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Posted

Where did the kittens go on a class trip?

To the meow-seum.

What did one plate say to the other?

Lunch is on me.

Ah hahahahahahahahahahahaha :blink:

Posted

These are to be lame, dud or horrible jokes only. I get a kick out of them sometimes. I'll start:

Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?

They're making headlines!

:roflmbo:

I can always tell when a train has passed by - if you look carefully you too can see it tracks.

Do you know what you can do with an elephant on the freeway?

Almost 26 mph.

How can you tell if you just passed and elephant?

The toilet won't flush.

Please do not make me explain these.

The Traveler

Posted

Where does the Lone Ranger take his trash?

To the dump to the dump to the dump dump dump (sung to the theme song)

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because he was dead.

Posted

Thanks Pammy. That reminded me of this one:

What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant?

:sing: Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant...

Posted

get ready to groan...

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew the doctor's habit and would always have a drink waiting. But one day the bartender ran out of hazelnut extract, so he substituted hickory nuts. When the doctor arrived, he took a sip and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"

"No, I'm sorry," the bartender replied. "It's a hickory daiquiri, doc."

Posted

Why did the New Yorker sleep under an oil tank?

He wanted to wake up oily.

Why wouldn't the bald man let anyone use his comb?

He couldn't part with it.

Posted

Pam you took mine.

I think the monkey joke was the funniest I have ever heard in my life.

You have to make sure you say the punch line very matter-of-factly.

And with a straight face.

Posted

There were two muffins in the oven, and one looked to the other and said, "Is it just me, or is it hot in here?" The other screamed, "AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"

(cookies work too)

Posted

A hungry African lion came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.

Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

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