Tarnished

I don't know that I would say I am exactly the same woman, I have made quite a few changes in my life as well as coming to realizations about certain things I had questioned before.

Sorry to resurrect an old thread but I wanted to address this question. If you choose to marry a non member, for whatever reason, and they never join the church and you are never sealed to them there are a few options. If you have lived worthy of the Celestial Kingdom then after judgment day you will be able to enter the Celestial Kingdom. However, you will not be able to enter into the highest degree of glory in that kingdom as you have not completed the final covenant which is a temple sealing. Now, lets say that after you and your spouse die someone comes along and does the temple work for your spouse, finishing it off by sealing you together. If your spouse accepts the work that has been done for them then you as a couple are sealed and are eligible to obtain the highest degree of glory in the Celestial Kingdom based on the judgment received at judgment day. As this is something that we have some revelation on but not a full knowledge of we don’t know all the things that go into the final decision. On the other hand if your spouse does not accept the work that has been done for them then you will be given the opportunity to find another worthy mate. However, using the example of the husband who lived his life in a very despicable manner while his wife was as righteous as she could be, (from what I understand) she could not bring him with her to the Celestial Kingdom. As “no unholy thing can enter into the presence of the Lord” he would not be able to join her in the Celestial Kingdom, but she could come to visit him in whatever kingdom he ended up in. As I mentioned above, much of this is based on very minimal revelation and thus a lot of it is guesswork.

There are a lot of great words out there that we don't use all too often because many people don't really have them in their vocabulary. I think words are great!

PC gamer here as well with a leaning towards World of Warcraft.

Satan really tries his hardest to bring us back to bad habits. I am glad to hear that you have been able to resist the temptations. I am glad to hear that you are starting on a 12 step program. It is sad that things would end up this way between your husband and you, but it is good that you are doing so much to keep yourself headed down the right path. I am sorry that your husband is not willing at this point to help you work through this. I hope wherever your lives go that you are both blessed to stay strong in the gospel. I know this feeling, I felt it so strongly the day I told my husband about my infidelity. I still feel it, it is awful knowing the pain and suffering you have caused someone who you love so much. It makes me wish I could turn back time.

In my life I have come to realize that the church provides a plan on how to return to Heavenly Father. The purpose of this life is to live in such a way that when we die we can continue on our eternal progression. To do so we have to really work at it. The church gives us the plan, and gives us guidelines on how to best return to Heavenly Father, however it is up to us to follow that plan and live by those guidelines. This is difficult, from what I have seen you have to actually be very strong to live the gospel. Yes we are told that we must become like a little child, humble and teachable, and yet once we know the truth it is up to us to be strong enough to follow through. For me the best way to get past something I am struggling with is to really look at the issue and ask myself what is causing me to think that way and what I can do to change my point of view. If I were to approach this in my own mind I would begin by asking myself why I felt that I must be weak to belong to the church. I would ask where that thought was coming from and then I would look at the church and really ask myself if there were things that I would need to be strong for in regards to the church.

As long as you cite your sources you should be fine. Otherwise any college student writing a research paper of any kind would be in trouble as well. If all else fails I am sure there are citing resources out there to ensure that your citations do not violate any copywright law.

About two years ago I started to feel the same way. I started doubting things I had never doubted before. I began to fall away from the church and stopped attending. I felt like I needed to think things through and figure out where I needed to be. I felt like I was expected to attend church and like I had attended most of my life because either my parents or my husband expected it of me. I had made sure to try and live my life righteously because I did not want to disappoint my parents or my husband. And yet when it all came down to it I was doing all of this for someone other than me. It finally started to bother me and so I took a “break” from the church. I started looking into other religions but every time I really started looking at their beliefs I found something inside me saying, “No, this is not right.” And so I found myself in a sort of religion-less situation. As time passed I started looking back at the church again and started really looking into the things that I was currently doubting. I realized that certain things were true, and no matter how far away from the church I fell I could not deny their truthfulness. I began to realize that the only way I would come back to church was if I really wanted to come back on my own. Not because I felt guilty for being inactive, not because my husband wanted me to go, not because I was scaring my parents, but because I wanted the gospel in my life again. However, my time away from the church changed me, it left me open to temptation and left me without the blessing of the spirit in many cases. I fell into sin and ended up doing things I would never have done if I had been attending church. I realized that I did have a testimony of the church and I did believe it was true, I just had to work on it and really research the things that confused me or that left me doubting. But it had to be my choice and my decision. It was difficult, because I am very stubborn and my husband tried to drag me back to church anyway he could. But in the end it was all up to me. My advice, based on my experiences would be to research those things that you find yourself doubting, find out about them and pray about them, make them something you know a lot about. Make sure though that what you do is out of a real desire, because if you feel you are only doing it out of expectations then it will be hard for you to really feel the spirit or feel promptings from God. Make sure you are doing this for you. And one other note, be careful while inactive, Satan loves to see what he can do when your defenses are down.

Queries, I want to make sure I have the story correct. Early in your marriage (a few years in) you found yourself becoming attracted to men other than your husband. You found yourself chatting with other men online and participating in online romances through chat programs. This led to you being unfaithful to your husband, I don’t know to what extent as you have not specified but you did mention being unfaithful. About five years ago through the help of your husband and your bishop you confessed your sins and repented of your unfaithfulness. You and your husband began to work hard on rebuilding your relationship. Part of this was creating a “trust rule” of no chatting online. This trust rule allowed your husband to rebuild his trust in you after you had broken his trust by being unfaithful. You both started really working on your marriage, including weekly dates, daily scripture study and prayers, and for him, less time spent on the TV and more time spent with you. After five years of doing very well you both started to slack off on your commitments. He started watching more TV again, your dates, scripture study and daily prayer fell by the wayside, and you started feeling the lure of internet chatting and socialization again. You found the lds.net site and found their chat area. You logged on and chatted with a few people, rationalizing that as the site was innocent and because the rule was your husband’s and not God’s that you were ok in what you were doing. When you told your husband he overreacted, becoming very upset about the whole thing. At first he calmed down a bit but after some time to think on it all he has decided to leave you and take the children with him. This is where we are now. Is this correct? If not please correct me, I want to make sure I have the story right here. If this is correct then I want to make a few observations: 1. When you first sinned you created a trust rule with your husband so that he could rebuild his trust in you. When you decided to break that rule you also chose to break all the trust you had built up with him over those five years. Because of this he doesn’t know what he can trust from you, he does not know if what you tell him are lies or actual truths. When you tell him that you are doing nothing wrong he does not have the foundation of trust to be able to believe you. 2. Based on this loss of trust I have to wonder about his reasons for wanting to leave. If he is questioning whether or not you are in contact with old boyfriends and is wondering whether you are being unfaithful again then might he want to leave so as to not go through the experience again? Only you know what kind of agony he went through previously, might he want to spare himself and his children from reliving that agony again? Now this is not to say that he is right in his choice. From what you have said you have not sinned again, instead you are trying not to sin and are trying to get your life back on the right track. However, please consider that you are the one who broke the trust and to repair your marriage at this point you would need to find some way to rebuild that trust again. Trust is so very fragile, it takes so little to shatter it and it takes so long to rebuild it. Again as I have said before, my heart goes out to you and my prayers are with you, I understand so well what you are going through. I pray that you do not take offense to anything I have said but instead see the spirit I am trying to say it in.

Somehow I have a hard time seeing you as an introvert.

I am sorry but this has been bothering me for quite some time now. What do you have against men? You claim that women are excused in their abuse of their husbands because it is often brought about by the husband being abusive himself. And yet in another post you claim that any abuse should be punished by excommunication. I am confused, why is there a double standard between men and women? Before I committed my affair I felt as if my husband did not care for me, that he did not give me enough attention, etc. and yet after the affair when “I” made an effort to change I discovered that the way he “seemed” to be treating me changed as well. But truthfully he was not being abusive at all, I felt that I needed things when really I just wanted them and I made my happiness the reason for why I turned to someone else. Truthfully unless you have actually had an affair and are on the repenting side of things I don’t think you really know what it is like. You can only assume. I am not saying that Queries should not be comforted, from what it sounds like she is really trying her hardest to change herself and keep herself on the path to forgiveness. However, she was the one who chose to break the “trust” rule that she and her husband had set up, and by doing so she broke his trust. He made his choices from there. Were his choices right? Some could say yes, some could say no. Truthfully I believe he should stay with his wife, I believe that by working together they could save things, but it requires work on both sides and from what it sounds like it will also require a renewal of trust. Funny thing about trust, it is easy to destroy and very difficult to rebuild. At this point truthfully if her husband goes through the proper channels and has the sealing broken then no, he is not committing adultery. My heart goes out to Queries, as I have gone through similar situations I understand where she is coming from and my heart breaks for her. But I think we must understand that we are not getting the whole story and by vilifying the husband we are doing him a disservice.

It is fitting then, considering it is a name for a female dog?

Abish? Call her Abby for short?

Dukkha being understood as "suffering"? I am not completely familiar with the word and want to make sure I understand how you are using it.

I have to admit that I have never liked going to the gym, for whatever reason I always feel like people are watching me and it bothers me. This was even the case when I was in better shape. Even at home it has taken me some time to get used to the idea of having my husband in the room when I work out, for me it is a private type thing. I don't know if this is how she feels as well, but I do know that it is the case for me.

Exactly

Let me rectify my statement then to say, "some other religions". What I am saying above is not that "all" religions believe that you do not have to repent once you have been saved. But there are some out there that do, or at least seem to.

No, I think Wingnut is saying that as an overweight person this bothers her.

What Vort says here is so very true. As LDS we believe that "no unclean thing can enter into God's presence" as our goal is to live so that when we die we can live with God we believe that we must live worthily enough to do so. This means that when we sin we do not rely on a previous repentance to take care of all our sins of life. For LDS we believe it works differently, we believe that with each sin we need additional repentance. As sin makes us "unclean" we therefore must repent so that we can be clean again to enter into God's presence. Christ suffered in Gethsemane and on the cross, and died for our sins because as imperfect beings we can not pay the price necessary to redeem ourselves, we need Christ's atonement to make up for what we lack. This however, does not mean that we do not need to repent, this does not mean that we can rely on Christ's grace alone to save us and do nothing of repentance ourselves. The atonement does not leave us blameless before God, when we have done all we can do repentance-wise then the atonement takes care of the rest. As I mentioned, this is what LDS believe, I understand that other religions do not believe that you have to repent again and again. This is a point that as LDS we disagree on. But that is our belief and thus is something that as fellow Christians we will have to agree to disagree on.

At the age of 4 my husband was first introduced to pornography, a neighbor boy showed it to him. Thinking that porn will not touch your child because they are too young is not a rational way of thinking, it is out there and it is affecting people of all ages. There is actually a group out there that tries to encourage stores to cover their magazines. Think about it, in the checkout line aren't the magazines placed at an odd level, they are not placed at your eye level, no they are placed right at the eye level of a child. So there are scantily clad women, and not so nice words that are right there in the faces of your children. Covering those things is a way to keep them out of sight and out of the minds of our children. If you are in Utah there are groups that will come speak to you about what you can do to fight against this problem. I have always believed that education is key, if children know that pornography is wrong I feel that they will be less inclined to go after it if they happen across it. True we can not protect our children from everything but we can prepare them.

Though my situation is different there are still some similarities. I was not receiving what I thought I needed from my husband, so when another man came by offering the emotional things I needed I latched on. The relationship turned into a physical affair which I have regreted since it happened. I realized that what I was doing was wrong and confessed to my husband and to the bishop. My husband and I discussed things together, I admitted to him that I had been needing certain things from him and he admitted to me that he had been sort of keeping them from me because I was not doing the things he needed. As your wife what she would like you to do to make your marriage better. Then try your best to work on those things, after a week or so of trying to make the marriage work talk to her about your needs and wants. Express to her that you have been trying to make the marriage work, but that you really need X, Y and Z. Speak to her calmly and use, "I feel" wording instead of "you do this you do that" wording. What I have learned is a big difference comes depending on what words you use and what kind of effort you are making. It may not help at all, but from my experience so far trying your hardest suddenly makes them want to make more of an effort because they see you really trying to make things better for them. I don't know if this advice will help, but I doubt it will hurt your situation. Over everything else, pray and read scriptures together, it makes all the difference.

I have taken this test many times, the first time was the professional test. I am an INFJ, it is interesting to see what other people score as. It is interesting to see how other people in the same personality group view the world. I was once part of a INFJ forum where we discussed questions we had as INFJs. It was quite enlightening.

I don't know if this has been posted before, but if not I thought I would share it. Ironically the woman in this poem sounds almost like my mom. She is an incredible woman. The Girl in a Whirl by ‘Dr. Sue’ (a.k.a. Vickie Gunther) Look at me, look at me, look at me now! You could do what I do If you only knew how. I study the scriptures one hour each day; I bake, I upholster, I scrub, and I pray. I always keep all the commandments completely; I speak to my little ones gently and sweetly. I help in their classrooms! I sew all they wear! I drive them to practice! I cut all their hair! I memorize names of the General Authorities; I focus on things to be done by priorities. I play the piano! I bless with my talents! My toilets all sparkle! My checkbooks all balance! Each week every child gets a one-on-one date; I attend all my meetings (on time! Never late!) I’m taking a class on the teachings of Paul, But that is not all! Oh, no. That is not all … I track my bad habits ‘til each is abolished; Our t-shirts are ironed! My toenails are polished! Our family home evenings are always delightful; The lessons I give are both fun and insightful. I do genealogy faithfully, too. It’s easy to do all the things that I do! I rise each day early, refreshed and awake; I know all the names of each youth in my stake! I read to my children! I help all my neighbors! I bless the community, too, with my labors. I exercise and I cook menus gourmet; My visiting teaching is done the first day! (I also go do it for someone who missed hers. It’s the least I can do for my cherished ward sisters.) I chart resolutions and check off each goal; I seek each “lost lamb” on my Primary roll. I can home-grown produce each summer and fall. But that is not all! Oh, no. That is not all … I write in my journal! I sing in the choir! Each day, I write “thank you’s” to those I admire. My sons were all Eagles when they were fourteen! My kids get straight A’s! And their bedrooms are clean! I have a home business to help make some money; I always look beautifully groomed for my honey. I go to the temple at least once a week; I change the car’s tires! I fix the sink’s leak! I grind my own wheat and I bake all our bread; I have all our meals planned out six months ahead. I make sure I rotate our two-years’ supply; My shopping for Christmas is done by July! These things are not hard; It’s good if you do them; You can if you try! Just set goals and pursue them! It’s easy to do all the things that I do! If you plan and work smart, you can do them all, too! It’s easy!” she said … … and then she dropped dead.

I don't know whether to laugh or thank you! LOL Thankfully I got the cute weird boy I always wanted too!

My husband can wiggle his ears, it is great! It always makes me giggle when he does it. He is also really tall and can step over things very easily. It was actually one of the things that made me first notice him, we were in the same class together in college and he would walk into the room and step over chairs to get to his seat, I always watched him come in and thought, "Wow, that is pretty awesome"