Thank God we're past that in my family -- although my wife was not really ever bad at all.

[applepansy]

Thank God we're past that in my family -- although my wife was not really ever bad at all.

I wasn't aware it ever ended.

[Guest]

I'm going to make a different comment.

You mention that this has got worse as she is older. How old is she? If she is in her 30's (yes it starts this early for some) or is older, it's possible that she may be going through perimenopause and not really PMS. This is a transition stage into menopause, so periods are still present, yet hormones may be more out of whack than ordinarily. Try a gentle approach with her addressing your concerns. I would also advice a doctor visit for her.

This is a great point.

I mentioned Arbonne's Prolief cream for PMS. If this turns out to be menopausal related, then you can try Arbonne's Phyto Prolief cream.

[Drpepper]

She is 40

[Bacdoc]

You are in Australia correct?

I use an Australian company called Mediherb for all of my herbs. They are the finest herbal manufacturing company I've ever come across. The quality of the herbs can't be touched.

Chaste Tree is a traditional herb used for PMS symptoms for a long time. It is great for the relief of PMS specifically the symptoms of breast tenderness, abdominal bloating, swelling of fingers or ankles, mild anxiety and mild irritability.

It sounds however like you wife may need more support than chaste tree alone. Without any further details, I'm guessing, but I would probably also put her on a product called Femco. Femco is Schisandra, White peony, and Shatavari. These herbs are great as a general female tonic and stress support. I use this particularly for women just prior to the years of menopause. It is great for estrogen excess, night sweats, migraine headaches (brought on by hormones only), low libido and fertility issues, as well as many other hormone related issues.

The two work great together, but if you had to choose just one, go with the chaste tree. Since the best herbal company in the world is in your back yard, you have nothing to lose. There are no contraindications to taking these products with any medications other than pregnancy and lactation, and you can take them together.

If you are interested in facing this problem from a drug free perspective, I would suggest that you look for an herbalist/nutritionist to work with her as well, but these products may help and are completely safe, so maybe try them and see what happens.

Seriously, I know I'm just some guy from the internet but if you have not tried herbs, do so. Most people, especially in the USA that claim that herbs don't work, have never had a good product with the proper therapeutic dose. That's why it's necessary to make sure you know what and where you are getting your herbs.

Good luck to you and your wife.

[FunkyTown]

Do you know why they call PMS PMS?

Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

PS: This is MOE speaking. I have hijacked FunkyTown's account and any rage should be directed squarely at me, MOE, and not at FunkyTown as he is just an innocent pawn in this.

[Misshalfway]

Amen to the posts about PMDD and taking responsibility!

You need to set some boundaries. You need to tell her that you require her to go to a doctor and get the hormone piece sorted. And then perhaps require that she get some therapy so she can forge better coping skills than threatenings with forks.

I get that PMDD is tough. I've been diagnosed. But this behavior sounds indulgent.