Sunday21 Posted May 7, 2016 Report Posted May 7, 2016 (edited) I was watching a film clip about a man who pretended to be Jewish so that he could marry a Jewish woman. Not a bad reason! The Jewish woman in question was pretty special! I am remembering a time when I tried to pass for Mormon, back in the day...a friend called me up and begged me to help out at a church musical where there were way too many kids in the cast and not enough adults to supervise. Knowing the size of lds families and the ratio of rug rats to civilized adults, I was sympathetic. That was the story anyway, now that I am a member , I recognize the tactics of my sneaky Lds comrades! So I was recruited into the ranks of those coraling, dressing, and slapping makeup on little demons. Not wanting to attract attention, I did my best to blend in, nodding as people discussed ward politics and how to evade the roving eye of those with callings to fill. I think I would have gotten away with it, if it were not one regrettable lapse, I leaned into the personal space of the sister next to me, who was attempting to button up the collar of the future Miss Canadian Hyperactive, while I was slapping makeup on a little Joseph Smith who was about to do the big surgery scene, and said, "you know I am just cr#% at this'. Outed! Her eyes just about fell out of her head! The ladies were kind after that but they put on that big smile and I knew, that they knew! They were nice and invited me to come to church but after that, I felt like a specimen. This reminds me not to treat investigators like a project, Note to self, be warm, be genuine, show your real personality. Don't be Disney! Anyway, my point, and I do have one...why would someone want to pass as lds? What would be the attraction? Finally I think I have hit on something. What if you just love to set up and take down chairs? Have I got a religion for you! The rest of my list is geographically specific. If you live in a small nonUtah town, how about those who love being on committees? From this forum, I gather that callings can be scarce in Utah. I have sometimes thought that the cure for being lonely in retirement would be to join the lds church outside of a big lds population centre. If you are willing, we have a job for you! Or what about if you love helping people move? I have a friend who weight lifts and he and his friends compete to lift heavy objects. I helped them with a move. It took forever because they kept competing to lift the fridge! Excellent Mormon material! I actually had a woman call me in a professional capacity. I solved her problem and then we chatted. She told me that she was bored and lonely and did not know what to do with her life. I thought, have I got a religion for you! so to all the bored and lonely people, have I got a religion for you! How do you feel about setting up some chairs? And when you are done that.. Edited May 7, 2016 by Sunday21 Blackmarch, zil, NeedleinA and 1 other 4 Quote
zil Posted May 7, 2016 Report Posted May 7, 2016 16 minutes ago, Sunday21 said: What if you just love to set up and take down chairs? Have I got a religion for you! Sunday21 1 Quote
Backroads Posted May 7, 2016 Report Posted May 7, 2016 Meetings. Add a running total of your various meetings attended to your resume. You'll look so important! Jane_Doe, NeedleinA, Blackmarch and 1 other 4 Quote
David13 Posted May 7, 2016 Report Posted May 7, 2016 I was called in. So it wasn't like a "personal decision" or something. But, I have been impressed with the number of various dinners. About all the 'free' dinners, I have said "this is the best church ever". So I could have joined just for the free dinners. And yes, being old, single and retired, I could have joined just to have something to do. But it wasn't really like that. For one thing, I had no idea from the outside what it was like on the inside of the church. dc Sunday21, dahlia, LeSellers and 3 others 6 Quote
zil Posted May 7, 2016 Report Posted May 7, 2016 4 minutes ago, David13 said: For one thing, I had no idea from the outside what it was like on the inside of the church. Ah, so we need one of those message boards like they have outside so many churches: "Uplifting2: After folding your hands in prayer, fold up some chairs!" "Feasting2: Sunday at 11am: Feast on the Words of Christ; Friday at 7pm: Feast on Other People's Dime!" "Meetingsn: God Be with You Till We Meet Again - any next second!" Sunday21, NeedleinA and Jane_Doe 3 Quote
Guest MormonGator Posted May 7, 2016 Report Posted May 7, 2016 (edited) As dear Zil knows, I became LDS just for the polygamy. As Seinfeld fans will surely understand, I converted just for the jokes. Edited May 7, 2016 by MormonGator Quote
NeedleinA Posted May 7, 2016 Report Posted May 7, 2016 6 hours ago, David13 said: So I could have joined just for the free dinners. Yep we have "active dinner eaters" in our ward. They never come to anything else, but show up for Ward activities with free dinners. Quote
David13 Posted May 7, 2016 Report Posted May 7, 2016 1 hour ago, NeedleinA said: Yep we have "active dinner eaters" in our ward. They never come to anything else, but show up for Ward activities with free dinners. No, I show up for everything. And usually early, too. dc Blackmarch and Sunday21 2 Quote
NeedleinA Posted May 7, 2016 Report Posted May 7, 2016 1 minute ago, David13 said: No, I show up for everything. And usually early, too. dc Sorry, I wasn't implying you are one of the "active dinner eaters", only that they do exist. They tend to be the first in line after the prayer and have already loaded their plates with 2nds & 3rds, hah! Sunday21 1 Quote
tesuji Posted May 7, 2016 Report Posted May 7, 2016 2 hours ago, NeedleinA said: Yep we have "active dinner eaters" in our ward. They never come to anything else, but show up for Ward activities with free dinners. I've heard of people who drop off their kids at church on Sunday for free babysitting too. I don't have a problem with these people or the diners either. Maybe some of the gospel will rub off on them. Sunday21 1 Quote
NeedleinA Posted May 8, 2016 Report Posted May 8, 2016 (edited) 15 minutes ago, tesuji said: I've heard of people who drop off their kids at church on Sunday for free babysitting too. This was happening in our previous Ward except it was happening during the week for Relief Society Enrichment nights. I only know because the Priesthood was tasked as the babysitters so all Sisters could attend RS Enrichment night. Fun times, Gold Fish (the wonder treat) and Disney dvds saved my bacon many times! Edited May 8, 2016 by NeedleinA Sunday21 1 Quote
David13 Posted May 8, 2016 Report Posted May 8, 2016 2 hours ago, NeedleinA said: Sorry, I wasn't implying you are one of the "active dinner eaters", only that they do exist. They tend to be the first in line after the prayer and have already loaded their plates with 2nds & 3rds, hah! I can imagine. However, we don't have any in our ward, or stake for that matter, as far as I know. I guess we have a pretty good ward, but we are mostly in a good area. dc NeedleinA 1 Quote
Guest Posted May 8, 2016 Report Posted May 8, 2016 (edited) On 5/7/2016 at 8:15 AM, Sunday21 said: I think I would have gotten away with it If it hadn't been for those meddling kids! So... we converted Old Man Witherspoon, the caretaker at the carnival. Edited May 8, 2016 by Guest Quote
bytebear Posted May 9, 2016 Report Posted May 9, 2016 Well, to get the sweet Mr. Mac deal on suits, of course. zil 1 Quote
David13 Posted May 10, 2016 Report Posted May 10, 2016 What? Another Mr Mac fan? We have one in our stake. He frequently tells stories about them, I guess a father and son team. And so many of the Apostles and Presidents got their suits there. I should take a look. I'm going to be in Utah next week. dc Quote
Faapefuoe Posted May 10, 2016 Report Posted May 10, 2016 If you wish there was more fruit in your Jello, you might be a good candidate for baptism. zil 1 Quote
Faapefuoe Posted May 10, 2016 Report Posted May 10, 2016 If you can't sleep unless your mattress is on top of a double layer of boxes, filled with #10 cans, you should just go ahead and get baptized. Sunday21 and zil 2 Quote
Faapefuoe Posted May 10, 2016 Report Posted May 10, 2016 If you really wish you could add self deprecating polygamist jokes to your humor routine, Mormonism is a valid option. Sunday21 1 Quote
NightSG Posted May 10, 2016 Report Posted May 10, 2016 7 hours ago, Faapefuoe said: If you really wish you could add self deprecating polygamist jokes to your humor routine, Mormonism is a valid option. Multiple wives sounds fun. One for the bedroom, one for the kitchen, and a third should be able to keep the rest of the house clean by herself. They have to be biological sisters, though, because more than one mother in law is just wrong. Quote
LeSellers Posted May 10, 2016 Report Posted May 10, 2016 3 minutes ago, NightSG said: They have to be biological sisters, though, because more than one mother in law is just wrong. They could be orphans, if that's what one was concerned about. Lehi Quote
Traveler Posted May 10, 2016 Report Posted May 10, 2016 (edited) . Edited May 10, 2016 by Traveler Quote
NightSG Posted May 10, 2016 Report Posted May 10, 2016 2 hours ago, LeSellers said: They could be orphans, if that's what one was concerned about. I think killing off potential inlaws is a bit excessive. Quote
LeSellers Posted May 10, 2016 Report Posted May 10, 2016 18 minutes ago, NightSG said: I think killing off potential inlaws is a bit excessive. A bit, but you're the one who said that having more than one mother-in-law is just wrong. Ya gotta do whatcha gotta do. Lehi Quote
David13 Posted May 12, 2016 Report Posted May 12, 2016 On 5/10/2016 at 8:19 AM, NightSG said: Multiple wives sounds fun. One for the bedroom, one for the kitchen, and a third should be able to keep the rest of the house clean by herself. They have to be biological sisters, though, because more than one mother in law is just wrong. Nightie What are you talking about? You can't have your wives living together like that. They would compare notes. Each one has to have their own house. And then when the mother in law visits, you don't have to be there. You're in one of the other houses. dc Quote
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