How communicate?


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(My thoughts here spring from another thread where someone jokingly called someone Hitler as a way to make a point, and someone got mad, and there is confusion and a small amount of drama.)


They tell me in real life, nonverbal communication makes up 80% the stuff that's being communicated.  Nuance, emotional state, conviction, level of seriousness, sarcasm - all get communicated through body language, facial expression, tone of voice, eye contact, etc.  Once we move to written words (or even voice communication), all that is still possible, but harder.  We rely more on shared experience, similar culture/upbringing, emojis, the precise use of language, etc.  But the risk of misunderstanding is higher without someone to look at.

Question: Anyone else find sort of the opposite true for them personally?  I've had to learn all this as I go.  I've also come to an awareness that I often communicate stuff nonverbally that I really don't mean to.  My life has been sprinkled with random comments from every direction:
"NT, we're all friends here - lighten up."
"Why aren't you taking this seriously?"
"What, you don't find that funny?"
"You're a little too interested here"
"Is something bothering you?" 
"Why isn't this bothering you more?"

Honestly, I've had to learn how to concentrate on my nonverbal stuff, add things that seem out of place, remove things that seem natural, just to be a more effective communicator.  I've even thought about getting tested to see if I'm on the Asbergers/Autism scale somewhere, but it hasn't really impacted my life negatively, just resulted in more miscommunication that I want.

Anyone got thoughts?

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For me, nonverbal cues are extremely important.  I am a very good reader of nonverbal cues.  I stress whenever I have to make phone calls.  And, I think it’s because I can’t see the other persons expressions at the other end of the line. It’s practically a phobia for me.  I don’t stress over the written word like I do phone calls.

Edited by classylady
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This snippet from Jordan Peterson is A-one, spot on for me.  The more I think about myself, especially how I’m presenting myself or any non-verbal energy I might express, the less effective I become.  What works for me is something I learned from gospel principles - it is when you forget yourself and focus on others that you find yourself.


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Well now I'm outta Mormonhub jail...that said, I have had time to reflect on communications and discovered something irrelevant. I can thank Vort for calling me worse than Hitler in order for something to be learned. Not by you me.



A few days ago on another thread I was called “worse than Hitler” by a forum member. My visceral hate for Hitler caused me to respond with some profanity and I got sent to jail.

Well MormonHub jail was a good thing, because I learned something this past week which has liberated me.

So this week I was going through some stuff and found my patriarchal blessing which I probably have not read in decades and never really put much stock in it. For the most part it is very non-specific and relatively free of anything one can point to and know what they are supposed to do with the info.  I read it and mind you this was given to me before I even went into the military… one line stuck out.

“you will rise to positions of responsibility and bring great credit to your name and your country.”

There was no mention in the entire blessing of a mission…not one reference. While the statement cited above does not say I was supposed to be in the Army, it totally validates the service. Anyone who has been in the Army or has read an award citation written by an Army Officer will nearly always see the two words, “great credit.” It is an Army thing. My patriarch would not know that phrase because he had no more to do with the military than to watch old war movies or whatever. That phrase is there for a reason.

Anyway- so this week has been good. My response to being compared to Hitler (jokingly I guess) and the timeout I got for it was a very worthwhile investment.  


Edited by paracaidista508
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