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Do preteens mope and pout a lot when they don't get their way?

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Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted

Or are we just extra lucky? (No, it doesn't work for her. Yes, we're trying to correct it.)

Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted

Not my pre-teens. My 12-year-old tries to reason his way around it using big words and logically cohesive sentences. My 10-year-old just asks and asks and asks again hoping for a different answer the next time.

Until I finally say - end of discussion. And they go find something else to do without moping or pouting or whining.

But then, I have boys.

Windseeker

Windseeker

Posted
Posted (edited)

I don't have one picture of me smiling from 12 to the day before my High School graduation (I smiled as I received my diploma). So I think it's fairly normal. They don't act like that with their friends. As much pouting and moping about that I did as a kid it sure annoys me when my kids do it.

Here is the key:

Don't let your kids know you care one bit about their happiness. If you do it will only increase the mope factor. ;)

*Keep it secret...keep it safe

Edited by Windseeker
Edited to add a smiley for Anatess
Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted

I don't have one picture of me smiling from 12 to the day before my High School graduation (I smiled as I received my diploma). So I think it's fairly normal. They don't act like that with their friends. As much pouting and moping about that I did as a kid it sure annoys me when my kids do it.

Here is the key:

Don't let your kids know you care one bit about their happiness. If you do it will only increase the mope factor.

*Keep it secret...keep it safe

That doesn't make sense. My kids know because I've told them from the day they were born that my sole purpose in life as their mother is to help them find happiness. Actually, I use the term fullness of joy, but, it's the same.

Windseeker

Windseeker

Posted
Posted

That doesn't make sense. My kids know because I've told them from the day they were born that my sole purpose in life as their mother is to help them find happiness. Actually, I use the term fullness of joy, but, it's the same.

Then we agree.

I'm being a bit facetious here but there is some truth to what I say on two levels.

Would you rather your kids be happy or responsible?

Of course parents want their children to be happy and that is the ultimate goal, but often times that means unhappy kids because usually the things kids want bring short term happiness and long term misery.

If our kids believe all we want is for them is for them to be happy they will mope around and feign misery to get their way.

Being a responsible parent means sometimes we have to let our kids be miserable. It's true also of the way we are parented from above.

Windseeker

Windseeker

Posted
Posted

"From their teenage years on, children are considerably more capable of causing parents unhappiness than bringing them happiness. That is one reason parents who rely on their children for happiness make both their children and themselves miserable."

~Dennis Prager

Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted (edited)

Then we agree.

I'm being a bit facetious here but there is some truth to what I say on two levels.

Would you rather your kids be happy or responsible?

Of course parents want their children to be happy and that is the ultimate goal, but often times that means unhappy kids because usually the things kids want bring short term happiness and long term misery.

If our kids believe all we want is for them is for them to be happy they will mope around and feign misery to get their way.

Being a responsible parent means sometimes we have to let our kids be miserable. It's true also of the way we are parented from above.

I teach my kids that responsibility is happiness.

I teach my kids the difference between happy now and happy eternal. And that misery now is only miserable if you don't see the happiness we are shooting for. When they understand that happiness I'm trying to point out, the misery is usually gone.

They're pre-teens. Our biggest challenge is limiting video games to only 5 hours on Saturday. I can usually talk "big picture" with them about it and they get it. Same with buying the latest new-fangled popular toy that their friends have. I can usually talk "big picture" with them on the limitation of money and that if I buy that toy I may not be able to pay mortgage and then they won't have a house and they get it. I'm sure later on, it's not going to be as easy.

Edited by anatess
TalkativeIntrovert

TalkativeIntrovert

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I believe that pre-teens and teens start acting like that so as to prepare you, and them, for them leaving home.... If they were perfect angels you wouldn't want to let them go.

eg I have been cleaning out cupboards and getting rid of kitchen equipment I don't use (electric knife, mortar and pestle that is too small, cheese grated I have always hated, frozen push pop icy things that the kids have outgrown, salad server set that I never liked), son (13) has beavered them away for when he leaves home. Daughters (15) can't understand why he wants to leave home.

Son is "difficult" can't understand why things don't go his way all the time, wont compromise (or even listen to explanations), has moments of being the most lovable/loving boy on earth, then moments that are quite opposite. Daughters are "easy", willing to discuss things through to a conclusion/compromise, helpful without being asked, etc.

Son already has his dorm room lined up at the university, daughters can't understand why he would spend money on accommodation when we are a 20 minute bus ride away.

No doubt the dynamic will all change by the time they finish school anyway, but I will be very glad for the moping, pouting and arguing to be over!

classylady

classylady

Posted
Posted

Mope and pout as a pre teen? Not really for my kids (all 7 of them). But being judgmental? With all three of my girls, around the time they turned 13, it was like having to walk on eggshells. Mom and dad couldn't do anything right anymore. My boys were more easy going.

dahlia

dahlia

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The preteen years were great with my son. He had a sweet disposition, made friends easily, was smart, and just beautiful to look at. Because he was an only child and we never had to balance his needs/wants against those of siblings, it was not only easy to give him what he wanted, we wanted to give him what he wanted because he was such a pleasure to have around, so there wasn't a lot of moping.

Things didn't start to go downhill until his first visit back home from college. : )

talisyn

talisyn

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My oldest daughter was a handful at 11, and it was all boy-related. Things have calmed down a whole lot since then. I learned a lot during that time, like doors are removable, windows can be fixed so they open only 10 inches, and children are so precious. It gave me greater appreciation for our Heavenly Father and what he goes through with us.

Guest

Guest

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Oh good grief. That's another thread altogether. (Thankfully, my daughter is a great kid other than the Olympic-class moping, and would never consider such a thing.)

dahlia

dahlia

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There are times when I am glad I don't have daughters.

I am the oldest of 5 girls. There is 11 to 16 yrs difference between me and the second set of girls, so I got the chance to see their teenager-ness from the perspective of an onlooker, not a participant. Whew. If I'd been my stepfather, I would have gone to live in a cave until everyone was 20. :D

I am very glad I had a boy. They are so much simpler with none of the hormonal ups and downs.

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