Would you date or marry a woman who had an abortion?

[Fether]

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Edited November 7, 2018 by Fether

[marge]

1 minute ago, anatess2 said:

No, I asked Vort that question (tongue in cheek but relevant).  I quoted you because you said your son will marry a virgin which is why he won't have to ask the abortion question.  So the question applies to him too.

well you quoted me so I assumed you were asking me a question (wrongly apparently) and since you replied with 'So how would you know the person is a virgin?' I again assumed the question was directed towards me.

And again I say (and honestly for the last time) that things like that are to be worked out in pre-marital counselling, along with normal marital counselling such as children, who's responsible for what, how to handle money, dogs inside or out - and apparently if people find it necessary (which a lot on this thread seem to) 'have you murdered an unborn baby' or 'are you still a virgin'.  

I'd like to see the look on the priests face when some 'un-judgemental well-meaning chap' asks that question in pre-marital counselling, I can also assume a lot of women will slap said chap on the face and walk out of the room.

This is my opinion, and how the situation would likely play out in my reality, I'm not stating it again and I'm not willing to explain it again.  If you opinion is different than mine then that's ok, if your experience and reality is different than mine then that's ok.

I feel that am getting a lot of borderline hostility for my opinion here.  I hope that is not the spirit in which you are all posting.  I am but one person with a different opinion from the majority on this thread, its unrealistic (and to be honest a bit unfair) to expect me to keep defending my position against all of you.

[Jane_Doe]

On 11/4/2018 at 7:28 PM, marge said:

I'm not going to ask him 'excuse me before I get serious about you, have you ever murdered anyone?'  Asking if I've had an abortion is the same thing as far as I'm concerned and I'd be super insulted.  I wouldn't want to be with anyone who would think I could have possibly done such a thing.  He could take his judgemental un-intuitive butt elsewhere 😉

My view: no person (male or female) is obligated to bring up these past history stuff during casual dating, and it can indeed be quite insulting if someone randomly asks on an early date "are you a virgin?  Killer?  Divorcee?"  etc.  I'm totally with you on the "He could take his judgemental un-intuitive butt elsewhere" for casual dating. However, once a relationship gets serious and you're thinking about being married to this person, you should indeed share past-history stuff with the person you're contemplating becoming one with.  Give them time to process things and know what they're getting into, cause the past does effect the present/future.  And yes, the person you're contemplating becoming one with (or are one with) has the right to ask questions.  

Using my own past history here: I did have non-voluntary sexual experience before getting married.  Of course that didn't make me any less of a great bride for my husband, but he was entitled to know that before we got married, because it did effect our intimacy.  It wasn't something he knew when we just started dating, but came up in the starting-to-get-serious stage.  We talked about the past a lot, my healing, future, he championed my counseling, etc.  By the time we got engaged and to premarital counseling, the issue had been thoroughly discussed/settled/healed, so the premarital counseling on that aspect was super fast.

2 hours ago, marge said:

And again I say (and honestly for the last time) that things like that are to be worked out in pre-marital counselling, along with normal marital counselling such as children, who's responsible for what, how to handle money, dogs inside or out - and apparently if people find it necessary (which a lot on this thread seem to) 'have you murdered an unborn baby' or 'are you still a virgin'.  

I'm glad your church has such good pre-martial counseling!  It is a fantastic resource, though hopefully a couple would have discussed this things before getting engaged.  The premarital counseling is a great tool to cement these things with the aide of experience oversight.  

Edited November 8, 2018 by Jane_Doe