ryanh

That's laughable anatess. Clearly you have some grand misunderstandings of how the body works. Would you try to tell a person with diabetes to simply control their insulin by will power / thought alone? Why would you think other chemical imbalances can simply be overcome by will alone? So, you believe it is best not to take advantage of medications that correct, or partially correct, defective aspects of our mortal bodies? Because that means our agency is taken away or something, because it's the medication "making" the person be good? The brain is an organ just like any other, and like any other is subject to imperfections. Changing the function of a brain doesn't change a persons Spirit any more than mending a broken leg, or treating diabetes does.

Yep, just a power play. A desperate attempt to keep you from leaving. A try to steal back power over you when he knows that he is the one in the desperate situation, and who is not in control. He's trying to gain control. What basis does he have to make that statement? What knowledge of the situation does he have of the real situation? Sounds like another one of those speak-before-thinking hurtful statements.Alicia, there are worse things than being single. (being in a bad marriage is one that quickly comes to mind!)

The huge difference between the two, and why mourning and bearing are associated with baptismal covenants above and before we would ever talk of tithing is precisely because BoM prophets have done so!!! From my perspective, you are arguing against the scriptures with this turn of rationalization.

Alicia - you have to respond to the email the system sent you when you first registered so that your account is active? Then you can send PM's. Have you two ever explored the possibility that he has ADHD? What you have written well describes some of the issues that those with ADHD can struggle with. I just read a few passages in ADD and Romance this morning that dealt with the impulsive 'foot in mouth' moments like you describe. Obviously, there could be many other things going on, but it may be worth your time to consider if a disability is underlying the issues you are facing.

Then what is your point? Because I am missing it. Is it to simply argue about something that you apparently agree has no deleterious effect? I cannot see a point in your posts other than to gripe a pet point, or accuse leadership of leading astray over a trivial point - and that based on (as MoE points out well) a post hoc definition that is only a part of the picture! Besides, the sacramental prayer covenant to "take upon us the name of Christ" is wide enough to encompass pretty much all of the Gospel itself.

Here is some information to bring legitimacy to the assertion of over or under diagnosis. Source is Is It You, Me, or Adult ADD? by Gina Pera.

Actually, I'm a little tired already of how much the editing has been discussed! It doesn't seem to be that big of an issue . . . . except for those that are looking for issues.

Make like Joseph and run. Seriously, it's her life, and her mistakes. You can't do anything to help her unless, and until she wants to change. You must learn to become more like our Heavenly Father and let people live their own lives. In the mean time, with the struggles you have, I don't think you should consider being around such an influence. Run.

There is a wide range of what is considered normal, and it varies from family to family. What you describe is not unheard of, but is on the more "open" side. It's not wrong, just different from how you grew up. Reminds me of the MTC. All the showers in the men's side was were either along a wall, or a center post with five or six shower heads surrounding it. Hummm. . . . so was the MTC promoting breaking of the LoC? I think not! In my mind, it's far less of a big deal among family members than among virtual strangers in a large group at the MTC!!! zx10, I think you should be grateful that your girlfriend’s family has raised her to be comfortable about her body, and I think you would do well to be accepting and open to the fact that others are raised differently from you. Don't offend over something so small and inconsequential. Do apologize for calling into question her morality, and offending her (as evidenced by her clamming up). But, don’t worry about openness in a family – it’s not at all an issue.

Speaking from a guy's perspective . . . I don't think you should go so formal (at least at this stage of the relationship) in expressing thanks for his example. I have experienced being thanked in a manner similar to being discussed here, and it didn't do a whole lot to promote the budding relationship. It came off either as "overkill" or kind of a "last will and testament" of the relationship. Rather, I would suggest just expressing it in person or over the phone in a more 'want to see more of you' way. Simply tell him, "You know what? One of the reasons I really like hanging out with you is your great example of living the gospel. I really enjoy being around you." Two birds with one stone. 1) Expressed interest in growing the relationship without putting your neck out too far, and 2) got the intro into the thank-you topic. No need to get all deep on the thanks at this point unless the conversation naturally goes that direction on both sides (his as well as yours). There will plenty of time, no matter what direction the relationship heads, to express deep and heartfelt thanks for his example. Right now, I think you need to focus on building the relationship to the point where such deep feelings are less likely to smother chances of the budding romantic side.

GeoRioux, it may seem that this thread itself has become "distracted" from the original intent, but I think there is a reason for that. From my perspective (as one that does not have ADHD, but is intimately familiar with it and many who do have it), the treatment of the ADHD will go a long ways in addressing the various topics in your posts. From marriage issues, to work issues, to wondering about your testimony. I hope you listen to the small chorus suggesting you find ways to address what may be the root of the various symptoms you pointed out. And I think that is what many of the responses are trying to do - get to the root of it, rather than individually treat the multiple symptoms that likely have a common denominator.

As that thought relates to adults, I vehemently disagree. And GeoRioux is a classic example. Only within the last decade and a half has there been any popular awareness that ADHD may persist into adulthood in 60-70% of cases. Prior to that time, it was only believed to be a childhood condition. So, it is clearly more plausible to be underdiagnosed in adults than overdiagnosed. GeoRioux, you can't mentally overcome this any more than a diabetic can level their insulin by thinking about it. Get to a Dr. What is better - visiting a Dr at a heavy cost of $ you don't have, or continuing to struggle at work and put yourself at risk of being unemployed - with cause?

Good points LDSValley. My experiences have been similar. Four days ago, radio.lds.org posted a Q&A segment: How Can I Better Listen to the Holy Ghost? There is some great info and great quotes in that program about recognizing and listening to the Holy Ghost.

Excellent stuff Changed. And for most normal relationships, that is the answer. It just feels appropriate to point out there are many exceptions to that as one partner simply is to far from that standard. Many a woman has done everything right, but still ended up with someone that either left her, or abused her. And vice versa. Marriage is still, in some limited respects, a game of chance of who you are with - because in the end it takes TWO people, and we can only exercise our own agency, and cannot control the actions of another. But, since we can only do something about ourselves, let that be the focus. Excellent point.

I knew there were reasons I felt uncomfortable with MrT's presentation of the idea of putting on an act, but was not able to correctly communicate it. I happened upon a quote in the Ensign that says it better than I could: Perhaps it's a matter of me being uncomfortable with the stance not so much because one is being their best selves at times, but because they are being their best selves only at limited times, and not in all times and moments in life. It simply speaks of genuineness and complete conversion to me. There shouldn't be a need to put on a "best" self. Ideally, it should always be our mode of operation - even when alone.

Hordak . . . so many go through this life apparently unable to see their own participation in the negative things in their lives. I expect there is a goodly proportion of divorced individuals that are simply not capable (either mentally, or emotionally) of recognizing the 'cause' in the manner you are looking for. I agree with you, but I just don't think it comes naturally to most people. Not everyone can handle the potential for cognitive dissonance! And some portion simply don't have the ability - perhaps precisely why they are divorced. See: The Classic Dunning-Kruger Effect For me, I am divorced (in part) for a number of "unknown unknowns" at the time of marriage. In part because: I didn't understand how important compatibility in sexual matters can be - I was ignorant of the possibility of problems as large as I experienced; I did not understand that communication and cooperation during courtship is not always indicative of how those skills will function post-marriage; and many other aspects. I like the quote from the movie Meet the Robinsons. "From failing, you learn. From success, not so much." Of course, that presumes that ignorance is not begetting undue confidence (again, see: The Dunning-Kruger Effect) Not all of that "learning" can be passed on from those that have experienced it. Many simply have to experience it for themselves in order to learn. One big thing I have learned, through experience, but what is better stated by Brent Barlow and President Kimball is:

Perhaps it is just situational depression and anxiety. Perhaps it's not. The ability to have lighter moments does not fully rule out chemical imbalances. Dysthymia, as opposed to major depressive episodes, does not always create the stereotypical 'can't get out of bed' depression. Taking medications does not make you "fake", or change your personality. Does taking insulin make a diabetic fake? There is too much misunderstanding of psychotropic medications - they do not change personality. And for those that truly need it, it is not a “cop out”. Another reason to see a professional beyond seeking out a prescription based solution is to rule out hormonal imbalances. Given that your funk seems tied to a northern latitude, have you considered full-spectrum lighting therapy? I think you can buy light boxes without a prescription. Also, consider that happiness, while generated from internal forces more so than external forces, is best achieved with an outward focus, not an inward focus. “Generally speaking, the most miserable people I know are those who are obsessed with themselves; the happiest people I know are those who lose themselves in the service of others...By and large, I have come to see that if we complain about life, it is because we are thinking only of ourselves.” Gordon B. Hinckley

Oh how quickly we are all (me included) prone to forget that reproving with sharpness is to be done when moved upon by the Spirit and should be followed thereafter with greater love - love sufficient to suture and soothe the wound created in an attempt to remove the offending abscess.

You need to see your Bishop and disclose that which you have not disclosed. No question of that in my mind. If you truly feel that it is a lesser sin than what you have already disclosed to him, then why the shame and shirking from from confession? Your reluctance and attempts to rationalize speak loudly to what your conscious is truly feeling. That pricking of your conscious is your prompting to confess. Now it's your choice to follow the prompting or not.

Dear sister; I’m sorry you have had it so rough for the last 17 years (and probably well before that too, huh?), and that in reaching out here, you received virtual slaps in the face rather than loving help and direction as should have come from those that have covenanted to follow the Savior’s example. If you would like to talk offline rather than expose more of yourself in front of those that cannot abide to hear of other’s difficulties and needs without expressing condemnation, feel free to send me a PM, or click on my username and send me an email. Do you have to remain miserable? No. Absolutely not. Does happiness only reside in calling it quits on your marriage? I don’t believe that is the only route to happiness (nor do I think that calling it quits will inherently lead to happiness – you will still be you, and still have the same difficulties.) No one but our Father in Heaven can give you the guidance you need in regards to your decision to stay or go. What you really need is to ensure you are worthy to feel promptings, and receive personalized direction in regards to your specific situation. Even given you and your husband’s improprieties and sins, no one here is qualified to recommend you stay or leave. Such life decisions are not to be made by popular opinion, but by revelation. It is no wonder that you don’t want to be intimate with you husband with as much abuse as has happened. Never knowing when the next “violation” might come would make it very hard I’m sure. It is saddening that both of you have looked so frequently to lust as a source of self-soothing. There are better ways. Please expound on your statement: “He is making me feel horrible about not wanting to do this anymore!” Is he actually verbally berating you? Or do you mean to say that YOU are making yourself feel miserable because he is doing all he can do to make things right, but you are no longer willing? One of the deep secrets of life that escapes so many that search so hard for it is that happiness comes from within oneself. The greatest philosophers of the centuries have all concluded that happiness originates within oneself – not from external conditions or circumstances. And the gospel of Jesus Christ is the greatest way to find the stability and focus to emanate happiness from within, and not attempt to rely on relationships or other temporal conditions or things. You and your husband have both sought happiness in the arms of others. Did it work? Are you ready to try something different this time? So, I would tell you that whether or not you can be happy and remain in the relationship is up to you. In fact, even if you terminate the marriage, finding happiness still will remain with you. Yes, I realize that a huge source of hurt would be removed from your life if you were to separate from your husband, but that won’t necessarily bring happiness. You can heal from all of this, and if you two are truly committed, you can have a happy relationship. But, it depends on you to a large degree. What do you want? Do you want to be happy? Are you willing to focus on yourself and change yourself to achieve it? It won’t come from changing just your circumstances. You must focus on changing yourself.

It is my opinion that not everyone does have a personal "thorn". I believe that the lack of humbling reminder is precisely the "trial" that some must face in this life - to not have a continual reminder of their dependence on the Lord and still be tried to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord commands them. Such is a reason one may give abundant thanks for that which appears to be a weakness, but which makes us strong. From what I have observed in myself and others, I do believe, "thorns" can be based in mental, physical, spiritual, or a some combination thereof. And they most certainly do not have to be sin-centric. Physical handicaps or speech impediments may comprise the thorn. (Moses and Enoch's lamentations in regards to lack of speech capabilities come to mind as potential thorns for them). Yet for others, constant temptation (Nephi's lamentations come to mind on this one) may be what they view as a "thorn" continually pricking them to remembrance. Clinical depression would be one "thorn" that could be pointed to with physical handicap roots, which is in no way connected with a desire to sin, but which holds a person back, and leads them to dependence on the Lord.

You're kidding right? You are going to paint 1/2 of God's creation with one broad stroke of ugly? How incredibly offensive. Perhaps you should look for the real lesson in this rather than making a scapegoat of others. There are reasons to wait for someone that is respectful enough of a woman to wait until marriage (and vice versa). Your experience is most unfortunate, and sadly, all too common among those who don't put the Gospel first in their lives. But it is a lesson in choosing a partner whose principles are founded in real love (not lust) according to the Gospel of Jesus Christ, not a lesson in avoiding men or preparing for an awful first experience. The problem is in the picking of a mate not respectful of one's virtue, not in the inherent evilness and selfishness of all men. Wrong. This is a figment of your perceptions of men as whole, not of reality. Please don't publicly castigate me along with all other men out there simply because you chose one who didn't respect you.

You can take from it whatever you would like, as I expect you will no matter what is said.One option is to take it at face value (and not project your internal thoughts and processes upon another), that someone has a different opinion from you. I was operating under the impression that it was ok for people to have differing opinions and perspectives. That is the paradigm that I work under, which encompases the understanding that it is not ok according to others. So be it.

Quite different than how I am thinking. Not even close. I’ve already shared my opinion, and clarified it, and nothing more is useful to be said than: this is an inaccurate interpretation of how I think or feel.I honestly do find it odd how so many are so ready to assign to others what it is they think or feel. Strange.

Exposing your fraud? If the accusation that such was my motive wasn’t so serious to me, it would be funny. I have never for a moment considered that your recounting of your experience was a fraud. Go back and read my first post that apparently caused you and Wingnut to feel like you were attacked. The two last paragraphs were not intended to be a reflection of your personal example - but generalities. That could have been clearer. I had three points in my mind 1) your experience isn’t best example for the reasons I stated, 2) exceptions do exist, and 3) in general, one has to be careful in considering the validity of their exception. Why such extreme interpretation and fatalistic assigning of motives because someone expresses a differing opinion? And, with such experiences finally comes the wisdom to understand why pearls are typically held close to one's heart, and only exposed in certain circumstances - when moved upon. Of course it comes down to what YOU know you felt. No one else is going to feel that also unless conveyed by the Spirit, which I don’t think such witness is likely to come when an experience is shared to spur open discussion, or to prove a personal point.