Veritas Posted July 12, 2016 Report Share Posted July 12, 2016 Forgive me for the length of this... I'm not even really sure how to start this post other than that I've been an investigator, intermittently, for the better part of a decade. I'm 28. When I was in college, I thought it would be a facinating social experiment to join the church, get a temple recommend, and record my experiences. I was into journalism at the time and critical of the church. I was never very serious about it, but enough that I started to do a lot of research. That changed my mind and heart. Growing up with an LDS meetinghouse just down the street from my elementary school, I grew up around a lot of Mormon kids in the neighborhood. It was never an issue or anything and I was only vaguely aware, but I fell into the whole ridiculous cult mindset. I never had any close childhood friends who were LDS, but certainly acquaintances I'm only still in contact with one. Ive had this weird intrigue, almost fascination, with LDS for years. It isn't constant or anything but comes in waves, and I would pretty consistently watch Mormon movies, read about LDS news, turn on BYUTV, watch YouTube videos, etc. so I'm more aware of the culture, history, apologism, and criticisms leveled against the church. I know enough to probably get me into trouble, but not so much on scripture. Still, I've become pretty defensive of Mormons, since I think they get a bum rap, but also critical of some of he social policies. But here's the deal. I'm agnostic, so I'm not even sure God exists. When I pray, which I've tried to do steadfastly for years, I can't shake the feeling that I may be talking to myself. I really wish I could have faith and clarity but it eludes me. Moroni's Promise? Not so much quite frankly, reading the Book of Mormon has kind of bored me. I think it's the old English I've always been a skeptic and embraced playing the Devil's Advocate. I'm also gay, and I'm not apologetic about that even if I "pass" and keep conservative politics. The closet is an awful place and I will not subject myself again to to the anguish of that. I realize SSA is not a deal breaker, but being an observant Mormon would require celibacy, a lack of love, etc. and preclude me from many things. I know it isn't unheard of but it does complicate things. I've always joked I'd make a good Mormon if it weren't for the gay thing, since I already don't smoke, drink alcohol or coffee, etc. Im also an introvert, and as I've seen in other threads, I know that can throw a wrench into things. And of course, the tithing thing is challenging to absorb. For or the sake of wrapping this post up, I will say that I'm in the middle of an upswing of intense interest. I'm not sure if it's academic or spiritual, but I'm trying to be open minded and open hearted. My family recently moved away, so I don't want to mistake loneliness for the Holy Ghost. I actually went to sacrament for the first time this Sunday. It was daunting because of my issues with social anxiety (which I mostly manage but makes new environments and people a little overwhelming). The LDS friend from elementary school has been very affirming and a great resource, and invited me to go with her family while she's in town (but we haven't seen each other since middle school). Her father is e bishop. She also invited me to dinner later this week, across town. I guess they're feeding the missionaries. I'm not really sure what the point of my post is or what I'm asking, other than to get it out there. Other than my one friend, I don't really feel like I can talk to anyone about it who might understand. Jane_Doe and tesuji 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted July 12, 2016 Report Share Posted July 12, 2016 Welcome and thank you for that introduction that allowed us to get to know you. I'm glad you are here. Jane_Doe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunday21 Posted July 12, 2016 Report Share Posted July 12, 2016 Very pleased that you are here! Welcome! tesuji 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MormonGator Posted July 12, 2016 Report Share Posted July 12, 2016 Welcome to the boards. We're so glad to have you. It's filled with great people so I'm confident you'll fit in just fine. Feel free to jump into threads and have fun here! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Southern_Bell Posted July 14, 2016 Report Share Posted July 14, 2016 From what you have said, it seems to me that you are an intellectual person. It is good to learn about the church. The way to figure out if your interest is purely intellectual or if it is spiritual is to pay attention to how you feel when you go to church, when you earnestly pray, etc. It's the difference between knowing about something (knowing something in your head) and knowing something (in your heart). At any rate, welcome! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane_Doe Posted July 14, 2016 Report Share Posted July 14, 2016 On July 12, 2016 at 0:39 AM, Veritas said: I'm not really sure what the point of my post is or what I'm asking, other than to get it out there. Other than my one friend, I don't really feel like I can talk to anyone about it who might understand. Howdy! A post to be known is not a bad thing at all! Welcome to the site! Feel free to ask any questions you'd like. I am also very much an introvert, nervous in social situations-- when forced to introduce myself I do so as "Hi, I'm Jane and I'm pathologically shy". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritas Posted July 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 14, 2016 4 hours ago, Southern_Bell said: From what you have said, it seems to me that you are an intellectual person. It is good to learn about the church. The way to figure out if your interest is purely intellectual or if it is spiritual is to pay attention to how you feel when you go to church, when you earnestly pray, etc. It's the difference between knowing about something (knowing something in your head) and knowing something (in your heart). At any rate, welcome! I hate to consider myself intellectual, but yeah, I guess that label is apt. I am definitely very analytical and logical, which tends to fly in the face of faith. I think your suggestion is good, and it's something I had thought of. I'm trying to be steadfast even though I don't seem to be getting much in the feelings department. At least it isn't negative! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zil Posted July 14, 2016 Report Share Posted July 14, 2016 5 hours ago, Veritas said: I am definitely very analytical and logical, which tends to fly in the face of faith. It only flies in the face of an illogical faith. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is the most logical thing in the universe - but it won't appear that way to those who decline to learn enough to see the completeness and logic of the plan. Portions of the whole often look like nonsense (e.g. part of a logic structure or part of a formula). One must know a significant portion of it (critical mass, as it were) before one sees the logic / sense of it. Sincerely, Sister-I-Play-Logic-Puzzles-For-Fun-And-Code-Logic-For-Pay SilentOne 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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