ysa splitting families apart

[lds_rass]

I have got in touch again with someone I've known for a long time and she finds it hard to believe these ysa wards have come from the prophet because in all the years the Church the leaders have always been very much pro-family. This was especially so when she first joined the Church. After many years she has finally trace her son who was until recently attending (and enjoying) the local ward she is in. For the last few weeks he has changed his mind and is now attending the ysa ward. She is heartbroken because after all this time of trying to find him she feels she has lost him. His latest thing is that she doesn't know when even if she will ever see him again.

[Guest]

How is YSA tearing their family apart? Because they don't go to church together? I'd say YSA creates more families. :)

[lds_rass]

yes because he doesnt want to go to the family ward even though he was very happy there a few weeks ago. I take it you are ysa then. i can see how it would create more families because they are all single people and as he is a man he has more choice but what happened to honour they father and they mother?

[Palerider]

If not for a single adult Ward and activities would not have met my wife...

[lds_rass]

well since he has been going there he has changed into a gigolo and is extremely rude to his mother

[Palerider]

Sounds to me like the problem is not a singles ward but a mother and son problem.....they both need to look in the mirror and they will see the problem at hand.

[lds_rass]

were you going to your ward with your family before? or are you the only one in your family that was in the Church?

This friend of mine has several health problems too and needs him to help with her wheelchair etc.

[Palerider]

There are people who always want to blame the church for their problems instead of themselves.

[classylady]

I have got in touch again with someone I've known for a long time and she finds it hard to believe these ysa wards have come from the prophet because in all the years the Church the leaders have always been very much pro-family. This was especially so when she first joined the Church. After many years she has finally trace her son who was until recently attending (and enjoying) the local ward she is in. For the last few weeks he has changed his mind and is now attending the ysa ward. She is heartbroken because after all this time of trying to find him she feels she has lost him. His latest thing is that she doesn't know when even if she will ever see him again.

If she doesn't know when or if she will ever see her son again, there is a lot more going on than her son attending a different ward. I don't know what happened, that she lost contact with her son for so many years, and now she doesn't know when she will see him again, but it sounds like there is some sort of disfunction going on. This has nothing to do with her son attending a YSA ward.

[lds_rass]

she isn't blaming the Church she is a longtime member of the Church and a temple recommend holder

[lds_rass]

sorry i only came on here in the hope that I might be able to get some help for my friend who is a very sweet loving person

[lds_rass]

guess i wasted my time.............thanx for nothing

[classylady]

I'm a parent, and I have had no problem with my children attending a YSA ward. It did not divide our family or hurt our relationship in any way when my children attended a YSA ward. In fact I was grateful that my young adult children had the option to attend either the YSA ward or the home ward. Whatever ward they wanted to attend was fine with me. I just wanted them to attend. Period! That was more important than where.

[Guest]

What is it that you want anyone to say or do? The fact is, their issues have nothing to do with whether or not they go to church in the same ward. If she needs assistance she can talk to the RS. If she wants to see her son, under normal circumstances she would see him outside of church. There's more going on than we're getting here.

[Just_A_Guy]

I have got in touch again with someone I've known for a long time and she finds it hard to believe these ysa wards have come from the prophet because in all the years the Church the leaders have always been very much pro-family. This was especially so when she first joined the Church. After many years she has finally trace her son who was until recently attending (and enjoying) the local ward she is in. For the last few weeks he has changed his mind and is now attending the ysa ward. She is heartbroken because after all this time of trying to find him she feels she has lost him. His latest thing is that she doesn't know when even if she will ever see him again.

lds_rass, please help me to understand the sequence here.

You say mother and son were in the same ward for many years. But you say that after many years she was able to "trace" him to that ward--so I can only conclude that they were in the same ward for quite some time, but didn't realize their relationship to each other. (Maybe she gave him up for adoption or something when he was an infant?)

Now, she's figured out what he is to her, and wants his help as she tries to deal with her health problems, wheelchair, etc. And he has bolted off to a singles ward rather than stay in the family ward and deal with his formerly absentee, and now sweet-but-very-needy, mother.

Is that accurate, or am I misreading something? 'Cause frankly, if the above is the case, it sounds like your friend might be smothering the guy a little and he's just not ready to cope with it.

[Quin]

sorry i only came on here in the hope that I might be able to get some help for my friend who is a very sweet loving person

sorry i only came on here in the hope that I might be able to get some help for my friend who is a very sweet loving person

1) That wasnt totally clear in your first post. It seemed, at least to me and looking like others as well from the answers, that you were arguing her point... Rather than seeking for a way to help her.

1.5) Very few would agree with her feelings surrounding this issue... For exactly the reasons stated

- Young single ADULTS = not separating a child from their parents

- Most families see each other outside of church, 3 hours a week vs. 120 waking hours a week.

- Boundary issues

- et cetera

2) Help for your friend

First off, there will always be situations that are outside of the norm. It sounds like, perhaps, your friend is one of them. That possibly the ONLY time her son's schedule in the past has been free to see her is at church. So now that he's attending a different ward, she doesn't get to see him at all and she's hurt by that / missing him.

That's not unreasonable. These kinds of things crop up with parents of adult children. Their children's lives get busy with work, friends, their own families, their in laws, etc. Sometimes they happen slowly over time, or abruptly. Sometimes they're of limited duration, or the change is fundamental (ex: out of town guests vs new baby... Are examples of abrupt changes of limited or long term schedule change.). As parents and kids: we adapt.

Which is where helping your friend comes in:

A) Dont agree with illogical thinking just because she's hurting.

- Think of the parent who wants to see her adult children every day... Whose kids are married, out of state, in the military, on mission, etc. Just because they WANT to see them, just because they miss them... Does NOT mean we should encourage them to do so. In general it's a BAD idea to tell them to track down their kids on mission, show up at the dorms every day, follow them from duty posting to duty posting, etc. No matter how much they want to, it's just a bad idea. So, as friends, we do NOT encourage them to do so. Nor to guilt their kids into feeling bad about going to college, on mission, getting married, working a good job elsewhere, etc.

B ) in general, I like to adhere to the THINK acronym when I'm with a hurting friend. Meaning is it:

True

Helpful

Inspirational

Necessary

Kind

Q

[Backroads]

Seems to me like you are looking to end the whole YSA program on account of your friend. That's oversolving a simple mother-son problem. I'm still not clear on the details of the two's relationship, but I highly doubt forcing Son to attend Mom's ward is going to fix anything.

Speak to your friend's RS president and see about getting someone to push her wheelchair. It's that simple. Be there for her.

[apexviper]

she isn't blaming the Church she is a longtime member of the Church and a temple recommend holder

I just got home from serving a mission and believe me, being a recommend holder won't prevent someone from blaming the church.

[Wingnut]

(1) How exactly is a YSA ward "tearing a family apart" if the family only just got together anyway?

(2) What kind of healthy family relationship involves people who only see each other at church on Sundays anyway?

(3) A gigolo? In a YSA ward? Doubtful.

(4) "Honor thy father and mother" doesn't equate to "do every single thing your parents want forever and ever even though you're a grown up with a fully functioning brain capable of making your own decisions."

Edited October 28, 2013 by Wingnut
punctuation

[McLainDow]

I have got in touch again with someone I've known for a long time and she finds it hard to believe these ysa wards have come from the prophet because in all the years the Church the leaders have always been very much pro-family. This was especially so when she first joined the Church. After many years she has finally trace her son who was until recently attending (and enjoying) the local ward she is in. For the last few weeks he has changed his mind and is now attending the ysa ward. She is heartbroken because after all this time of trying to find him she feels she has lost him. His latest thing is that she doesn't know when even if she will ever see him again.

First, I think your friend might want to see a therapist. This may help her put things in perspective and help her to understand that her son wanting his own life does not mean his is abandoning her.

Also, I do believe that the YSA program is inspired. around the world people are getting married later in life and are choosing to have less or in many cases no children. This is in opposition to Heavenly Father's plan for us and the YSA program helps to bring single men and women together.

[Jennarator]

Personally I think people should be in family wards and think YSA wards are anti family. I think have YSA activities, not wards. But to each his own....works for some and not others. There is no one shoe that fits everyone in this case. I never went to the singles meat market wards, bur some people love them and that is fine.

[mnn727]

. I never went to the singles meat market wards,

Yet you feel free to condemn them?

[Anddenex]

I never went to the singles meat market wards, bur some people love them and that is fine.

I never saw or purchased any meat at my singles ward. Are we speaking of the same YSA?

[Guest]

I never saw or purchased any meat at my singles ward. Are we speaking of the same YSA?

Do they sell that there at around $1/lb? I got 3 dogs on PMR and I'm constantly searching for cheap meat.

[lds_rass]

jenna

Personally I think people should be in family wards and think YSA wards are anti family. I think have YSA activities, not wards.

You seem to be the only one on hear talking sense. Everyone else on here seems to be condemning her without even knowing her. She loves the Church and is very close to the Lord. Anyway she had a talk with a local leader and he agreed that ysa wards do split families. She was not stopping him from going to the YSA ward (and she asked home teachers, visiting teachers etc. to help her in Church but people are so busy. When he first came to the family ward he was very happy and only too willing to help not only her but others in the ward as well. Then he changed and hurt a lot of people in many ways. Most people on here probably would be glad to know that he now wants nothing to do with her although all she was doing was trying to help. He has gone to a completely different area now.