Wingnut

I have a friend that confided something in me yesterday, and after unloading it all (via email), asked me not to share it with anyone, including my husband. It's something that will come to light sometime in the next few weeks anyway, so that's not too big of a deal. But it brought up the question for me. I have a few close girlfriends with whom I have...ahem...girly talks from time to time, and it's understood that such conversations stay between the girls. But I fully expect that when I tell a friend something, she might tell her husband. And if I don't want her husband knowing, I won't tell her. Not because I think she's going to "blab" to him, but because I don't feel it's fair to ask her to keep something from him. In the case of what my friend told me yesterday, I'm actually torn in another area. I feel like it's something I should pass along to the bishop, not as a worthiness or moral/commandment issue, but as a temporal welfare one. My calling is a made-up "ward fellowship specialist." My bishop created it because he wanted me doing it. Basically, I'm a glorified Sacrament meeting greeter and grapevine specialist. He wants me to share with him when I notice (or don't) noteworthy attendance in Sacrament meeting...less actives, etc...and to keep him apprised of people and families in the ward that I feel have special circumstances that the bishopric might need to be aware of, within the realm of caring for the flock. I feel that my friend's situation falls into this category, and I feel that the bishop ought to know, but like I said, it's something that will come to light in a few weeks anyway.

True. My question isn't accounting for clergy, doctors, lawyers, or another profession/position that involves confidentiality with clientele/parishioners. My question is more specifically just about things between friends.

Last Friday we had parent-teacher conferences. At our elementary school, the February conference are student-led. The kids take the parents around to the various stations in the room, show us their journals and work, and even complete an assignment during the conference. Four or so families share a one-hour conference time, and they rotate around the classroom, including a time with the teacher. My daughter is in kindergarten, and one of the questions that my husband and I asked her was "what would be a good next milestone to help Mini-Wing work toward?" The teacher thought for a moment and answered, "independence." My husband and I looked at her like she had three heads. Our daughter has always been very independent. She loves to do things by herself. She has always explored and ventured into things on her own. From a very early age, we've known that she had a very independent spirit, and she continues to display it. The teacher clarified that at the end of the day when it's time to bundle up and go home, she has to give my daughter 25 minutes, which is more than twice as long as the other kids. It takes her this long to get her snow pants, coat, boots, hat, and gloves on, and get her folder and lunchbox in her backpack. It doesn't take her this long at home in the morning, but I'm also right there, reminding her... "Stay on task! Boots next! Quit worrying about your sister! Let's get moving so you're not late!" I don't think of myself as a helicopter parent, but I can sometimes be a control freak. So my question is this: how do I help foster in my kindergartner a sense of independent focus and stay-on-task-iveness? She'll be six in April.

Do you keep secrets from your spouse? Or rather, do you keep other people's secrets from your spouse? If a friend tells you something in confidence and asks you not to tell your spouse, which relationship do you honor (assuming it's something your spouse might want to know)? Do you ever share things with friends and expect them to keep information from their spouse?

That's where I did baptisms for the dead for most of my young women years, so I'm quite fond of it. Be sure to spend some time in the atrium while you're there. There are very few places I've ever been to that are more peaceful than the atrium of the Portland Temple.

If you're male, you need to be ordained to (at least) the Aaronic Priesthood before you can obtain a recommend. This usually happens within a month after your baptism. If you're female, there's no stipulation.

That's totally awesome. I'm shake-laughing out loud.

So, I've lived in my current ward for over 6.5 years, and in that time, we've never had a Bunco group. We've had the various smaller Relief Society activity groups -- book, cooking, card-making, knitting, quilting, exercise, etc. -- but never Bunco. We've had open invitation generic game nights in the past as well. I had a vague inkling that one or two of the neighboring wards might have had a Bunco group. I know now that they did, but it's been over two years since the last time they had a Bunco night. A friend hosted Bunco last month, with an open invitation. I didn't put it on my calendar, so I just forgot about it altogether. After it was over, one of the women who had gone sent an email to everyone, saying that they'd had so much fun that they were making it a regular monthly thing, and to let her know if we were interested. I was hesitant, but I haven't been out much lately, and I was itching for a girls' night. I asked her some questions about it (including monetary involvement). Long story short, I went to my first Bunco night last night. I had fun, I got a prize because I had the lowest score, and I got the outing I needed. After the game was over and a few people had left, some of us were still hanging around talking. I brought up the issue of money. (1) I don't view it as gambling. (2) I can afford $5 a month. Here's the thing: it's not that I can't afford or am morally against the money part of it. I just am not comfortable with it. I don't like the "pay to play" idea. Why can't we just play for the fun of it? Why do there have to be awards and door prizes? My bigger concern, though, is that the money leads to a culture of exclusivity. In February, we give money to March's hostess so she can buy prizes, etc. If we don't pay, we don't play. So say someone didn't know about it or wasn't interested or able to come in February...well, now she can't play in March. (Yes, we live near enough to each other that we could do the money another time, but that's not my point.) I just don't like it. Also, if there's 12 women in the group, and we each host a month, that's once a year. I can afford to pay $20-$30 on prizes once a year if I want to offer prizes on my hosting month. I think that most women can. Certainly if they can afford $5 a month, they can. (I know that math doesn't add up, but I'm basing it on what the prizes from last night looked like, and the fact that I wouldn't buy anything more extravagant than that anyway.) Someone did bring up a "letter that went out in Utah," and I mentioned that I hadn't been able to find any evidence of one online, though I'd heard it as well and looked for it. She said that it hadn't been from the First Presidency, but from local stake presidents, so that makes more sense. Anyway, I just wanted to see how things panned out for Eowyn, since I currently find myself in a similar situation, and while I don't want to be a total party pooper, and I do want to participate, I also want to help change the thinking and culture a little bit.

You got it wrong, Mirkwood. This is the one she really likes: You gotta make sure to get the ponytail.

Sorry...I just skimmed this the first time. Since it was specific to Utah, I was thinking this was specifically about the current same-sex marriage issues going on. I realize now (with a slower reading) that it's just very generic. I apologize for my previous cynicism. I do, however, think it's dumb to cancel church activities in favor of political ones, but that's just me.

Christian themes in Disney's hit 'Frozen' | Deseret News

Political neutrality, but let's cancel our mid-week activities so we can all go to political events instead.

Provo lost its symbolism a few years back anyway.

Theoretically, if you could afford the villa, you could also afford to hire help.

I don't see it as where people need eyes kept on them (NYC). I also don't see it as where the Church needs growth (Africa). I see it as where there is already demand (Latin America).

Okay, thanks for the clarification. I don't see it, still. I don't think her hair looks "disheveled," deliberately or otherwise -- it looks loosely styled. And when it comes to overdone eye shadow, well, I see that every time I visit Utah. While that last comment is true, it's not meant as a dig. I guess I still just don't see the problem. I see it as similar to the transformation that Maria experienced in The Sound of Music, when she left the extreme constraints of the convent, where she'd been sheltered and hidden for so long, and began to wear beautiful, fashionable clothing, simply because she'd discovered (and decided) that...she could! You've got me seriously laughing out loud here!

Eowyn, can you give us a follow up on this? What (if anything) ever ended up happening with the potential group in your ward, and what (if anything) did you do or say?

Are you speaking specifically or generically? If the former, I'm not sure to whom you're referring. If the latter, I don't get it. Vort complained earlier about the slit in Elsa's skirt/dress. It's barely above the knee...it's not like she's Jessica Rabbit.

My concern with this objection isn't the clientele, but the overhead. If the district is revitalized to the point that Mom and Pop shops can no longer afford to run their business because the monthly rent in their lease agreement skyrockets because of property values, that's quite unfortunate. I own a small business myself, and am actually in the process of finding a balance between Supercuts and a high-end boutique. I don't want to be a boutique, but I don't want to be cheap either. So I understand this conundrum, and my concern with it is Mom and Pop's behind-the-scenes.

I was going to flip this around and ask the OP how his intended would answer all these same questions. Then PC basically did that. PC, though it's a Biblical reference, I'm not sure I've ever heard anyone outside the LDS Church use the phrased "equally yoked" in this context before, but it's a perfect description of how two partners in a marriage should be. I remember reading once (no reference, so don't quote me on this), that two people who are active, happy, and faithful in different religions from each other are much more likely to succeed in a relationship than are one person who is active, happy, and faithful in a religion and a partner who either doesn't believe or doesn't care. So I'd say you have that on your side. You value your membership in your own church. You actively choose to participate. You feel it gives you strength and meaning in life. None of that means that you're likely to pull your girlfriend away from her church, but rather, that you're more likely to support and encourage her in her own religion, because she also values her membership, actively chooses to participate, and finds strength and meaning from her faith. Would it be easier if your beliefs and practices were more closely aligned? Sure. But as long as you can both agree to some ground rules (maybe...no dating for the kids until they're 16, or no alcohol in the house, or observing Lent, etc.) for the whole family, you can make it work. Since no one has yet addressed your comment about her sealing to her previous husband, I'll touch on it briefly. Do you believe in eternal marriage? That is, marriage "for time and all eternity" as opposed to simply "until death do us part." A temple sealing uses the former language, not the latter. Personally, I think it's appropriate for her sealing to remain intact to her late husband, particularly since she had children with him. If you don't believe in eternal marriage, then (theoretically) it shouldn't bother you. She's a widow, which means she will always love her late husband. She'll likely even want to keep pictures of him around the house. It wasn't a nasty divorce, or a bad situation that she's happy to be out of (I assume). Are you okay with that? Are you okay with pictures of him and her being on display? A final word on the sealing, and this is something that is usually told to second wives who can't cope with their fiance's ex still being sealed to him: God won't make us live for eternity in a situation that we are unhappy with. All-knowing as He is, He will sort things out in the hereafter.

Kirtland. These are two big concerns that I have as well. They're actually probably my only concerns about this particular venture. This one doesn't both me too much, because I know that the LDS Church has a commercial/business arm separate from the affairs of religion and faith. I do understand, though, that it's a hard distinction for some people to make. This isn't something that bothers me, though maybe it should. I trust that the people that have been placed in decision-making positions for these matters are careful stewards over the funds they've been given for development. I trust that the Church is being studious and dutiful in keeping things separate enough. I have no personal knowledge of it, but I trust it.

William Christensen

Oh Jenamarie, you're a saint for sharing. That was awesome.

Is "free" significantly lower enough? That's what they were giving it away for.

Ooooookaaayyy...