study on missionaries who return early

[dahlia]

This may end up being moved to the 'Missionary' forum, but I thought I'd post it here first because it might get more readers and some interesting responses.

Interesting study about returned missionaries: https://www.ksl.com/index.php?sid=27521330&nid=1284&title=feelings-of-failure-common-among-early-return-missionaries-study-says&fm=home_page&s_cid=featured-3

From my reading about such things, not completing a mission seems to be almost a life altering experience. I'm glad it was studied from a scientific point of view and not just telling these young people to 'pray on' any problems they are having since their return.

Plus, you'd think you wouldn't have to say this, but I'm also glad that the Church came out after the study and said that wards should be warm and welcoming to them. Perhaps fewer of them will leave the Church or become less active due to their ill treatment by family and church members because they returned early.

[skippy740]

First, I gotta point out this part:

The study, which The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was not involved in, was conducted this year after Doty saw the negative effects on loved ones and students. She began the study hoping that those she knew were the exception instead of the rule.

Missionaries with mental health concerns, homesickness, physical health problems or worthiness issues who returned early felt increased feelings of failure, while those who came home because of family issues or lacked personal testimony in the church were less likely to experience feelings of failure, Doty found.

So, those that had a testimony, but struggled in other areas.. had increased feelings of failure... while those without a testimony were less likely to feel failure. Interesting.

The first parts, I completely understand - mental health, physical health are hard to overcome. One should not feel too bad that they were able to give the service they were able.

Homesickness? Maybe these particular missionaries were smothered by their parents at home? I don't get it, but perhaps they just weren't able to adjust. I think I'd put 'homesickness' as a category of mental health. All of these are still qualified for an honorable release.

Worthiness issues? To me, it depends entirely on the timing of the acts in question. Was it before the mission? If so, it should've been cleared up with priesthood leaders before reporting to the MTC so the missionary can serve with a clean slate.

If there were worthiness issues DURING missionary service that warrants a missionary to be sent home... I'd have a harder time with that one. I'm sorry, but they "unlocked their heart" (and their clothes) and violated their missionary and temple covenants. They SHOULD feel remorse... but they shouldn't necessarily feel shunned from those they knew and loved.

However, respect will be lost and relationships damaged. That missionary may have damaged the missionary program's reputation in that ward or branch for quite some time. They hindered the work with their acts. That is the human condition. That's why it's easier to stay home than to show up at Church.

It would be socially easier for returned missionaries to begin to attend a different ward (or a single's ward) so they can build a new social circle within the church, instead of continuing to go to the family ward where they "grew up".

The first part of our Church culture that should change... is that just because you're eligible by age... doesn't necessarily mean you are ready to serve. We're so eager to push our missionaries out... that they might not be ready.

To use the old computer phrase: Garbage in, garbage out.

“We were told by people we need to remove the stigma. It needs to be socially acceptable to not serve the full two years. I’m not saying it’s something we should promote,” Doty said. “But we need to make it acceptable for whatever amount of service people can give; that it’s enough.

I don't know about that. If we're sending the right people out for missionary service, this shouldn't be as much of an issue. Not everyone is cut out for missionary service.

[applepansy]

I'm looking forward to reading this. My son returned early and it did change his life. How our Stake and Ward handled it had a profound effect too.

[pam]

I thought it was an excellent article and posted it yesterday to the lds.net facebook page.

There is a stigma attached to many who return early. We need to remove the stigma. When one returns early it is automatically assumed there is a worthiness issue. So many times that is not the case. Nor is it really anyone's business.

[applepansy]

I thought it was an excellent article and posted it yesterday to the lds.net facebook page.

There is a stigma attached to many who return early. We need to remove the stigma. When one returns early it is automatically assumed there is a worthiness issue. So many times that is not the case. Nor is it really anyone's business.

Pam, I agree. And it shouldn't be that way. Our neighbors daughter just came home early and before she got here her mother said "We're going to have to move now." That made me sad. Our ward is great for welcoming non/new/inactive members. But when it comes to a missionary coming home early they sort of lose that welcoming attitude. I don't know if its because they don't know what to say or if it situational, but its still there. I also think sometimes its the missionary and their family who feel judged when there isn't any judgement but rather concern.

[Guest]

I don't assume it's a worthiness issue. In some cases it's a "coddled way too much at home" issue, or a "don't know how to not play video games most of the day" issue. It's always a "not my business" issue either way. Working on that.

[Traveler]

Having served in the military in a time of war and having served a mission I have some feelings on this subject. We call those that serve in the military heroes but my experience was that a very large number of individuals I encountered in the military were idiots that could not speak 3 words without 2 of them being swear words and alcoholism and immorality was off the charts. A mission was a much better environment but not without its own problems. One time - both being serious and joking - I was asked about how many missionaries were serving in my mission? My response was - about half of them.

There are many thing that are wrong within the culture of missions. Those that have served may, perhaps, understand. Missionaries that are "advanced" to senior companions, district leaders, zone leaders and assistance to the president are often deemed more worthy or better missionaries. But missionaries were not called to center their efforts in being "advanced" or getting called up is that part of their calling. A standard letter home from a missionary will contain difficulties in dealing with a lazy companion - seldom will letters complain about having a companion that in too much into being a missionary. But if one is thinking this through; if one missionary is thinking the other is lazy - it is likely that the other is thinking that the first is a little overboard. Not so - it is more probable that they will both think the other lazy. Which has prompted me - whenever I received such a letter of complaint from a missionary to write back and tell them to get over complaining about companions and get on with being a missionary and learn to love their companion and fellow missionaries dispute the fact that we can see our own flaws in them.

My point in this post is that in trying to get through our life as mortals and fulfill our calling to serve in mortality (mission) that we are all going to have successes and failures. But is my experience that failures are only made greater by finding excuses for them or to focus on them too much. That the only way to succeed in life is become a student of success which is really about overcoming failure and the inner and outer stigma of failure which is giving up - which is the worse of all possible failures. Usually what separates success from failure is just getting back up and going on one more time. Once a person learns to get back up and go on - it is much more likely not only that they will succeed but that they will feel good about it and anyone the in anyway encouraged them. In many ways repentance is just that - getting back up and getting back to what needs to be done.

The Traveler

[Swiper]

I don't know about that. If we're sending the right people out for missionary service, this shouldn't be as much of an issue. Not everyone is cut out for missionary service.

One problematic issue is that the church culture, in my opinion, forces the Young Men to go on a mission, at earliest possible date, even if they are not emotionally or spirtiually ready or perhaps doesn't even want to go. If they don't go on a mission they are considered somehow broken and unworthy marriage material. What are the most important thing the church culture teaches the Young Women to look for in a husband? Return Missionary and Worthy Priesthood Holder, right? The message being sent to the Young Men: go on a mission or no YW will want you for their husband.

[Guest]

Where and how does this "forcing" happen? I think even with these new ages, they're doing a good job locally and globally saying that eligibility and preparedness aren't the same thing.

[dahlia]

Why should the Church be involved in the study? I see no reason, as a researcher myself, that the Church should be involved. One huge reason is that some prospective participants will not participate if they knew it was a Church sponsored study. Another reason is that any sponsored research will raise questions as to validity - were the findings 'adjusted' to please the sponsor?

Now, I don't have an issue with sponsored research in general, somebody's got to pay for some of this work, but it will always raise questions as to validity; it doesn't make it invalid, it just raises questions as to the researcher's independence.

[Guest]

I don't assume it's a worthiness issue. In some cases it's a "coddled way too much at home" issue, or a "don't know how to not play video games most of the day" issue. It's always a "not my business" issue either way. Working on that.

3 out of the 4 missionaries from our ward recently came home. 2 of them announced to the ward that they're going through some health issues and that when they get it resolved they would like to go back on the mission field. 1 did not say anything on why he left early.

My observations: They all went back to the ward like they've never left. The 2 people with health issues were very open about their experiences, their challenges, and the ward supported them and encouraged them and all that good stuff. One of them came home skin and bones! It was very shocking to see him so frail! The other one could barely last an hour of class because her back would just hurt so bad (scoliosis). They received such an outpouring of love from the ward. The other one, it was so hush hush that for a while there people were walking on eggshells. After a while we came to understand he came home because of health issues as well.

So, I don't know... in a ward setting where we are encouraged to support each other and serve each other and love each other... it becomes natural to ask questions. And when one is open about these kinds of things, people tend to do what wards are supposed to do and uplift that person because they understand what they need. I know it becomes uncomfortable if the reason for coming home is due to unworthiness so I don't really know what is better - to trust the ward to not be judgemental in the aftermath of unworthiness on a mission and to even have their support in helping the RM get back on the right track, or to just leave it.

In my new calling as a ward missionary - I am instructed to get information on everyone in my region to see what we can do to help. So, my instructions sound like they want someone's spiritual journey to be my business. So, it gets confusing when I am having to balance this with "it's none of your business".

So yeah... I have no idea how to deal with these types of things.

Edited November 7, 2013 by anatess

[Traveler]

One problematic issue is that the church culture, in my opinion, forces the Young Men to go on a mission, at earliest possible date, even if they are not emotionally or spirtiually ready or perhaps doesn't even want to go. If they don't go on a mission they are considered somehow broken and unworthy marriage material. What are the most important thing the church culture teaches the Young Women to look for in a husband? Return Missionary and Worthy Priesthood Holder, right? The message being sent to the Young Men: go on a mission or no YW will want you for their husband.

Okay - I wonder sometimes what people are thinking. As a scout master I have had new scouts on overnight camp-outs that were so pampered by their parents that they had never in their life even made their own bed. -- and I am trying to deal with them the first time ever away from home.

In the Book of Mormon there is a really neat story about what is called the stripling warriors. My calculations indicate that at best these boys were at best 13 years old. The next time you watch the deacons in your ward passing the sacrament - think about sending them off to war and combat. Yet the stripling warriors, to the boy, did better than seasoned veterans. Among my ancestors was a 13 year old boy that crossed the plains all by himself and a 9 year old girl what walked to SLC barefoot.

Just a note here - from all I understand about the end of times - things are not going to get any easier as the times draws nearer for the 2nd coming. If as a culture we cannot prepare our young men for missions by age 18 - I do not have confidence we can be ready - that our lamps will be without oil when the hour comes.

The Traveler

[skippy740]

I have a different perspective, and I admit that it's probably unique.

When I broke my leg, I was transferred out of my area and to the mission office for a few weeks. During that time, a missionary that I knew, loved, and respected had violated his temple covenants and stayed with us the night before he and his companion were to be sent home with a dishonorable release.

Their attitudes were not the same as dedicated missionaries should be. They were not as serious, humble, or even reverent. Perhaps it was their way of dealing with the reality of their situation. But they were missing something.

When the Bishop of the ward that they were serving came into the mission office (for what reason, I don't know), I saw the look on his face of concern. I didn't talk to him, but if I were a leader of a ward, I would be concerned about the member's participation in missionary work and how they would continue to work with the entirely new set of missionaries. It's still pretty rare that both missionaries would be transferred out of an area at the same time without due cause.

BTW, both missionaries went home - one for the sin of commission, the other for the sin of omission and not being 'his brother's keeper'. Having seen this, I can tell that there's a very different spirit about a missionary that is SENT home unworthily, versus a missionary that CANNOT serve.

I'm facebook friends with one of them. From what I can tell, he's happily married with 3 kids (if I remember correctly). So there is life, even after a dishonorable release from missionary service.

But to say that one shouldn't have regrets or remorse - if it's truly an early release due to worthiness issues - is kidding themselves.

For the rest of us in the home wards, I guess our job is to not assume that an early release of a missionary means there was a worthiness issue. It's not good to assume, nor do we require an explanation for why a missionary is sent home. It may satisfy some curious minds, but it's not our business. Nor should we assume that if an explanation is NOT given, that it was for worthiness issues.

At that point, "it is what it is".

Edited November 7, 2013 by skippy740

[skippy740]

My MTC companion was also very much "not able to adapt" to missionary life. I think he showered 2x the entire 3 weeks at the MTC. He barely said two words. He was COMPLETELY out of his element.

Once he arrived in the mission field, he was a problem for his trainer. He wasn't learning and he slept in to 11am. He was hindering the work and the success of his trainer's mission.

He was sent home, and, if you knew him, you can tell that he had no business for being in the mission field. But you would've given him "props" for trying.

[Just_A_Guy]

One problematic issue is that the church culture, in my opinion, forces the Young Men to go on a mission, at earliest possible date, even if they are not emotionally or spirtiually ready or perhaps doesn't even want to go. If they don't go on a mission they are considered somehow broken and unworthy marriage material. What are the most important thing the church culture teaches the Young Women to look for in a husband? Return Missionary and Worthy Priesthood Holder, right? The message being sent to the Young Men: go on a mission or no YW will want you for their husband.

There needs to be a happy medium, methinks. Missionary service is a priesthood obligation, and if an elder isn't eligible to serve then his primary task is to get eligible if at all possible. And a woman who's contemplating marriage with a young man is totally justified in asking--privately--whether that young man is honoring his priesthood obligations; and in turning him down if she decides that he isn't. I hope that our rush towards non-judgmentalism doesn't translate as a message to young women that they have an obligation to say "yes" to the first Mormon boy who proposes marriage to them regardless of whether he keeps certain covenants that will ultimately affect the entire family.

That said--I agree that this is one of those situations where the phrase "mind your own business" should be used a lot more frequently than it is.

Edited November 7, 2013 by Just_A_Guy

[Finrock]

Hi Just_A_Guy. Hope you're having a good day! :)

There needs to be a happy medium, methinks. Missionary service is a priesthood obligation, and if an elder isn't eligible to serve then his primary task is to get eligible if at all possible.

If it is true that people are being ordained Elders primarily on account of their age as opposed to being ordaining on account of demonstrated worthiness and spiritual maturity, then this is almost setting the person up for failure.

I think there is a subtle assumption that is made in general that says simply having the priesthood makes one ready or worthy.

I guess there seems to be a prevailing attitude in many, many instances that takes the Priesthood for granted. The vetting process should occur before a young man is ever ordained an Elder. This should not be an "automatic" advancement due to age.

-Finrock

[tcage]

An interesting corollary study would be those that didn't get to serve missions at all

I think you'd come up with many of the same findings and church stigmas.....