Fiannan Posted October 22, 2007 Report Share Posted October 22, 2007 What happens when the dumbest Norwegian moves to Sweden and the smartest Swede moves to Norway? The IQ of both countries goes up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vanilla Posted October 22, 2007 Report Share Posted October 22, 2007 Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.Groaning.....wait....smiling....hold on.....now laughing! :-) Thanks for the laugh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted October 22, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 22, 2007 A termite walked into a bar and asked, "Is the bartender here?" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. ok-not funny at all but this is a lame joke thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted October 22, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 22, 2007 There's a small German town near Munich called Pfilzerplatz, and the town is renowned for producing fine stationery. Anyway, Munich had a problem -- the thousands of stray dogs in the city were breeding with one another and overrunning the city. So the people of Munich banded together and ran the dogs out of the city. Unfortunately, the dogs appeared in Pfilzerplatz. The dogs took over everything, and the mayor decided to evacuate the town. The paper mills were shut down, and everyone left. But a couple days later, the townsfolk, watching their town from the hills, saw smoke rising from the smokestacks. They knew no humans were left in the town, so they concluded that the dogs had learned to operate the factories. The mayor hurried to Munich's town hall and pleaded, "You've got to help us! The mills are alive with the hounds of Munich!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prisonchaplain Posted October 22, 2007 Report Share Posted October 22, 2007 What did the boy library book say to the girl library book? "Check me out!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted October 22, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 22, 2007 Nice PC Marge, Tina, and Cindy had made plans to attend the premiere of Madonna's film Evita. All three looked forward to the event, but at the last minute an unforeseen emergency at work prevented Cindy from going with them. Feeling bad for Cindy's sake, the other two sniffled and wept. But Cindy consoled them: "Don't cry for me, Marge and Tina." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prisonchaplain Posted October 22, 2007 Report Share Posted October 22, 2007 Who said lameness isn't multicultural? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted October 22, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 22, 2007 A group of friars lived in a monastery. As with many monasteries, the friars found it necessary to run a small business to support themselves. They ran a floral shop. One day one of the friars brought in an exquisite find: a Venus fly trap. It was such a cute thing, they couldn't bear to sell it, so they just kept it on display. But after a while, it grew so big that flies were no longer enough to satisfy it. It ate cockroaches, but it kept growing. It ate mice, but it still kept growing. It ate chipmunks, squirrels, cats, then raccoons and dogs and ponies. Finally the villagers got wise to this and attempted to put a stop to it. But try as they might, no one could. One way or another, the friars outsmarted the townsfolk and raided their farms of large animals. Finally the villagers pooled their money and hired a professional named Hugh to come in and capture the friars. Hugh stormed the monastery, destroyed the fly trap, captured the friars, and turned them over to the police. The moral of this story is: Only Hugh can prevent florist friars. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prisonchaplain Posted October 22, 2007 Report Share Posted October 22, 2007 Who said lameness is not an interfaith experience?Pete and Repeat are sitting on a fence. Pete falls off. Who is left? Repeat. Pete and Repeat are sitting on a fence. Pete falls off. Who is left? Repeat.Pete and Repeat are sitting on a fence. Pete falls off. Who is left? Repeat.Pete and Repeat are sitting on a fence. Pete falls off. Who is left? Repeat.Pete and Repeat are sitting on a fence. Pete falls off. Who is left? Repeat.Pete and Repeat are sitting on a fence. Pete falls off. Who is left? Repeat.Pete and Repeat are sitting on a fence. Pete falls off. Who is left? Repeat.Pete and Repeat are sitting on a fence. Pete falls off. Who is left? Repeat.Pete and Repeat are sitting on a fence. Pete falls off. Who is left? Repeat.Pete and Repeat are sitting on a fence. Pete falls off. Who is left? Repeat.Pete and Repeat are sitting on a fence. Pete falls off. Who is left? Repeat. .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted October 23, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 My kids love that one. Thanks PC. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonasunde Posted October 23, 2007 Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 Why was 8 scared of 7? … Because 7-8-9. Not exactly a kid joke... but it's a good scout camp skit... An old man walked out onto a frozen lake on a bitter cold winter day. He drilled a hole in the ice, sat on his bucket, put his fishing line in the water and eagerly waited for a fish to bite. He was there for almost five hours without even a nibble when a young boy walked out, drilled a hole in the ice and sat on his bucket not far from the old man. It only took about one minute and BAM! A huge walleye bit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish. The old man couldn't believe it and figured it was just luck. Yet, the boy put his fish line in again and within just two minutes he pulled in another huge walleye! This went on and on until finally the old man couldn't stand it any more. He hadn't caught a fish all day. He went to the boy and said, "Boy, I've been here nearly all day without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught TEN huge fish! How do you do it?" The boy said, "Oo af o rep ra rums rm." "What," asked the old man? Again the boy said, "Oo af o rep ra rums rm.” Freezing and impatient the old man yelled "Look, I can't understand a word you are saying." So, the boy took off his gloves, spit a clump of stuff into his hands and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted October 23, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 :) That was good Lona. I like it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Outshined Posted October 23, 2007 Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 For Halloween: A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a beer and a mop... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pushka Posted October 23, 2007 Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 Why was 8 scared of 7?… Because 7-8-9. Not exactly a kid joke... but it's a good scout camp skit...An old man walked out onto a frozen lake on a bitter cold winter day. He drilled a hole in the ice, sat on his bucket, put his fishing line in the water and eagerly waited for a fish to bite.He was there for almost five hours without even a nibble when a young boy walked out, drilled a hole in the ice and sat on his bucket not far from the old man. It only took about one minute and BAM! A huge walleye bit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish.The old man couldn't believe it and figured it was just luck. Yet, the boy put his fish line in again and within just two minutes he pulled in another huge walleye!This went on and on until finally the old man couldn't stand it any more. He hadn't caught a fish all day. He went to the boy and said, "Boy, I've been here nearly all day without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught TEN huge fish! How do you do it?"The boy said, "Oo af o rep ra rums rm.""What," asked the old man?Again the boy said, "Oo af o rep ra rums rm.”Freezing and impatient the old man yelled "Look, I can't understand a word you are saying." So, the boy took off his gloves, spit a clump of stuff into his hands and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!!"Oh Yuk!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onyx Posted October 23, 2007 Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 A duck walks into a bar and says to the barman: "Have you got any bread?" The barman says, "Nope, we don't sell bread." The duck says, "Have you got any bread?" The barman replies, "No. I told you, we don't sell bread here." The duck says, "Have you got any bread?" The barman, getting impatient, says. "We don't have any bread, this is a bar!" The duck says, "Have you got any bread?" The barman is getting sick of the whole situation and yells, "THIS IS A BAR. WE ONLY SELL ALCOHOL!!!!" The duck says, "Have you got any bread?" The barman screams, "IF YOU ASK ME THAT ONE MORE TIME, I'M GONNA GET YOUR BILL AND NAIL IT TO THE TOP OF THE BAR!!! The duck says, "Have you got any nails?" The barman says, "NO!" The duck says, "Have you got any bread?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted October 23, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 Thanks for those Outshined (I actually laughed) and Onyx (I like that joke. I've heard it a little differently but I still like it) When I told my kids they died laughing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted October 23, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 A group of friars lived in a monastery. As with many monasteries, the friars found it necessary to run a small business to support themselves. They ran a floral shop. One day one of the friars brought in an exquisite find: a Venus fly trap. It was such a cute thing, they couldn't bear to sell it, so they just kept it on display. But after a while, it grew so big that flies were no longer enough to satisfy it. It ate cockroaches, but it kept growing. It ate mice, but it still kept growing. It ate chipmunks, squirrels, cats, then raccoons and dogs and ponies. Finally the villagers got wise to this and attempted to put a stop to it. But try as they might, no one could. One way or another, the friars outsmarted the townsfolk and raided their farms of large animals. Finally the villagers pooled their money and hired a professional named Hugh to come in and capture the friars. Hugh stormed the monastery, destroyed the fly trap, captured the friars, and turned them over to the police. The moral of this story is: Only Hugh can prevent florist friars. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Outshined Posted October 23, 2007 Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 From my kids: Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? A. Because demons are a ghouls best friend! Q: Why did't the skeleton cross the road? A: He didn't have the guts. Q. Why do girl ghosts go on diets? A. So they can keep their ghoulish figures. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabelma Posted October 23, 2007 Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 A group of friars lived in a monastery. As with many monasteries, the friars found it necessary to run a small business to support themselves. They ran a floral shop. One day one of the friars brought in an exquisite find: a Venus fly trap. It was such a cute thing, they couldn't bear to sell it, so they just kept it on display. But after a while, it grew so big that flies were no longer enough to satisfy it. It ate cockroaches, but it kept growing. It ate mice, but it still kept growing. It ate chipmunks, squirrels, cats, then raccoons and dogs and ponies. Finally the villagers got wise to this and attempted to put a stop to it. But try as they might, no one could. One way or another, the friars outsmarted the townsfolk and raided their farms of large animals. Finally the villagers pooled their money and hired a professional named Hugh to come in and capture the friars. Hugh stormed the monastery, destroyed the fly trap, captured the friars, and turned them over to the police. The moral of this story is: Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.rThat makes me think of another slightly crude one about a man who kept complaining about the terrible screaming at a local convent only to be told they would try and keep it down. Then one day a nun popped out and said sorry but they were holding a monks ball - probably not suitable but I was told it by my Gran when I was about 7 only she got it wrong trying to be posh and called it a monks dance.-Charley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsMagnolia Posted October 23, 2007 Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 Q: A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible? A: The horse's name was Friday. Q: Why did the pony have to gargle? A: Because it was a little horse! Q: What did the horse say when it fell? A: I've fallen and I can't giddyup! Mags Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted October 23, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 Hahahaha. Thank you MsM :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
susieSA Posted October 23, 2007 Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 Q: A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible? A: The horse's name was Friday.Q: Why did the pony have to gargle?A: Because it was a little horse!Q: What did the horse say when it fell?A: I've fallen and I can't giddyup!Mags Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen Posted January 10, 2008 Report Share Posted January 10, 2008 my 6 yr old's new favorite joke. what do you get when your parakeet (?sp) flys into the fan? shredded tweet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hanne_line Posted January 10, 2008 Report Share Posted January 10, 2008 Why was 8 scared of 7?… Because 7-8-9. lol, one of the missionaries tried that joke on me in Norwegian, lol lol That is just not possible because "8" in Norwegian is "åtte" and "ate" would be "spiste"lol, well he got himself a good laugh before he told me why I did not get the joke Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted January 10, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2008 my 6 yr old's new favorite joke. what do you get when your parakeet (?sp) flys into the fan?shredded tweet That is great Gwen Thank you for that===Hanne,That is a great old joke. Your story made it better. Thank you :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.