Dishonesty in my Past

[Guest idontknow21]

Guys, I  dont really know right now.  I am a ex-porn addict... I have confessed and forsaken those habits and have become clean.  But the dishonesty that came from those cloudy habits, they still remain in my head.  For example, one of my good friends, a girl, said "You better not be one of the people who is addicted to porn."  I replied with "How do you think I'm passing the sacrament every week?"  I had no idea what I was saying at the time. I was an ignorant teenager, battling myself and trying to rid myself of my horrible habit.  My question is, do I need to go talk to my friend and tell her that I was a porn user when I answered that question?  Am I a liar?  I just feel so discouraged.. Please help me.

[StallionMcBeastly]

No, you have absolutely no reason to tell your friend your past struggles. Let go of the guilt you feel and enjoy life!

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

I agree with Stallion, your past is none of her business.  Her question to you was insensitive, and did not merit an answer.

 

I heard recently that some 60% or more of the men in my ward have trouble with porn.  It is readily available and highly addictive.  Kudos to you for overcoming it.  You are clean NOW, that is what matters.  Rejoyce in the atonement that we ALL have great need of.  

[Vort]

You are not a liar. She was way out of bounds making such a statement. Continue making your way in life, and don't worry about such people.

 

But try to have compassion on the weakness of women, who in general do not "get" the attraction of pornography and therefore (at least in the Church) tend to be condemnatory rather than compassionate toward this particular vice. They just don't understand what 99% of men understand very well, whether or not they have had "problems" with porn. Women have their own weaknesses that we men sometimes don't understand or have sufficient patience for, so it works both ways.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

But try to have compassion on the weakness of women, who in general do not "get" the attraction of pornography and therefore (at least in the Church) tend to be condemnatory rather than compassionate toward this particular vice. They just don't understand what 99% of men understand very well, whether or not they have had "problems" with porn. Women have their own weaknesses that we men sometimes don't understand or have sufficient patience for, so it works both ways.

 

I'm a woman, and I agree with this.  My husband and sons have tried to explain it to me.  I realize now that it is not something I can really understand, but I'm making an effort now to be more compassionate.  

[The Folk Prophet]

But try to have compassion on the weakness of women, who in general do not "get" the attraction of pornography and therefore (at least in the Church) tend to be condemnatory rather than compassionate toward this particular vice. They just don't understand what 99% of men understand very well, whether or not they have had "problems" with porn. Women have their own weaknesses that we men sometimes don't understand or have sufficient patience for, so it works both ways.

 

Interestingly enough (well...maybe not) I very, very much "get" the attraction of it, and am still condemnatory rather than compassionate.

[Vort]

Interestingly enough (well...maybe not) I very, very much "get" the attraction of it, and am still condemnatory rather than compassionate.

 

I am willing to bet that if you found out your son had a problem with pornography, you would not tell him what a filthy, worthless piece of subhuman scum he was and then throw him out of the house.

[The Folk Prophet]

I am willing to bet that if you found out your son had a problem with pornography, you would not tell him what a filthy, worthless piece of subhuman scum he was and then throw him out of the house.

 

No. But I would likely tell him that it was a filthy and despicable act. Of course to many saying the one equates to the other.

[Vort]

No. But I would likely tell him that it was a filthy and despicable act. Of course to many saying the one equates to the other.

 

So for what sort of damaging, addictive sin would you NOT tell him that? That is, in what sense is this any different from any other sinful and addictive habit your son might adopt?

 

When women, especially LDS women, "condemn" pornography, they often do so by leaving their husbands or otherwise deciding that their marriage is null and void. Unless their husband is unrepentant, this is condemnable behavior. I have occasionally heard women at Church talking about such things, and I cannot but believe that at least some of their husbands have had issues with porn. (We had a stake-wide concentration on pornography for probably five years, at least, so it was clearly an issue.) I have pretty much never heard any compassion expressed in such conversations.

 

I recall people on this very forum making (or at least reporting) statements along the lines of, "I'd rather my husband commit adultery than view porn." I mean, this is lunacy. It makes no sense at all.

 

If you found out your son was involved in pornography, and would actually take that opportunity to tell him what a piece of filth he was instead of reaffirm your love and tell him he needed to get away from it, then you are not the man I think you are. And I'm pretty confident that, in this case, you are not the man I don't think you are.

[The Folk Prophet]

So for what sort of damaging, addictive sin would you NOT tell him that? That is, in what sense is this any different from any other sinful and addictive habit your son might adopt?

 

When women, especially LDS women, "condemn" pornography, they often do so by leaving their husbands or otherwise deciding that their marriage is null and void. Unless their husband is unrepentant, this is condemnable behavior. I have occasionally heard women at Church talking about such things, and I cannot but believe that at least some of their husbands have had issues with porn. (We had a stake-wide concentration on pornography for probably five years, at least, so it was clearly an issue.) I have pretty much never heard any compassion expressed in such conversations.

 

I recall people on this very forum making (or at least reporting) statements along the lines of, "I'd rather my husband commit adultery than view porn." I mean, this is lunacy. It makes no sense at all.

 

If you found out your son was involved in pornography, and would actually take that opportunity to tell him what a piece of filth he was instead of reaffirm your love and tell him he needed to get away from it, then you are not the man I think you are. And I'm pretty confident that, in this case, you are not the man I don't think you are.

 

I don't disagree.

 

I'm fairly certain, however (and this was the joke I was trying to make) that I would say things I would have to later repent of. Even worse if I had a son come out as gay.

 

I'm a sinner, just like we all are.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

If you found out your son was involved in pornography . . . reaffirm your love and tell him he needed to get away from it, 

 

I think this is the appropriate response whether it is your son or your husband.  

[The Folk Prophet]

I think this is the appropriate response whether it is your son or your husband.  

 

Or...another way to put it:

 

Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;

 

That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death. D&C 121:43-44

[Guest idontknow21]

Thanks for all of your input everyone... I am really finding myself right now. But Satan is still trying to hold on.   I keep getting memories of all the lies, no matter how small  they were/are.  It's hard, because it's stifling me and bringing on kind of a mini depression.. 

[Misshalfway]

Thanks for all of your input everyone... I am really finding myself right now. But Satan is still trying to hold on.   I keep getting memories of all the lies, no matter how small  they were/are.  It's hard, because it's stifling me and bringing on kind of a mini depression.. 

 

You are really trying to find yourself.  Ok.  Except, I can't tell if you are discovering more about yourself or just trying to settle an argument in your head about whether  you are a good or a bad person.  

 

Is this why it feels like Satan is trying to hold on to you?  Because you don't know how to reconcile your past?  Because you don't know yet how to make sense of how you made those mistakes of your youth?

 

If you ask me, this sounds like a huge opportunity for healing.  You stopped the porn and the lying.  Awesomeness and honor to you!  Perhaps it's time to slay your next dragon.....the dragon of self hate.  My guess is that when you learn to love yourself, and all the parts of your self, that all this depression stuff will lift.

Edited December 14, 2014 by Misshalfway

[lagarthaaz]

Thanks for all of your input everyone... I am really finding myself right now. But Satan is still trying to hold on.   I keep getting memories of all the lies, no matter how small  they were/are.  It's hard, because it's stifling me and bringing on kind of a mini depression.. 

 

It is no-body's business what your personal and private struggles are. It's between you and your bishop.  Do you feel you have the right to ask a teenage girl personal questions? Of course not!  Give yourself at least as much right to privacy as you do to others. 

 

There is no need to continue beating yourself up with issues from the past - you have done what you need to in order to repent - good for you! Imagine what loving advice you would give to a friend in the same position - then take that advice for yourself. 

 

You might also benefit from some cognitive behavioural therapy to help you change the 'record' of negative self-talk that's in your head. Is there a school counsellor who can help you with this?

[unixknight]

The past is exactly that - the past.  Satan can, and will, try to convince you that the past is relevant to the future.  The only thing you should be hanging onto from the past is lessons learned.  Guilt is a bat that Satan will use to keep you feeling low and distract you from making spiritual progress.  

 

If it's well and truly behind you, then leave it there.  You do yourself no favors by dragging it around.  If you've repented of it, then God has forgotten it.  Or do you suppose you have higher moral standards than He does?