ryanh

Sweetiepie, you are far from the only one to have experienced chronic rejection from a spouse. Even on this forum system. While at least publicly the majority of complaints come from men, this is by no means a man's problem only. I can think of at least three female posters on these forums within the last year with a very similar frustration to yours. It is extremely damaging. So many assume that interest in sex comes naturally to all. And, if it isn't coming naturally, that there is probably something else in life killing the drive. That can be the case, but it not always the issue. Sometimes, it is just that a person doesn't have a natural drive. And it is very frustrating when the low libido partner isn't as self-aware as Gwen. As Schnarch points out in Passionate Marriage (which I wouldn't suggest for your particular situation), the person with the low desire (whether it be for sex, recreation, etc) is often the powerholder in the situation. That usually adds insult to injury. President Kimball once referred to the main reason for divorce in the church being sexual incompatibility. It's huge. Don't just wait for it to go away or resolve itself. It won't. Given your presumed aged based on length of marriage, it's only going to get more difficult for you! Keep seeking solutions, including a sex therapist.

There was an interesting quote (not sure of it's veracity) posted in the following thread in regards to the significance of Adam-ondi-Ahman. http://www.lds.net/forums/lds-gospel-discussion/26893-adam-ondi-ahman-far-west-sacred-ground.html#post434252 It's interesting to me that both locations are associated with notable deaths/sacrifice.

Congratulations. It was the most defining choice of my life, and I have never regretted it. After 20 years, it just keeps getting better and better.

I was 16 when I was baptized, and did enter the MTC shortly after my 19th birthday. You have plenty of time to prepare. IMO, what is most important for preparation is learning the fundamental principles of the Gospel, how to listen to the Spirit, and to learn His word. D&C 11:21

Wow. Really guys? That is an awfuly idealistic view that really ought to be measured against reality before promoting it. Business just doesn't work that way. No business, esp one with a public ownership structure, is going to just accept reduced ROI or ROE. Increased taxes are going to be passed to consumers just as fast as increases in raw materials. Essentially, corporate income taxes behave very similarly to sales taxes precisely because of the expectations of ownership. What's the proposed stop-gap to prevent the passing of costs to consumers? Legislating net profit margins? The implications of such a path on the economy is shudder inducing.

Although not the norm, it is not uncommon for a woman to be frustrated with a lack of interest/drive from her husband. It's just not talked about so much as the reverse that is more socially accepted. Get the book Resurrecting Sex by David Schnarch. You will find much understanding of the possible problems and solutions there.

Well, if we take this to a lights on or lights off debate . . . . perhaps the lack of reflected light isn't such a bad thing at all!

Black can't be beautiful because in the light spectrum, it absorbs all of the various wavelengths of light, so it is not reflecting anything to be "seen". We think of leaves as "green". Well, technically, leaves absorb many light colors, but reflect green light the most, so they appear green. But they are not truly "green". What we perceive as color is the light being reflected. Black simply can't be beautiful precisely because it represents an absence of visual feedback. Anyone ever been in a cave and turned out the lights and called the effect "beautiful"? I thought not. Black is only attractive in the contrast it brings to other visual stimuli.

Funken, I feel your pain! I understand! It is sooooo frustrating to be tight on money or struggling, and watching the ex be loose with money that was hard earned by you!!! Although you don't have the money, it may pay off to borrow money so you can get the counsel of an attorney. See if you can net the two payments and send her only $87 per month. See if, because her wages apparently increased, it is time to adjust child support (I think in UT it is a 25% difference threshold where the bump can be applied for). See what to do about back amounts owed. And, see if the divorce decree made any sort of bifurcation of debts incurred so that you can tell the medical billers to go after her, and that you have a legal shield from obligation.

I'm not seeing adequate information either to indicate such. There would be other issues that would better explain repeating past behaviors. ADHD is one of them. John, if you replaced financial issues with adultery, I could have written a story eerily similar to what you did. Many aspects are very similar to what I faced with my ex who had ADHD. Very similar.

Rachelle, could it be that he is simply in a mania phase and unable to separate what is really going to happen, and what he wants/intends to happen?

robynjeanne, IMO your peace is not to be found in reconciling logical understanding, but rather, a witness by the Holy Ghost of the truth of the Book of Mormon, and the restoration of the fullness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ through Joseph Smith. Unless and until you get such a witness, I dare say there will be an endless list of intellectual exercises to overcome. As long as we live here on earth, there will always be something about the scriptures or doctrine that we simply don't understand. Throwing away all that is good because we can't understand some points is not healthy. That would be like rejecting all physics because I don't grasp some of the deeper topics. Not logical, is it? We are not meant to understand all things. We are meant to learn to exercise faith.

Fools may mock (and as a result, mourn), but I tend to think when Mormon wrote such thoughts, he was taking his utmost care to do the best work he could do. I remember being taught as a missionary, and again in the Teacher Improvement course, presentation matters! Elder Packer recounted: If missionaries are on-line, it would only seem appropriate that they ought to uphold a reputation (a part of which is grammar) that is the equivalent to the shirt/tie/suit/name tag of the real world. I don't think Wingnut was in the least in the wrong providing some gentle correction/reminder to a missionary that by his fruits he is judged by the world.

I honestly don't understand your concerns Gwen. After all, missionaries are exposed to lewd magazine covers when shopping, or foul language when doing their laundry, or - heaven forbid - investigators living less than a gospel centered life! (and much, much more) Missionaries must be in the world, even if they are not of the world. Why would the online presence be any different? That makes no sense to me. They don't need to be sheltered and coddled to the point of being shackled into ineffectiveness. In our changing society, the presence of proselytizing online is becoming more and more important. I applaud the move. Having positive search results come up in search engine listings prior to negative pages is worth far more to the spreading of the word than any physical contact a whole mission's worth of missionaries could do IMO! Thank God for inspired leadership!

I don't know about you and your life, but mine is full of all sorts of challenges, that, while I can find ultimate joy in, are not very fun to bear during the process. I don't think Joseph Smith was finding much "joy" in Liberty Jail either. "He loves you more than your being perfectly happy day by day, and thus He will do what is required to purify you so you can return to Him. " Gene R. Cook - BYU Devotional - 1 February 2005. What I get from Elder Cook's quote, is that much like we might deny our kids a pure sugar diet they may desire, our Father in Heaven is looking out for our long-term happiness, not our enjoyment of this mortal state. It reminds me of a CS Lewis quote: "Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of--throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself." [C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity, 174; book 4, chapter 9, paragraph 10] That's my take why the joy and peace I do find is so often muted into sober reality. Life wasn't meant to be easy. The process is often painful.

I find that illogical. Just because you've engaged in the behavior and attitude you're discussing, doesn't mean it's okay, or that it's acceptable within Christ's doctrine.I suppose with a little bit of liberty in filling out the thought process, it could be more logical, such as, 'I know one can be forgiven of premeditated sin because I have spoken with my Bishop (an authorized Judge in Israel), and have been found worthy . . . ' I'm guessing that's what Bini was intending. It does "fit" in that Christ's Atonement does cover willful rebellion just as much as it covers mistakes, slipups, sins of omission, etc. It's just such a dangerous thought process, and one that the adversary uses to lull us away into carnal security. Chapter 28 of 2Nephi points out many ways that the adversary uses to pull people away from the truth, and bind us in chains. Verse 8 sounds very similar to "sin now and repent later" idea.

If you want to understand better where it doesn't fit in, I suggest you read The Miracle of Forgiveness. President Kimball addresses the topic in that book. I seem to recall (but cannot recall which talks, and cannot search them yet on lds.org) that this last conference contained several warnings in relation to this subject. One of the great dangers of the idea of ‘giving the sinful life a try’ is that there are many who think they will return. But later find themselves bound in addictions, worldly lusts, etc, and never do find their way home to repent. It is a very dangerous game to 'feed' one's natural man while 'starving' one's spirit, and thinking we can determine where the point of no return is, and that we will have the spiritual strength (despite the spiritual malnourishment) to make that turn. Very dangerous indeed. I dare say that those who are on the Lord's side don't engage in such eternal roulette games. I second’s JAG’s comment that there is a second issue to be repented of – that of the willingness to try to game the Plan. It’s just one more example of where we all fall short of perfection. We also have to keep in mind, that “to whom much is given, much is required”. Having the greater knowledge brings greater accountability. It's a good thing the Savior is so forgiving and understanding of our weaknesses that He was willing to Atone for even these types of sins. Thank goodness the Savior’s Atonement can encompass all these sins too, should we employ it. Edit: I did find a site dedicated just to General Conferences where the Oct 2010 talks are already searchable. General Conference Two talks that I recall touching upon the subject were both in the Priesthood session. The Three Rs of Choice By President Monson Come unto Me with Full Purpose of Heart, and I Shall Heal You By Patrick Kearon

The bacon cheese roll reminded me of the time my son and I thought it would be great to add bacon to our grilled cheese sandwiches. Nope. Wasn't half as good as was expected. Made us both a bit queasy with all that grease. If the bacon cheese roll doesn't finish one's heart off, you could always go for a 'killer' desert: The pumpple cake at 1800 calories a slice.

I just read the 2006 an 2010 Handbooks two weeks ago, and both were very clear that a woman needs a cancellation prior to being sealed to a different man. I have a hard time accepting the idea that the FP, who signs off on all cancellation/clearance applications are regularly acting contrary to the Handbooks they are producing.Sounds like stories are getting mixed up. What has changed from the past is that cancellations are only granted under certain circumstances when the woman is not planning to be married imminently (already engaged). The change is to leave the sealing in place until engagement is entered into.

The last thing I would want to do when the First Presidency and revelation is involved is to be a participant to 'playing games' in the process. Let those who do play such games, hang themselves. The high road is the better choice IMO.

Something tells me that there is more going on in Kate's life than a question about sealing clearance vs cancellation applying differently to the genders. I think it would be wise to presume this issue is a red herring, and that there are root issues that are yet to be uncovered. You might 'resolve' the question of cancellation/sealing, but if the deeper issue isn't discovered and addressed, it will simply manifest itself in other ways.

Do you also feel that a broken leg should be mended without a cast or other bracing? Kind of a silly isn't it? Sometimes, it may be best to utilize modern medicine to assist us in these endeavors. If you can have a period of processing without extreme feelings, it can help strengthen the processes you need without it becoming a permanent crutch any more than a cast is a permanent solution to a broken leg.

What are you really trying to get at Marty? Mixing sexual orientation into the questions of addictions is muddying the water. There are sexual additions in hetro and homosexual individuals. I think there are a lot of people (me included) that would take exception to lumping orientation into a compulsion/addiction category. So, what is the root of what you are asking about?

Thank you for highlighting the misunderstandings of reality.ADHD is not solely a "psychological" issue as you seem to think it is. Depression may more often be so, but there are clearly MANY cases that are more rooted in physiological roots than psychological ones. To try to lump all brain related disorders into the 'psychological realm', and ones that people can simply choose to change is flat wrong, and a harmful notion. Try telling someone with OCD or schizophrenia that they can just will themselves out of it. Or better yet! Autism - can they just "choose" to have empathy for another when the functioning of their brain won't let that portion of their Spirit show through the body's actions? Of course not! And as for "zillion unintended side-effects". That is silly. Plain silly hype that is flatly a falsehood. One perpetuated by many that wish to scare people into following them, buying their products, etc. Studies are mandated in developed countries that clearly show the rates of all types of side effects of every drug. Usually, side effects are of low incidence rates, and not severe if they even are present for a given individual. Why I take extreme issue with you trying to apply your experiences to all is that in essence, you are saying to those who least need to hear the message: 'if you haven't pulled yourself out of your depression/ADHD/OCD/Autism/schizophrenia, it's because you are weak minded, and simply not as strong as you need to be'. A very dangerous message when we are dealing with disabilities, not choice.

I don't think much has changed in human nature. One thing that has changed is our understanding of some of the roots of susceptibility to addictions. For example, certain genes have been identified that are strongly associated with susceptibility to becoming an alcoholic. Other mental disorders subject a person to addictions, or compulsions - such as OCD. A small part of why I conclude not much has changed as the scripture you refer to is more than 2,000 years old. It would seem that Alma was seeing some issues in his son that needed crossing himself in, right? I think of Nephi and his lamenting about sins that so easily beset upon him. What has changed is the availability of substances, activities, etc that can be used to "hook" us. Sure, gambling and loose sexuality has been around a very long time, but heroin for $5 a hit has not! Nor was printed or video pornography so widely available for the vast majority of human history! Think of it - it was only 15 years ago that any sort of passing of digital porn was possible. Now, it can be had on countless sites, in picture, and video, even for free. The availability of addictive activities has increased. No longer does a person have to spend time brewing or distilling alcohol. You take your $ to the store, and choose from a wide variety.