How do i get the desire to want children

[Chachi]

I am 20 years old and married. My sister has a baby and her and her fiance live with my parents, as do me and my husband because we are going through a move. My husband wants kids so badly and he is so good with them but I have absolutely no desire. No matter how cute or sweet a baby or kid is, I still can only get myself to be around them for a short time. Everyone is pressuring me saying I have to have kids and I feel absolutely guilty that I want nothing to do with them. I am repulsed by them and I honestly think I would be a bad mom. I think most kids are spoiled little brats and when I see my sister let my 1 year old niece get away with everything, it angers me even more. I want to want kids for my husband but I have absolutely no desire and I don't know what to do. I have never had the urge to have kids and I have never liked babysitting since I was of age to and I avoided babies like the plague. I don't know what to do, I don't think I will ever change my mind...

Edited December 2, 2016 by Chachi

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

8 hours ago, Chachi said:

 My husband wants kids so badly and he is so good with them but I have absolutely no desire. 

I was never one to be terribly fond of other people's children either, but having my own is very different. Mine are not spoiled brats because I raised them better.  I realize that doesn't solve your problem though. Just trying to give you a glimpse of what could be.

I do think there are some people that should not have children. People with addictions come to mind. Thats not you either  though.

Remember that Nephi said the Lord would provide a way? So I'm wondering. ..have you prayed about this?  I don't  mean a half-hearted request tossed up a few times in passing. To be fair, I imagine it would be hard to have a truly heart felt prayer to ask for something you don't really  want. 

So instead of praying for children, pray earnestly and with sincere desire to know the Lord's will and to have a desire to do it. Pray to be the kind of  wife that will make your husband happy. 

Odds are this prayer will lead to changing your heart about children but perhaps not. For all we know, you physically cant have children and the lack of desire is a blessing in disguise. 

Don't doubt that if it is the Lord's will, He can change your heart and mind.  He got Pharoah to free the Israelites didn't  he? The fact that you are here asking for help tells me your heart is not as hard as Pharaoh's.

After you have spent some time praying, pondering and praying some more....also fasting, next ask for a blessing.

Good luck.

[Vort]

If that is how you feel, then don't have babies.

True, you will be missing out on perhaps the most sublime and Godly experience that mortality holds. But if you do not appreciate a gift, then it does no good for either you or the giver for you to receive it. As long as you harbor such antipathy toward babies and little children, I think you would do well to avoid parenthood.

A far better route for you is as follows: Learn what is good and beautiful about parenthood and little children. Condition yourself to see the wonder of child-rearing, and to look forward to taking on the decades-long, often dreary, but ultimately magnificent opportunity of parenthood. Once you feel that for yourself, for real, deep inside, then you should consider parenthood as the capstone achievement of your life and as the highest purpose (or at least one of them) in your mortal probation.

[MrShorty]

I agree with LP and Vort. A couple of things I would add:

1) You're only 20. Don't feel like you must decide between "have children right now" and "remain childless forever". You can choose to not have children now, but leave open the possibility of having children later.

2) The harder part of this, I think, is how to negotiate this with your husband, since the two of you seem so different in opinion here. It is a common theme in some of the "how to answer the hard questions of marriage" discussions that I come across -- How to negotiate when and how many children to have when the wife and husband have very different opinions about it. I might suggest that there is value in taking the time to understand your husband's wishes, desires, opinions, and so on about having children, and help him to understand your viewpoint. If it would help, I might even suggest that you find a good neutral 3rd party to help mediate such a discussion.