Is there a way to create a support group for lds men excommunicated for adultery

[loveandlight]

Hi there. I'm wanting to try to connect my husband with some lds guys who have been excommunicated for adultery so they can support each other through the repentance process. 

I'd love to find some who have already been fully restored, as well as others who are still working through the process. 

I'd also like to connect the wives in a separate group if they are sticking by their husbands to be able to support each other. 

I don't want to use Facebook because it's not private enough. Would this be a place where we could create some kind of support group like this? Or does anyone have any other ideas? Would you or anyone you know be interested in joining? 

 

[Vort]

This would be...awkward, to say the least.

Latter-day Saints work hard not to focus on sin, either their own or that of others. The exception is addictive behavior that results in sin. In such cases, there are twelve-step programs and other supports available. But a "support" group for men who broke their marital vows and holy covenants of chastity? That seems to be to be putting the focus on the wrong place. Such men are better off in a Priesthood quorum or group, watching how other men deal with challenges and temptations, figuring out how to keep their covenants and remain worthy in a fallen and sinful world.

[loveandlight]

21 minutes ago, Vort said:

This would be...awkward, to say the least.

Latter-day Saints work hard not to focus on sin, either their own or that of others. The exception is addictive behavior that results in sin. In such cases, there are twelve-step programs and other supports available. But a "support" group for men who broke their marital vows and holy covenants of chastity? That seems to be to be putting the focus on the wrong place. Such men are better off in a Priesthood quorum or group, watching how other men deal with challenges and temptations, figuring out how to keep their covenants and remain worthy in a fallen and sinful world.

It's not intended to focus on the sin, but on the repentance. You have no idea how difficult it is to endure this unless you've been through it yourself. You feel extreme shame and humiliation. You feel like you are completely alone. It is very painful. 

I think it would be very valuable for guys who have the desire to return to the fold to have other guys who have been there to help lift each other when times get tough. This is the hardest thing we've ever endured and probably will ever endure. 

The worst thing that can happen is for guys to feel so much shame that they give up and quit going because they feel alone. They listen to all the lies Satan tells them that they made a mistake to tell the bishop. That this will never be healed. That the shame will never go away. 

They no longer have the gift of the holy ghost. They no longer have the priesthood. They feel so alone. I know having some connection with guys who know this pain could really help my husband know he's not alone. 

We are in an addiction recovery group, but no one in his group has been through excommunication. So they can't fully understand what he's going through. The group is great, but I know having a few people that can fully understand his pain and the process he's going through could really benefit him, and I'm sure other guys in the same situation would benefit too. 

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

loveandlight, what if you use Facebook to find people and then carry on the conversation through another medium, like skype?  Or even group email?  

[Guest MormonGator]

8 hours ago, loveandlight said:

It's not intended to focus on the sin, but on the repentance. You have no idea how difficult it is to endure this unless you've been through it yourself. You feel extreme shame and humiliation. You feel like you are completely alone. It is very painful. 

I think it would be very valuable for guys who have the desire to return to the fold to have other guys who have been there to help lift each other when times get tough. This is the hardest thing we've ever endured and probably will ever endure. 

The worst thing that can happen is for guys to feel so much shame that they give up and quit going because they feel alone. They listen to all the lies Satan tells them that they made a mistake to tell the bishop. That this will never be healed. That the shame will never go away. 

They no longer have the gift of the holy ghost. They no longer have the priesthood. They feel so alone. I know having some connection with guys who know this pain could really help my husband know he's not alone. 

We are in an addiction recovery group, but no one in his group has been through excommunication. So they can't fully understand what he's going through. The group is great, but I know having a few people that can fully understand his pain and the process he's going through could really benefit him, and I'm sure other guys in the same situation would benefit too. 

I think you raise some great points bro. You did something wrong, but you are still loved by God and by your brothers and sisters in the church. I see no problem having a support group that meets every week or so. 

You are in my prayers. I feel your heartbreak. Stay strong my brother. 

[loveandlight]

1 hour ago, LiterateParakeet said:

loveandlight, what if you use Facebook to find people and then carry on the conversation through another medium, like skype?  Or even group email?  

Yes. That's what I have done. I made an anonymous post on Facebook in the largest lds group I could find on there and have had some responses, so now I'm trying to figure out what platform to use to connect and communicate. Maybe Skype, I don't know. I thought about telegram but there's no anonymity if people want to remain anonymous. 

[loveandlight]

16 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

I think you raise some great points bro. You did something wrong, but you are still loved by God and by your brothers and sisters in the church. I see no problem having a support group that meets every week or so. 

You are in my prayers. I feel your heartbreak. Stay strong my brother. 

This is actually the wife of the one excommunicated. I'm looking for support for him and a separate group for the wives of excommunicants. I had no idea how difficult this would be. ?

[Guest MormonGator]

2 minutes ago, loveandlight said:

This is actually the wife of the one excommunicated. I'm looking for support for him and a separate group for the wives of excommunicants. I had no idea how difficult this would be. ?

Sorry I misread it . My heart breaks for you. The love I'm seeing from your posts is inspiring.  I'm giving you a huge hug-please stay strong my sister. 

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

12 minutes ago, loveandlight said:

Yes. That's what I have done. I made an anonymous post on Facebook in the largest lds group I could find on there and have had some responses, so now I'm trying to figure out what platform to use to connect and communicate. Maybe Skype, I don't know. I thought about telegram but there's no anonymity if people want to remain anonymous. 

Good job.  It's hard to create something new from scratch.  But I feel confident that the Lord will help you with this. Perhaps this is your "divine assignment."  If you don't give up, I believe you could help many.  

If people want to be anonymous on Skype, I think they could make an anonymous account and simply put a post it note over the camera. 

[NeuroTypical]

Here you go loveandlight:

https://addictionrecovery.lds.org/?lang=eng

We have an LDS version of the 12-step AA program.  It's absolutely for adulterers/pr0n users/etc. as well.  There are resources for spouses too.  You may have one or more groups in your area.

Edited February 8, 2018 by NeuroTypical

[e-eye]

I could see the good and bad in such a gathering of men.  I think if you could mix it with those who were excommunicated and now members again and those who are excommunicated you may have some success.  Typically in "male" group settings if you want to move to higher highs you need some good examples of people who will lift others which could be very beneficial with the right groups.  I have spoken to people who attended the different addiction programs and they said in some cases it just made it worse hearing other peoples same problems because it sucked them back into what they were trying to leave behind.  Best of wishes on this one as there could be some good work done.

[loveandlight]

2 hours ago, NeuroTypical said:

Here you go loveandlight:

https://addictionrecovery.lds.org/?lang=eng

We have an LDS version of the 12-step AA program.  It's absolutely for adulterers/pr0n users/etc. as well.  There are resources for spouses too.  You may have one or more groups in your area.

Yes. We're already in a group, but I'm specifically looking for support for other excommunicants, not just addiction recovery. 

[loveandlight]

12 minutes ago, e-eye said:

I could see the good and bad in such a gathering of men.  I think if you could mix it with those who were excommunicated and now members again and those who are excommunicated you may have some success.  Typically in "male" group settings if you want to move to higher highs you need some good examples of people who will lift others which could be very beneficial with the right groups.  I have spoken to people who attended the different addiction programs and they said in some cases it just made it worse hearing other peoples same problems because it sucked them back into what they were trying to leave behind.  Best of wishes on this one as there could be some good work done.

Yes. The idea is to find some who have already returned and had their full blessings restored to help the guys who are still working on repentance to stay the course when times get tough.