Humbled by Mother’s Day

[prisonchaplain]

Humbled by Mother’s Day

Most women in church have a secret loathing for Proverbs 31. It describes the ideal wife and mother in ways that seem exhausting and overly demanding. Perhaps we should see the chapter for what it is—a description of ideal characteristics and rewards for noble women. The prototype wife/mother is a good household manager, a hard worker, a charitable person, and one who fears God. Is this not Mother’s Day Hallmark, told in wisdom literature? Do we not declare our mothers to be smart and diligent? Do we not say that they are generous and faithful? King Solomon says such women are trusted and cared for. He declares that their husbands gain good reputations because of them. Finally, the whole family praises her successful efforts.

So, why the trepidation when we ministers declare our message will be from this particular chapter? We do not always manage well, we sometimes do not give our best efforts, there are times when we choose selfishness over charity, and, quite frankly, we sometimes set God to the side.  In other words, we fail.

Lists of ideals always leave us feeling less than ideal. If only our humility would drive us to rely on God’s help. The Apostle Paul tells us that the fruit of the Spirit is love. Love fuels all ideals, and it can be found in God. In the Footprints in the Sand poem, a traveler finishes life’s journey, looks back, and realizes that God had walked with him—most of the time. There are a few crucial episodes where only one set of prints appear. The traveler asks God why. The Lord responds that He had to carry him during the most difficult moments.

Today is Mother’s Day, but many moms feel inadequate. In a month it will be us dads who feel unworthy of accolades. Turn to God, for His strength is sufficient.

 

 

[Guest]

I see a pattern in my household that may speak to why this generation is different than my mother's generation.

I spent the entire day doing the things that Mrs. Carb does every day.  We got her breakfast in bed.  We showered her with gifts.  I worked with the kids to get the house tidy.  I struggled to get all the food ready and the kitchen cleaned, as the kids cleaned the other rooms in the house.  I've done this nearly every year since we've been married.  But this year was particularly difficult.  I've cooked since I was doing paper routes as a kid.  And all I was doing was making a nice stew.  I've done it hundreds of times.  It was not this difficult.

This year we had a lot of kids who did not do their dishes the night before.  Neither did they do them from breakfast or lunch.  We also had the internet on while I was doing stuff in the kitchen.  While it was on, too many distractions kept the kids from doing their part which made my part much harder.

In earlier generations, the kids didn't have so many distractions.  So, they were more apt to help Mom with all the housekeeping activities.

Compound that with the fact we homeschool.  In earlier generations we could feel safe about sending our kids to school to be taught good principles and real learning.  Today, not so much.  So, a good portion of the day is blown.  Just keeping house is very difficult.

I see my wife struggling to keep up every day.  So, to ask her to work as hard as she does and become exhausted every day and then require her to do those things which were done in older generations seems almost impossible.

Maybe we'll just get rid of the internet.

[anatess2]

I LOVE PROVERBS 31!  It's one of my favorites.  I don't know how it is in the AoG, but in the Catholic faith (well, at least from my Catholic church/schools growing up), Proverbs 31 is a song of praise to women.  So, when we read it, we don't really pay as much attention to the "what she did" stuff, but more to the MAN who is saying how good this woman is because she works hard at her responsibilities in life... especially that of her work for God.  I'm not sure I'm explaining this properly... but Proverbs 31 is a song for the MEN to study on being grateful for the noble women in their lives and paying them attention.  Verses 10-31 is usually read as a responsorial psalm in Catholic weddings to give praise to the soon-to-be wife.

I haven't seen it treated any differently in the LDS church, although, I can't really remember discussing that particular chapter at gospel doctrine class (I've worked in Primary for so long).

 

In my house, my family knows I'm not really that big on Mother's Day.  I mean, yeah, I greet my mother and my sisters and sisters-in-law and get them gifts and such... but in my own home I'm not big on it.  My family knows I would rather that they're good to their mom everyday that they forget it's Mother's Day.  But my husband has a different perspective on it.  He thinks Mother's Day is just like another birthday, so he goes on a big shebang - he's got several days he likes to do that stuff - Christmas, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Sealing Anniversary, Birthday.  They all get the same treatment.  None of these days gets me an exemption from my own chores at home, though.  And that's because I would rather do them myself than worry that they're not doing it the way I want it done.  Micro-manager much?  Hah hah.

Edited May 9, 2016 by anatess2

[tesuji]

Quote

"See that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man [or woman] should run faster than he has strength." 

Mosiah 4:27

The church teaches the ideal, which I'm grateful for.

Maybe we also need to emphasize more that we won't become perfect immediately. But we should keep growing toward that.

Edited May 9, 2016 by tesuji

[anatess2]

2 hours ago, tesuji said:

The church teaches the ideal, which I'm grateful for.

Maybe we also need to emphasize more that we won't become perfect immediately. But we should keep growing toward that.

My 14-year-old son gave a talk in Sacrament meeting yesterday.  He said this exact same thing.

What's interesting about his talk is that it is the first time that he gave a talk without writing it down.  Rather, he wrote talking points on his tablet and talked about it.  We discussed whether he should write his talk and I suggested that he try it without writing it this time.  His dad believes that not writing your talk down makes you more reliant on the promptings of the Spirit when giving a talk.  Anyway, my son struggled to connect with the Spirit as he was overcome with a case of insecurity (which has never happened to him before) so his talk started a bit shaky.  But then he got on the groove and, interestingly, he didn't talk about Mothers but rather Women in general and their role in the Priesthood.  He used me and things I do for the family to support his talk... and that was the only connection to Mothers in his talk.  He talked about raising children in the gospel but he didn't specifically say for Mothers to raise children in the gospel, rather he said Women raise children in the gospel....

Anyway, I thought it was the best Mother's Day talk ever... but then I'm very biased.

[NeedleinA]

Our Stake President is in our Ward and stood up after all the nice Mother's Day talks yesterday. He said something like:

"We just heard some wonderful talks today. Mothers Day is a nice day, but there are those here that perhaps didn't have a great Mother or perhaps feel that they personally don't measure up to the shining examples shared today in the talks and so they beat themselves up over it. Some Sisters are not mothers and this day is like a knife to their heart. Some Sisters just simply hate Mother's Day, and you know what?... that is just fine. It is okay to hate Mother's Day. Sisters just do the best you can and know the Lord loves you for your efforts."

He sat down. It was very nice to hear. 
We are not a huge Stake. We are not a wealthy Stake. We are however a Stake full of a lot of common sense. 

Edited May 9, 2016 by NeedleinA

[Budget]

15 hours ago, prisonchaplain said:

Humbled by Mother’s Day

 

Most women in church have a secret loathing for Proverbs 31. It describes the ideal wife and mother in ways that seem exhausting and overly demanding. Perhaps we should see the chapter for what it is—a description of ideal characteristics and rewards for noble women. The prototype wife/mother is a good household manager, a hard worker, a charitable person, and one who fears God. Is this not Mother’s Day Hallmark, told in wisdom literature? Do we not declare our mothers to be smart and diligent? Do we not say that they are generous and faithful? King Solomon says such women are trusted and cared for. He declares that their husbands gain good reputations because of them. Finally, the whole family praises her successful efforts.

 

 

 

 

It's never, ever made me feel inadequate!  I have always loved these verses and as a very young newlywed, I read them and absorbed them often as something to give me strength, support and give me a goal to strive for.  Later, after I quit working outside the home to raise our children full time, this verse gave me validation that being a full time wife and mother had worth.  It's always been a positive verse for me. 

 

 

 

[prisonchaplain]

7 hours ago, anatess2 said:

... Proverbs 31 is a song for the MEN to study on being grateful for the noble women in their lives and paying them attention.  Verses 10-31 is usually read as a responsorial psalm in Catholic weddings to give praise to the soon-to-be wife.

I love this perspective. There is no official AoG treatment of the verse. However, it could be that mothers stress because we men actually believe women are capable of Proverbs 31. Dad's Day somehow just gets treated as rejoicing at the antics us buffoons come up with each year. In my congregation the moms get flowers for their day, and we dads get peanuts.  How much stress is their in living up to buffoons-who-eat-peanuts?  :-)

In my house, my family knows I'm not really that big on Mother's Day. ... my husband has a different perspective on it.  He thinks Mother's Day is just like another birthday . . .

Your husband is wise. My wife explained it to me like this:  I don't need the presents and letters and stuff, but the children need to do it. They need to learn to honor their parents and their elders, and to be grateful.

Ironically, Anatess, you ought to let the M-Day festivities flourish in your house, because it really isn't about you, but about the young-ins.  :-)

 

Edited May 9, 2016 by prisonchaplain

[prisonchaplain]

3 hours ago, NeedleinA said:

Our Stake President is in our Ward and stood up after all the nice Mother's Day talks yesterday. He said something like:

"We just heard some wonderful talks today. Mothers Day is a nice day, but there are those here that perhaps didn't have a great Mother or perhaps feel that they personally don't measure up to the shining examples shared today in the talks and so they beat themselves up over it. Some Sisters are not mothers and this day is like a knife to their heart. Some Sisters just simply hate Mother's Day, and you know what?... that is just fine. It is okay to hate Mother's Day. Sisters just do the best you can and know the Lord loves you for your efforts."

He sat down. It was very nice to hear. 
We are not a huge Stake. We are not a wealthy Stake. We are however a Stake full of a lot of common sense. 

Just so you know--your Stake President just might have been reading my pastor's notes. He said almost the exact same thing. Then again, your state might be ahead of mine time-zone wise, so maybe it was vice versa.  Hmmmmm.